Total Weight Loss

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Wednesday Weigh In & Whatever

This morning I weighed 207.6.  Up 1.6 lbs from last week, bringing my total weight loss to 46.8 lbs.  (Five years ago tomorrow is when I officially started this journey.  The blog came just a little later.) Of course, the measurements are up.  It is only reasonable that would happen.  The good news in all of this is that my weight was 209.2 at one point during the last  days.  I'm hoping that means I've turned this around and my weight will continue to slip down, however gradually.

Because of the loss, I believe that I am on the right track with the No S eating plan.  Honestly, I'm not sure.  I am so bumfuzzled by my misconceptions lately, that I don't trust myself to know the truth.  This is a huge leap of faith for me to stay with the plan.  I am risking a lot of wasted time and weight gain, if I am messed up in my thinking again. (I am open to opinions and clarification from anyone with insight!)

I have been thinking a lot about the younger me I saw in those photographs, and why that me thought she was so fat.  As I recall, besides the lack of male interest in me, I saw thinner people around me.  I read books and magazines that said I was fat because the number on the scale was too high.  I became fixated with that number on the scale.  I thought I should weigh 117 lbs!  In looking at those shots, and knowing generally what I weighed, 117 would have been gaunt and unattractive.

I had a bit of an epiphany while I was contemplating that.  I am still fixated with a number on the scale.  As much as I try to convince myself  I'm not, I am.  My goals are almost exclusively associated with that.  I want to weigh x by this date.  Or I want to get below 200.  Then I want to get to a lower weight than 2 years ago.

 I need to learn to be happy with the current me at 207.6 lbs.   And I need to be happy next week with me whatever the scales say.  I have a host of friends that don't ditch me when my weight fluctuates.  65MD and my family love me no matter what the scales say.  I need to figure out how to do that too.  This could be harder than figuring out how to lose weight.  Hmmm...


  1. Funny. I went to last night and was reading a question someone asked about Crossfit. Roni's reply was that if you are looking for a # on a scale to make you happy, you will never be happy. She doesn't even weigh anymore except for like at dr's appointments. She started taking Crossfit and gained weight and went up a size or 2, but she is fitter than she has ever been and feels better than ever so WHO CARES. That really struck me. I definitely don't look anything like Roni does. Lol But I am generally happy with myself and how I feel when I exercise. It's the stupid number on the scale that ALWAYS ruins me! After saying I wasn't going to stress, I have weighed every morning because I had lost 2.5 pounds so maybe I can lose more! But instead, this just made me see how much I could eat and actually still lose "without caring." I really need to focus on other things in life right now besides the scale. The scale makes me a depressed person. When I'm depressed, I work out less and eat worse. Not saying ditching the scale is for everyone. Not saying I will do it forever! But I just need to keep exercising and ENJOYING IT instead of weighing and making all things associated with health miserable to me!

  2. love this post ... sounds like me 6 years ago made my blog and im still fluctuating up and down and learning how to love myself through it all

  3. Finding that balance is super hard, I think. I find myself doing the exact same thing. I think you are so right that it is WAY harder than losing weight. And we all know that sh*t is hard. :)