I considered then, why I weigh my food. It is because the plan I am on tells me to. So, if I am to eat 3 ounces of protein, I want to make sure I get my full serving. I'll feel cheated, if I only eat 2.95 ounces. For heaven's sake, I might starve to death!!!! If I ate 3.05 ounces, then I've blown it all and I might as bake a batch of cookie dough and eat it raw.
With this in mind, I think I can give up weighing my food. I understand that one meal might actually be 2.95 ounces, but I won't KNOW that so I won't feel cheated. The next meal could very well be 3.05 ounces and all will be even again. Still, I won't KNOW so I won't feel like throwing in the towel.
All afternoon yesterday as my rational mind said that it was really a good idea not to measure my food, my emotional mind was reacting with fear. Giving up control in this, relatively small way, could be the beginning of the end. What else would I lose control over? Would my weight spiral out of control if I let this go? Control, control, control. I can't control everything and I think that is why I have these sudden bursts of 'no control.' It is that all or nothing mentality that I've battled for so long.
I've got to give that up. It isn't productive. It doesn't work for me. Searching for the new, latest and greatest diet plan is just looking for another area to control. I have got to replace control with trust. I am an intelligent person. I have a masters level education. I manage very large sums of money for people. I read books and even watch PBS. And, I don't trust myself to eat 3 ounces of protein. Why?
I'm thinking now, that it is because I don't want to take the blame if something goes wrong. If' I am doing Diet Plan A and it fails. It is the plans fault, not mine. That wasn't the right plan for me so I search for Diet Plan B, then Diet Plan C...then Diet Plan Q. I perpetuate the problem because I need something to blame besides me.
Now is time for me to be a big girl and trust myself. To do what I know to be right and to admit when something isn't working, it is ME that is responsible. Today, right now, this minute, I am solely responsible for what I put in my mouth - what it is, how much of it, when I eat and even where I eat. I'm scared, but trust has to start somewhere. Wish me luck.
Hey Lori, I can so realte to this. You know the saying: "Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?" For me, I get so caught up in the precision of my measurements and act like that is SO important, failing to notice the "log" - like the chips I ate! Fretting over the minutae lets me ignore the larger issues. So I get it. Good luck & take care!
ReplyDeleteYou are so right. I hadn't thought about it in quite that way.
DeleteLori
"I perpetuate the problem because I need something to blame besides me." The quote of the day for me. Wow. I'm going to have to think on that for a long while because those words really hit me. I am loving your blog!
ReplyDeleteThank you! I am glad that I am doing some good somewhere. That makes me feel much better.
DeleteLori
Oh Lori, that dreaded battle between the rational and emotional brain... an ongoing set of skirmishes I know only too well. You've really touched a nerve here and I know you are right when you talk about trusting yourself (I struggle with that too) and feeling the need to 'be in control' (er, me too again).
DeleteNot an easy one to solve (and I find it hardest when I'm stressed, so my inner brat pops up and kicks off into full tantrum mode), but I think we're both making progress. Here's to us and success!
I can eye ball most everything, but for nuts and cheese, I still usually weigh. Both are so calorie dense! When I choose NOT to weigh those two, it's my little red flag telling me that I'm going to choose to overeat those 2 items. Weighing them keeps me honest. Meat, veggies...I don't worry about weighing those at all.
ReplyDeleteThis is a n = 1 experiment for each of us, with 'n' being ourselves. You/we need to test to see what works for each of us, and not only will the answers vary from person to person, but also with one individual over various times in their lives. Good luck!
I was PBS, too!!! But does watching Curious George make me masters level?? Haha Well, I guess you're watching something else. :) Not having control is so, so hard! I am also burnt out on measuring food. I know some people can do it, but for me it is so non-sustainable. I just can't do that all the time! But when I'm not measuring, I suddenly think I'm "free" for a few days, so eat up. Never ending! You can do this! You can!
ReplyDeleteI watch Downton Abbey which is little more than a soap opera but it counts!!
DeleteYou might like the following site: http://www.everydaysystems.com/
ReplyDeleteIt's for the No S Diet, which isn't really even a diet, just a way to moderate your food consumption by building habits. It's mantra is, "No sweets, no snacks, no seconds, except sometimes on days that start with S".
Good luck - what you've shared here sounds like wonderful common sense!