I'm Discouraged

I had a very hard week last week.  I am so discouraged.  I feel like I'm doing what needs to be done to lose weight, but I'm not seeing the results I think I should.  Last week, I rebelled.  I knew then that I'd be even more unhappy today than I was last week, but I just could not muster the strength to do what I knew to be right.

Let me be clear about my week.  I did NOT binge or do anything outrageous with my eating.  I simply ate what I wanted to, when I wanted to, in amounts that I wanted to.  I kept a food journal and really, I did not eat horribly.  I don't keep sweets in the house, and I'm not the type to go out and buy something to eat.  Several times, however, I ate more than I should because it was there.

I continued to wear my pedometer all of the time, but did not take a walk.  All of the steps I had were steps I take during the normal course of my day.  I just could not get up the desire.  It seemed so pointless.  Only one day did I get over 10,000 steps.  Most days it was around 5000.

The only 'good' thing I did was continue to drink water.  Mostly because that was my only choice at home.  There were no epic battles of should I drink this or not.  When I got thirsty, I drank water.  I want the water so it is not hard to get in 64+ ounces every day.  Most days it is far closer to 100 if not more.

I want eating and exercise to be like the water is for me, but it isn't.  Truth be told, I would not care if I was told I could never eat another green vegetable.  (That is of course, if I didn't have to suffer the consequences!)  I'm not to the point where I think I'm hungry and I automatically reach for something healthy and nourishing.  I reach for what is handy and quick. 

I want exercise to be something I miss when I can't.  Instead, I'm perfectly content to sit at the laptop and see what is happening on facebook, or surf the 'net, or see what is on the food channel.  I don' t miss exercise.  It is an evil necessity for weight loss still in my estimation.

I spent a lot of time this week trying to figure out why I had not been able to maintain my 92 pound weight loss.  I recognize that I felt much better physically and mentally then.  I tried to figure out why it wasn't important enough to me that I let it slip away.  Why is it, that I refuse to recognize the link between healthy eating and exercise with feeling good and weight loss?  How was I able to lose the weight then and can't know?

The short answer is I don't know for sure.  One thing I did finally realize is that initially, I had a purpose.  Initially, I HAD to lose weight in order to skydive.  Now, apparently, it isn't that important.  I need to figure out how to capture that desire again; how to find that inner resolve and determination that led me through those days. That is where I am now.

I guess these times of introspection are good and needed.  I sure don't like them very much.

I have walked 640 miles this year and weigh 202.4.  And, I'm bummed.

Eating the right food is one of the most difficult things to concur when trying to lose weight. An experienced dietician can help you put together a diet plan which you can work towards to help with weight loss. There are a number of dieticians which can be found at one of the local private hospitals in London.