My family likes to have fun. We like to be together and enjoy life. I am really looking forward to being with my family this weekend as we celebrate my older sisters (OS) wedding. My younger sister (YS) will arrive tomorrow with her daughter and baby son, and the festivities will begin. More family will arrive as the week progresses, which means even more fun.
About 12 1/2 years ago when 65MD and I got married OS decided it would be funny to give skull caps to all of my bridesmaids at the rehearsal. I'd been safely sequestered away without any knowledge of this. As I stood in my designated spot to watch all of the attendants enter, I was amazed as one after another they all came in bald! I knew right away that one of my sister's was behind it, and of course I thought it was hilarious. I am smiling as I type this remembering. I enjoy the pictures of that night just as much as the formal ones from the next night. OS confessed that she was the culprit, I'm sure thinking she was safe. I was the last of the three to marry so what did she need to care.
She has no idea that YS and I have been cooking up our own schemes. We want to ensure that OS has just as much fun at her rehearsal as I did. OS has been carrying on since she got engaged as to how she wanted us to be able to wear our dresses again. Whatever!!! I've done that once. I wore the dress of a high school friend's wedding for Halloween one year. Does that count?
I still happen to have the dress from YS wedding, so I thought I'd wear it along with the hat I wore in OS first wedding. They would clash immensely. I was certain that the dress would hang on me as well, adding to the fun. I remember being embarrassingly large at YS wedding. I remember struggling to try to lose a few pounds so as not to mar her wedding pictures. I remember my mother telling me how she had to cut my dress larger than the largest pattern size. So, there was no doubt the dress would be too big, because now I'm skinny, skinny.
I decided last night to try on the ensemble and see what else I could add. Imagine my surprise when the dress wouldn't zip. I thought perhaps it was because the dress had been hanging in my closet for nearly 20 years. (Clearly, I have a hard time parting with items of sentimental value.) I thought maybe the zipper had gotten stuck because of its age. I went in to get 65MD to un-stick it and zip it up. He had to bring me back to reality. The dress was too little. He softened the blow by telling me that it was an inch or less too small. I was stunned.
I'm not really upset that the dress was too little, other than I'll have to find some other way to torture OS on Friday. I'm a little concerned though about my distorted view of myself. I have finally cracked the 170's again, and know that skinny isn't the right word to describe me, but neither is fat. I have a little more than 20 pounds to get to my goal, but somehow I have no idea how I look. I don't think I have in a long time, if ever.
I know I was in huge denial as to how big I got before I finally started losing weight. Apparently, I was in some sort of denial 20 years ago. I weighed too much, but I wasn't the blob I felt like I was and later became. I just don't understand. And, I don't know how to be real with myself. I'll do what I know to be right, with regard to eating and exercise. Maybe my brain will catch up.
In the meantime, I have a lot of fun to have with the family!
Lessons Learned
4 years ago
Body image is really tricky. I think it's tied up with how you're feeling about yourself--whether, like now, you're working hard to meet health and fitness goals or, on the other hand, the scale is on the upswing. I remember going with a new friend to WW one time. She was quite big and I was stunned to discover that she weighed 20 pounds less than I did. You're doing all the right things, so don't worry about the silly dress. It sounds like you have a great relationship with your sisters! Hope you think for the perfect payback!
ReplyDeleteI've got about the same to lose...wish it melted away in my sleep, but alas, it just isn't that easy.
ReplyDeleteOh this post was for ME - I've had a few things going on inside me lately and feeling sort of down about my size...more later, but the words "I wasn't the blob I felt like I was and later became" ring a bell (unfortunately).
ReplyDeleteDawn
Oh man, what a stinger! I know exactly what you are talking about, though. It is so dumb because I still weigh 194 (and apparently will for MY ENTIRE REST OF MY LIFE... ahem, sorry), but I sometimes feel so pretty because I've lost 21 lbs! I even feel sexy sometimes, like I look really good! All of a sudden, I will find clothes that are snug or too small or pass by that stupid Kmart flat screen TV surveillance camera and be depressed for weeks at how huge I look because I honestly had NO CLUE. My view is so distorted right now! Blah. Have a blast torturing your sister. I only torture those I love. LOL
ReplyDeleteOne thing I've vividly learned as I've grown older, is that our bodies change even when our weights do not. And when we gain weight, then lose weight (especially if we yo-yo a lot), our new shapes will be different. I don't look the same in some of the things I was wearing six years ago when I'd reached my current weight. They may fit, but they don't hang the same way. My thought is that you probably look BETTER because the real shape you are meant to be is the one that is emerging now. Please don't be discouraged.
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