Total Weight Loss

Monday, April 29, 2013

A Tale of Two Dresses

My niece and I went shopping on Friday and found not one but two dresses for the wedding.  We had a hard time initially because neither one of us was used to retail shopping.  We are thrift store and consignment shoppers.  I had a serious case of sticker shock.  I picked up a skirt and was astonished to see that the price was $149.00.  Upon closer inspection, I realized I had misread the price tag; the actual price was $1490.00.  I think my brain could not comprehend paying more for a skirt than the mortgage payment on a house!  Needless to say, we left that store empty handed.

After a strolling around a bit more, we stumbled upon a department store that was having a sale on the formal wear.  This store had prices that were much more reasonable. There were a couple of racks with dresses marked 25% off.  My quest was to find a dress that was: 1.  silver, 2.  floor length and 3.  size 16.  There was one such dress on the rack.  I snatched it.  There was only one other dress that was a size 16.  I took it too, just in case I didn't like the silver one.

Both dresses fit quite nicely.  My niece and I agreed that the silver one was the better of the two.  I went to pay for the dress and the sales clerk told me that there was an additional discount that day making the price of the dress less than half of the original price.  I needed no more confirmation that this was the dress.
But, there was another dress on the rack that kept calling my name.  It fit none of my criteria.  It was not silver, short and size 14P.  (remember that the borrowed dress was a size 14 and far too small)  I just liked the dress and needed to try it on for some reason.  Now, I'm definitely a petite when it comes to height.  Often my experience with petites is that I need to go up a size.  It seems that most manufacturers  think short people are smaller all over.  So, if a 16 fit, and I wanted to get a petite, I would need an 18P, not a 14P.  Still I forged ahead.  There was no harm in trying on the dress.

I asked the sales clerk to hold the silver dress while I tried on the other one.  Low and behold, I got it on and zipped!  Granted this dress was much tighter than the one pictured above.  I'm not sure if I could have sat down with out ripping seams, but it was on & zipped.  This dress fit like I expected the borrowed one to, once again adding fuel to my ire about women's dress sizes, but I will refrain from that diatribe today.

My sweet niece actually gasped when I walked out of the fitting room.  I looked that good in the dress.  She began saying how with the proper foundation garments, that would fit much better.  She was right and I knew it, but the dress was totally wrong for the wedding.  Then I remembered rehearsal dinner.

So, I bought both dresses!
I modeled both dresses for 65MD when he got home.  He preferred the short dress as well saying it didn't look as tight as it must have felt to me.  Sadly, however, he thinks the dress is too much for the rehearsal dinner as it is a more casual affair.  I can't justify keeping the dress since I don't plan to be this size for much longer.  I'll take it back and remember how good it felt to wear it.

BTW, Timothy, I was totally wrong about plus sized clothing being matronly.  I got my bling on for sure!!!

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Some Better

I'm doing my best to let the dress fiasco go and just move forward.  I am hoping to go shopping tomorrow with my niece and then I'll either feel much better or go totally over the edge!

I was pleased this morning to be able to put on a pair of jeans straight from the dryer without a struggle to button or zip.  They are size 16 and the dress is 14.  I just have to manage my expectations while shopping.  I'll start at 16 and move up or down accordingly.  Some manufacturers have such different sizing.  At least now I have a starting point.  Maybe I'll have good news to share over the weekend or Monday at the latest.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

A Harsh Dose of Reality

I'm mostly better from the allergy attack I mentioned last time.  I probably won't feel great until the pollen is gone.  It is raining today so that will wash a lot of it away, helping me to feel even better.  I'm proud of myself for not using feeling puny to cheat.  The closest I came to cheating was not getting enough water the two days my throat was so sore.  It just hurt too much.

Last night, I decided to try on "The Dress" as it had been several days and I felt as though I'd made some progress.  65MD suggested that if it was still a little snug that perhaps moving the buttons over a tiny bit would make the difference.  (He's the smart one.)  I agreed and enlisted his help in marking where the buttons should go. 

Then I put it on, or as 'on' as it would go.  My memory is that it fit better the first time I tried it.  I have nothing to prove that, since I didn't measure, take pictures or have any other marker to indicate how close it was to fitting.  It was clear that moving the buttons over was not going to make any difference at all.  I was and am heartbroken.

It is a little more than two weeks from the wedding.  That dress ain't happ'nin' no way, no how.  Of course, I shed a tear.  Of course 65MD assured me that everything would be OK.  It will.  I'm just so disappointed.  Plus now I have to go shopping.  It will be hard to find something in my current size that isn't matronly.  UGH!  Wish me luck.

Monday, April 22, 2013

Sore Throat

I've got one.  Had one since Friday.  It is just spring allergies, but still no fun.  At least, I don't feel like eating.  Of course, I don't feel like drinking either, especially water.  Alas, stuff happens.  I'll feel better soon and maybe even be lighter.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

More Motivators for Me

I mentioned a few posts back that I have a wedding coming up.   That by itself is a motivation for me.  I have used it for sure to stay on track.  The wedding is less that four weeks away now so even 65MD is trying to look svelte.  That is huge for me.  It is so much easier when we are in this together.  We have agreed to continue in this pattern even after the wedding.  We've discussed what our eating will be like once we get to our goal weights and I think we have a good plan.  It feels like a team effort more than me being the lone wolf.  I love it.

Another, very very kind gesture has spurred me to ensure that I do my absolute best between now and the wedding day.  A woman from church, completely out of the blue offered to let me borrow a dress of hers for the wedding.  I asked the bride and her mother about it, and they were totally fine with it.  The dress is even one I would have selected for myself, not at all matronly!  It actually has sequins on it.  This precious lady even offered to let me borrow her jewelry and shoes. 

Sadly, the shoes were too large and the dress too small.  There is nothing I can do about the shoes.  I have some that will work anyway.  It is not outside the realm of possibility that the dress will fit in four weeks.  I'm giving myself two to feel a difference.  If I do, I'll wear that dress, although I might have to have a little help from Spanx.  If I don't feel a difference, I'll have to go shopping.  I don't want to wait too late because I don't want to shop under duress and come up with something matronly.

Believe me, this is motivating!  The dress is great and want to wear it. 
If I can get in it, I'll post a picture of me wearing it! 

Monday, April 15, 2013

Mind Games

As I mentioned in Saturday's brief post most of the time the weight loss battle for me is in the mind.  It is more about retraining my mind than about retraining my taste buds.  If my mind is in the right place, I'll naturally want healthier food.  Since that is true for me, I'm constantly looking for ways to encourage myself to stay on track with little games I play.  I'll share a couple of those today.

I get so weary sometimes of weighing/measuring my food.  Some time ago, I adopted the practice of preparing a week's worth of food, so that I didn't have to do that  I still do that.  It still helps, but I needed to kick it up a notch. Now, I play a game with myself to see if I can put the right amount of food on the scale the first time.  I'm getting pretty good at it too.  I see this as a game that will deliver benefits at my goal weight.  If I get so good at putting the right amount of food on the scale most of the time, at my goal weight, I'll know the right portion when I see it.  It is a win-win game.

The other thing I've started, I actually copied from one of the blogs I read.  Sorry, I can't remember who, or I'd link back.  I took a small jar and put buttons in it equalling the number of pounds I want to lose.  Every time I lose a pound, I take a button out of the jar and put it in a box.  It is a visual reminder.  As the number of buttons in the jar shrinks, so is my body.  The buttons in the box remind me of how far I've come.  I know the ticker at the top of my blog does the same thing, but somehow I get blind to it.  It has been there so long, I don't notice it sometimes, and often fail to update it.  I'm going to try to get back to that also.

Hopefully, since these little tricks help me, maybe they will someone else too.  Anyone else got any fun little mind games they play?

Saturday, April 13, 2013

I Am Hungry

I am having a hungry day.  I'm talking stomach growling hungry not a craving for a specific off limits food.  I have battled it back all day.  I'm weighing my food so I know I'm getting the proper amount.  I am chugging water like mad and yet my stomach growls.

Typically, the weight loss battle for me is largely in the mind, waging those mental wars about justifiying this or that off plan food.  Now, I'm having to do battle with my body.  I know it has enough food.  What is up with the starvation act it is giving me now?

Thursday, April 11, 2013

In the Groove or In a Rut?

I had a strange week this week with a lot of appointments and work outside of my cozy little home office.  It was fine.  We had wonderful weather and I was glad to be out in it.  I was a little worried initially because I'm not used to taking food with me any more.  I plan my meals and eat at home the vast majority of the time now.  I made it work.  I did not use this as an excuse to eat off plan.  I just did what I needed to do without really considering eating off plan.

I was discussing this with my sister, who had gastric by-pass surgery about 10 years ago.  She has kept most of her weight off but still yo-yos those last few.  I'm not sure how many maybe 10.  Anyway, as we were discussing our various weight loss strategies, she said the only way for her to be successful was to "get into a rut."  By that she meant doing the same thing over and over without much thought, making it a natural part of her life.

I laughed because I have said many times, that I needed to "get in to the groove" meaning much the same thing.  I told her that I liked my terminology better because it doesn't sound like a bad thing.  Getting in a rut seems to me something that needs to be remedied, not something for which to aim. 

At any rate, we agreed that we were in good places right now.  That is always a good thing.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

What a Week!

I've been working on a few posts on varying weight loss related issues, like exploring the motivation issue a little more or sharing some of the latest mind games I'm playing.  But those posts will have to wait until another day.  Today, I have to share my week. 

On Monday, I had reason to believe that my computer had been breached and all of my private information had been stolen.  I totally freaked out.  I called everyone I knew with technical knowledge asking how to repair the problem.  Every 'fix' I was given felt much like closing the barn door after the cow had escaped.  At any rate, I spent the past two days doing everything possible to ensure the safety of my data.

Tuesday was the busiest.  I changed all of my passwords from another computer, not the one I generally use.  Of course that took a while because between email, bank and social froums, I had a lot of passwords.  I selected a unique password for each venue which was the easy part.  The hard part was getting to the right place to log on to those sites since I did not have the benefit of my bookmarks.  Most of the passwords, I remembered even though many of them are saved for me.  This consumed me all day.

What does this have to do with weight loss?  I'm getting to that point now.

I was totally stressed and had a knot in my stomach that made me feel quite nauseated.    I noticed the time at about 1:00 pm and realized, I'd not had a bite to eat all day.  I did not want to eat.  The thought really did trigger my gag reflex.  So, I went with it.  I didn't eat.  After all, I really didn't have time to spare to go prepare something to eat.  I had to get the passwords changed and scans done.  When 65MD got home that evening, I did eat a little supper.  He was much calmer than I was about the whole situation and helped me to calm myself some.

When I weighed Wednesday I had dropped 1.8 lbs!  I think my metabolism must have been running in high gear all day because of the nervous energy.  That coupled with minimal food finally led to a significant loss.

Now, I don't advocate losing weight this way, but I'm looking to it as a bright spot in all of the chaos around me now. This morning I had not regained the weight after a more normal eating day yesterday.  I spent a large chunk of yesterday rescanning and double checking.  I've heard too many horror stories about people getting hacked.

This was a very, very scary situation for me and I wonder if this had happened 4 years ago, would my reaction been different physically?  I think I would have had a knot in my stomach, but I wonder if I would have tried to push the knot away with food.  I wonder if I would have tried to squelch the fear with more food.  I wonder if I would've emerged from this situation heavier rather than lighter.  Who knows?  We don't live parallel lives to answer such questions with certainty.

I do know that I did not use food to fix anything associated with this problem.  It never even occurred to me.  I faced what I had to face as head on as I possibly could and food took the back seat.  I think that is emotional growth. 

Let's hope I don't have to realize emotional growth this way again.  This was horrible and I don't think I could endure it again.  My mind has eased some, but I don't think I'll ever relax again when it comes to my safety and privacy on the web.