Over the weekend, I let two anniversaries pass without noting them on this blog. The weekend marked 4 years since I started this particular weight loss journey and three years since I started this blog. I knew they were coming. I didn't just let them sneak up on me and not acknowledge them.
In fact, for some time, I was mentally writing my "Happy Anniversary to Me!" post. The one where I extol the virtues of weight loss. The one where I list innumerable things that are better in my life now than three or four years ago. The one where I cheer for myself. The one where I offer words of wisdom and encouragement to everyone else still struggling. Only I didn't.
I couldn't. It felt like a fraud. It felt like a great big lie to celebrate the loss of 50 pounds when I had lost 90 pounds. It was only two short years ago, that I was less than 20 pounds from my goal weight. for heaven's sake! But, I have spent the last couple of weeks as though I am trying to set a record as to the number of times one individual can cross between 199 and 200 pounds! It seems like a con of epic proportion.
I'm still trying. But boy am I frustrated. There is no reason for the stall. There is no drama in my life. There is nothing to keep me from eating on plan. In fact, most of the time I am totally on plan. The little jaunts off plan seem minor at the time. A bite of dark chocolate is really a healthy choice, right? How about 3 bites? How about 10? When does it move from being a healthy indulgence to cheating? I think that is my problem now. I 'cheat' on plan. I've found the loopholes and I slip through them.
I'm not letting this happen again. One way or another, I'll be at my goal weight in March 2014. Once I get there, I'm staying. I'm tired of this.
Lessons Learned
4 years ago
You know I get it. It is hard... partial regains are emotionally draining. But we have to keep going. There's really no option. I am with you. We will get there.
ReplyDeleteThere is no "there" it is a daily struggle, even (or maybe more) once you are at your goal... Should I? Can I? Then the battle to stay in the weight comfort zone.... We have to make peace with all of it, this, ourselves.... Only then can it ....... OMG!!!! I am so full of crap!!!
ReplyDeleteGood luck.... Don't quit. Just that.
Don't quit
i'm with you darlin with ww i can have "bad" stuff as long as i count the points and it's NOT working i'm gonna have to began a RIGID planed appraoch to meals with NO deviation to succed. just know you're not alone on this journey xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteLet me say congrats to you on maintaining the 50 lbs off. Can I say that? Sadly, most women that I know in real life who lost 75+ lbs gained every. single. pound. plus some back within a year to two years' time. My BFF lost 125 and once she crossed the finish line, she steadily gained it back. So to think that you've kept 50 of it off - CONGRATS. No, it's not where you WANT to be, but look where you COULD be. You are at least doing some things right and learning to make this livable. Maybe it's your metabolism or your age or your hormones at this point in life slowing the process and fighting you. I don't know. I'm sorry! But Happy Anniversary Friend! :)
ReplyDeleteAnd you are STILL trying and that's what counts!
ReplyDeleteDitto everyone's comments.
ReplyDeleteKeep going. Keep off plan foods out. No exceptions. The slippery slope thinking about those foods had me regain 60+ pounds.
This time, I promised myself a very structured plan for loss and maintenance. There was no going back.
Is it the food and the thoughts (chicken and the egg?) that keep us stuck? Hard to know.
Keep going- onward. What foods do you need to exclude to keep your mind in the game? What frame of mind gets you to choosing the food.
Take care and treat yourself well.
You are not alone. I can identify with much of this. Heck, I can even overeat fruit of all things!
ReplyDeleteHi there. I'm quite new to your blog, but I wanted to comment on this post. Good on you for keeping off what you have and MORE IMPORTANTLY for not just giving up and saying screw it but that you keep being committed to yourself. I previously lost 60+ lbs and ending up gaining them back and more and that's where I'm at - 2nd time around. The point is, one step at a time.
ReplyDelete