What I CAN Do

One month ago today, I got new hardware implanted in my right hip and embarked upon the hardest chapter in my life physically.  Even though I thought I had educated myself on what to expect, I was quite far off the mark.  I don't know how people do this a second time for the other hip and hip is the 'easy' one compared to knees.  I shudder just thinking about it.  

I came home from the hospital with a list of "Don'ts" like don't drive, don't bend past 90 degrees, don't cross the newly replaced hip leg over the mid-line of your body, don't turn toes inward, don't take a bath, don't lay on the surgical side, don't, don't don't.  At that time, I didn't care.  Why did I need to drive?  I was worried about walking to the bathroom.  Forget about driving!!

As I have healed, I have shed a restriction or two.  But all of those listed about remain.  Most will remain for 6 months!  (Except the driving, and that is the one I'm most happy NOT to do.  I hate driving!)  I know it is going to be harder and harder as I feel better and better not to forget and bend past 90 degrees or roll onto my right side in my sleep.  I could let these "Don'ts" consume me.  Instead, I am trying to think of what I can DO.

I can still work several hours per day since I work from home.  I can walk anywhere I want to in the house, and I'm getting better at stairs.  I can dress myself all but tying my shoes. Most importantly, I am learning to pace myself and live without scheduling every moment of my life.  Still, I want to move forward in the weight loss arena too.

When I first came home I was suffering horrible digestive issues which were a very common side effect to the pain meds.  My appetite was incredibly small.  And I wanted blueberries and orange juice.  I felt like I couldn't get enough but there is still at least 1/2 gallon of OJ in the refrigerator now, so I only drank less than 1/2 gallon since 65MD had some as well.  I felt like those were good choices.  I felt like there must be something in blueberries that my body needed to heal.  I went with it.

In addition to the diminished capacity & appetite, friends and family were bringing over food regularly.  It was great, especially for 65MD since it was one last thing he had to think about.  That took away my choices as to fat/carbs/calories but I didn't care, especially since I was eating so little.  Now the food is mostly gone.  I think there is about one bowl of soup left.  It is time to figure out what I can DO to get back on the weight loss train.

I don't want to look back at this time and feel like I wasted an opportunity to lose weight. ( I'll confess here, that I had hoped that the weight would just fall off while I was so sick but it didn't!)  I don't have the mental toughness now to fully engage in a weight loss plan.  Physically, I can only do therapy.  (Which I'd also hoped would help with the pounds!)  So, with inspiration from Holly at 300 pounds down I realized that I don't have to embark on an all out attack.  I can do one thing and it can be a very small thing.  All that matters is I do it, and I do it consistently.

I picked drinking water.  On Tuesday, I had this epiphany. I started drinking water.  I'm not counting ounces or glasses, I'm just opting for water during the day as my drink of choice.  It feels good.  It feels like I am taking control of my body again!

I weighed this morning.  I've lost 2.2 pounds since surgery.  I haven't decided what I am going to do about weighing or goal setting, other than giving myself a great big break.  If, when I weigh, whenever that is, the scales are down, that is all I want.  If between now and November 30, I lose another 2.2 pounds, I'll be thrilled.  Right now, I'm just drinking water.  That is all, drinking water.

Getting Stronger

I'm here and getting better every day.  However, now I have a fuller understanding of what "getting better" means to someone that has had major surgery.  It certainly doesn't mean "well."

I feel fairly good in the middle of the day and I see now that my challenge will be pacing myself.  Twice now, I've felt good enough to start something like laundry and then not be able to finish it!

I'm learning that I can live just fine without a plan.  I like to plan.  I like a schedule.  I find a lot of comfort in knowing what is coming next and what is expected of me.  I haven't had that for a month and may not for a while longer.  It is an unexpected growth experience for me.

My last therapy appointment is today.  I see the surgeon on Wednesday.  He will decide if I need more therapy, if I can start driving again, etc.  My therapist said she expects him to order more sessions.

While I am improving, I am not hitting the benchmarks I should with walking.  (See the first paragraph.  :))  The problem with my hip was congenital.  So, I've been walking the best way I could for a very long time!  Now that I have a hip that functions properly, I am having to learn how to use it.  I know what to do and it is much better when I actually do it.  It takes a lot of concentration to  swing my leg from my hip and not swing my body forward.

I'll get there because I am motivated.  It looks like it is going to take longer than I want, but I will still get there.  

Maybe there is an application to weight loss here...hmmm...

Still Here

Still healing.   This is by far the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.  At least I am getting better everyday.

I Weighed This Morning

I decided to weigh this morning for a couple of reasons.  Thinking that the number would be meaningless and I'd move on and not think of it any more.  I'm still thinking about it, so I am blogging about it.

First, why did I decide to weigh to begin with?  Yesterday as I got dressed for PT, I felt like the t-shirt I put on seemed loose.  I didn't get too worked up about it because I'd chosen that particular shirt because it was loose and that is important right now.  It seemed looser, but not so much that I could be sure.  Plus, my memory could have been faulty and sometimes it is just hard to tell with t-shirts.

I know that I have eaten very little since surgery.  I had in mind to do a 'relaxed' low carb style of eating especially since my blood sugar got all wonky after surgery.  I thought, I'd eat mostly protein & veggies, but not get freaked out about a potato or banana along the way.  Little did I know, that I'd hardly be able to eat anything protein, carb or fat!!

Last night as 65MD and I were eating, he said something about me losing lots of weight, since I was hardly eating.  I countered with, my body doesn't need much because I'm not moving much.  He thought, I was discounting how hard my body is working to heal itself.  He's probably right, since I have no idea how this sort of trauma would effect my body.  I have not lived through something like this before.  I haven't even had a baby,  I would be very glad for my metabolism to be kicked in to overdrive.

Anyway, this morning when I got up, I thought it wouldn't hurt anything to step on the scale and see what happened.  I was down one pound exactly.  I really don't know what to make of it.

I'm glad of course. Who wouldn't be?  It seems the least I could get after all I have been through.

Then, I began to wonder about all of the swelling in my right leg.  The skin is hard and tight.  There is a lot of fluid there.  What does that weigh?  Another pound?  Maybe even 5?  Water is heavy!!  Then, there is the whole pooping thing.  I've only gone once in spite of a steady diet of prunes!!  I'm beginning to feel a little bloated in my belly.  Does that count?  Should I adjust for that?  Surely, that is another pound or two.  Round and round my thoughts swirl.

Really, what does it all matter?  At this point in my life, it doesn't. At this point, while it is paramount that I listen to my body and only give it what it needs to heal, the number on the scale is the thing that matters the least.  Of course, that is true in normal, regular every day life too.  What matters most is that I listen to my body and give it healthy, nourishing food.  The number on the scale still matters the least.

Better & Better

I am continuing to improve.  Yesterday's potty milestone seemed to be the gateway for more progress.  Although, I am quite content to play cant crush until I run out of lives, I feel stronger today.  I am glad for the desire to relax.  I know as I continue to feel better, I will have to pace myself.   I don't want to get bored and start pushing myself too hard.  I am going to enjoy feeling better at a slow and easy rate.

I Pooped in the Potty!

Several years ago there was a TV commercial for ToysRUs, that was based on an actual occurrence in the store.

I little girl comes in the store carried by her dad.  She tells every one that she sees, "I pooped in the potty."  Since the child's parents had told her if she pooped in the potty she could have a new toy.  She did, so she was collecting her reward.  As they went to pay for the new toy, there was a long line and she said, "A lot of people pooped in the potty today."

It was such a popular commercial that there were news segments about making the commercial and how that really happened.  Parents often use rewards to enforce positive behavior so that wasn't a surprise, but the little girl thinking that everyone was collecting a reward was the kicker.

Most of the time, people poop in the potty and no one thinks anything about it.  No one needs to rush out to the local toy store for a reward.  Sometimes, though, something that routine although unmentionable in polite company, rises to more epic proportions.  Pooping has for me this week.  

It is quite normal for the digestive system to become very sluggish after surgery.  It is caused by pain meds and anesthesia and diminished appetite.  The longer one goes without going the more opportunity for complications.  Being the overachiever that I am, I was determined not to have any of those complications.

Once, my good friend Timothy reminded me of the curative powers of prunes, I sent 65MD out for some.  Thy did as expected and I can check another box off my list of 'road to recovery' items.

Ramblings on Being Better

I am improving.  The road to recovery is long and I knew that going in.  Yesterday, I felt like I'd had a good day.  I got out of the bed and sat in the chair a couple of times during the day.  That felt great.  I wanted to watch the football game sitting up, but it became clear early on that wasn't a reasonable expectation.  I watched most of the game from the comfort of my bed and did so guilt free!

Since I felt so good during the afternoon and throughout the game, I decided to sit at the table for supper.  That was a huge mistake.  Although all I had done was maneuver myself to the kitchen table and sit down, I was sweating like I'd run a marathon in 100 degree weather.  Sweat was literally rolling down my body like I was in a shower.

65MD closed the curtains and I stripped naked!!  I told him, that I was sure this was a dream come true for him, just not quite the way he'd imagined.  As hard as I tried to hold on to my humor and make the best of the situation, I couldn't.  I broke down sobbing.  Talk about a major mood swing!!  It was all I could do to hold on and I was trying to keep some control over myself.

I ate a tiny piece of baked chicken, a tablespoon or two of mashed potatoes and a few peas.  Then I got sick.  Every bit of what I'd managed to choke down came back up.  I think the pain meds I am on are to blame for the mood swings and messed up digestion.  (TMI, but I haven't pooped since pre surgery.)  

My blood sugar was all over the place while I was in the hospital.  I am not diabetic and the doctor says that the high readings are the result of surgical trauma.  He's not as concerned as I am, although he is requiring me to check my glucose each morning.  I had two days of normal readings at home and now it is up again.  Just a tick outside the normal level, but still too high.

For now, my goals are small and have nothing to do with weight loss.  My goals are:

*Sit up for only as long as it feels good

*Eat what is healthy and nutritious

*Nap when I am sleepy

*Take medication on time

It will be a few weeks before my goals will be anything much different than those listed above.  That's OK. I'll continue to get stronger and feel better and that is what matters.

And I want to give a great big shout out to Timothy for mentioning me on his blog.  I appreciate every one's prayers on my behalf!

Resting at Home

I am home from the hospital and believe that the worst of this ordeal is behind me.  I admit I was quite nervous pre-op and in quite a bit of pain.  Then,  I woke up in post op with a whole new level of pain.  It was excruciating.  I was begging for any type of pain reliever I could have.  Too bad for me, that the pain relievers were making my breathing too shallow and my bp too low to administer as often as needed to do me any good.

During that horrible time, I had to have x-rays made of my hips. Those poor techs.  I tried my best to work with them and get the whole ordeal over with, but it was hard for all of us.  I screamed in agony every time I was moved or tried to move on my own.  Luckily, I saw those techs later and was able to laugh with them over it.  They totally understood.

I had my first physical therapy session on Tuesday afternoon (surgery was Tuesday morning). It hurt so bad I nearly fainted.  But I had made up my mind going in that I was going to do whatever I had to do to get better.  So, I gritted my teeth, groaned and kept going.

On Wednesday, they took my catheter out.  That did not make me happy because that meant I was going to have to get up to pee.  Getting up was, and still is, the hardest part.  I could not use my right leg at all to help.  I had to use my arms and abdominal muscles.  By the end of the day, I felt like I'd done about a million crunches.

I decided to think of it as a good thing.  If I could come out of this with a new hip, and ripped abs, it would be all worth it.  Not to mention some tone in the upper arms.  Oh yeah!

I came home yesterday, and this has been a real trial & error for 65MD and me.  We tried several different ways to get up the steps just to get in the house.  We managed.  I got inside and in the bed without damaging either one of us!  This morning we had an adventure getting the compression hose on.  None of the little tricks we'd been given helped and a couple seemed to make things worse.  We'll figure it out though.

I start therapy on Monday.  I will go three days per week for 3 or 4 weeks depending on how much progress I make.  Until Monday, I will do my exercises I have been given and enjoy the fact that the pain I feel now is temporary.

I ask all of my readers to please pray for 65MD.  He is working so hard to make sure that I am comfortable, it brings tears to my eyes.  He is a strong man and can take a lot.  I just don't like being the cause of additional stress for him.

I have no idea how much I weigh right now.  My perception is that I have eaten very little and moved a lot which is a good combination in the weight loss world.  On the other hand, I am still fairly swollen at the surgical site.  It would be silly for me to weigh.

I'll still try to post as I am coherent.  I appreciate everyone's concern~