Coupled with that, is I'm not doing well weight-wise. For the month of August I lost 1.2 pounds. That is the truth. On August 1 I weighed 208.4 and on August 31 I weighed 207.2 for a loss of 1.2 pounds. The whole truth is, I lost 6.6 pounds, regained 7.2 and managed to squeeze back down 1.8 to eek out a loss for the month.
I don't like it. I don't like admitting that I am not doing well. Denial is a huge factor in that. If I don't talk about it maybe I can fix it before I say anything. Perfectionism is creeping in there too. Confessing less than stellar results does not make me happy.
Then, there is a tendency on my part (and I think it is a good one for the most part) to try to put things in a positive light. It helps me keep a more positive outlook on life. I don't want to give that up, but trying to keep casting everything in the most positive way possible skews the image. It makes me seem fake and unrealistic. Who wants to reach out to someone that always has everything together? It is intimidating.
I want to help everyone traveling down this same path. I want to offer the wisdom of the lessons I've learned the hard way to save others the trouble. I can't do that by appearing to have it all together. I don't And I won't for a long time! I'm just doing the best I can with what I have.
Right now, the best I can is hobbling around the house. There will be no meaningful exercise until PT after surgery. That means that food intake has to be carefully controlled. My expectations for weight loss are just lose what I can. I am incredibly disappointed that I was so close to 199.8 and let it slip away.
I am trying to be completely honest with my situation and my feelings, yet still trying to remain positive. I know this pain won't last forever.
pain makes it difficult to be positive darlin, but nothing can keep you down for long it's just not who you are! keep your eyes focused firmly on that bright side and in that vein a loss for the month is a loss under difficult conditions. we now weigh the same 207 I've been there for the whole month no loss no gain eating whatever I want but it has proven to me I CAN maintain and nor regain eating normal foods........there's my "bright" side! sending healing prayers your way. just hang in there it's almost over!
ReplyDeleteYikes....I'm sorry to hear that you are having a rough time of it. When people don't post I worry about where they are. So here is my words. You write what you want on your blog. Don't worry about being an inspiration......you write for YOU....and inspiration will come naturally. I use my blog as my accountability and there are more days/weeks/months and yes years than I care to admit where I"m not doing well and just writing to 'hold my place'. Keep your head up!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI may be totally off here, but I was wondering if you have ever had actual "success" with hCG or is it just a temporary fix and then the weight always creeps back up pretty fast? I ask that because if losing slowly but steadily is less of a downer to you than losing really fast and then gaining weight back as you start eating normally again, then just think on that and choose slow and steady over the pregnancy hormone/strict low-cal option. I know I would be majorly bummed to see a low # on the scale and then pop back up there quickly. But you may have experienced true success with hCG in the past. I don't think I've read your blog back far enough to know that. I can only imagine how down you are with living in pain every day. That is a majorly depressing thing! I pray that surgery day gets here as quickly as it can possibly seem to come. I've missed your posts! (((((huge hugs)))))
ReplyDeleteThe first time I used hcg was the only time I had real weight loss success. I kept my weight down for several years, but never got to a very unrealistic goal weight. (117 lbs!) Eventually, I gave up and over the course of time my weight crept back up. So, I know the hcg can work. I also know that when I stop I will have a bounce of a few pounds no matter what. I think it is more of a rehydration than true weight gain. I've always told myself that I'd need to lose 2 or 3 pounds below my maintenance weight to feel successful . (Silly, I know.)
DeleteThanks for asking. Please keep on asking. I am always amazed that my readers see things that I don't in my posts. I'm glad when they open my eyes to what I can't/won't/don't see.
Lori
I forgot to come back and look for a reply from you! Wow, 117 was probably my birth weight! LOL, jk. You WILL get back to losing again. You're enduring a lot right now, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I think it's great that you aren't packing on lots of pounds!
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