Goals & Motivation

It is apparent to me now that I must have some clear motivation to get to my goal weight.  When I started this journey four years ago my motivation was skydiving.  There was a weight limit and I exceeded it.  I thought I'd have to prove that I was under the limit in front of a crowd.  Looking back that was a silly notion, but it worked so I don't care.  Since that time, I've had various reasons to lose weight and they've worked for at least the short term. 

At two points along this journey, I've been 20 pounds away from goal.  I sit here today 60 pounds away.  I'm tired of that.  I've got to find a way out that will be for good.  As resolute as I am and as adamantly as I shout I will never regain those pounds again, I know I need something more than determination. 

I also know that a goal to be healthy just won't work for me.  That is just to nebulous and hard to measure.  I can't go get a blood chemistry every week to see if my cholesterol is in the right range.  I really don't trust my feelings as to how to determine if I feel better today than I did last week.  Besides there are too many outside factors that determine how I feel about my fitness.  Not all of which I can control.

Right now, I have a good motivator in that I have a wedding coming up on May 12.  That is great!  I'll be spot on with my plan between now and then.  That is the 'easy' part.  My problem is May 13.  I have to have something beyond that.  Something bigger than a date on the calendar.  I know from experience that I need more.  I just haven't put my finger on it yet.

For now, I'm enjoying the motivation that the wedding brings and maybe by the time May 13 arrives, I'll have hit upon something else that is more far reaching and sustainable than a date on a calendar.  I'm open to suggestion.

BTW, since I made the change that Sharon suggested, I haven't had any more of those spam comments.  I hope the changes don't make it to difficult for me to get the comments I really want.  Please let me know if anyone is having trouble.  I don't want that.

Comment Spam

Nothing to say about weight loss just yet.  It is a little too early yet.  Instead, enjoy the humor of some of my 'comments' lately.

I've been getting a lot of spam comments again.  I mean like 8 or 9 several times a day.  Most of the time, I don't even look at them.  I recognize them right away and mark them as spam.  Today, I decided to share a few.  No sense in me having all of the fun alone.

"Write more, that is all I have to say.  Literally, it seems like you relied on video to make your point.  You obviously know what you are talking about, why throw away your intelligence on just posting videos to your site when you could be giving us something enlightening to read.  My website...
 

What????  Has anyone seen a video on my site at all?  I hardly even post pictures.  (I do feel a little bad about that when I see so many well done blogs with pictures.  But that is another discussion.)  At least the grammar is OK.

How about this little gem:

"Thank you for the good writeup.  If truth be told was once a leisure account it.  Look advanced to far introduced agreeable from you!  By the way...
 

Um, I don't understand that at all.  Most are more like the later rather than the former.  Apparently written with the aid of a translator.  From my limited knowledge of how to explore these things, they are coming from South Africa.  I don't know what it is about my blog that is attracting this kind of traffic.  I know it is not that compelling.

I'm not about to be a free source of advertisement for these folks.  I've not clicked on any of the links to the websites mentioned at the end of each 'comment' for fear of what is really there.  So, I laugh at them and move on.

I did upgrade my security and change my password since  they'd suddenly become so prolific.  It seemed the prudent thing to do.

 

Spring Break

Hello!  I didn't mean to leave my blog hanging, flapping in the breeze like I did.  I especially did not mean to disappear on a negative note like I did.  But, I did.  We all know that we can't plan life, so stuff like that happens from time to time.  I'm not in a bad place and did not disappear because I couldn't face my blog.  On the contrary, I was out living it up.

Last week was 65MD's spring break.  We agreed to do a stay-cation this year for a variety of very good reasons.  We had in mind to push along a couple of home improvement projects and take a day trip or two.  I thought I'd be dropping in here and there all week, so I didn't mention it.  We got caught up in our week, and the dropping in didn't happen.

Another thing that didn't happen was meal planning.  I did not count calories, carbs, fat grams or anything else like that.  We spent the whole week doing what we wanted when we wanted including eating.  We slept until we woke up, went to bed when we were tired and ate when we got hungry.  It was wonderful.  It was just what I needed to clear my head.

Don't misunderstand.  We did not pig out.  We simply ate what was on hand when we got hungry and did not worry about how many fruit servings we'd had for the day.  I did continue to weigh daily.  My weight fluctuated but not wildly.  I think this is what maintenance will look like one day.  I'll buy good, nutritious food and eat it when I'm hungry. 

It is a simple concept, but one that has been hard for me to implement because for so many years, I was on a diet or not on a diet.  I was eating well or pigging out.  There was no such thing as moderation.  Now, I know I can do it.  Now, I know that once I get to goal, I'll know how to manage myself.  Maybe that was an unrecognized fear that I needed to work through.  We'll find out soon enough.

For now, I'm back with my plan and on line.  I'll keep my progress posted as I slip down the scales.

Happy Anniversary NOT

Over the weekend, I let two anniversaries pass without noting them on this blog.  The weekend marked 4  years since I started this particular weight loss journey and three years since I started this blog.  I knew they were coming.  I didn't just let them sneak up on me and not acknowledge them. 

In fact, for some time, I was mentally writing my "Happy Anniversary to Me!" post.  The one where I extol the virtues of weight loss.  The one where I list innumerable things that are better in my life now than three or four years ago.  The one where I cheer for myself.  The one where I offer words of wisdom and encouragement to everyone else still struggling.  Only I didn't.

I couldn't.  It felt like a fraud.  It felt like a great big lie to celebrate the loss of 50 pounds when I had lost 90 pounds.  It was only two short years ago, that I was less than 20 pounds from my goal weight. for heaven's sake!  But, I have spent the last couple of weeks as though I am trying to set a record as to the number of times one individual can cross between 199 and 200 pounds!  It seems like a con of epic proportion.

I'm still trying.  But boy am I frustrated.  There is no reason for the stall.  There is no drama in my life.  There is nothing to keep me from eating on plan.  In fact, most of the time I am totally on plan.  The little jaunts off plan seem minor at the time.  A bite of dark chocolate is really a healthy choice, right?  How about 3 bites?  How about 10?  When does it move from being a healthy indulgence to cheating?  I think that is my problem now.  I 'cheat' on plan.  I've found the loopholes and I slip through them.

I'm not letting this happen again.  One way or another, I'll be at my goal weight in March 2014.  Once I get there, I'm staying.  I'm tired of this.

A Happy Surprise

February didn't end like I wanted it to as far as my weight was concerned.  I had a good month overall and got down to 197.6 on February 22.  I was in the groove and felt good until that last week.  Then things just fell apart and for no good reason.  I ended the month at 199.0.  I was letting the last week of the month color the whole month.  I was writing off February and telling myself to start fresh now and not let a bad month mess me up.

I realized this morning that I hadn't taken my measurements in several weeks.  I almost skipped it because I didn't want to be upset by the fact that my measurements hadn't changed.  I decided that denial was not a good idea.  I needed to face the facts and move forward so I bit the bullet and got the tape measure.

I was fully prepared to note the same numbers from the beginning of February.  Imagine then my surprise when the first measurement I took was smaller and it was my neck!  I was certain that the tape measure had been turned over and I was reading the wrong side so I tried again and got the same number.  That was good, but I wasn't convinced yet.  I moved down and measured my bust.  Smaller too.  WOW.  Over and over I measured myself and I was smaller, except for my arms which stayed the same.

For the month of February I lost 4.75 inches all over my body!  Yahoo.  That was just the encouragement I needed to realize that February was a good month.  I let less than two pounds the last week of the month color my whole month, when, in fact,  February was a better month than January when it was measured with the tape measure.  In January, I lost 4.5 inches which was great.  But in February I squeezed off 4.75.  Considering that February shorter than January by three days, that makes the success even sweeter.

I think I have my head on straight now for March.  I'll continue to lose pounds and inches and have an even better report on April 1. 

Welcome March!

February is finally over!  I am thrilled.  Even though it is snowing as I type this, and we have the worst winter storm of the year in the forecast for the weekend, I don't care.  It is March.

I'm still rocking along with my plan.  I've just about squeezed off the regain of the weekend.  I feel like I'm in a good place mentally with the weight loss.  So, I don't really have much to say.  I was just going to show up for a quick check in and then I found these questions on Staci's blog.  I decided to let that serve as my post for today.

1. What state were you born in? Tennessee
2. Do you know any foreign languages fluently? Nope
3. What materialistic gift would you really love to receive from someone who loves you? an extended vacation with him
4. Coffee or Coke (diet or regular, any flavor)? Coke, I never developed a taste for coffee
5. What is your middle name, even if it's embarrassing? Sue, a good southern name!
6. What is a childhood memory you have, good or bad? I loved going to my paternal grandmother's house and calling my cousins the minute we got there.  We had a blast together.
7. What is a dorky clothing trend you remember from growing up? knee socks with khaki skirts and a monogrammed sweater
8. Is there a name of a kid who you just couldn't stand (presently or growing up) that has given you an aversion to that particular name? yes
9. Did you play a sport growing up? No!  I was a major klutz, still am
10. Would you rather read or dance? Read, see above
11. Which is a staple to you - lipstick or mascara? lipstick, particularly red lipstick!