Total Weight Loss

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Saturday Scale Says

This morning the scale read 173.8.  That is 28.8 pounds from my goal.

I decided to measure this morning as well.  It had been about 6 weeks, so it was time.  I lost one inch in my bust, one inch in my waist, one inch in my hips and one inch in my thigh.  The other measurements stayed pretty much the same arms, wrist, calves & ankles. 

I noticed that in 6 weeks I'd only lost about 5 pounds, so I was a little surprised about the measurements.  I'm hoping that it is that old muscle mass thing I keep hearing about.  As long as my body is shrinking over all, I almost don't care what the scale says.

I'm off to the family reunion soon.  I'll report back my success there as soon as I am able.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Ice Cream Social

Tuesday was the last day for one of our summer interns to work. So, her supervisor decided that it would be nice to send her off with an ice cream social. She planned the whole thing and sent out invitations that morning. Of course it was fine with me to wish one of our interns well on her last day, I just like a little time to prepare mentally for occasions like this especially when ice cream is involved!!

There were five flavors of ice cream, along with hot fudge and caramel sauces, then crushed candy bars, sprinkles, cherries, whipped cream, nuts and anything else that can be imagined to put on ice cream. In addition to that there were three kinds of cookies and pretzels, not that I looked or anything like that.

I really was a little panicked. I could see obesity in the rear view mirror, but as it says directly on the mirror, "Objects are closer than they appear." Obesity was not far enough away for me to even consider an indulgence of any type. My only option, I felt, was to busy myself serving. I stepped right up and started scooping ice cream for everyone else. I directed everyone to the scrumptious toppings & cookies. I suggested delicious flavor combinations and made a couple of root beer floats. At one point during the scooping, I dribbled a little ice cream on one of my hands. I couldn't get to the sink fast enough to wash it off. It was sticky and I didn't like it.

Finally, the ice cream was practically gone, and the toppings were depleted and scattered. I didn't want any. It was almost gross. I sat down with everyone as they enjoyed their treats, and listened to them talk about how they were going to have to skip supper, had to stop eating like this, and then decide to have just a little more. I was glad to be off that merry-go-round. I was glad I had made the decision to be strong. I actually enjoyed myself, without one bite or even lick of ice cream. It felt good.

Monday, July 26, 2010

No Longer Obese!!

I did it, I did it, I finally, finally did it!  Today I broke through the barrier between overweight and obese!!!  I've been very, very close for a long time.  I didn't go back to look when I blogged about it the first time because I didn't want anything to harsh my mellow! 
When I got up Saturday morning, I knew it would be close.  As I blogged on Saturday, I was just 0.3 lbs away.  In the afternoon I decided to check my weight on the Wii.  I thought there might be enough difference between the two that I could make if official.  I told J-boy that I was about to do a body test on the Wii because the possibility existed that I might no longer be obese!  Being ever supportive, he came in to witness the momentous occasion.  Sadly, it was not yet meant to be.  My BMI was 30.04.  I was undaunted, knowing that on Sunday I would get the news for which so long I had yearned.
Sunday morning I weighed and I was still 0.1 lbs in to obesity.  I did another body test on the Wii, and my BMI was 30.00!!  I still heard that little cartoon like voice taunting me saying "That's obese!"  I longed to hear what it said for the overweight.  J-boy told me not to expect much.  It would probably be the same little cartoon voice saying "That's overweight!"  I had yet to hear it,  No matter what.
This morning, once again I approached the scales with eager anticipation.  This morning I was rewarded.  My weight was 175.4!!  I am now 0.1 lbs down in to the overweight category.  The Wii played some sort of sad sounding tune and that same little cartoon voice said "That's overweight."  Then it suggested that I set a goal of a BMI of 22.  I'm not quite ready to make that commitment.  A weight of 145 should put me at a BMI below 25 where 'normal' begins.  I don't want to get unrealistic with what my body can do.  I'll make that decision once I get closer to 145.
I was very careful with my eating today because I don't want to pop back over that line.  I'll have some challenges for sure this week.  My sister and her children are coming tomorrow and will be here for the rest of the week.  I feel confident about my eating for the most part.  My challenge will be exercise.  I won't want to.  Truth be told I really don't ever want to.  With my niece and nephews here, I'll want to spend as much time as possible with them.  I doubt we'll have much time to run & play outside because it is dangerously hot outside.  Maybe I can interest my niece in some yoga...hmmm...we could do some poses with the Wii fit.
My biggest challenge of the week will be the family reunion on Saturday.  I have a plan as to what I'm going to eat.  I've mentally rehearsed smiling and sweetly saying "No, thank you."  to most if not all of the goodies.  I don't want to feel deprived and pig out it later, so I'm giving myself permission to have one treat if there is one that I feel cannot be missed.  Somehow giving myself permission alleviates the guilt and then the feelings of deprivation, etc.  What a mind game this whole thing is.
My ace in the hole, however, is a cousin that has had some great success of her own losing weight.  She will help me be strong.  Here's looking forward to a great week for all of us!

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Saturday Scale Says

175.8!  That is 0.3 lbs away from overweight and 30.8 away from my ultimate goal!!

My thumb is much better.  So much so that I decided to take the splint off.  That lasted about 5 minutes!!  Thanks for all the good wishes.  I know it will heal in time.

I'm keeping this short today because it is hard to type, and J-boy and I are headed out soon to explore a neighborhood farmers' market.  I'm sure that will be fun.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

My Very Serious Injury

Yesterday I went to the restroom at work as I do many, many times per day.  Only this time I somehow managed to close my thumb in the stall door.  It immediately brought tears to my eyes.  Even though the pain was incredible, I thought it would subside in time.  It did not.  I tried putting ice on it and that only made it hurt worse.  In a very short time, a blue mark began to develop under the nail.  The pain continued.

I had my annual mammogram yesterday afternoon.  I wore a blouse with buttons up the front so that I could take it off quickly for the scan.  It was all I could do to unbutton it.  The tech apologized repeatedly for hurting me.  I thought that there was no way this little vise grip was hurting any more than my thumb.  When it came time to redress, I only button two buttons for modesty's sake and drove home.  J-boy had to unbutton them.

As the evening continued so did the pain.  I tried more ice, but once again it increased the pain.  I finally called my sister who is an ER nurse.  I felt certain there was little that could be done for me there, but I wanted to confirm it.  I was in such pain I had to do something.  She confirmed that all they would do would determine if it was broken or not, and refer me to an orthopedist.  She suggested splinting it.  She thought that the pain was caused by the movement.

J-boy and I set out to make a splint out of craft sticks, only they were more than twice as long as my thumb.  We tried with layers of gauze, then soft weight cardboard.  Finally, we gave up and went to the store for a real splint.  The pharmacist was so nice to look at my thumb and diagnose it as 'crushed.'  He agreed, however, that the only and best thing to do was splint it.

Since J-boy was with me, we left the store with two splints (it was actually cheaper for a two pack), two bottles of shampoo and a frozen pizza.  J-boy had not had supper.  I had, so I did not partake.

As soon as we got home, J-boy put the splint on and within 10 minutes I felt much better.  I called my sister to let her know that she had given good advice.  She recommended a couple of 'PM' pills before bed to help me sleep since the strongest thing I had in the house was naproxen.  I took two advil pm's and had a nice snooze.

I wore the splint all day and it feels much better, but I'm already weary of working around the splint.  I failed to mention that it is my right hand.  It is hard to do anything, even type!  I'm also a little tired of telling everyone that I closed my finger in the restroom stall door.  How embarrassing!!!

I know this has nothing to do with weight loss, but it is part of life, and a pretty funny one at that!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Icy Cold Drinks

I blogged a week or so ago about drinking a Frozen Coke and how much I love that icy coldness in the summer time.  Ms. Marsha suggested trying granitas.  I had a real aha moment wondering why I didn't think of that myself.  That's why I blog, I get so much good advice and support.
For the last two nights, I've given myself a frosty treat.  They've been good, and I feel satisfied and just a little pampered.  I don't really have the patience to make a granita.  I have a Vita-Mix and that thing crushes ice like no body's business.  My first experiment was lemon flavored.  I can't seem to get enough lemon lately.  I put the juice of one lemon, a couple of stevia packages, ice and a little water in and whirled for a few seconds.  It was nice and cold, but not quite as lemony as I would like.  Next time, I'm going to try adding some zest.
Last night's creation was strawberry.  I used 7 ounces of whole strawberries, two stevia packages, ice & water.  It was quite good.  I'm thinking now, all I have to do is switch up the fruit and I can have a different frosty treat every night.  With some of the sweeter fruits, I won't even have to put in the stevia.

Now, I'm off to decide what flavor to make tonight...

Sunday, July 18, 2010

My First Blog Award to Georgia Be for my first blogger award.  I am supposed to:

1. Thank the person who gave you the award.
2. Share seven things about yourself.
3. Nominate fifteen newly discovered blogs.
4. Let your nominees know about the award.
I've done number one above and one the comments section of her blog.
Number 2:
1.  I was 36 years old when I got married for the first and only time.
2.  I have never given birth physically to a child, but I have a lot of children I have birthed emotionally, and love deeply.
3.  I have an MBA.
4.  I am the Business Director at a Christian non-profit social services agency.
5.  I live in the same town where I was born.
6.  I lived for one year in a house across the street from my parents and loved every minute of it.
7.  I have a blog about our dog Petey

Number 3:
1.  Marsha Tinfoil Magnolia
2.  Mitch Scoots & Giggles
3.  Mitch Man This Town's Changed
4.  Gracie Finishing Small
5.  Lori Ann Fired & Fat
6.  Sharon Gains & Losses
7.  Joy Nuggets of Truth
8.  Mertle Diets and Sweat
9.  ??? Fifty, Fat and Grumpy
10.  ??? 365 Days

11. Jennifer Getting Healthy
12.  Lisa In Weigh Over My Head
13. Jan Yes, There Will Be A Fourth Stricklin
14.  Judson Judson's Stories

15.  Meredith Emma's Hope


Saturday, July 17, 2010

Saturday Scale Says

This morning the scale read 178.8!!  That is just 1.2 lbs. up from my lowest weight before the frustration of the last couple of weeks.  I've lost almost all of the 'creep' and am almost in chartered territory again!!  It feels great.  In 3.4 pounds I'll no longer be obese, merely overweight.
One thing I have learned on this journey is that what works for one person may or may not work for another.  What works now, may or may not work down the road a way.  The one and only constant I have found is my mind.   Once I make up my mind that I am going to do this (count calories, count carbs, exercise 5 days a week, etc.)  whatever the 'this' is, the battle is won.  There may be skirmishes here and there along the way and it may not be easy every step of the way, but the final battle is over.  It reminds me a little bit of what I was taught in Sunday School as a child.  If I made up my mind to obey God, then the decisions were made for me.  All I had to do was walk down that path.  Maybe there is something too that after all.
All that to say, that for the last two weeks or so, my mind has not been focused.  I floundered.  I began to wonder what had caused things to get so wildly out of hand when it seemed I was marching right down that weight loss path with hardly an obstacle.  I know part of it, is just poor memory on my part, but I also knew that there had to be something more.  A friend said something to me about having lost 80 pounds.  She was generously rounding up.  I corrected her, but the number I said (77 lbs) was unreal to me somehow.  I didn't realize it then, but I think that big number was messing with my head.  It took another friend saying something about being so close to my goal that made things click.  I think somehow, my brain could not comprehend the massive weight loss.  I don't think I ever believed it was actually possible to lose 100 lbs.  My thought was more like, I'll lose as much as I can and try to live with that.  Since deep inside I didn't believe it was possible I was making that reality.
So, now my latest head game is, I'm not saying how many pounds I've lost.  I'm saying how many pounds to goal.  That is a much easier number to wrap my mind around.
Today I weigh 178.8.  I am 33.8 pounds away from my goal of 145.  :) 

Friday, July 16, 2010

What Dreams May Come

I've always had very vivid dreams, that I remember. I have childhood memories of telling my sisters my dreams in the morning time.  Now J-boy has that pleasure. 
When I began dieting in earnest and actually losing weight about 16 months ago, I started having dreams about eating entire cakes.  In the dreams, I would eat the cake without realizing what it was. The cake would be disguised somehow as something else.  I wouldn't know until it was too late and I had already done the damage.  I would be so distressed in my dream trying desperately to figure out what to do to rectify the situation.  When I woke, I was always relieved to find out it wasn't real.  I'd had similar dreams when I lost weight in my middle 20's.  Aside from the occasional thought about what might be wrong with my psyche, I really didn't give the dreams much thought.
Last night I dreamed that I was lost in a hospital.  J-boy and I had come there together, but had gotten separated, and a very nice lady was leading me back to him.  It was a very long trip and so I ate some pineapple to give me strength to make it.  Along the way she stopped for frozen watermelon.  It didn't look that appealing to me, so I passed. Then I began to get hungry and got myself a grapefruit.  We were getting on the elevator when the alarm went off. 
I laid there for a good long while wondering what had happened in my subconscious mind.  I am choosing to believe that something deep inside of me has truly changed.  I recognize healthy food when I see it now.  I choose healthy options, and I pass up food if I'm not hungry - at least in my dreams!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

177 lb Me

My blog mentor wrote about the memories associated with the numbers on the scale here. I found it interesting, so I thought I'd do something similar. A couple of weeks ago I got down to 177.6, and it triggered this memory -

In my early 30's my weight had crept up to 177 and did not want to budge. I realize now that my attempts at dieting where half hearted at best, but then I felt like I was struggling. I was engaged to some one that wasn't J-boy. We agreed that we both wanted to lose weight and decided to diet together. I don't remember the specifics of the plan this far removed, but it was something like, I'd lose 10 lbs and he'd lose 20 in a set amount of time. He did not trust me to tell him that I'd lost weight. He had to see the scales for himself. I was quite resistant to actually confessing my real weight to him. He would not agree to the friendly competition any other way, so I finally gave in and allowed him to see me standing on the scales.

At that time I had some digital scales that weighed to the nearest whole pound. The display was the type that if it was showing an 8 all the red bars lit up. For a 6, the upper right bar would not light up but all the others would. Get it? So, we went in my little bathroom where the scales were kept. I stepped on the scales and they chose that moment for the light in the top middle number to go out. Instead of reading 177, they read 117. Clearly that was an error, so he made me get off & back on the scales; still 117. Then he decided that the tile floor must be making it too light and moved the scales to the kitchen floor. which was linoleum; still 117. Then the scales were moved to the living room, carpet, 117!! This was too good, and I was keeping my mouth shut. I realized from the beginning what had happened, but I was not about to tell him! He weighed himself and got an accurate reading. Whatever his weight was, the very top bar was not in that number, and I really don't remember. He was so convinced that the scale was not working properly that we did not have the competition. It was probably a good thing, because then I would have had to explain a big gain when the scales went from 110, to 169!

Needless to say, I dodged a real bullet when that relationship didn't work out. When J-boy and I got married, I weighed 160-165. He never said anything as I packed on the pounds, and was/is always supportive of whatever I choose to do. I am thankful every day for him and our love for each other.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

I Ate a Tomato!!

Yes, I did.  One of the ladies having lunch in the kitchen at work at the same time as me, had a fresh tomato from her garden.  There were a few of us in there and a discussion ensued about garden fresh tomatoes vs. store bought tomatoes.  Everyone that ate tomatoes, was in agreement that garden fresh were the best.  This same lady told us that her husband had insisted that he didn't like tomatoes until he ate one fresh from their garden.  I allowed as to how I was hoping that would happen for me this summer, since oddly, I have always wanted to like tomatoes.  Something about the slimy, tartness has always been off putting to me.  I joked that I might not get to since the squirrels were getting ours while they were still green. 
I said I was happy to let the squirrels have the tomatoes as long as they left the cucumbers alone.  I need my pickles.  (Which by the way turned out to be a great big YUM!)  The tomatoes are the first plants the squirrels get to, since they are at the edge of the garden.  So far, for the most part, they've been satisfied with them, and haven't ventured further in to get anything else.  I think it is a fair trade. 
As the conversation continued, this lady began eating her tomato and exclaiming how this was the absolute best tomato ever in the whole world.  It was at the peak of flavor.  She insisted that I have a taste.  I was reluctant because I didn't want to gag in front of everyone.  I knew I'd have to swallow whatever I put in my mouth.  With much encouragement from the others in the kitchen, I relented.  My delay had only served to draw more attention to the whole situation, so I had quite a gallery of spectators when I finally took the nibble she'd cut for me.
I chewed and swallowed, and I am disappointed that the slimy tartness was still there.  The tomato was completely unadorned, no salt or pepper, etc.  I think I could get over the tartness with a little spice, like maybe garlic.  The slime is still an issue.  I do know that the tomato I tasted would have made some killer salsa.  At least I tried, right?

I've had three good on plan days.  It is amazing how freeing that can be.

Monday, July 12, 2010

What A Rotten Day!

Last night as I was going to bed, I began to think that I just needed to get over the whole 'normal' eating thing.  That my life is pretty good, and eating like I am now, low carb/low cal, isn't the worst thing that can happen to a person.  It seemed like a switch had been flipped in my brain.  Eating like this would be no problem going forward.  Many other people have far worse problems, all I have to do is just eat less.  How easy is that?  I had already packed my lunches for the week, and measured out my protein for my evening meals.  I was in good shape and ready to take on the challenge.  Then today happened.

It was awful.  Every single thing I tried to do was messed up somehow.  I ran in to obstacle after obstacle.  When I finally felt like I was beginning to make progress someone had some piddly, stupid something that they could easily deal with, but some how my involvement was vital.  Just as I thought, the only thing that could make today worse would be if someone died.  The moment I had that thought, the phone rang.  It was my mother telling me that her sister was very sick and she was going to be with her.  She's not in danger of dying, but she is quite sick.  Then I ran in to an old friend who told me that a mutual friend had died!! Reliving this much is making my head hurt, so I'll stop.

Let's just say, I've been humbled.  I'm not the great conqueror that I envisioned myself being as I drifted off to sleep last night. I'm a mere mortal.  Bad stuff happens.  Some times it all happens in one day.

The good news is, at one point during this I also thought, that I hadn't had the idea to eat something to make myself feel better.  That was huge!!  As I was walking in the house this afternoon, I thought 20 minutes or so on the elliptical would make me feel better!!  Oh dear, what is happening to me!!

And I think tomorrow will be better...I don't want to know how it could be worse...

Saturday, July 10, 2010

I'm Back

I'm back!!  Thanks for the concern about my absence.  I went with my local family sans J-boy (mom, sister & 2 nephews) to visit my out of town sister and her family ( husband, two children & 1 foster baby) for a couple of days.  It was great.  We had a blast.  I am one of those extremely lucky people whose family gets along.  We had a very good time.

Before we left I was really, really in a bad place with the dieting, and my weight had started creeping up.  I was very concerned about how to handle things while I was gone.  The trip to visit my sister was a surprise, so she had no time to plan meals for 10 people as opposed to 4 and a baby.  She is a healthy eater, and always has fresh fruit and vegetables on hand, so I wasn't too worried.  I decided that I would offer to prepare meals and if that wasn't an option just eat whatever was served in moderate amounts.  I was not going to make any imposition on her.

It turns out the whole mental break from the constant battle with what to eat/when to eat/how much to eat was just what I needed.  I came back relaxed and recharged at the same time.  I'm ready to tackle this last 32 pounds and move forward with my healthy lifestyle!!

Saturday, July 3, 2010

All For Naught

I'm back from the family gathering.  We anticipated 10-12, and had twice that.  Good for me, we ran out of hamburgers.  I was at the end of the line by design.  I didn't think there would be enough to go around and I certainly didn't mind giving that up.  I was correct on the anticipated side dishes, so I ate lots of watermelon.  I got three nice sized chunks, which was probably about 3 cups.  It was good & cold and juicy just like I like it. 

There was no homemade ice cream of any kind, so all my mental gymnastics as to if I was deluding myself was all for naught.  Oh well, I'd rather be prepared than not..

I am not saying however, that I was all good at the gathering.  For dessert there was key lime pound cake which was store bought and not a temptation at all.  There was strawberry pie, which somehow just didn't look appetizing so I skipped it.  Finally, there were homemade chocolate chip cookies.  I made them.  I ate three.  YUM!!  I feel OK about that.  It wasn't the most nutritionally balanced meal, but it was by no means out of control.

J-boy was behind me in line so he didn't get a burger either.  He had a taste for one, so we grilled burgers for supper tonight.  I feel good about that because we had extra lean ground beef, and I skipped the bun.  We also grilled some fresh corn on the cob.

For the day, I've had lots of watermelon, chocolate chip cookies, 4 oz grilled ground beef, and an ear of corn!! 

BTW, I started a sparkpeople page.  I'm going to go log my food now and see how many calories I had.

Saturday Scale Report

This morning the scale said 180.2.  That is a gain of 2.4 lbs.  Not bad in the great scheme of things, but not good at all.  If I had lost 2.4 lbs from last week's weight, I'd no longer be obese.  I'm trying not to think about that.

I'm trying hard to get to a better place mentally.  For me that's the battle far more than what my eating/exercise plan is.  Once I get my head in the right place, the other just seems to slip right in to place.

I have the family picnic this afternoon.  I think I'm ready for that mentally.  That is all I have to be ready for right now - the next meal.  I'll worry about next week, next week.  For today, I've contemplated all of the foods that I know will be there.  Every relative has their special dish that they bring, so I can guess fairly accurately.  I'll eat a hamburger without the bun.  Even though my mother told me this morning that she got whole wheat buns, I doubt I'll eat one.  I'd have to look at the label for myself.  Labeling can be so sneaky.  Of the side dishes that I anticipate seeing, I'm not tempted.  I don't want macaroni salad or potato salad.  I don't even want chips.  When I really sat down and thought about it, what I want is watermelon.  My mouth is almost watering right now, just thinking about that icy cold goodness.  I think watermelon is a good choice.  I'll eat that.

The desserts are harder for me.  Good, homemade desserts always have been my crack.  I am a dessert snob because that is my specialty.  I can make the best cakes, cookies, pies, cheesecake, etc. that you ever put in your mouth.  I am a from scratch baker.  I don't even do that cake doctor stuff.  Cake mixes have an under taste to me.  So, I'm going with the snob factor and telling myself that I can make whatever it is later, and probably much better.  I think I can do that.

There is, however the possibility of homemade peach ice cream.  I have an ice cream freezer and could make my own,  but I won't.  It is a full size freezer and J-boy and I just can't eat a whole thing.  (Shocking, isn't it?!)  This time, I'm thinking I might indulge in a small amount.  I depends on how full I am from the watermelon feast.  Homemade ice cream fits in somewhat in my philosophy about natural foods in that it won't have preservatives and chemicals I can't pronounce like in the store bought stuff.  It will have sugar, though and therein lies my problem.  Tuesday demonstrated to me that I can't handle that.

Am I deluding myself if I think I can have a bite or two of homemade peach ice cream and not run headlong in to something worse?  (BTW, I fed the tagalongs to Petey Thursday night.  A coworker told me that her dog ate oreos with no side effects, so I didn't think Petey would be in danger.  He gladly gobbled up the last 6 tagalongs.  He's been fine.)  Can a heroin addict have just one hit on special occasions, and be sober from then on?  If I don't indulge will I feel deprived and go buy much worse stuff?  I'd appreciate feedback on this point, because I really don't think I am thinking clearly.

On a much happier note, a dear friend started her weight loss journey after I told her about the hcg, and the girl is losing weight like wildfire.  I am truly happy for her.  I feel a little pride in my part of her success.  Clearly, I know the battle she's faced, and I don't take anything away from her accomplishments.  She did it, not me.  I'm just glad I was able to point her in the right direction.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Still Hard

I'm still having a hard time. I get so frustrated when I'm on plan but not seeing the results. It is so hard to stay mentally tough and break through those plateaus. Only, I don't think this is a plateau. I think I've messed up someplace with my eating and I'm not aware of it. I'm eating something that I think is a good choice and it isn't, or there is some hidden sugar or other evil in the food and I don't know about it. I prepare all the food that I eat, so the hidden sugar or whatever would have to be in a seasoning. So, I think I must have some misinformation from someplace about what I'm eating.

Yesterday, I had a whopping 0.4 lb loss after my mini-binge Tuesday night. I was really expecting more. (I know I have a problem with expectations!!) This morning no loss at all. Today for a couple of reasons, I am fasting. One reason is to 'cleanse' my body. Hopefully, whatever I'm eating that is messing me up will be washed away with all the water. And I am expecting a loss in the morning. I don't expect to be back down to 177.8, where I was last week, but I do expect a pound or more.

Saturday part of my family is planning to celebrate our country's independence by having a picnic. I'm not to worried about that. I've made up my mind about what I'm going to eat, and no one there will try to push food on me that I don't want. Another benefit is that it is pot luck so I will bring food that I can eat. But, I do have a mini issue on the horizon that makes me anxious to drop as much weight as possible.

I am planning to visit a family member that lives out of town next week. I will be leaving early Tuesday morning and be back late Thursday evening, so it will be almost three full days. Other than the travel time, which will be by plane, meals will be in the home of this relative. This relative is a healthy individual and has healthy meals, but the trip is a surprise (as is probably evident by all the references to "this relative") so, I'm not sure how prepared this relative will be for the extra guest and may decide this is a good time to order pizza, etc. I'm preparing myself mentally for no loss next week. The trip will definitely be worth a no weight loss week.

My problem is, that will make three weeks with no loss, perhaps even a gain. I'm tired of wasting my time. I'm tired of feeling half starved all the time for no good reason. If I'm going to gain, I might as well enjoy it! UGH!!! Why isn't eating fresh wholesome food straight from my garden not working!! I"m not frying anything, nothing is even cooked in butter. When I saute anything I use no stick spray.

I'm tired. I am so tired of analysing every morsel of food that passes my lips. I'm tired of wondering if I should fidget more while I'm at work to burn just a few more calories. I'm tired of feeling like I'm somehow abnormal. I just want to eat/move/live like the rest of the world, or at least the part that isn't always obsessed with food & exercise. Is that too much to ask?

Maybe I'll gain some perspective while I'm away next week. It will be great to be with family next week. Remember the relative has no idea, so don't say anything. OK?