A New Attitude

I am a results oriented girl.  I know what I want, I make a plan; work my plan, and get the job done.  This approach to life is valued and rewarded in my chosen career.  This approach to weight loss just doesn't work.  I know what I want, I make a plan, work my plan, make another plan, work some more, make another plan, work, plan, work, plan, work, work and work some more.  Get frustrated, throw a fit.  Make yet another plan, work harder, and on and on and on...

I spent a lot of time contemplating what to do about working out since Leslie and I did not get along on Monday, while also trying to keep from giving myself negative messages.  I discussed the situation with 65MD and a couple of close friends that know me IRL and have seen my recovery for themselves and could be more objective than I could.  The consensus was, it was a good thing to try, but I'm just not there yet.

My therapy is mostly still in a prone position.  So, although it focuses on those muscles, only a few of them are upright and weight bearing.  I had not really fully considered that when I thought I was ready.  Initially, I thought I might try doing the DVD and gradually trying to increase the intensity until I was able to actually do the full 4 miles on pace.  Even with my rose colored glasses on, I knew that would take months, and quite frankly I didn't think I could take that fake laugh that long without throwing something at the TV!

Today, was to be my 'work out' day, but I decided to do therapy instead.  It counts.  Believe me, it counts!  I was a little sore from Monday's activity, even though I didn't meet my own lofty expectations.  I'll probably go back to the Wii on Friday.  I'll decide on Friday.

The outcome of this attempt to work out, the conversations and contemplation is this:  I cannot control the results.  I can only control the process.  I can only do my therapy as prescribed.  I can't heal my muscles any faster by getting angry and frustrated.  I can enjoy the process or not.  That won't change how long it takes to get better. Although, it will probably feel longer, if I am constantly frustrated and chiding myself for not being better.

So, I am letting the results go.  (Or at least I am trying as hard as I can to do so!)  I am embracing the process.  Not everyone gets a professional therapist to prescribe an exercise routine and have insurance cover the cost.  Not everyone gets to stretch out and rest guilt free in the middle of the afternoon.  In fact, I might miss that one once I am fully recovered.

Same for weight loss, I'm eating what I know to be good healthy food.  I make the best choices I can in the situations in which I find myself.  I even ate a piece of my niece's birthday cake yesterday and didn't feel like I should polish off half of it because I'd messed up.  Nope.  It was her first birthday party and I ate cake like any normal person would.  I enjoyed it and moved on.

I even made a pact with my friend not to get on the scales until February 8.  That is the scariest part for me!!!  Until then, I'll give myself encouragement just like I do my friends.  I'll do what I know to be right and let the results go.  I feel better already.