Because of the loss, I believe that I am on the right track with the No S eating plan. Honestly, I'm not sure. I am so bumfuzzled by my misconceptions lately, that I don't trust myself to know the truth. This is a huge leap of faith for me to stay with the plan. I am risking a lot of wasted time and weight gain, if I am messed up in my thinking again. (I am open to opinions and clarification from anyone with insight!)
I have been thinking a lot about the younger me I saw in those photographs, and why that me thought she was so fat. As I recall, besides the lack of male interest in me, I saw thinner people around me. I read books and magazines that said I was fat because the number on the scale was too high. I became fixated with that number on the scale. I thought I should weigh 117 lbs! In looking at those shots, and knowing generally what I weighed, 117 would have been gaunt and unattractive.
I had a bit of an epiphany while I was contemplating that. I am still fixated with a number on the scale. As much as I try to convince myself I'm not, I am. My goals are almost exclusively associated with that. I want to weigh x by this date. Or I want to get below 200. Then I want to get to a lower weight than 2 years ago.
I need to learn to be happy with the current me at 207.6 lbs. And I need to be happy next week with me whatever the scales say. I have a host of friends that don't ditch me when my weight fluctuates. 65MD and my family love me no matter what the scales say. I need to figure out how to do that too. This could be harder than figuring out how to lose weight. Hmmm...