A New Attitude

I am a results oriented girl.  I know what I want, I make a plan; work my plan, and get the job done.  This approach to life is valued and rewarded in my chosen career.  This approach to weight loss just doesn't work.  I know what I want, I make a plan, work my plan, make another plan, work some more, make another plan, work, plan, work, plan, work, work and work some more.  Get frustrated, throw a fit.  Make yet another plan, work harder, and on and on and on...

I spent a lot of time contemplating what to do about working out since Leslie and I did not get along on Monday, while also trying to keep from giving myself negative messages.  I discussed the situation with 65MD and a couple of close friends that know me IRL and have seen my recovery for themselves and could be more objective than I could.  The consensus was, it was a good thing to try, but I'm just not there yet.

My therapy is mostly still in a prone position.  So, although it focuses on those muscles, only a few of them are upright and weight bearing.  I had not really fully considered that when I thought I was ready.  Initially, I thought I might try doing the DVD and gradually trying to increase the intensity until I was able to actually do the full 4 miles on pace.  Even with my rose colored glasses on, I knew that would take months, and quite frankly I didn't think I could take that fake laugh that long without throwing something at the TV!

Today, was to be my 'work out' day, but I decided to do therapy instead.  It counts.  Believe me, it counts!  I was a little sore from Monday's activity, even though I didn't meet my own lofty expectations.  I'll probably go back to the Wii on Friday.  I'll decide on Friday.

The outcome of this attempt to work out, the conversations and contemplation is this:  I cannot control the results.  I can only control the process.  I can only do my therapy as prescribed.  I can't heal my muscles any faster by getting angry and frustrated.  I can enjoy the process or not.  That won't change how long it takes to get better. Although, it will probably feel longer, if I am constantly frustrated and chiding myself for not being better.

So, I am letting the results go.  (Or at least I am trying as hard as I can to do so!)  I am embracing the process.  Not everyone gets a professional therapist to prescribe an exercise routine and have insurance cover the cost.  Not everyone gets to stretch out and rest guilt free in the middle of the afternoon.  In fact, I might miss that one once I am fully recovered.

Same for weight loss, I'm eating what I know to be good healthy food.  I make the best choices I can in the situations in which I find myself.  I even ate a piece of my niece's birthday cake yesterday and didn't feel like I should polish off half of it because I'd messed up.  Nope.  It was her first birthday party and I ate cake like any normal person would.  I enjoyed it and moved on.

I even made a pact with my friend not to get on the scales until February 8.  That is the scariest part for me!!!  Until then, I'll give myself encouragement just like I do my friends.  I'll do what I know to be right and let the results go.  I feel better already.

Enough is Enough! Well, maybe not...

65MD and I had a nice slower paced long weekend because of the snow.  Today, most businesses are opening again as the roads are clearing.  And I am going to the hair appointment I missed on Friday!  The relaxed pace of the past three days, gave me plenty of time to think and I decided that enough is enough.  I drew a line in the sand snow and said "No more!"  I am no longer babying myself because of my hips.  I am fully three months post-op.  It is time.

So, this morning I put on the Leslie Sansone DVD.  Now, even though I decided that it is time to really work out, I'm not crazy.  I decided I'd do half pace with the DVD for 45 minutes.  If the DVD said I'd done 4 miles, I'd know I'd done 2.  After about 5 seconds of that, my right hip refused.  Sigh.  I knew that as much as my mind wanted to push through and be strong, my body just wasn't ready.  Still, I needed to do something mentally, or I'd be curled up in the bed crying.

I was shocked.  All of the therapy exercises are focused on thigh and gluteal muscles.  I really thought my legs would be ready for walking but they weren't.  It was hard, but I just did the movements as best I could at the pace I could.  Keeping the beat in any manner, was not happening.  There are segments of the workout where arm movements are involved.  Often when it came to those segments, I just moved my arms and stood still.  My legs needed a break.

I made it to mile 4, but I doubt my legs walked a full mile.  I'm not focusing on that part.  I'm focusing on the fact that I hung in there for 45 minutes!  Go me!  In time, I'll work up to keeping half pace and then full pace and then lookout!!  For now, the reality is what it is.  I'll start here and move forward.

Tomorrow is back to therapy.  I'm not sure what I'll do Wednesday.  I might go back to the Wii or I might try Leslie again.  I'll let my hips decide.

Winter Wonderland

We've got a lot of snow where I live.  There is at least 8 inches on the ground and more falling.  This could be the biggest snow of my life.  It was supposed to begin midday and the computer model was predicting 6" to 8" but the forecaster said to cut that in half or maybe 30%.  Oopsie.  I think he missed.

I went to the grocery store yesterday because it was time for my weekly trip.  I almost didn't go but decided not to be a baby and suck it up.  I have NEVER seen the grocery store like this.  There was no parking anywhere.  People were just making up spots in the driving area.  Others were tracking innocent shoppers as they walked from the store to their car.  (That happened to me and I figured the guy could have helped me load the bags.  He would have gotten a spot more quickly!)  The stockers were frantically restocking shelves and the check out lines stretched into the shopping area even though all the lanes were open.  I'm glad I went.  We could be housebound until Monday.  Of course, we would not have starved but we might have eaten some odd combinations of foods.  

It started snowing around 6:00 am. It is almost 3:00 pm as I type and it is still coming down.  It has not stopped, although it has gotten lighter at times.  Right now is it quite heavy.  And it is BEAUTIFUL.  I've never seen anything like it.  Everything is covered in a glistening white carpet.  It looks so pure and clean.  Even the ugly chicken house looks like an igloo.

65MD is funny in the snow.  It is as if it is he is in a survivalist competition.  It is him against the elements.  It became vital to him to clear the driveway and the cars - like we were going anywhere! In his defense one of the cars was under a tree that was bowing quite low under the load of snow.  It is the 'good' car so we really didn't want a branch to break off and fall on it.  He shoveled the whole driveway and moved the car out from under the tree.  The driveway is already covered in snow again.

I ventured out for a bit.  It was so peaceful.  No traffic and only a few people out.  I could hear the snow falling.  It was fun to see it pile up on my shoulders as I stood there and took in the beauty of it.

This is a windmill. 

See how deep the snow is on the tiny limbs!

Winter Wonderland.  (This was early in the day!)

Disjointed Ramblings

I don't  have anything planned to say today.  It just seems like time to post something.  So, I'll start typing and see what comes out!

I'm on a Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday schedule for therapy.  And MWF, I've decided to stick with the Wii for now.  No deadline on that, I'll just see how I feel in a few weeks and step it up if I need to.  I'd like to be able to do 45 minutes of sustained exercise, but even counting the time deciding which game to play, I'm not up to 45 minutes.

I realized yesterday that I was supposed to up my therapy by one round when I went to three days.  I've been doing 2 sets of 10 of each of my exercises.  Now, it is to be 3 sets of 10.  Oh well!  Just one day missed.  I haven't done today's yet.

My day got thrown all out of whack, when I had a major nosebleed soon after I got up.  I've had epic nosebleeds since childhood.  I had a cauterization in my late 20's when they got quite bad.  I still have them from time to time anyway.  The treatment is a good snoot full of Afrin.  It takes a while to stop and then I'm left with a screaming headache.  I wound up laying down for a while to get over all of that.  At least these days, I'm OK with a lie down in the daytime.

My stamina is coming back.  I can generally make it through to about suppertime most days without a rest.  65MD is good to help get the meal together.  He's always cleaned up, so that is good.  Because by then I'm running on fumes.  Most of our evenings are spent watching Netflix! That means no progress on the floor, but that's OK.  It will get done eventually.

I went to Target all by myself yesterday.  No husband, or other companion, and no cane.  I can't remember last time that happened.  It seemed a little strange to me.  I realized as I was walking in, that I was treading very lightly as though I was walking on ice.  I realized that I probably looked like a moron and tried to walk at a more normal pace.  Once I got the cart, I think I did better.  I sort of used it for support.  Next challenge - the grocery store.

65MD is recovering nicely from the hernia repair.  He still has another week or two with lifting restrictions.  He's had a horrible allergic reaction.  His arms and front torso have been covered with a horribly itchy rash since right before Christmas.  We decided it was the poinsettias he carried, just a few days before Christmas. Even though he had on a shirt, something must have gotten on his skin.  We've learned that it is a similar allergy as a latex allergy.  He's not been allergic to that in the past, but we've also learned this type of allergy can spring up at any time.

That's all I can think of for now.  Maybe I'll have something more interesting next time.

A New Day

Today was the first day, I did any sort of workout that was not therapy related since pre-surgery.  Not to diminish therapy, it is indeed a workout.  However, mentally for me, it means something like "old and unhealthy."  To be honest, it has been a real mental struggle lately.  I feel old and frumpy, but maybe not unhealthy. Maybe instead of unhealthy I feel unfit.  Enough of this mental analysis!

Today, I was excited to get back to the Wii!  I decided to start with Wii Fit.  I did my body test and was surprised to see I was down 0.9 lbs since the last time I'd been on the Wii.  I'll gladly take it!  I wanted to do something that actually felt like exercise so I did the beginner step aerobics.  I did fine, but after two times, I was feeling it and decided not to push it.  I didn't want anymore overdoing it episodes like the one described in my last post.

I decided to try a few of the balance games.  I was pleased to break a couple of my previous records.  It made me feel good.  Maybe these new hips will work out after all.  Lest I leave a misimpression, it was a mixed bag.  Some of the games, I didn't do so well on.  I 'fell' on my first ski jump.  It didn't bother me.  It takes a bit to get back into the rhythm of the Wii.  

After about 15 or 20 minutes though, I was really feeling it and decided that was enough of Wii Fit and moved on to Wii Sports.  I really wanted to get 45 minutes of work out done today.  Talk about getting out of shape.  I was beat by a lesser ranked tennis opponent.  So, I decided to play baseball.  My family got beat, but not stomped. I switched to bowling.  I did fine with that.  Of course, it is hard to lose at bowling!

All in all, it was, in my mind, a good first effort.  Tomorrow I am back to therapy.  I am on an indefinite every other day regimen.  Wednesday, I'll dabble in another workout.  I may drag out my Leslie Sansone and see how many miles I can get in.  For now, I'm just getting benchmarks.  I'll report back as to how that goes.

The Great Toilet Incident of 2015

I inadvertently left a misimpression of what was going on in the bathroom when I tried to skim over the embarrassment of the whole situation in my last post.  I was going to just let it go because it doesn't really matter what I was doing in the bathroom.  However, the more I thought of it, the more I realized it could be a pretty funny scene in a movie, so I'll share.

Remember, 65MD had surgery on Tuesday.  He couldn't take his pain meds, so Wednesday and Thursday were hard days for both of us.  Thursday morning a shelf in our freezer broke and lots of meat came tumbling out. I was lucky not to break a foot.  I'm not supposed to bend past 90 degrees, but I had to in order to pick up all the meat.  65MD wasn't too keen on bending over either, but he helped.  And then there was carrying my nieces around.  It was all taking a toll on my hips, but I was choosing to ignore it.

So, I went to the bathroom to pee.  I'd been in there several times helping my 3 year old niece with her panties and hand washing.  Somehow, though, I forgot that my mother's toilet is lower than the one I use at home.  At home, I still have a raiser on my toilet.  It is at least 6 inches higher than most commodes.  Since I wasn't thinking about that as I sat, I didn't hit the rim when I thought I would and sort of fell the rest of the way down.  It wrenched something in my hip and I yelped quite loudly.

My sister must have been just outside the door.  She stuck her head in almost immediately to see what the problem was.  I tried to tell her that I couldn't move without severe pain, but all I got out was the 'I can't move' part when another pain hit.  So my family thought I was paralyzed in there.

My mother started carrying on about how I hadn't been using my cane like I should and she busted in with a cane she'd found while packing her house to move.  I was still on the toilet with my pants down and she thought bringing me a cane would somehow be helpful!  I asked her to please leave until I peed and then we'd sort out the need for a cane.

I peed, managed to leverage myself up and get my pants up.  Both of my sisters were waiting at the door, along with my mother still holding the cane.  My sisters helped me to a chair, but I didn't want to sit down because I didn't want that pain to shoot through my hip & thigh again.  My brother in law thought it was a good idea for me to lean against the wall for a bit.  I did too.

Of course, 65MD was getting ready to drive me to the ER.  I didn't think that was a good idea, mainly because I didn't know what they could do for me, other than give me pain meds.  I had those at home.  We had the football game on and I didn't want to leave until halftime so no one would miss any of it.  As I stood there, I realized I was about to faint and said so.

My sisters were still flanking me so they got me in a chair before I actually passed out.  I could not put my head between my knees because that would have really set off fireworks.  65MD brought a cool cloth and wiped my face and neck.  Once I got a little more alert, I agreed to go home.  Besides there was less than a minute left in the 2nd quarter. No one was watching anyway since they were all freaked out about me.  Something I was hoping to avoid by ignoring the warning signs of the lesser pains.

My nephews got me to the car and 65MD drove me home.  My nephews followed so that they could get me up the steps and inside.  I've shared the rest.  I took a percocet and made myself a cozy place in the bed to watch the second half of the game.  I zonked out soon after.  The new year came while I slept. 

That is the great toilet incident.  I wish I were a better writer, to adequately convey the humor of it.  I could truly see this scene in a movie where everyone is busting in the bathroom trying to make things better, but it isn't really helping.  See it?

It's Been How Long?

It doesn't seem like more than two weeks since I've blogged, but it has been.  We had a wonderful Christmas season.  How can it be otherwise with a three year old?  She was thrilled with every aspect.  She was as happy to hand out gifts as she was to open them.  Of course, lots of us were needing assistance opening gifts this year.  She loves her family and if one person isn't there she notices and wants to know why they aren't there.  She'll continue to ask if she doesn't like the answer she is getting!

The family was in town until yesterday.  As usual they came and went on slightly different schedules.  We were all together except for one nephew and his wife, on the 26th.  That was as close as we got to having everyone in the same place at the same time.

65MD had minor surgery on the 29th.  It hit us both a little harder than anticipated.  For some strange reason, anesthesia makes him grumpy.  He says and does things that he'd never, ever consider doing 'sober'.   It is like living with an angry toddler.  He can't be reasoned with and is quite willful.  When he took his pain meds for home, it made him frantic.  He could not stop talking.  He took it right before bed thinking it would help him go to sleep.  Nope!  He thought of a million very important things to ask me.  Once again like living with a toddler.  I, however, was exhausted by the day and really needed my rest.  I think I fell asleep while he was talking.  He decided not to take any more of that, and took OTC meds instead.  It has helped but not like the hard stuff would.

I decided it was time for me to just suck it up and push through.  No more time for being babied, it was time to be a big girl and power through.  That worked until about 8:00 PM on the 31st.  I was getting sore throughout the day but it was the last full day of family time so I just ignored it.  I got up to go to the bathroom and had a spasm so bad, I nearly fainted from the pain.  (And then the embarrassment of being on the toilet when it hit!)

Of course my family thought it was time for the ER, I thought it was time for percocet and a soft bed.  I won.  The only problem with that plan was I could not get up the steps to get inside my house.  Two of my nephews followed us home, and got me inside.  I took a pill, and made myself a cozy place in the bed and watched the second half of the football game.  I woke up much better but still quite sore.

Yesterday, I spent the day relaxing and plan to again today.  Tomorrow, I'll go to church but not try anything more than that so that I can get back into my regular schedule on Monday.  We'll see.