Total Weight Loss

Thursday, October 1, 2015

Here We Go, Again!

I saw the surgeon yesterday for a one year follow up on my right hip replacement.  To the day, it was one year when I had surgery.  He was very pleased with the way my right hip has healed.  He even used the word 'perfect' to describe it.  That made me very happy.

He x-rayed my left hip as well since it has been bothering me off and on for most of the year since the right replacement.  He told me in the spring that the left hip had the same deformity and would eventually need to be replaced.  I was hoping to make it until January because I don't like January & February.  It would be fine with me to feel worse than dirt for those months. (not really fine, but better than in the summer)

But, the best laid plans, as we all know, don't always work out.  The x-ray showed that my left hip had 'collapsed.'  I wasn't surprised to hear that something like that happened.  About three weeks ago, I was standing up and it popped.  It hurt.  It hasn't stopped hurting at some level ever since.  

The pain medicine beats it back some but not completely.  I can hobble around and get things done that are necessary but not everything I'd like to do.  It has been longer than I want to think about since my house has been actually clean.  I keep the clutter and crumbs beat back, but the dust is piling up, especially in the bedroom where the new floor is being installed.  I don't even go back there most days.

Anyway, the only treatment for a collapsed hip is replacement and it is a bit more urgent.  So, I am scheduled for replacement on October 20.

On the one hand, I am so ready to get this behind me that I am OK with the escalated date.  On the other hand, the memories of how hard it was are still too fresh and I really don't want to go through that again.  The full truth is, I am fearful that even this won't help.  Even though the doctor said that my right hip was fine, it still hurts from time to time.  I'm hoping that is just because I'm favoring my left hip and putting too much stress on it.  

Being in pain for years, literally, years makes me wonder if I will ever be pain free again. I see people walking and am envious that they appear to be walking with ease and pain free.  Will that ever be me again?  Or, will I wind up in a wheelchair?

No one, not even the surgeon, who knows my weight because I weighed at his office yesterday, has said that if I lose weight it will help.  No one.  Still, we all know that losing any amount of weight will help.  I had finally gotten into a routine, however pitiful with the Wii and my eating that my weight was finally slipping down.  Now, I see all of that struggle to lose 10 lbs about to go up in smoke.  I hate it.  

I know that once I heal (if I heal) I can get back to the Wii or maybe even actual exercise and lose weight again.  I'm tired of losing the same pounds over and over.

I guess the bottom line is, I'm scared.  Scared of the surgery, scared of the recovery, scared that nothing will be fixed or even improved in the long run, and scared of becoming the fat old lady in a wheelchair.

11 comments:

  1. First of all I'll be praying for you as you face this next challenge of the surgery and recovery! I'll be praying for peace for you as you move through the days leading up to this surgery and I will be praying for wisdom as the surgeon completes the operation.

    The fears....kick them in the teeth. They are just the devil trying to undermine the power of the prayers that are already being spoken and thought in your behalf!
    So you are on restricted exercise for a bit. Keep your food in check. Track that stuff and you CAN maintain this 10 pound loss...and that my friend will be an AWESOME victory!

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    1. Thank you so much for the prayers and the encouragement. I need both so much right now.
      Lori

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  2. I understand those nagging fears, all too well. You just have to keep them at bay. Don't let your mind go to that dark place. It will suck you into a dark hole that is very hard to get out of. I believe you will be in a better place by Christmas/New Year. Think of it. A New Year and a new hip! I think you will be taking up ballroom dancing soon! I will be thinking of you. And saying a prayer.

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    1. I know you understand better than anyone about those fears. It makes a hip replacement seem minor.

      I hope you are right about being better by the end of the year. I still remember feeling rough about that time with the last surgery. However, I had a completely different set of expectations. I think with more a more realistic idea of how this goes, I will take it easier on myself and as a result feel better sooner.

      Thanks for your prayers. I need that.
      Lori

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  3. Wow! That happened really quickly! My Mother had both hips replaced and I remember between them, she had a lot of problems but once she'd had the second one done, there was no stopping her.

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    1. Thank you for sharing that. It makes me feel better.
      Lori

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  4. Oh, Lori! A lady at my church had such trouble and pain with a knee replacement that she wouldn't allow the doctor to do the other. I think your fears are totally normal! Even though that will be painful, so will a collapsed hip left alone. You have no choice except to face the surgery with your brave face and take the road to recovery. I know you thought your other hip would never heal, but it has! It finally happened. Think of how many fake ball games you will win with TWO good hips! :) Haha I'll be praying for you!!!

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    1. I have no choice, if I want to walk normally. It is my only chance at being pain free.

      Thank you for your prayers. I need them.
      Lori

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  5. first BIG hugs! now you stop that nonsense immediately. it's fear talking and you KNOW you can do this cause you have done it! there's not a single reason it shouldn't be successful. you're in my prayers as always!

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    1. Oh Timothy, I miss you!! Thank you for your encouragement and prayers.

      I hope all is well with you.
      Lori

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  6. Lori, my thoughts are with you for the 20th and every positive vibe I can muster is winging your way with a big Zen hug. Here's to a successful outcome and freedom from pain.

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