Total Weight Loss

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

What is the Truth?

I have been working on being kinder to myself, particularly when it comes to negative thoughts about myself.  I've gotten pretty good at identifying and stopping them.   Now it is time to move on to turning those negative thoughts in to positive ones.

I had not realized how many times I called myself an idiot during the day until I started paying attention to it.  I'd do something most people to like mislay the keys and tell myself that I was a moron the whole time I was looking for them.  I would never do that to someone I love, so why do it to me?

I can most of the time recognize the name calling and tell myself it isn't true.  Now, I need to fill the ugly name with a positive name.  However, I am not at all comfortable with that.  I'm not talking about calling myself a genius or anything outrageous, just telling myself that I am intelligent and need to find a place to put my keys when I come inside.

I don't want to become arrogant or prideful.  I'm having a hard time finding that middle ground.  I am still trying to put something that happened last week into the proper context. 

65MD had a conference in Philadelphia last week.  Business Deans from all of the world, literally, were in attendance.  One evening,  we were able to attend a client appreciation event aboard a yacht.   The yacht was chartered so everyone aboard with the conference.

It was a perfect evening for cruising.  It was a casual dress event.  I wore a sundress with spaghetti straps and an elastic bodice.  It was a bright green & yellow tie dye sort of print with tropical flowers painted around the bottom.  It was floor length.  It was cute, but wasn't all that.  It was a 'one size fits most' number from WalGreen's!!

At one point early in the evening, 65MD and I had become separated.  I was approached by a nice looking young Dean, who struck up a conversation.  I chatted with him a bit before I realized that he was hitting on me!  I was shocked, mostly because I've been married so long, it doesn't occur to me that someone might want to hit on me.  Once I realized what was going on, I mentioned my husband when it fit into the conversation.  He lost interest quickly and moved on.  

During the evening I got several compliments on the dress, both in front of 65MD and when I was alone.  It was very appropriate for the occasion but not something from Neiman Marcus!    

Once we were back in our hotel and discussing what a lovely evening we had, I recounted the number of compliments I received and told 65MD. "You academics are easy to impress!"  I said it in jest and then immediately realized I was giving myself and my husband a negative message.

I haven't quite figured out how to reframe that.  I could say I looked nice and that would be true up to a point.  I feel like I really don't ever look good enough to be hit on.  Then that makes it seem like 65MD isn't very smart.

What is the truth here?  I don't know.


  1. How about, "your collegues gave me many wonderful compliments. How very nice of them. they made me feel special". And maybe, "I need to go back to Walgreens and get a dress in every color!"

    I thought I was the only one with negative thoughts flying thru my head. You aren't alone. If you find a good balance, let me in on your secret!

  2. I don't know how I missed this post! It never showed up in my bloglovin' feed. I just noticed it on blogspot. Anyway, how flattering to be hit on! I mean, I hope that doesn't sound terrible. Lol It's just that, like you said, you start thinking there's not a chance of it once you are married/have been married so long. It has happened to me one time that I know of because the man actually had his son come over after we chatted to ask if I would like to go out. Haha I was telling a friend via text last night that we are our own worst critics. Why are we women like that??