Better & Better

I am continuing to improve.  Yesterday's potty milestone seemed to be the gateway for more progress.  Although, I am quite content to play cant crush until I run out of lives, I feel stronger today.  I am glad for the desire to relax.  I know as I continue to feel better, I will have to pace myself.   I don't want to get bored and start pushing myself too hard.  I am going to enjoy feeling better at a slow and easy rate.

I Pooped in the Potty!

Several years ago there was a TV commercial for ToysRUs, that was based on an actual occurrence in the store.

I little girl comes in the store carried by her dad.  She tells every one that she sees, "I pooped in the potty."  Since the child's parents had told her if she pooped in the potty she could have a new toy.  She did, so she was collecting her reward.  As they went to pay for the new toy, there was a long line and she said, "A lot of people pooped in the potty today."

It was such a popular commercial that there were news segments about making the commercial and how that really happened.  Parents often use rewards to enforce positive behavior so that wasn't a surprise, but the little girl thinking that everyone was collecting a reward was the kicker.

Most of the time, people poop in the potty and no one thinks anything about it.  No one needs to rush out to the local toy store for a reward.  Sometimes, though, something that routine although unmentionable in polite company, rises to more epic proportions.  Pooping has for me this week.  

It is quite normal for the digestive system to become very sluggish after surgery.  It is caused by pain meds and anesthesia and diminished appetite.  The longer one goes without going the more opportunity for complications.  Being the overachiever that I am, I was determined not to have any of those complications.

Once, my good friend Timothy reminded me of the curative powers of prunes, I sent 65MD out for some.  Thy did as expected and I can check another box off my list of 'road to recovery' items.

Ramblings on Being Better

I am improving.  The road to recovery is long and I knew that going in.  Yesterday, I felt like I'd had a good day.  I got out of the bed and sat in the chair a couple of times during the day.  That felt great.  I wanted to watch the football game sitting up, but it became clear early on that wasn't a reasonable expectation.  I watched most of the game from the comfort of my bed and did so guilt free!

Since I felt so good during the afternoon and throughout the game, I decided to sit at the table for supper.  That was a huge mistake.  Although all I had done was maneuver myself to the kitchen table and sit down, I was sweating like I'd run a marathon in 100 degree weather.  Sweat was literally rolling down my body like I was in a shower.

65MD closed the curtains and I stripped naked!!  I told him, that I was sure this was a dream come true for him, just not quite the way he'd imagined.  As hard as I tried to hold on to my humor and make the best of the situation, I couldn't.  I broke down sobbing.  Talk about a major mood swing!!  It was all I could do to hold on and I was trying to keep some control over myself.

I ate a tiny piece of baked chicken, a tablespoon or two of mashed potatoes and a few peas.  Then I got sick.  Every bit of what I'd managed to choke down came back up.  I think the pain meds I am on are to blame for the mood swings and messed up digestion.  (TMI, but I haven't pooped since pre surgery.)  

My blood sugar was all over the place while I was in the hospital.  I am not diabetic and the doctor says that the high readings are the result of surgical trauma.  He's not as concerned as I am, although he is requiring me to check my glucose each morning.  I had two days of normal readings at home and now it is up again.  Just a tick outside the normal level, but still too high.

For now, my goals are small and have nothing to do with weight loss.  My goals are:

*Sit up for only as long as it feels good

*Eat what is healthy and nutritious

*Nap when I am sleepy

*Take medication on time

It will be a few weeks before my goals will be anything much different than those listed above.  That's OK. I'll continue to get stronger and feel better and that is what matters.

And I want to give a great big shout out to Timothy for mentioning me on his blog.  I appreciate every one's prayers on my behalf!

Resting at Home

I am home from the hospital and believe that the worst of this ordeal is behind me.  I admit I was quite nervous pre-op and in quite a bit of pain.  Then,  I woke up in post op with a whole new level of pain.  It was excruciating.  I was begging for any type of pain reliever I could have.  Too bad for me, that the pain relievers were making my breathing too shallow and my bp too low to administer as often as needed to do me any good.

During that horrible time, I had to have x-rays made of my hips. Those poor techs.  I tried my best to work with them and get the whole ordeal over with, but it was hard for all of us.  I screamed in agony every time I was moved or tried to move on my own.  Luckily, I saw those techs later and was able to laugh with them over it.  They totally understood.

I had my first physical therapy session on Tuesday afternoon (surgery was Tuesday morning). It hurt so bad I nearly fainted.  But I had made up my mind going in that I was going to do whatever I had to do to get better.  So, I gritted my teeth, groaned and kept going.

On Wednesday, they took my catheter out.  That did not make me happy because that meant I was going to have to get up to pee.  Getting up was, and still is, the hardest part.  I could not use my right leg at all to help.  I had to use my arms and abdominal muscles.  By the end of the day, I felt like I'd done about a million crunches.

I decided to think of it as a good thing.  If I could come out of this with a new hip, and ripped abs, it would be all worth it.  Not to mention some tone in the upper arms.  Oh yeah!

I came home yesterday, and this has been a real trial & error for 65MD and me.  We tried several different ways to get up the steps just to get in the house.  We managed.  I got inside and in the bed without damaging either one of us!  This morning we had an adventure getting the compression hose on.  None of the little tricks we'd been given helped and a couple seemed to make things worse.  We'll figure it out though.

I start therapy on Monday.  I will go three days per week for 3 or 4 weeks depending on how much progress I make.  Until Monday, I will do my exercises I have been given and enjoy the fact that the pain I feel now is temporary.

I ask all of my readers to please pray for 65MD.  He is working so hard to make sure that I am comfortable, it brings tears to my eyes.  He is a strong man and can take a lot.  I just don't like being the cause of additional stress for him.

I have no idea how much I weigh right now.  My perception is that I have eaten very little and moved a lot which is a good combination in the weight loss world.  On the other hand, I am still fairly swollen at the surgical site.  It would be silly for me to weigh.

I'll still try to post as I am coherent.  I appreciate everyone's concern~

Still Standing!

Well...not quite standing, still sitting is more like it.  I'm through all of my pre-op stuff and am now simply waiting until surgery.  I've been assured repeatedly that I'll feel better immediately.  One therapist told me I'd feel better in the recovery room.  I.can't.wait!

There is nothing to report on the weight loss front.  I'm just marking time until surgery and trying not to gain.  With my limited mobility, meaningful exercise is not happening.  I do have some pre-op exercises and then I'll have PT after.  I'm hoping to get some good moves from my therapist that I can use until all my restrictions are lifted and I can break out the belly dance DVD again!

Mini Update

There isn't much to say but I want to stay in the habit of blogging a couple of times a week, especially if I have to take another break after surgery.

My weight is up to 208.4, up 1.2 from my last report.  It doesn't make me happy but it isn't working on me like previous jumps.  For one, I know what is going on.  65MD have eaten out a lot lately and that, for me, spells gain.  We have celebrated my birthday, his birthday and today is our anniversary.  We will eat out again.

I'm trying to be smart with my food choices because I can't work out now.  Sadly, even cooking is getting harder.  I just can't stand up that long.  As much as I'd like to be under 200 lb before surgery, I don't see that being realistic any more.

The only exercise I get is shifting around when my hip hurts and my food choices are getting more and more limited to what I can grab and eat, like fruit.  I cook a good, healthy meal about once a week and we reheat the leftovers until they are gone. 65MD pitches in as much as he can (or I let him!) but he doesn't think about how many carbs, calories, fat grams etc are in a meal.

I'm OK with it all somehow though.  This is the way life has to be right now.  I'm doing my best, which is all I can do even under optimal circumstances.  I think taking away those lofty expectations I have of myself has given me some mental freedom.  I hope that is something I keep long after the surgery.

The Truth, the Whole Truth

I'm back from another unplanned, extended absence.  There are several reasons for this, if I am to be honest.  First, I feel bad.  This hip thing is really wearing me down and doing anything has become a major chore.  I only do what I must and this being the first of the month, it is a busy time with my work.  That has to come before blogging, unfortunately.

Coupled with that, is I'm not doing well weight-wise.  For the month of August I lost 1.2 pounds.  That is the truth.  On August 1 I weighed 208.4 and on August 31 I weighed 207.2 for a loss of 1.2 pounds.  The whole truth is, I lost 6.6 pounds, regained 7.2 and managed to squeeze back down 1.8 to eek out a loss for the month.

I don't like it.  I don't like admitting that I am not doing well.  Denial is a huge factor in that.  If I don't talk about it maybe I can fix it before I say anything.  Perfectionism is creeping in there too.  Confessing less than stellar results does not make me happy.

Then, there is a tendency on my part (and I think it is a good one for the most part) to try to put things in a positive light.  It helps me keep a more positive outlook on life.  I don't want to give that up, but trying to keep casting everything in the most positive way possible skews the image.  It makes me seem fake and unrealistic.  Who wants to reach out to someone that always has everything together?  It is intimidating.

I want to help everyone traveling down this same path.  I want to offer the wisdom of the lessons I've learned the hard way to save others the trouble.  I can't do that by appearing to have it all together.  I don't  And I won't for a long time!  I'm just doing the best I can with what I have.

Right now, the best I can is hobbling around the house.  There will be no meaningful exercise until PT after surgery.  That means that food intake has to be carefully controlled.  My expectations for weight loss are just lose what I can.  I am incredibly disappointed that I was so close to 199.8 and let it slip away.

I am trying to be completely honest with my situation and my feelings, yet still trying to remain positive.  I know this pain won't last forever.