Total Weight Loss

Monday, February 25, 2013

The Weekend that Was

I'm here to confess, I had a wild and crazy weekend.  It isn't like it was out of the blue.  I knew there were going to be obstacles ahead and thought I'd planned for them.  Apparently, I need to plan a little better in the future.  Read on.

I knew Saturday was going to be a hard day for several reasons.  One, it was my second day off of hcg.  Two, 65MD was out of town for most of the day.  Three, I was baking cookies for game night at church where the cookies would be a part of a bake off.  Finally, my weight had popped up two pounds overnight.  I'll explain each one in turn.

After stopping the hcg, the eating plan is followed for two more days while the hcg exits the body.  As this happens, hunger returns.  I knew that as I got hungrier as the day wore on that I'd start telling myself that it would be OK to eat a little more protein because for three weeks the transition is low carb/high protein.  In order to combat that, I had my meals prepped and all I had to do was cook and eat.

As for 65MD being out of town for the day, somehow I cheat more when he's gone.  It makes no sense since he has never once monitored what I eat or questioned anything about my choices even when he knows I'm eating off plan.  Still, when he's gone, I feel like I can eat more and if he doesn't know it doesn't count.  To combat that, I'd planned quite a few things to keep myself busy.  If my mind and body were occupied the temptation would be lessened.

With regard to the cookies, it was almost without saying that I would enter the bake off as far as my church family knew.  I'd  always participated and usually placed if not won.  (BTW, I took first place this time!)  When I am fully in the groove with my plan, I can bake cookies or anything else and just not taste it.  It is a non issue.  I was concerned this time because I knew I'd be hungrier, alone and frustrated with the gain.  But I was just determined not to have any batter.

My determination and I went in to the kitchen mid morning to bake the award winning cookies and get it over with.  I was merrily putting dough on the cookie sheet when I realized that I'd popped some in my mouth.  I tried to stop, but still had a little taste here & there.  Try as I might, the determination ran away.  My only hope was to get salmonella from the raw eggs.  LOL!!

Finally, all of the dough was safely in the oven.  I ran water in the bowl so that I wouldn't go back and scrape more dough.    I tried to assess the damage and realized that although I'd eaten dough, it wasn't more than what would be about a cookie.  Even so, I'd have to detox.  I could do it. 

When I took the cookies out of the oven, oddly about 6 were burnt on the bottom.  It really was odd since there were 10 other cookies on the sheet that were not burnt.  I put the non burnt cookies on the rack to cool and put the burnt ones aside.  IDK why I didn't put them in the trash right then, but I didn't.  I finished baking the rest of the cookies without any incident.  But for the rest of the day, whenever I went through the kitchen I ate one of the burnt cookies.  Yes, all 6 of them. 

Again, I was on track in all other areas.  I had my meals as planned and no other extras.  65MD got back to town and we met my nephew, his wife and baby at the church building for game night.  I put my cookies in the designated area and walked away as quickly as possible.  But then, my nephew wanted to know which cookies were mine.  Instead of just pointing them out, I got up and went over there (gotta get those steps in!) to show him.  I wound up sampling some of the competition.  I managed to regain control after sampling three cookies, but not whole ones.  I was splitting them with my nephew's wife.  Still I was up to 8 1/2 cookies counting the dough and all!!!

It wasn't surprising to find another gain Sunday morning.  Even though I was back on track 100% yesterday, we ate out.  That always spells a gain for me, no matter how carefully I order.  This morning I am 5.4 pounds up in three days!

Today, I have been 100% on plan again, and really pushing the water.  I want to flush all that sugar out as quickly as possible.  I wish in three days I'd be back saying that the regain is gone, but it never seems to fall off as quickly as it piles up.

I'm not happy with myself that I allowed that to happen, but I'm not perfect.  Sometimes, I just succumb.  That's OK, not ideal but OK.  Somehow, I'm not that upset about it.  I think we'll all have times of indulgence and the vital thing is to learn how to deal with it.  That is what I am learning today.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Not Much to Say

I don't really have much to say.  I just thought I should put something up so that no one gets alarmed by my absence.  I'm still squeezing of a few ounces here and there.  I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing with my three pronged approach:  Food, Activity & Water.  The scales are just being a little stubborn.  I'm more stubborn though.  I won't let them defeat me.

It is time to transition from hcg to low carb for a few weeks.  The hcg protocol recommends 6 weeks on hcg and 6 weeks on low carb.  I've found that 3 to 4 weeks works better for me.  I've met some other folks that have had the same experience.

I do wish I'd gotten a little further in to onederland before the transition.  Generally, I have a stall when I switch or a slight uptick.  Both are remedied once my body adjusts, so I don't get distressed about it.  I just don't want to bounce up over 200.  It is a mental thing.  Gaining a pound or two and staying below 199 seems so much different than gaining a pound or two and going over that threshold.  Strange, I know since it is still only a pound or two.

I shall remain steadfast and do what I know to be right.  I'll check in early next week with a report, unless I come up with something really cool to say in the meantime. !!

Friday, February 15, 2013

Welcome to ONEderland

This morning the scales read 199.6.  I'm just a few ounces in, but I'm in and it counts!  I'm glad for the breakthrough; I'm thrilled.  At the same time, I remember the last time I crossed this great barrier I yo-yoed a couple of times before I was here to stay.  I'm being extra diligent today, and trying to tell myself that is all I can control.  If the scales pop back up, I'll deal with it then.

I feel good with the plan now.  I'm still doing quite well with all three of my pillars of success:  food, activity and water.  It won't be long now before I slip back in to that sweet spot, where the scales cooperate too.

Thanks for encouraging me on this journey.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

A Tale of Kale

 A few weeks ago 65MD and I were chasing away the winter doldrums by planning our spring garden.  He had a list of what could be planted early and were were making our selections, when I noticed kale and suggested that we try it. I'd read several blog posts from my friends saying it was quite good and maybe we could give it a whirl. 

He was a little resistant to taking the time to plant and grow something that we might not like. I understood his concern, so the next time I was at the grocery store, I bought 4 small leaves of kale.  Then I put it in the refrigerator and promptly forgot about it!

A day or so later I was getting my hair done and we were discussing recipes, one of our favorite topics.  She mentioned making kale chips the night before and that even her baby loved them.  I resolved then to remember the kale and try it.  The next day, I actually did.

I must admit even though I'd heard nothing negative about kale chips, I was a little dubious.  After all, it is a dark green vegetable and healthy.  That generally spells "don't like" in my world.  Much to my surprise they were as good as the reports I'd heard.  I shared a few with 65MD who liked them enough to add to the garden this spring.  I polished off the rest and was rewarded with a lovely colon cleanse the next day.  What's not to love?

I got a few more leaves the next time I was at the store thinking they'd make a nice crunchy snack to have on hand.  My stylist mentioned that they kept well and stayed crispy. So,  I made more kale chips to have on hand.  I got scared again.  I thought that maybe the reason I liked them before was because I thought I wouldn't.  I tasted them again and again loved them.

I shared a few with a friend IRL that just started WW, but I polished off the rest.  Last night, at the store I got a whole lot of kale.  I'll be making chips again today.

In case anyone wants to try, here's how I did it:
Wash & dry the leaves.
Pull them from the center stem which is bitter.
Put a little (very little) oil in a jelly roll pan. 
Scatter the torn leaves over the oil and stir to coat.
Add whatever seasoning wanted, salt, pepper, garlic, etc.
Put in a 350 degree oven for 10-15 minutes until the edges turn brown.
Watch closely so that they don't overcook.
They are good warm from the oven or at room temperature.


Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Waiting on ONEderland

Last time I posted,which was more than a week ago,  I weighed 201.6 lbs.  I was certain that I would be in ONEderland quite soon and my next post would be all about that.  I thought up the most eloquent blog posts about being under 200 lbs that I would post just as soon as the scales hit 199.8.  So far that hasn't happened.  Today I weigh 201.4.

When I last posted, I was in that sweet spot with weight loss.  Everything was just as it should be with eating, activity and water and the scales were responding accordingly.  The sweet spot has always been elusive for me.  I don't know when it will come and I don't know how long it will stay.  I just enjoy it while it is here.  I try not to think things like how 'easy' this is, or that my body has finally figured this out.  I know that as quickly as it comes, it can slip away. It did almost as soon as I hit publish on that last post.

Now, I am still fully on plan with the eating, activity and water, but the scales quit responding.  This is the part where I generally start searching for answers, looking for things to tweak, like cutting out fruit, or upping the exercise, or maybe even upping the calories.  (That is a favorite of mine, and a sure plan for disaster.)

This time, I'm going to rest on the plateau.  I know what I am doing is the right thing for my body.  I've been through enough trial and error.  I know that tweaking this and that here and there only leads to frustration on my part.  That leads to all sorts of eating errors.  So this time, I'm keeping a cool head.  I am trying to visualize myself calm, peaceful and resting on a small ledge on the mountain I'm climbing.  My body knows what it is doing and when it is ready it will continue the climb.  Until then, all I have to do is wait.

It won't be easy.  It is against my natural tendency to fix the problem and push through.  That hasn't worked in the past.  Now, I'm going to trust my body to move when it wants to.  I'm taking a deep breath and relaxing now.  Soon enough, I'll make one of those amazing posts about ONEderland a reality.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013


The scales are finally moving back in the right direction.  And like I always do, I search for the reason why.  I want to be able to replicate my success.  So, I've been trying to do some self anaylsis.  I haven't been very successful with that, or at least I thought I hadn't been very successful until I had an epiphany yesterday.

I've been busy.  That is why I have not had time to FOCUS on what I was doing right, or even wrong.  I've been largely relying on instinct.  I've been prepping my meals in advance more because time has been an issue.  I know if I spend a chunk of time every 3 or 4 days to measure my portions it will save me time in the long run.  So, without much thought, I grab the meal I want, eat and move on with my life.  No calorie counting, no carb counting, no fat grams, nothing.

I've already portioned my food and I eat.  At meal time there is no epic struggle with what or how much to eat.  I just do it.  I think that is how naturally thin people do it.  (Except I don't think they premeasure everything a few times per week.)

Every day, I get up and the scales have slipped down again.  Every day, I am thankful and think I need to figure this out.  I need to sustain this success.  What is the reason for this new found success?  Am I better motivated now?  Is it this local, grass fed beef?  Am I just better in tune with my body's needs?  But, I haven't had time to actually FOCUS and decide what was what.

Then it hit me.  I had FOCUSed far too much on all of the above.  I'd FOCUSed on carbs, calories, and fat.  I'd FOCUSed on organic, and natural.  I'd FOCUSed on graphs and spreadsheets.  (OK, I still do that!)  When I quit trying to laser in on food and make it my FOCAL point, I quit stressing and let meals happen.

Weighing and counting every bite of food that goes in to my mouth drives me insane.  I can't do it for long.  When the weight loss slows or stalls, I start looking for a problem with the calories/carbs/fat/whatever!  I get lost in all of the minutae of the situation.

As I said earlier, I'm still measuring my food.  I know what I'm getting, but I don't agonize over every meal anymore.  I think that's the key.  Food is no longer my FOCUS.  Since I'm not wasting a lot of mental energy wondering about the food, I am relaxed and finding greater success than ever before.  65MD even mentioned over the weekend that he liked the way we were eating now.

Life is good.  I am grateful and will do my best to never ever FOCUS on food over life.

Monday, February 4, 2013

A Trip to the Grocery Store

The other day, I had to go to the grocery store and it was cold and rainy.  It was the kind of cold, drizzly rain that seeps into the bones.  It seems to make me cold from the inside out.  The trip was a requirement or I would not have made it.

Since it was so bad out, I told myself that I could park in a closer spot.  I did not have to park in my favorite far away spot just this once.  I felt like I was being kind to myself rather than coping out.  Once I gave myself permission to park as close as I wanted, I felt a little better about getting out in the cold and damp.

I went to the store, parked, made my purchases and walked back to the car.  As I returned to the car, I realized, I'd parked in my favorite far away spot!  I had managed to forge my way through all of the 'bad' weather without a problem.  I was thrilled with myself.  I was so glad to  know that the 1000 mile challenge last year really paid off.

It is a habit now, in spite of myself!!!

Friday, February 1, 2013


YUCK!  I don't like February, never have.  Of all the months of the year, I like February the least.  (I worked very hard on that sentence so it wouldn't read "I HATE February!")  February is a month to be endured.  The cold, dreary days of winter seem to linger too long this month.  I know it gets cold in March and we've even had snow in April, but the promise of spring seems much nearer to me on March 1.  The best thing I can say about February is it is the shortest month.  It must be endured for only 28 days.  Leap years are always insulting to me.

I have been trying for some time now to reframe bad stuff so that it is more tolerable ala Pollyanna.  Go get the book and read it right now, even if you read it as a child.  Read it again with adult eyes and perspective.

In that vein, I am trying to cast February in a more positive light.  I already started by saying it is the shortest month.  I am going to keep focused on my healthy eating and exercise goals so that I will weigh less in February.  There aren't a lot of social obligations this time of year like in December to derail me.  65MD and I have always gone our own way for Valentine's Day, so that won't be an issue.

On March 1, I will look back and see how much progress I made and I will remember February as the month I moved forward towards my goals.