Total Weight Loss

Thursday, September 12, 2013

In My Dreams? Really!?!

I've blogged before about my vivid dreams.  I had another one last night that I just had to share.

In my dream my extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, sisters & brothers in law) were all attending a performance of some sort.  An aunt had made the arrangements and the rest of us were just showing up.  She had blocks of seats in a couple of areas at the performance hall so that groups of family would be seated together.  

I was the first to arrive in my section.  I don't know where 65MD was; maybe parking the car?  I sat alone in a group of seats that were more like bleachers than theater seats.  My space was far too small for my body.  It was uncomfortable.  I knew that 65MD was on his way and was hoping that he would not need as much room as he was assigned since I was spilling over in to it.  

As I was waiting, I struck up a conversation with a little girl seated nearby.  She was not a member of my family.    She was trying to guess something about me, which I cannot remember.  It was something like guessing my age.  Anyway, as she was gathering information to make her attempt, she asked if I was pregnant.  I told her that I was not, that I just had a fat belly.  I told her that I'd always had a fat belly.  She was astonished and asked if that was true even as a little girl.  I assured her that it was.  

That is all of the specifics of the dream that I recall except for how I was feeling during the dream.  I was happy to be at this event and glad to see my family.  My feelings changed when I could not fit in my space.  It was physically painful and embarrassing to me as I looked for a solution to my problem.  I was happy for the distraction of the sweet little girl.  She was innocent and was only seeking information not taunting me for my size.  Even as I told her that I was fat, I was enjoying the chat with the child.  In my dream, I was laughing as I told her I'd always had a fat belly.  It was akin to telling her that I'd always had green eyes or something similar.

When I woke up and recalled the dream that I began to wonder if there was something deeper going on in my psyche.  I'm not smart enough to truly ferret out these things.  Initially, I wondered why my subconscious had joined the battle of beating up on me for my body shape.  As I analyzed my feelings during the dream though, I was not upset at all with the child or her question.  I was upset about not squeezing in the seat.

So, perhaps it means I am making peace with the shape of my body, but not with the size.  Any other thoughts would be welcome.


  1. you ARE the child, and now you're trying to get back to that innocent 100% unconditional self love that children have before they get screwed up. you need to re-learn how to have a dialog with you without all the baggage you've picked up along the way. it's all about learning to accept yourself as you are now at this moment in time and enjoy the journey every step of the way.

    1. Timothy,
      I knew you'd have some insight on this that would never occur to me.

  2. I'm no dream interpreter, I'll tell ya that much. I hate when I can't even be skinny in my dreams, though! Lol