I considered then, why I weigh my food. It is because the plan I am on tells me to. So, if I am to eat 3 ounces of protein, I want to make sure I get my full serving. I'll feel cheated, if I only eat 2.95 ounces. For heaven's sake, I might starve to death!!!! If I ate 3.05 ounces, then I've blown it all and I might as bake a batch of cookie dough and eat it raw.
With this in mind, I think I can give up weighing my food. I understand that one meal might actually be 2.95 ounces, but I won't KNOW that so I won't feel cheated. The next meal could very well be 3.05 ounces and all will be even again. Still, I won't KNOW so I won't feel like throwing in the towel.
All afternoon yesterday as my rational mind said that it was really a good idea not to measure my food, my emotional mind was reacting with fear. Giving up control in this, relatively small way, could be the beginning of the end. What else would I lose control over? Would my weight spiral out of control if I let this go? Control, control, control. I can't control everything and I think that is why I have these sudden bursts of 'no control.' It is that all or nothing mentality that I've battled for so long.
I've got to give that up. It isn't productive. It doesn't work for me. Searching for the new, latest and greatest diet plan is just looking for another area to control. I have got to replace control with trust. I am an intelligent person. I have a masters level education. I manage very large sums of money for people. I read books and even watch PBS. And, I don't trust myself to eat 3 ounces of protein. Why?
I'm thinking now, that it is because I don't want to take the blame if something goes wrong. If' I am doing Diet Plan A and it fails. It is the plans fault, not mine. That wasn't the right plan for me so I search for Diet Plan B, then Diet Plan C...then Diet Plan Q. I perpetuate the problem because I need something to blame besides me.
Now is time for me to be a big girl and trust myself. To do what I know to be right and to admit when something isn't working, it is ME that is responsible. Today, right now, this minute, I am solely responsible for what I put in my mouth - what it is, how much of it, when I eat and even where I eat. I'm scared, but trust has to start somewhere. Wish me luck.