Visit with the Surgeon

Yesterday afternoon, I saw my surgeon hoping that he would release me and I could go on my way rejoicing.  That didn't happen.

Although, he was quite pleased with the progress my right hip has made, he wants to see me back at the end of September.  That is the one year mark for the surgery.  If that was the only thing that happened, I would have been fine.  Things went downhill from there.

I asked for my left hip to be x-rayed because it has been giving me issues since sometime around Thanksgiving.  It has the same malformation as the right hip.  It will need to be replaced at some point as well.  (I think I already knew this, but didn't want to admit it to myself.)

I told the doctor that I wanted the surgery ASAP.  I am so ready to put this part of my life behind me and move on.  He didn't quite see it that way.  He gave me a shot, with the hope that would alleviate some of the pain.  So far, that hasn't happened.  I am to call and report in a few weeks and we'll make a further plan.  My right hip needs to be closer to 100% before replacing the left one.

As I left his office, the full import of what had just happened began to occur to me.  Once both hips are replaced, I will never be able to bend past 90 degrees at my waist.  That means I'll never be able to tie my own shoes again.  I won't be able to just bend over and pick up anything from the floor.  Never cross my legs, or even ankles.  I drove straight to Sonic!

I knew pulling in that I was going for a diet cherry limeade purely out of emotions.  I debated about letting my emotions rule me like that even if all I got was something to drink, even if it was full of all sorts of artificial stuff.  I did it anyway.  I even got the route 44 size because it was happy hour! 

65MD came home soon after and he was a calming presence for me.  We talked things through and we know we are in for a rough patch again.  We will get through it together.  We know better what to expect and how to prepare.

He even said that it was OK that I got an emotional diet cherry limeade!  It could have been way worse.  I could have gotten popcorn chicken or a milkshake or even a regular cherry limeade.  I am celebrating that small victory.

Wednesday Weigh In and Other Ramblings

For the week, I have lost 3.4 lbs bringing my total weight loss to 46.2 lbs!  I'm even more excited about the measurements.  I have lost 5 inches since the first of the year, and 2 of those are from my belly button area.  That has long since been my nemesis!

That area between my waist and the top of my legs looks like I'm carrying around an inner tube. Or that I've been pushed down from my head and up from my feet and all the fat squished out there.  I am so glad to look in the mirror and see an actual figure return.

I will always be a curvy woman and I am fine with that.  I like a defined bust, waist and hip.  I am happy that my genes gave me that sort of figure.  I won't fight that for a second.  Still, I want my figure to be the best it can be.  I am headed in that direction.

And in other news...

I am off the hcg injections.  I ran out of those on Friday.  I have some of the oral drops left, which I am using now.  I think they will last two or three weeks.  My body does not respond quite as well to those, so I'm preparing myself mentally for a slow down in the weight loss. 

After the drops, the protocol is to do 21 days of low carb.  It is Atkins style in that all carbs, including fruit are severely limited.  It is South Beach style in that, eating a whole pound of bacon is not a good idea!  Still, lots of lean protein is encouraged.

I was thinking when I started the injections early this month, that I'd have an indulgence day on Valentine's Day.  Now, I'm thinking that I won't do that.  Even planned indulgences, that are guilt free, can make it hard for me to get back on track.  

I'm going right in to the 21 day low carb and then most likely in to Trim Healthy Mama.  Although, I'm not entirely sure.  Does anyone know anything about the one, one, one diet?  A friend in real life is doing it and says it is really working for her.  That is an option at this time, while I research it further.  I have all of the stuff for THM and it makes sense to me, so I'd really have to be sold on the one, one, one plan to make the move.

Also, sleep is much better.  Maybe too good!  I slept until nearly 8:00 am today.  In my defense, I had a hard time falling asleep last night.  I think I got the same number of hours just pushed back a bit.  I think I'll start taking that pill an hour before bedtime and see how that works.  It feels so good to go to bed and sleep all night again.  I have gotten up a time or two to go to the bathroom, but I fall right back asleep.  It is amazing how much better I feel during the day.

Finally, I see the surgeon this afternoon.  I'm expecting him to release me.  I'll report on that tomorrow.

Death Breath

When I started this blog, I promised myself that I would be honest.  I promised myself that I would share everything about weight loss.  I would share the triumph and the tragedy.  I would share the mountaintops and the valleys.  The lovely and the gross.  Today's post is the latter, the gross.

I have horrid breath!  I can't stand the taste in my mouth, especially when I wake up in the morning.  The only thing is, I am glad for it!  I have keto-breath.  My body has moved in to fat burning mode and when the body burns ketones it comes out as bad breath.  I am happy to be in ketosis.  It is easier for me to stay in ketosis than get there, so this is a very good thing.

Another good thing, is I want to drink a lot to get the taste out of my mouth.  That is quite good as plenty of water keeps my digestive system in top shape to continually flush things out there too!

My dentist will be happy because  I've increased tooth brushing.

Finally, I am looking forward to a good loss tomorrow!!

Not Weight Loss Related

We have a baby!!  My nephew's wife had a little girl on Thursday night.  She surprised us by coming two weeks early.  Since she weighed  8 lbs even, everyone is glad she arrived a little early.  Everyone is home and doing well.

I'd love to share some precious pictures of Baby Girl, being held by Big Sister, who just turned 2.  My nephew and his wife are concerned about privacy, and I will not violate their wishes.  Just believe me when I say they are both adorable!

Wednesday Weigh In

As of today, from my beginning weight in March 2009, I have lost 42.8 lbs and 11 inches.  From last week to this week 2.6 lbs.  Until I looked back at last week's number, I would have said the loss was zero.  I have been battling the same pound it seems all week.  I was relieved to see that I really am making progress.  

I was beginning to get discouraged by the perception that I was stalling too early.  I'm not quite three weeks in to this and thought I should still be in that golden era where the weight magically melts away.  So, I looked back at all of the data, I've kept for the past five years.  Guess what?  I am right on target.

This sort of yo-yo has happened every time.  Whew!  While, I don't like it.  Knowing that this is my pattern makes it easier to stick to my plan.  I can ride this out and come out smaller on the other side.

Sleep

Since sleep has been an issue for me for several months, actually, close to a year, it seems important to me to address it.

Until about a year ago, I went to bed, went to sleep and slept all night long most nights.  Some nights, I'd have to get up to go to the bathroom, but would always drop right back off when I got back in the bed.  When I started having issues with sleep, was about the time my hip issues were increasing.  I blamed my hip.  I thought it was waking me up every few hours and keeping me awake.  I still think there was some truth there.

Since surgery, and about 95% recovery, I expected to be able to sleep soundly once again.  It didn't happen.  As I mentioned in an early post, my gynecologist put me on some medication to help, which I promptly blamed for an unexpected weight gain.  

This particular medication can take up to four weeks to build up prior to becoming fully effective.  I have only been on it 10 days.  I am noticing some improvement and feel confident that, in time, I will return to my luxurious sleep patterns.

In the meantime, I still need rest.  I have implemented two changes that seem to have helped. First, I don't look at the clock anymore during the wakeful spells at night.  Seeing time tick by, makes me anxious and is counter productive.  Now, when I wake up, I roll over, or re-position myself as needed to be comfortable, go to the bathroom or whatever I need, but I do not check the time.  I feel like I'm falling back to sleep faster.  I can't prove it since I don't know, but I like the feeling.

Second, I don't set an alarm or require myself to be up at any certain time.  I am self employed and work from home so I have a little more freedom of action than most people.  Even though, I could email and call while wearing my jammies, I prefer to be dressed.  So, I don't schedule any appointments before 10:00.  That way, if I have a hard night, I don't have to stress about getting up and being coherent.  With this change, I am generally, awake at 7:15 to 7:30.

I'm probably going to keep both changes even as the medication improves sleep.  The first one may not matter then.  The second is largely psychological.  I don't care.  As long as it works!  Good quality sleep is a major factor in a healthy lifestyle.  I am glad things are moving in the right direction.

Finally!

The scales finally moved this morning!  Down 1.8 lbs.  I knew that when it happened, it would be big.

Yesterday, was a struggle.  I had to give myself lots of positive self talk to get through.  I'm so glad I did.  

I'm hoping that this is the start of the downward trend again.  Not just an anomaly.  Time will tell.  

In the meantime, I'm sticking to my plan.

Wednesday Weigh In

As of this morning, I have lost 40.2 lbs.  My weight loss is still in a stall, which is disappointing.  But, I am sticking with it.  One morning, I'll get up and things will be back on track.

I have lost 9.5 inches from my bust, waist & hips since March, 2009.  I will continue to shrink as well.

My sleep is marginally better.  Last night, I slept for ~3.5 hours before waking.  Sadly, I was awake for nearly an hour before nodding back off.  That is the worst part for me - laying there awake.  I'm not wide awake, nor is my mind whirling, I'm just not able to slip back over the edge into sleep.  I'm not even a week in to the new meds, so I'm not concerned yet.  (on a side note insurance has decided that I don't need the meds, so my dr is fighting that battle)

My hip is significantly better!  Most mornings, I am able to walk virtually pain free, especially in my right hip.  I am still a little concerned about my left hip and I plan to ask the surgeon to x-ray it when I go for my follow up later this month.  I'm still needing to pace myself a bit which is hard.  By the end of the day my legs are very tired.   Still, I am thrilled with the improvement.

Improvement will come in all areas if I just keep doing what I know is right!

New Medicine

I saw my gynecologist on Friday.  At the end of 2013, she diagnosed me as menopausal. (Sigh, I'm not that old, am I???)  At that time the symptoms were mild and still are for the most part, except for poor sleep.  My friend Jan suggested that the sleep issues were related, so I asked.  Jan was right.

My doctor took the time to explain all of the options available to me to help.  I really asked a lot of questions about side effects because I do NOT want any medication causing weight gain! We agreed on a medication taken at bedtime.  I started on Friday night.  

I did not note much change, if any, in my sleep.  I did notice that I felt great when I woke up.  That is probably the first time since pre-surgery.  I also noticed that I didn't lose any weight.  With hcg, not losing is probably indicative of an "eating error" as they call it.  I knew I had not made one, but thought perhaps I hadn't had quite as much water.  I curtailed my intake prior to my appointment so I wouldn't have to go.

At bedtime on Saturday, I took another pill and still no noticeable difference in my sleep.  I woke up feeling quite good again, and the scales were up a full pound!!  This should not happen on hcg, without an eating error.  That did NOT happen.  I have been 100% on plan.  The only difference is the bedtime pill.

To be totally honest, I considered not taking it any more.  Before I made any rash decisions, however, I set out to research the medication just a little bit more.  Clinical trials have proven this particular medication does not cause weight gain and can take as long as 4 weeks to become effective.

I decided to keep taking both it, and the hcg.  I think that maybe the medication was the cause for the uptick, only because that is the only thing that has changed and it has changed my body chemistry.  I was down 0.4 this morning, so I'm guessing that the hcg had to get used to the new body chemistry.  IDK, I am totally guessing.

My hope is that I'll continue to tick down the scales and tick up the sleep.  Sleep is vital for optimal health.  I hate that this happened, but if I am really back on track like I think I am, it will be worth it to get some good rest.

Wednesday Weight & Waist Measures

As of this morning, I have lost a total of 37.0 pounds.  Just to be clear that is from March 2009.  Sigh!  I am trying not to focus on the fact that it has been nearly 6 years or that I had at one point lost 92 pounds.  I've lost 37.0 and I am moving forward from there.

Unfortunately, when I started this journey, I did not measure the belly button area, between the waist & hips.  I did measure the big three - bust, waist & hips along with my legs & arms.  So, I can only report a 7 inch loss for the same time period.  I will continue to take the three waist measures and use them as a barometer for success along with the scales, I just won't report them weekly so as not to confuse things.

On  Monday I had a harder time than I anticipated.  It was my first day alone in a few weeks.  I don't know why but I kept thinking that I could eat this or that because no one would know.  It was a crazy thought and I told myself so.  It is also not true.  I would know and eventually everyone else would too because I wouldn't be losing weight.

I also struggled a bit because I seem to forget how tough hcg is mentally.  I remember it as 'easy' because it is for me - at least in certain ways.  

It is easy because the menu is so strict there is no room for cheating.

It is hard because the menu is so strict there is no room for cheating, so the slightest error will prevent a loss at best, or create a gain at worst.

It is easy because the food options are so limited that there aren't a lot of choices to make.

It is hard because the food options are so limited that there aren't a lot of choices to make, so it gets boring.

It is easy because there is no stressing about food.

It is hard because there is no stressing about food, so there is plenty of mental energy to think about all the food that is currently off limits.

As time goes by it will get easier, but I will still count the days until I switch to low carb.  

It will be worth it when my clothes start to get loose and I can 'shop' in my closet and wear things that have languished there waiting for me to get small enough for them.

It will be worth it when the excess weight no longer causes additional stress on my hips, both the new one and the old one.

It will be worth it when I feel good about how I look.

It will be worth it when the doctor tells me my blood work is all normal.

It will be worth it when I celebrate getting to my goal weight.

State of My Body.

65MD and I got back to really paying attention to our food and activity (notice I did not say diet & exercise!) on Saturday.  The last of our family left and we didn't want to wait until today to start, like there is some sort of magic in Monday.  For me it would have been an excuse to get rid of all of the holiday leftovers by eating them over the weekend!  This year was a little different, there are hardly any left since I didn't binge bake.  It isn't too much to freeze for a later need, like a birthday party or throw away.

This year, I have decided to focus on the larger picture of my body and how it feels rather than sticking to a plan no matter what.  I've been too focused on the details and working whatever plan 100% 'right' and getting frustrated when the results were not what I expected.

Lyn, over at Escape from Obesity, could sometimes be writing some of her posts for me.  She posted a "State of the Body" blog the other day to kick start her journey this year.  I am totally ripping off her idea.  I want to have this post as a baseline to measure my progress.  So, with apologies to Lyn for butchering her wonderful idea, here is my State of the Body.

Weight on January 3:  220.2.  I have measured the standard areas on my body as well.  I intend to weigh daily and measure the three waist measures weekly.  Currently, they are 42", 51" and 51".  I'll continue to report that progress here each Wednesday.  I also want to point out here that I am counting weight loss from my initial start, which was 254.4.  It is too hard to keep up with restarts here and there.  So when I report weight lost on Wednesday, no one needs to freak out that I'm losing too fast!

Clothes:  It is hard to say what size clothes I wear, since I haven't been shopping for clothes in a long time.  I've ranted before about how clothes sizes have changed through the years, so I can't even tell by looking in my clothes.  I'm going to say XL though.  I have plenty of clothes that I can wear right now thanks to a dear friend that gave me a lot of her mother's clothes when she passed.  The lady was amazingly stylish for a 90 year old!  Plus, they are baggy at the hips & upper thigh where I still don't want anything touching!

Appearance:  Too big.  I noticed in our Christmas pictures this year, that I just look big all over.  My belly is big, my hips are big, heck even my face is big.

Health:  I believe my overall health is good.  BP is in the normal range, along with all the other typical measures my doctor takes.  Although, I am not convinced that my thyroid functions properly.  It tests within the normal range, but at the lowest point and still be 'normal' and once it ticked down below normal.  My doctor thought that was an anomaly.  My biggest issue is recovering from surgery still.  I'm told it can take as long as 6 months to feel fully functional again.  I'm just three months post-op.

Exercise:  My exercise between now and January 28 will be therapy.  I see my surgeon again that date.  I'll know better what changes, if any, I can make.  Currently, I cannot bend my right hip joint past 90 degrees, (so I can't sit in a chair & lean forward, tie my shoes, pick up things from the floor or low shelves, etc.) I cannot cross the mid-line of my body with my right leg.  And I cannot turn my right to inward.  The last two don't impact my daily life so much but are sometimes hindrances in exercise plans.  My therapist said I could never do yoga again.  Until then, I'll give therapy my best effort every day.

Eating:  I'm doing the hcg.  After much soul searching and discussion with 65MD we agreed for me to use the remaining serum I had on hand.  I'm guessing about 4 weeks.  During that time, I am going to reread Trim Healthy Mama and once the serum is gone we'll do that plan together.

General Well Being:  I have no stamina.  I've been told that this is associated with surgery as well and will return in time.  General household chores must be broken down in to stages.  For example, I'll empty the dishwasher and have to go sit down before filling it again.  That is a step up from having to empty it in stages.  I begin to feel a tweak in my hip when I stand or walk for too long.  It is frustrating.  While I can blame my hip and no one would question me, I feel very strongly, that if I weighed less it wouldn't be so hard.  I could stand longer because my hip wouldn't be bearing so much weight.  (This was probably the tipping point pushing me to hcg,  Getting under 200 lbs, in my mind will alleviate much of the trouble.  IDK, it is my instinct telling me that.) 

I am not sleeping well.  This is a new one for me.  I'm not sure why.  In the past, I've always been an early to bed and quickly drop off to sleep person.  Now, I go to bed and toss and turn for ages before dropping off, only to waken again in a couple of hours.  I'll be awake for long stretches before dropping back off.  It isn't worry keeping my mind occupied.  It is my body.  Before surgery, I thought that the pain was waking me up.  Even after surgery, stiffness has bothered my rest.  This seems to be something beyond that.  Even melatonin has not given me the results I had hoped for.  Losing weight may not be the answer, for this particular issue, but it won't hurt it either. It is something I plan to discuss with the doctor.

I think that is it for my State of the Body.  I'm not sure when I'll do this again,  Maybe a month, maybe more.  I'll know when it is time, and I'll have this for comparison when I do.

Quick Recap

I am here.  I had a great Christmas & New Year, but it wasn't without hiccups.  

First, with my diminished stamina still, I just didn't do as much.  That, turned out to be a very good thing.  I didn't binge bake, like I have in year's past.  Somehow, I had the idea that Christmas just wouldn't be Christmas without red velvet cake, caramel cake, coconut cake, pecan pie, apple pie, chocolate candies, sugar cookies, and on and on and on ALL made from scratch by me.  

This year I baked sugar cookies two times. Once in early December for a party, and once for our family party!  I made the chocolates with lots of assistance from 65MD and it took two days.  We made that for gifts for his peeps, or I would have skipped that too.  I made no cakes, or pies.  None!  No one said a word.  No one cried on Christmas morning because they couldn't have red velvet cake.

I did make cinnamon rolls for Christmas brunch and they were all eaten, so I made another batch for NYE, and they were all eaten.  I like it a lot better that way.  I prepared what was most requested and everyone enjoyed it.  And, I had the added benefit of not trying to figure out how to get rid of all of the leftovers!

Sort of like the Grinch, I learned that Christmas would come without a bunch of sugar laden treats.  Not only would it come, but it would be just as enjoyable if not more so.  I was not stressed trying to bake every baked good known to man and no one was suffering any ill effects from too much sugar.  I am hoping we can keep this new Christmas - lite for next year.

Second, some sort of upper respiratory virus ran through most of the family.  We tried to keep the sick folks sequestered in one house, isolated from the healthy ones, but it still spread more than we had hoped.  Not everyone got sick, but enough of us did, in turn, that there was no gathering where all of us were there.

On New Year's Eve, everyone was healthy, but two family members had gone back to their home town.  Those, that had been sick, were better but not ready to stay up until midnight to ring in the new year.  So, I stole an idea from a dear friend.  Her family always picks a country and pretends like they are in that time zone and celebrate the new year then.  My family loved the idea.  We pretended we were in Rio de Janeiro.  They are four hours ahead of our time zone.  My sister looked up the local cuisine and did a fantastic job of making something Brazilian with what she had on hand!  We looked up some local customs like wearing white for good luck and all in all enjoyed a lovely, early evening.  So much so, that we are all hoping to add this to our annual celebration.

My out of town sister, left with her family yesterday.  My out of town nephew and his wife are leaving tomorrow, so it is back to reality now.

65MD and I have spent some time discussing our life and future and made some resolutions to keep life good for us.  Once again, and hopefully for the last time, I am determined to lose weight.  I'll share specifics of that in another post.  

For now, I'm glad to be feeling as well as I am and extremely grateful to have the resources to do something about my weight and overall health.

Happy, healthy new year to all!