The Great Toilet Incident of 2015

I inadvertently left a misimpression of what was going on in the bathroom when I tried to skim over the embarrassment of the whole situation in my last post.  I was going to just let it go because it doesn't really matter what I was doing in the bathroom.  However, the more I thought of it, the more I realized it could be a pretty funny scene in a movie, so I'll share.

Remember, 65MD had surgery on Tuesday.  He couldn't take his pain meds, so Wednesday and Thursday were hard days for both of us.  Thursday morning a shelf in our freezer broke and lots of meat came tumbling out. I was lucky not to break a foot.  I'm not supposed to bend past 90 degrees, but I had to in order to pick up all the meat.  65MD wasn't too keen on bending over either, but he helped.  And then there was carrying my nieces around.  It was all taking a toll on my hips, but I was choosing to ignore it.

So, I went to the bathroom to pee.  I'd been in there several times helping my 3 year old niece with her panties and hand washing.  Somehow, though, I forgot that my mother's toilet is lower than the one I use at home.  At home, I still have a raiser on my toilet.  It is at least 6 inches higher than most commodes.  Since I wasn't thinking about that as I sat, I didn't hit the rim when I thought I would and sort of fell the rest of the way down.  It wrenched something in my hip and I yelped quite loudly.

My sister must have been just outside the door.  She stuck her head in almost immediately to see what the problem was.  I tried to tell her that I couldn't move without severe pain, but all I got out was the 'I can't move' part when another pain hit.  So my family thought I was paralyzed in there.

My mother started carrying on about how I hadn't been using my cane like I should and she busted in with a cane she'd found while packing her house to move.  I was still on the toilet with my pants down and she thought bringing me a cane would somehow be helpful!  I asked her to please leave until I peed and then we'd sort out the need for a cane.

I peed, managed to leverage myself up and get my pants up.  Both of my sisters were waiting at the door, along with my mother still holding the cane.  My sisters helped me to a chair, but I didn't want to sit down because I didn't want that pain to shoot through my hip & thigh again.  My brother in law thought it was a good idea for me to lean against the wall for a bit.  I did too.

Of course, 65MD was getting ready to drive me to the ER.  I didn't think that was a good idea, mainly because I didn't know what they could do for me, other than give me pain meds.  I had those at home.  We had the football game on and I didn't want to leave until halftime so no one would miss any of it.  As I stood there, I realized I was about to faint and said so.

My sisters were still flanking me so they got me in a chair before I actually passed out.  I could not put my head between my knees because that would have really set off fireworks.  65MD brought a cool cloth and wiped my face and neck.  Once I got a little more alert, I agreed to go home.  Besides there was less than a minute left in the 2nd quarter. No one was watching anyway since they were all freaked out about me.  Something I was hoping to avoid by ignoring the warning signs of the lesser pains.

My nephews got me to the car and 65MD drove me home.  My nephews followed so that they could get me up the steps and inside.  I've shared the rest.  I took a percocet and made myself a cozy place in the bed to watch the second half of the game.  I zonked out soon after.  The new year came while I slept. 

That is the great toilet incident.  I wish I were a better writer, to adequately convey the humor of it.  I could truly see this scene in a movie where everyone is busting in the bathroom trying to make things better, but it isn't really helping.  See it?