Kind & Gentle

I'm still battling the crud here, but it isn't as bad as yesterday.  I really slammed the water and vitamin C yesterday.  I'm sure that didn't hurt and maybe it helped.  I'm doing the same thing today.

The crud has taken my appetite away.  I'm going with it.  I am trying to really pay attention to my body and give it what it needs.  As a result, I have slipped to a new low weight!

I got to my pre-op weight several days ago.  I didn't mention it because my body has this uncanny ability to know when I announce reaching a milestone and the very next day, I have a bounce up!  I am taking a major risk sharing this now.  

Just like Tuesday, when I announced 2016 was the year of health, I started getting sick!! Yesterday, I slogged through the day hardly doing my workout I had just outlined.

Maybe there is another lesson here.  Maybe I'm learning that this is how life works.  Just like my recovery wasn't a straight line from surgery to well, but had lots of ups & downs along the way, so is everything in life.  Nobody told me to suck it up and push through when I was tired and wanted to rest after surgery.  I was never told I needed to have more willpower or that I needed to make better choices.  Not once!  Nope, everyone around me was kind and gentle.  I was determined to do my best with therapy but even then, there were times when it just wasn't happening.  That was OK with me and those around me.  We just tried again later.

I need to apply those same principles to other areas of my life, namely weight loss.  Odds are, my weight will go up again.  I can't freak out.  I need to be gentle with myself and move on to the next meal/workout and do my best.  I think I can do that.

Good Grief!

Yesterday, my post was full of vim and vigor.  I was ready to conquer the world.  I took some time to really think about goals for 2016 and how my days would have to look to accomplish those goals.  I wrote it down in a very different manner than has been my norm.  I listed that each day I would accomplish certain things, but not at 8:00 am to this and on to the next thing.  This time, I left all of that out.  To me, that feels like a great accomplishment.

I did a similar thing with milestones.  Much like I mentioned in yesterday's post, I will add more Wii as therapy decreases.  As I grow stronger the work out will grow more intense, but other than 30 days minimum of therapy, there is no date listed.  Nothing that says my goal is to bellydance by June 1.  Bellydancing is there, but the goal is when I am strong enough.  I feel good about this new way of goal setting.  It feels much more doable since there is plenty of room for grace.

BUT, as great as I felt yesterday, I feel rotten today.  As we were eating last night, I began to feel achy and tired.  I took some Tylenol.  Still, by bedtime, I knew it was coming.  I woke up in the night with full on crud.  (TMI-my sinuses were draining so, I thought my nose was bleeding!)

Yesterday, my biggest irritation was not being able to load the cake pictures.  Today, it is having to stop every three minutes to cough up a lung!  BTW, I haven't given up on posting the pictures.  I just don't feel like messing with it now.  I will share a funny story instead.

Yesterday, as I was working on the aforementioned goals/plan for 2016, I decided to take a little break and scroll through facebook.  I have a friend that always ends her status updates with the scripture reference Proverbs 31:25.  That references the chapter about the virtuous woman.  I couldn't remember specifically that verse, so I went to biblegateway.com to quickly look it up.  I accidentally put in Proverbs 13:25.  Look them up in NIV and then laugh in the comments.

Ah, Freedom!

Sweet Freedom!!  Last week I was released from outpatient therapy and started driving.  It is amazing how much better I feel now.  It is because I am free from the idea that I am recovering.  Although I am not 100% recovered; I am 90% to 95% there.  I can do just about anything I want to now.  That last 5% to 10% will be slow and probably unnoticeable.  One day, I'll just realize that I'm fully back.

I have little bits of recognition now and then of how it will be.  I'll stand up and realize that I didn't push off from anything.  Or, I'll carry something like the laundry basket through the house without concern.  On the other hand, sometimes I realize that I'm swinging my body to walk rather than my leg or I'll get too tired too fast.  In time, I won't even realize that I've carried the laundry basket, and I'll walk by swinging my hip and never give it a thought.

For now, I have my exercises to do at home.  I am do to them every day for a month and then every other day for as long as I feel like I need to.  I am supplementing that with the Wii.  (my golf game is better now that I'm swinging my hips but baseball is not going so well???)  As I continue to recover, and the therapy exercises wane, I'll add more Wii.  I'll move on to Walk Away the Pounds and my long awaited belly dancing!  All of that can be done indoors so I don't have to be worried about bad weather.  When spring arrives, I should be ready to walk outside.  65MD and I are also discussing buying a treadmill or exercise bike.  We won't until the floors are finished.

I'm getting back into the groove with drinking water and eating as well.  I'm on target to hit it hard January 1.  I am declaring 2016 the year of good health for me!

And since I know everyone wants to know about my niece's birthday party and the bouncy house...it did not work out so well.  It was lower than I felt comfortable crawling in to, because I wasn't sure how to get out..  There was an edge outside of the netting.  I decided to sit on it and bounce.  (I was cleared by my therapist to sit so I wasn't cheating!)  I sank much further than anticipated.  The weight limit was 250 lbs so that wasn't the issue.  The age limit was 8 as my nephew pointed out. So I'm going with that rather than my hips as to why I could not get back up.  I was getting worried that someone would have to pry me up with a crow bar!  I got up with much rocking to get some momentum and 65MD risking rupturing his hernia completely by pulling with all his might!

Anyway, the party was delightful.  My niece had an absolute blast.  All she wanted to do was jump.  She had to be coaxed into opening her gifts.  She loved the Elsa/Anna cake, but only ate a bite or two because she wanted to jump!  It turned out so well, 65MD was afraid she'd cry when it was cut, but she didn't.  I tried to attach a few shots, but I can't get my iPod to cooperate.  I'll keep working on it.

My Current Roller Coaster Ride

Since my last post I've been up and down the roller coaster a few times.  I want to share a couple of humorous ones and one that is a little more serious.

First the Wii:  I've been getting back on the Wii.  I've made it three days in row now.  I'm not really trying to set any records, or workout for a specific time, or get my heart in the target range.  I am just trying to establish the habit of getting some sort of workout done each day.  That may sound strange knowing that I have gotten a good workout in therapy since surgery.  Somehow, in my mind, therapy=sick.  Healthy people don't have to go to therapy - at least not to me.

So, back to the Wii and then on to something a little more challenging at the first of the year.  The roller coaster part?  The first day I got on the Wii and did the body test, my center of balance was almost exactly 50/50.  It was something like 49.5/50.5.  I, obviously, took note of that.  The surgery did its job.  I was no longer listing to the right!

This morning, I was so badly out of balance that I had to position myself in the blue dot.  Anyone with a Wii should try leaning to one side during the body test to see what I mean.

As I said, this really wasn't upsetting.  I've had two very good days in a row.  Last night was a little hard and my left thigh is bothering me a bit.  It is part of recovery and will just happen sometimes. 

Then the Scales:  So, we all know about this one!!  I am so very close to getting to my pre-op weight, less than I pound.  I've been mentally rehearsing that blog post for a few days now.  Everyday, I wake up and think this is the day.  Yesterday, my weight shot up over a pound.  Today, I'm about half a pound away.  Again, I shrug that off.    I'm not consistent yet with my eating or water intake.  I don't expect much.  BUT, 65MD decided on Monday that he wanted to lose 10 pounds.  He weighed last night and has lost 5!  I accused him of putting his hand on the wall or something!  Nope.  Five pounds gone!  It is just not fair.

Finally 65MD:  As much as I wanted to be mad at 65MD, I couldn't.  He can't help it that men lose faster than women.  Besides, without him, there is no telling where I'd be right now.  Not just related to recovering from hip replacement but all of life, quite frankly.  It is the reason he felt compelled to lost weight.  He has an umbilical hernia.  He's had it since I've known him.  Until a few weeks ago, it was quite small.  His doctor told him at his annual exam, in the fall,  that it was probably time to go ahead and schedule something.  He didn't.  My hip collapsed.  I got surgery and he's still waiting.  (Actually, he is actively trying to schedule it for the break between semesters.)  This is much more distressing for me.  The hernia has gotten larger.  It is clear to see.  He insists that it has nothing to do with practically lugging me around for the past 6 weeks.  I don't agree.  Plus, if that thing were to become strangulated, we'll be facing emergency surgery rather than scheduled surgery.  So, in our household, there isn't much going on.  I've halted the flooring.  Those boxes of tiles are heavy.  We'll not get out the massive amount of Christmas decorations this year.  He certainly isn't carrying the tree up from the basement.  (I might get my nephew to do that.  I'm not a total Scrooge!)

The first two, don't bother me at all.  They are just examples of the ups and downs of everyday life.  The third is too, but it is much harder for me to take.  I want off that part of the roller coaster ride, please.

On Roller Coasters

I love a good roller coaster.  In fact, give me a thrill ride any time.  At an amusement park, I'm always up for the fastest, scariest ride in the park.  This comes as no surprise, I'm sure, to those who know me in real life, and those readers who have been with me from the beginning, since skydiving was the reason I lost weight to begin with. A few years ago, 65MD and I bought wristbands allowing us unlimited rides when the fair came to down.  I left him in the dust after about the second or third ride.  He got an upset stomach from one and had to sit down.  I, on the other hand, would go ride something and then go check on him!  I'd do it again, except for the part about 65MD getting nauseated from the rides.  

My niece is turning 3 in a few weeks and she's getting a bouncy house at her party.  I am determined to bounce in it!  Her mother is dubious as is my therapist.  So, my therapy is now working on balance and stability.  At this point, I can get in the house and lay down if no one else in there!  I have three more sessions to work up to standing and then actually jumping.  The fear, of course, is falling and hurting someone or damaging fragile, hardly healed tissues.  I don't want that at all, so I will be smart when the time comes.

As much as I enjoy the excitement of roller coaster rides, it is only those in the park I enjoy.  I do NOT like the roller coaster rides life doles out.    Right now I'm on a recovery roller coaster.

Monday, was a great day.  It was a real glimpse of what life could be like in a few months.  I wasn't 100% pain free, but I felt good.  I felt like I could do whatever I wanted.  I knew the feeling wouldn't last, and tried to pace myself and temper my feelings.  It was/is hard to do.  When I finally felt good, I wanted to conquer the world.  Part of me wanted to strike while the iron was hot because I knew the feeling wouldn't last.  The other part wanted to preserve the good feeling by taking it a little more slowly.  I don't think either side 'won' the battle.

Tuesday came and I felt bad again.  I had pain in the incision site, my muscles were sore like I'd done some crazy workout routine (I'd had therapy), my stomach was upset (side effect from medicine) and I was freezing!  It was made all the worse by the day I'd had on Monday.  I knew what it felt like to feel good and knew it was within my grasp, just not then.  It is frustrating to say the least.

Today, is shaping up to be more like Monday.  My incision hurts but at a low level.  I can take this pain.  It is nothing like what I've been through and I know it is temporary.  It is a wound that is going to take time to heal.

As I was going to sleep last night, I started thinking about how all of life is like a roller coaster ride.  There are peaks and valleys.  Sometimes, the valleys are deep and last longer than we want and the peaks can be all to fleeting.  This is true in weight loss, relationships, work and everything else.  It is life.  I, for one, have got to figure out a way to enjoy life's roller coaster as much as I do the ones at the park.