The Blahs

I've got them.  I don't like it.  I think part of it is the time of year it is cold and dreary out.  This is my least favorite time of year.  I count the days until  the clocks change and spring is in the air.  Until then, blah.

A much bigger part is the abysmal failure I've been at the family weight loss competition.  As much as I've struggled and stayed on plan, it appears that I am going to register a gain this week.  I am incredibly discouraged.  My sweet niece that is winning thanked me today for starting this.  She is so happy because the competition has kept her on track and she's nearly 10 pounds lighter.  

I am happy for her.  I truly am.  I am glad that this is what it took for her to get in her sweet spot.  She'll get to her goal weight without a problem, I'm sure.  Now, her goal is not to fall out of first place in the competition.  Even though she knows that one will be harder.

Everyone but me has lost nicely.  So much so, that another niece has joined the group.  I'm glad.  I enjoy the camaraderie we've developed through this.  That will last beyond the weight loss phase.  I don't have to win every week.  I don't have to win ANY week.  I just want the scales to move.

I'm discouraged, disappointed, and frankly bewildered.  I really don't know what else to do.  I refuse to waste any more money on another plan/pill/miracle cure because they don't work.  I made a list this morning of all of the weight loss aids I have in my house right now.  It was a little embarrassing.  One of them or a combination of them should work.  So far, none are.

I also know that going off plan is the worst thing I can do.  I can't give a lot of well thought out reasons why, but I'm going back to low carb on Monday.  The shakes clearly aren't working.  Maybe I can use them in a maintenance phase.  IDK.  I might get some joy out of tossing them one day.  For now, I'll try to remain rational and not fling them in the toilet.

Sunday, we are having a family meal and the menu is already planned.  It is a nice healthy soup & salad meal that works with every one's plan, except for low carb.  There are a lot of beans in the soup.  That is why I'm delaying the start until Monday.  

I may fast tomorrow to keep myself from cheating thinking that I'll start fresh on Monday.  There isn't a lot of cheat food in my house and I'm sure not getting out in this weather to get cheat foods, so I  haven't fully decided on that.  The only thing I know for sure is I can't keep on like this.  I hate feeling this way.