Home Alone

This week marks the beginning of a new academic year for 65MD.  That means he has stepped in to a whirlwind of activity, including faculty meetings, seminars, social engagements, syllabi and the like.  I will get glimpses of him during the next couple of weeks, but I will be largely on my own.  As an introvert, I'm OK with that.  

I have spent the last two days alone from the time he left in the morning until 8:30 or 9:00 pm, with the exception of dropping by to change clothes for the next event.  Again, I'm OK with it.  I do feel badly for him that he has such a full schedule right now, but for me I'm fine.

Last night, I realized how much my alone time has changed through the years.  I've always been content with solitude, but the way I've spent that time has changed a lot.  Before I began this journey of weight loss several years ago, I really looked forward to this time alone so that I could eat.  I would think for days about what I would prepare or what I would get at the store to eat while I was alone.  I don't know why I behaved like that, but somehow being alone was free reign to eat like a pig.  I would actually be disappointed that I couldn't really binge like some people could.  Otherwise, I was 'happy' as could be with my feeding frenzy.

After I started actually losing weight and this time of year arose, I'd panic.  I knew that I could not/should not eat like I had been.  I'd seek out things to do to keep myself occupied so that I wouldn't slip back in to the old habit.  Sometimes, I'd fast.  That way there would be no option to pig out.  That was a hard place to be.  It was where I was on the journey, and the right thing to do as far as breaking old habits.  It was still hard, and maybe even a little over the top with the fasting.

Now, it has changed once again.  Now, I hardly gave what I was going to eat or not eat a thought.  There were certainly no plans to go stockpile food to eat when no one was looking.  There wasn't the need to go to the other extreme either.  Partly due to the meal replacement plan I'm on now, but even more so, I think there has been a change of mindset.  I had stuff to do, as is always the case when working from home.  I just did it and ate when it was time to eat.  It wasn't hard.

I know that there is still a long road ahead of me and a lot left to learn.  But, I am stopping now to celebrate this victory.  Small changes over time grow in to big changes.  It isn't always easy, in fact, most of the time it is hard.  It is worth it to wake up one day and see positive changes.  I'm sure that if I keep trying, I'll find the right plan for me and the weight will dribble off.  I'm not setting any specific goal other to weigh less from one week to the next.  I can do that.