Over the weekend, I let two anniversaries pass without noting them on this blog. The weekend marked 4 years since I started this particular weight loss journey and three years since I started this blog. I knew they were coming. I didn't just let them sneak up on me and not acknowledge them.
In fact, for some time, I was mentally writing my "Happy Anniversary to Me!" post. The one where I extol the virtues of weight loss. The one where I list innumerable things that are better in my life now than three or four years ago. The one where I cheer for myself. The one where I offer words of wisdom and encouragement to everyone else still struggling. Only I didn't.
I couldn't. It felt like a fraud. It felt like a great big lie to celebrate the loss of 50 pounds when I had lost 90 pounds. It was only two short years ago, that I was less than 20 pounds from my goal weight. for heaven's sake! But, I have spent the last couple of weeks as though I am trying to set a record as to the number of times one individual can cross between 199 and 200 pounds! It seems like a con of epic proportion.
I'm still trying. But boy am I frustrated. There is no reason for the stall. There is no drama in my life. There is nothing to keep me from eating on plan. In fact, most of the time I am totally on plan. The little jaunts off plan seem minor at the time. A bite of dark chocolate is really a healthy choice, right? How about 3 bites? How about 10? When does it move from being a healthy indulgence to cheating? I think that is my problem now. I 'cheat' on plan. I've found the loopholes and I slip through them.
I'm not letting this happen again. One way or another, I'll be at my goal weight in March 2014. Once I get there, I'm staying. I'm tired of this.
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1 week ago