On Friday, I threw an amazing pity party for one. I knew I was exaggerating my perceived short comings, but I just didn't have it in me to stop the madness. 65MD fixed my shoe laces saying that they hadn't caught in there properly when he snapped it shut and it wasn't my fault they came apart. He's a good man.
On Saturday, I woke up feeling a bit fragile still, hung over from all the whine of the evening before. 65MD wanted to go to the store to get the last of the things we needed for the floor, like grout and baseboard. I put my shoes on all by myself and didn't break anything - shoes or me! It took a LONG time, but I managed. I wore my shoes to the store. They felt fine, but the warehouse store had concrete floors and everyone within 100 mile radius of the store was there. It took forever. By the time we left, I was feeling it. (BTW, the whole floor has been dry fitted!)
Even though things were better on Saturday, I didn't do my best eating. It wasn't off the charts horrible. It was my 'on plan' cheating. I was really wanting dill pickles. So, I grilled some hot dogs - burned them black, I love them that way. I grilled the whole package. There were only 8 and 65MD wanted some to. I thought we'd each have two and then have the rest for another time. I ate two without bread but with lots of mustard and dill pickles. They were yummy. I was struggling with eating a third one, when 65MD grabbed another. So, I couldn't allow him to eat alone, so I had another one as well. It was protein and no carbs, so it wasn't awful. Yet, I know that three hot dogs even though that is all I ate was just too much.
I woke up Sunday morning unable to make a fist my hands were so swollen. My ring finger on my left hand looked like a little sausage where my wedding band was pressing in. So, once again, I determined to make Sunday a better day. I did.
We went out to lunch and I made a good choice there, but even so, restaurant meals have more calories than home prepared and they're sneaky about sodium too. I did fine until I wanted ice cream for supper so I ate it. Since nothing is truly off limits, then that wasn't cheating and I didn't have to polish of everything else sweet in the house.
Yesterday, was spot on. Therapy in the morning and my big meal at lunch just as planned. Today is on track for being the same. I've had a good breakfast and plan to break out the Wii this afternoon. Baby steps to actually going to the gym. I think I just need to go, even if it is only for 5 minutes. I feel like once I get that first trip done, it won't seem so intimidating.
So my focus is on my success:
*I got my shoes on all by myself
*I made a good choice while eating out.
*I ate ice cream without binging after
*I still have not had one slice left over of Easter cake
*I had a spot on day yesterday
*So far today is spot on as well
I am focusing on the success, and acknowledging areas for improvement. I am trying hard to learn to enjoy the process and not obsess about the results. I have added a sentence to that end in my daily affirmation. I think I need to come up with some rewards for reaching the 'process' goals. Something like a manicure when I've been to the gym 5 times or a pedicure when I've done therapy 10 times. Those thoughts are still forming.