I Have Collarbones!

This is me holding a friends new baby.

I don't know why the thing keeps showing up sideways on the blog when it is right on my screen!  Sorry, see if tilting your head works.  I promise I have collarbones.

The Dress

My mother is making my dress for my sister's wedding, as my other sister and I are her attendants.  Since I am busy making cake, my mother agreed to make my dress.  She has some mad skilz when it comes to dressmaking.  Initially when I gave her my measurements, I pulled the tape a little tight to accommodate for weight loss since the wedding was still a couple of months away.  The pattern was unusual in that it had international sizes and measurements.  Even though it had inches as well as centimeters, the sizes didn't make sense.  So she just cut out the dress using her vast experience.  At the initial fitting, the dress fit perfectly.  It was indeed tailor made just for me.  Mad skilz, I say, mad skilz. 

I was a little disappointed that it fit so well because I was losing weight and told her so.  I encouraged her to nip it here and there and she did.  The second fitting, it once again fit perfectly, even though I had lost weight.  She was convinced it would fit fine, although I knew I was still losing.  I felt like I was in the zone with my weight loss and the dress would be too big by the wedding day.  I didn't stress that quite enough however.

Last night I went for the final fitting, the only thing left was to mark the hem.  The dress was WAY too big.  I felt sorry for my mother because she was going to have to take the entire bodice apart and cut it down by at least two inches.  (The skirt is not fitted so it won't matter how much I lose below the waist.)  We were both shocked by the change in my body.  She joked that I was not allowed to lose any more weight between now and the wedding because she would not have time to rework the dress again.  I told her to nip it just a little more than she thinks necessary because I wasn't making any promises.  :)

207 Miles!!!

I am at 207 miles for the year.  I was a walking wonder woman last week.  We had a great week weather-wise last week, except for rain Thursday, and I did my best to make the most of it.  The temperature has moderated a bit to more typical this time of year, but I still expect this week to be another great walking week.

Work continues to be a difficult place to be and my sisters wedding is looming large on the horizon.  The good thing about being so insanely busy, is that I have zero time to fret about what I'm going to eat, or how much.  I have my meals prepped and ready to go.  I eat what is on the plan when it is time and I move on, and that is that.

The other good news is I reached a new low weight for the year last week!  I'm not quite to my low weight so far on this journey.  I hope to be able to report that I'm below that when I give the specifics on April 1.  I'll update my little ticker then too.  I'm excited about how close she is to the end.

Transitions

We are going through some major transitions at work.  Yes, that is plural, not a typo.  These changes are going to be long and hard.  In the end, however, I believe things will be better.  So, why am I discussing this on a weight loss blog?

Because not once in this whole time, have I thought "Boy, I need a cookie!" or "I think a lot of ice cream would make me feel better."  No, "I've had a hard day, I deserve something good to eat."  I will admit to hitting the diet cherry limeade pretty hard, but to me that is a wholly different thing.  Especially if the whole artificial sweetener thing is ignored, as I am doing now!

Funny thing is, I hadn't realized that until this afternoon.  I was discussing the latest development with another member of the management team and felt myself getting antsy to walk.  The sun was shining, I knew it was warm and I needed to walk a lap or two... or three...  I needed to clear my head.  Even funnier thing is, as the conversation drew to a close, he said he thought I needed a walk!  He's a very perceptive man.  He's a mental health specialist. 

It made me so happy to hear his comment.  I knew he was recognizing my new found stress reliever.  As I walked, I realized that I hadn't turned to food in my stress.  In fact, food has really moved down the list of concerns for me.  I eat what I'm supposed to eat, when I'm supposed to eat it and I move on.  Believe me, I have other concerns!!

Now, please do me a favor and don't tell anyone OK?  As soon as word gets out that I'm doing well, I go do something stupid.  And, if I do have to come back in a day or two and confess a slushie instead of a diet cherry limeade, please don't be too harsh with me.

Monday Mileage

Today has started out as a Monday all the way around!!

The good news is I am up to 183 miles.  Now is the time of year that I really expect to rack up the mileage.

I'll have to 'chat' more later.  I need to get back to addressing MONDAY!!!

Hello

I haven't had much to say lately, so I haven't blogged.  I've been going to work, coming home, eating on plan and walking.  It gets a little boring for the blog world, but it is just the way I like it.  I don't have any profound thoughts or grand announcements to discuss.  I do have a funny story, however.

On days that it is suitable (not raining) I walk laps around the parking lot at work.  Most everyone knows and applauds my efforts.  One coworker in particular told me that my laps brought about a childhood memory.  One of the techniques his father employed for discipline was to have him and/or his siblings walk laps around the house to atone for their childhood infractions.  Now when he sees me strolling around the parking lot, he has flashbacks and wonders what I did to have to walk laps!

I know what I did.  I ate too much of the wrong stuff.  That's what I did.  I'm learning my lesson just like he did.

Monday Mileage

As of the end of the day yesterday, I have just over 165 miles.  I can't believe how much I have enjoyed this challenge.  I love being a part of the team spirit at work, and in blogland.  I've not really done anything like this IRL.  I'm glad I finally summoned the courage and did so.

This challenge has changed me in ways that I did not expect.  Of course, I entered in to it expecting weight loss.  Why, on earth, would I do so otherwise?!?  What I've gotten, in addition to a few pounds gone, is a new approach to goals and challenges.  I love it. 

I love the way this challenge has changed and morphed as it needs to.  In the past, and the way I started, was to calculate the exact number of miles and then steps required each day to meet 1000 miles.  I realized that wasn't going to work and set mini goals throughout the day.  Then I had the Monday issue I discussed earlier.  Now I recognize that on the weekends I'm not meeting my goal at all.  I'm not pouring over my spreadsheet looking for trends.  Instead, I feel it and then confirm or deny the feeling with the spreadsheet.

Initially, I felt like I would easily get in my steps/miles on any given Saturday.  I am up and about during the day doing laundry, grocery shopping, etc.  I'm not tied to a desk all day like I am Monday through Friday.  I've been a little surprised each Saturday at bedtime when I'm short of my goal.  I even took a walk on Saturday trying to bump up the 'natural' steps.  It didn't work.

So, now I've come up with a new plan.  Monday through Friday my goal is to get enough steps to equal 3 miles or more.  Saturday and Sunday combined, my goal is to get 4 miles or more.  It will be a stretch, but I'm up for the challenge.

The old me would have felt a little embarrassed to change my method so many times already during the year.  I would have considered this some sort of failure on some level and I would not want to admit it.  Now I see that I am accepting reality and working to make the challenge doable with my life.  I'm even looking forward to the time when I can blog about getting to the goal described above and setting another one.  This is fun! 

Giving Myself a Break

As far back as I can remember, I've held myself to very high standards.  I was quite alright with this attitude for many years.  When I was told that I was holding myself to too high of a standard, but I didn't believe it.  Even when things didn't work out and others were proven right, I didn't believe them.  I would get down on myself and beat myself up over my shortcomings. But is was not due to too high of a standard!   Sometimes I would regroup and try again.  Other times I wouldn't.  I never, ever, ever took on a project without measuring my odds of success.  If success didn't seem like a lock, I wouldn't do it.  The adage 'just do your best' really didn't make sense to me.  Best was 100% and nothing less.  It seemed like a cop-out to me to hear someone say they'd done their best if they hadn't won.

On the other hand, if I recognized that someone else had given the task at hand everything they had and still came up short.  I was quite forgiving.  People have all sorts of very legitimate reasons for falling a little short of their goal.  It was/is reasonable and OK for that to happen to some folks some times.  I was never that generous with myself.  There was never a reason good enough, short of some dire situation that would prohibit me from not only reaching my goal, but exceeding it.

I now recognize the fallacy of that attitude.  I'm a little sad for some of the experiences I missed because failure loomed large so I wouldn't attempt it.  If on the first try at something I didn't feel like I did well, I quit.  How in the world did I think that would work?  I see now that no one does anything perfectly the first time out.  It takes practice and coaching to develop even a natural skill.

Now I'm giving myself breaks all over the place.  I have learned that I am so much happier.  Life is better when I don't have to control every last detail in order to 'win.'  Take the 1000 Mile Challenge as an example. Initially, I planned to walk just a little bit more than the 2.7 miles required each day.  I knew  that days would come when I wouldn't be able to get in the steps so I wanted to have some in the bank so to speak.  I was freaking myself out every day because I hadn't got even the minimum number of miles in, much less a little extra.

I realized that I was going to have to forgo the challenge for the sake of my sanity, or change my attitude about it.  I wasn't about to quit, so I had to change my way of thinking.  It hasn't been easy.  I have been coaching myself continually since making that decision.  At the same time, I feel such freedom and much more contentment with myself.  And...I've met my goals more often than not. 

For instance, on Mondays 65MD and I lead a support group after work.  There isn't any walking involved, nor or there opportunities to work in a few steps.  So, a few weeks ago, I decided that on Mondays it would be fine to get something less than 2.7 miles.  I wasn't going to kill myself trying to get in the mileage before the group and there wouldn't be time after.  I decided to be happy with what I got.  Guess what?  Ever since making that decision and deciding to 'just do my best' I have gotten 2.7 or more miles!  It is like when I gave myself freedom to fail (in my warped little mind), I also gave myself the ability to earn the reward.  Strange, strange stuff this mind of mine.  I'm not going to waste any time trying to figure it out.  Instead, I'm giving myself lots of latitude not to get in the miles!!!

Important Dates

March is an important month in my weight loss journey.  I had no idea in 2009 when I started to loose weight that I'd end up blogging about it but here I am.  On March 11, 2009 I recorded my weight for the first time in the soon to become very elaborate spreadsheet.  I weighed 254.4 lbs.  On March 5, 2010 I began this blog.  On that day I weighed 186.6. 

In the intervening years, I got down to as low as 164.  That was one pound below the goal my doctor originally set for me, but 19 pounds above my personal goal.  And, the goal I convinced my doctor was reasonable!  I have spent most of the time in the 170's.  I can't seem to get out and stay out of that 'decade.' 

I spent most of my 30's there, and I think my body is content there.  My mind is not.  I look good and I don't think people would define me by my weight now.  I believe that if someone were describing me to another who had never seen me, they would say "She has blond hair."  Or "She's short."  I may be deluding myself, but I don't think anyone would say, "She's heavy."

According to the BMI charts I am overweight around 177.  Over that I am obese.  Even at 145, I am just inside the parameter for normal weight.  I am no longer all wrapped up in those numbers.  I'd like to be in the normal range.  I will be in the normal range, and dad-gum-it I will see 145 on those scales.  I think I've moderated some though.  I said all along that my goal weight would be a range.  That idea is solidifying in my mind now.  If the scales read 147 more often than 143, oh well.  If I get to 145 and realize that is not sustainable or suitable for some other reason, I'll work with my doctor to find a weight that is.

I want that to happen sooner rather than later, but I may not get my wish.  I'll work as hard as I can to get there and understand these side journeys, these trips up & down the 170's are there for a reason.  I've grown a lot as a person these few years.  That is far more important than the last 20-30 pounds now.  And maybe even vital in the harder challenge--keeping it off.

Thanks for joining me on this journey.

Monday Mileage

As of the end of the day yesterday, I have just over 147 miles logged for 2012.  The cooler weather has returned so I won't be able to walk outside.  OK, maybe I'm able, but I still won't!!!  The temps are more the norm for this time of year, so I can't really complain.  I also know that as soon as the warmer weather arrives, I will be right out there.  I'll be making up mileage and getting ahead as much as possible all summer.  I can't wait!

A Sudden Change

Yesterday, due to the threat of severe weather our office closed at noon.  The storm was predicted to arrive at 2:00 CST, but didn't arrive until 4:00 to 4:30 in our area.  All that to say, I got home just after 12:00 and had a fabulous, spot on day with eating.  I found myself a little envious of my 'stay at home' friends.  I thought if I could stay at home, I could do so much better with my eating.  I wouldn't have to try and guess how hungry I might be or how much protein would satisfy me.  I could more easily use the hunger/fullness scale discussed in the book, and just be a little more in tune with my body and its cycles rather than the clock and the office cycles.  Alas, that isn't going to happen any time soon, so I'm thankful for little bright spots like yesterday.

As I said, I did great.  So, I was quite surprised by  the turn of events yesterday.  The bloating and belly distention that I mentioned yesterday continued in to the evening.  After the storm passed and we assessed the damage (which I'll mention at the end for those that care to read it), 65MD and I decided to watch  some netflix.  I made myself some peach flavored green tea and a nice little nest on the couch.  I settled in for some relaxation.  As I lay there, I had one hand resting on my tummy and I began to feel rumblings both internally and externally with my hand.  The rumblings got louder and louder.  We had to turn up the volume just to hear over that noise.

I won't get in to what happened next, it wasn't pretty.  I've never been lactose intolerant before.  I don't know if this is a normal occurrence after adding dairy back or if I've been mildly lactose intolerant all along and just didn't realize it.  It really doesn't matter, because I'm not doing that again!  I had already decided to find another probiotic.  This morning when the scales bounced up, it sealed the deal for me.  I can't do this anymore. 

I am sorely disappointed.  I really thought this was the way for me.  I might try again down the road away, but right now I have a wedding in my near future.  I can't be bloated for that.  I have some hcg so, I'm going to do that between now and the wedding.  I'll use this time to contemplate my next step.  It could be tweaking the 17 Day Diet a bit, or something else.  I don't know yet.


**Storm News**
We have golf ball sized hail pummel us for several minutes yesterday afternoon.  We spent some time in the basement (coal bunker) and emerged unharmed physically.  We lost two dining room windows since they are on the west side of the house; some guttering, which is scattered in tiny pieces all over the yard, and both cars are dented, along with the usual tree limbs down.  The only thing that makes me a little sad is that the shiny, freshly restored '65 Mustang got some dents from the hail.  Otherwise, I am extremely grateful.  Hearing those hailstones hit the house was a sound I don't want to hear again.  Here's a shot of some partially melted hail, along with a pen for perspective.

This & That

I've done well complying with the 17DD.  I've yet to give in to that craving for almonds.  My biggest issue has been getting in three cups of green tea.  So far, I've had one each day.  I mentioned to 65MD that I really wasn't fond of green tea, and had gotten a few ideas as to how to make it more palatable.  Adding a 'regular' tea bag seems to be the best option so far.

Ever the supportive husband, he went in search of other alternatives to assist me with enjoying the tea a little more.  He discovered that most folks add something to it.  And he also came home with three varieties of green tea for me to try.  I really, really appreciate the thoughtfulness of that gesture.  He wants me to be successful and he wants to help me get there.  I have got a great husband. I tell him that regularly, I also tell him what a great wife he has!  ;-)

I'm creeping down the scales and I'm trying to be satisfied with that.  I knew in my head that this would be slower than hcg, but my heart still secretly wanted to believe differently. As long as the scales move down, I'm fine.  If I'm making progress, I'm happy. 

I do have one concern though.  My belly is bloated.  I've got that pregnant look again.  I think it is the yogurt.  I didn't eat much dairy, mostly because it isn't a part of the hcg plan, and most of it I could take or leave.  I like yogurt, cheese, etc, but it never has been anything I crave.  When I cut it out for hcg, it was one of the easier things to leave behind.  I never had added it back in.  I'm going to switch to another probiotic over the weekend.  (I'll have to go to the store to get it.)  I'll see if that does the trick. 

I can't help but think that there is weight associated with the belly bulge.  My heart still wants a big drop in pounds and hopes that making a switch will create that.  My head just wants the belly gone again.  BTW, I'm going to the bathroom just fine, so that isn't my problem.  Anyone else experience anything like this?

A Craving and a Conundrum

I am craving almonds.  They had become my snack of choice during low carb.  It is easy to keep a can of plain, unsalted almonds in my desk drawer for the afternoon lull.  It seemed like a healthy choice and just a small handful took care of the afternoon munchies that often hit.  I never felt bad about having a few.  Oddly, though I don't recall ever thinking "Boy, I sure would like some almonds."  or "I can't wait for my afternoon snack of almonds."  They were just a good option for me.  I'd like to think this is a good thing, but instead I think this is just a thing, neither good nor bad.

Secondly, I can't quite figure out this walking thing.  Until I was able to walk out side once last week and again this week, I got just over 7000 steps per day.  I need 8146 to get to my goal of 2.7 per day.  That seemed so elusive.  I achieved that goal a time or two but never consistently.  One day last week, it was gorgeous and I took a walk during lunch.  That day I shattered all my records and walked 14,686!!!  That is a personal best that I don't see myself surpassing any time soon.

On Monday of this week, I was able to go outside for another walk.  I walked 3 laps around our parking lot.  It was not quite 2000 steps.  Adding that to my typical 7000 steps, I was expecting 9000.  Instead I got 12,090.  Then on Tuesday I took another stroll around the parking lot and racked up another almost 2000 steps and ended the day at 11,844.  I had book club last night, so I wasn't able to walk quite so much.  But still...how is it that I walk about 2000 extra steps at lunch but end the day with nearly 5000 extra steps?

On Wednesday, it rained.  I did my best walking around the office but didn't quite get to 7000 before leaving the office.  The math just doesn't work.  If I only cut out 2000 parking lot steps, I should still be knocking on the door of 10,000 at the end of the day.  Instead, at bedtime last night I had nearly 8000, which was back to my typical pre-lunch walk steps.  The math just doesn't work.  I am certain of my parking lot count because I tested that figure a couple of times.

Don't get me wrong.  I'm not complaining.  I'm quite excited.  I'd just like to know what is going on.  I want to replicate it.  I think that maybe the lunchtime walk boosts my energy so much that I walk more without realizing it.  Could that be it?  I'm open to other theories.  In the meantime, we're expecting a sunny day today, so I'll be strolling the parking lot at lunch!