Coupled with that, is I'm not doing well weight-wise. For the month of August I lost 1.2 pounds. That is the truth. On August 1 I weighed 208.4 and on August 31 I weighed 207.2 for a loss of 1.2 pounds. The whole truth is, I lost 6.6 pounds, regained 7.2 and managed to squeeze back down 1.8 to eek out a loss for the month.
I don't like it. I don't like admitting that I am not doing well. Denial is a huge factor in that. If I don't talk about it maybe I can fix it before I say anything. Perfectionism is creeping in there too. Confessing less than stellar results does not make me happy.
Then, there is a tendency on my part (and I think it is a good one for the most part) to try to put things in a positive light. It helps me keep a more positive outlook on life. I don't want to give that up, but trying to keep casting everything in the most positive way possible skews the image. It makes me seem fake and unrealistic. Who wants to reach out to someone that always has everything together? It is intimidating.
I want to help everyone traveling down this same path. I want to offer the wisdom of the lessons I've learned the hard way to save others the trouble. I can't do that by appearing to have it all together. I don't And I won't for a long time! I'm just doing the best I can with what I have.
Right now, the best I can is hobbling around the house. There will be no meaningful exercise until PT after surgery. That means that food intake has to be carefully controlled. My expectations for weight loss are just lose what I can. I am incredibly disappointed that I was so close to 199.8 and let it slip away.
I am trying to be completely honest with my situation and my feelings, yet still trying to remain positive. I know this pain won't last forever.