A Few Thoughts from the Week

First the Saturday scale report - 187.

Second - I helped a coworker move some files to storage this week.  She has a bad back and couldn't lift the heavy boxes.  I was glad to help.  It is amazing, how heavy a box of paper can be.  I carried 8 boxes of paper down one flight of steps and into a hot, humid storage area.  I was quite proud of myself for being able to do that.  I felt strong and actually glad for the extra workout.  Then I began to wonder how much the boxes weighed.  I really don't know but maybe 25-30 lbs???  I do know they didn't weigh any where near 72 pounds which had been my total weight loss prior to 'travel season'.  I used to carry two or even three boxes worth of that weight around with me all the time!!!  It was a nice epiphany.

Third - What is up with women's clothes sizes!?!?!?  I'm having a real issue with this lately.  I wear a 16.  Most of my 16's fit nicely.  I have one skirt that is a little loose in the waist and one pair of pants that are a little on the tight side.  I understand that.  That is not my issue.  My issue is why do women who weigh 25+ pounds more than me wear 16's.  Why am I not in a 14?  I promised myself that I wouldn't get hung up on the numbers this time.  (And I don't think I am when it comes to the number on the scale.)  But, every where I turn lately, I read a blog or hear a comment about size 16.  Almost every blogger I read is in a 16 now, but they are all over 200 lbs.  They are even talking about the 16's getting loose!!!  Even now I'm 13 lbs under 200 - what gives??  I know body shape & height have something to do with it and I've only seen these people in pictures so it is hard to compare.  BUT...a friend mentioned to me that she needed to 'get out of these big fat clothes'  just this week.  Guess what?  They were size 16.  I feel quite certain that she outweighs me by about 20 lbs.  We're fairly close in height, so it isn't that this time.  I'm trying hard not to let this bother me, but clearly it is.  It seems unfair somehow.

Fourth - I'm starting back on the hcg tomorrow.  LOOK OUT!!!  I can hardly wait to report my progress.

Another Vegetable Victory

Over the weekend I make zucchini Alfredo.  I used a vegetable peeler to make long, thin strips of the zucchini, cooked it in a little chicken broth and made a white sauce with cream cheese.  It was great.  It was a little high in fat since I used real cream cheese, but I'm more concerned with carbs right now, and I wanted to give myself a fighting chance of actually liking it.

If I make it again, and I probably will, I'll put in some chicken, and dare I say even broccoli!!  That would be two whole vegetables in one dish!!!

So far the score is 2 yums, 1 not so yum.

A Few Pictures

I've been asked to include a few more 'on the way down' photos.  So here are a few from our trip.  Yes, I swam with the sting rays!!!

I might have a career as a bird lady if my day job doesn't work out.  At one point there was one on my head, but we didn't have the camera ready.

Since I wasn't weighing on the trip, I don't know what my weight was in each of these shots, some where north of 185 is all I can say for sure.

I did great yesterday.  I was actually looking forward to eating more healthy, nourishing foods.  I thought about ice cream a lot, but that was OK.  I'm learning to mentally savor ice cream.  I think that is often better than reality.

This morning I weighed 191.8.  I'm going to post my weight each week to help with the accountability thing.  Hopefully, I'll remember each Saturday to do that!

Where Have I Been?

I'm sure all my faithful readers have been worried sick about my absence.  Well, let me allay those fears.  I have been on a cruise ship in the Bahamas!!!  Even though the house would not be empty, I didn't want to make the fact that I would be gone public.

So, the trip was fabulous and I gained 8.4 lbs.  I knew going in that I would allow myself to eat whatever was served and expected a gain.   I was thinking more like 6 pounds, since I do a lot more moving around on vacation.  I need to rethink the whole vacation eating thing, but I won't be out of town again until the fall.  I'll have plenty of time to consider it.

There is a lot of food on a ship.  No matter the time or place food is always there.  I decided that I would eat only breakfast, lunch & supper.  No snacks.  I held to that.  I had  two main problems.  One, portion control was hard at lunch on the Lido deck.  There were too many good choices.  At dinner they bring you only the appropriate serving.  Of course, you can ask for more, but I never wanted to. 

The second problem was carbs.  There were just too many.   I tried to avoid the bad ones like french fries, but I ate bread at the evening meal.  It was just too good to pass up.  One night the entree' I wanted came with fries, so I asked for a baked potato.  I got both.  I didn't eat the fries, and not much of the potato because it was not steaming hot, like I like them.  It was just hard to get away from the carbs.

But that leads me to a good thing.  If something wasn't good, I didn't eat it.  Aside from vegetables, I used to eat whatever was on my plate even if is wasn't the best.  This time it was easy for me to pass up foods that weren't just what I wanted, probably because I knew something else was right around the corner!!  Really, though, I do think that was progress.

John & I both agreed to try new foods this trip too.  I'm not a very adventurous eater, so this was a big deal for me.  One never know when the chef is going to try to slip in some mayo or tomatoes.  Vigilance is required at all times to avoid accidentally eating something gross.

Twice the entree' I ordered for dinner had zucchini.  I tasted it both times.  I didn't like either time.  I also tried apple curry soup.  That was gross.  I am not a fan of curry at all!!  The two things together was not at all palatable for me.

I'm back home now, and I got some more zucchini at the store today.  I'm going to give it one more shot.  I'll report back when I do.

So much to blog...so little time...

I've still been battling to get the 182.6, my pre Destin weight.  I've gotten very close a time or two but not yet.  It has been a very emotional week for me, and I am an emotional eater.  I've known that for some time, but there is still some denial in there some place.  On Saturday, one of my errands was to pick up some gift cards for the flood victims, then I went to church to help with some hands on, real, tangible help.  I didn't plan well, and missed lunch.  When I got home, I was emotionally exhausted.  I logged on to facebook to see what was going on with my 300 closest friends thinking I'd decompress for a while.  I was skimming through the status updates when realized that I was piling in the cashews like crazy.  I was hungry, so it took some real strength to put down the cashews and find something with a little more nutritional value, particularly since I was sooooo tired in my head.  But I did.  It was a non-scale victory of sorts.

 

For the vegetable challenge this week, I made an asparagus casserole.  I failed to mention in my diatribe about hating vegetables, that I will eat asparagus, so this is a bit of cheating as far as trying a whole new vegetable goes.  But, we've been on water restriction due to the flooding.  In response to that, I cooked as much as possible Sunday afternoon.  The plan was to only run the dishwasher once to clean the cooking utensils.  Then, all week we would heat up the prepared items on paper plates in the microwave.  (It hasn't worked exactly as planned, but that's not important to weight loss.)  When I try something new, I only make a small amount for that meal, I just couldn't justify doing that with the water issues.  I'll be back on track soon enough, my husband is not willing to let me forget that I promised to try a tomato this summer!!!

 

Now, on to the promised book review.  The first half or so of the book discusses studies done on both humans & animals regarding reactions to certain foods.  There is discussion of dopamine, serotonin, etc.  I won't even try to explain it here.  The author is convinced, however that certain individuals are more prone to overeating due to both external stimuli (like commercials) and internal stimuli.  The internal stimuli is based on the composition of food - the way it is processed and that does stuff to your brain chemistry.  Also, this change in composition, makes the food less satisfying, so that the eater continues to eat far beyond the bodies' need.  It was hard reading for anyone not in to reading scientific stuff.

 

The second part of the book had some very helpful information for breaking the cycle.  The tips would help for any behavior modification, IMO.

 

The book is worth the read, for at least the second part.  The whole first section, is to convince the reader that there is an issue.  I personally, didn't need convincing.  I've seen copies as inexpensive as $3.00 on textbooks.com.  Of course shipping is at least that much.  I got my copy at the local library.  Check it out and then decide if it is worth the purchase price.

Finally, a Loss!!

Yesterday the scales were up another 0.2 lbs.  I was so frustrated and angry on Wednesday, and when the scales were up again Thursday, I knew it was time to take a long hard look at my eating.  I eat the same thing Monday through Friday for the most part.  I've learned that I'm not good at making decisions about what to eat when I'm hungry so I make as many of my meals ahead that I can.  So, taking an inventory of my eating habits for the week wasn't so hard.

I'd had what I considered very good eating days all week. I'd eaten nothing off plan.  The only thing I could imagine might be the problem was my precious Lara bars.  I love those things.  They are all natural, which is  huge for me right now.  No processed stuff for me.  So, I felt like they were a good choice.  I was eating one for breakfast and one for an afternoon snack.  Depending on the flavor they are 200-250 calories and have 20-25 carbs.  Two a day, must be too many carbs for me at this point.  Yesterday, I cut out both Lara bars and was rewarded with a loss this morning!!

I learned that Lara bars can be a healthy part of maintenance when I get there, but they can't be a part of weight loss for me.  My body is just too carb sensitive.

Small Change

I was right about the small change in the scales this morning, but I was wrong about the direction.  I gained 0.2 lbs - UGH!!  I had another good eating day today, so I know that sooner or later the scales will catch up.  But, I am frustrated. 

One of the reasons I started this blog was to share the good, bad & ugly of this journey, not just the sunshine & roses.  This is part of the ugly.  Even though my brain knows that if I keep on doing what I am supposed to be doing the scales will follow, but my heart isn't there.

So far, I've kept my car in the road, but it is getting harder & harder every day.  I've heard a couple more analogies about staying on course:
*If you're driving along and your car has a flat tire, what do you do?  You pull over fix/change the tire and drive on.  You don't throw up your hands and slash the other three!!
*If you stumble going down the stairs you don't fling yourself the rest of the way down, you grab the handrail and straighten up.
I'm gathering all the analogies I can to keep myself from sabotaging myself.

On another note, one of our counselors at work asked me yesterday how I'd lost weight.  I gave him a brief recap regarding switching between the two eating plans, and cheat days.  He thought that was a good plan, and I mentioned that my mentality regarding the cheat days made me wonder about an addictive personality trait.  He said that what I was doing was working so not to worry about it.  I felt a great burden lifted.  I'll just keep doing what's working.  How simple?  Why didn't I think of that? 

Still Trying

I'm still trying to squeeze off that 2 lbs, only now it is 2.4 lbs.  Stay tuned, tomorrow it could be 1.8 lbs!

I'm off to eat cauliflower pizza for supper.  That has to help - right?

I Did It!!

I did it.  I did it.  I did it!!!  I ate a vegetable!!  I made this pizza.  The 'crust' is from cauliflower.  I followed the recipe exactly and it was actually good.

I must admit I was quite dubious at first.  I've done Atkins enough to have tried the mashed potatoes thing and it still raises the hair on the back of my neck when I think of it.  But, I'd made a commitment and was determined to see it through.  My commitment waivered as I steamed the cauliflower before grating it.  That stuff smells like vomit to me.  I really could not imagine liking it.  And John wasn't real sure if he wanted to try it either.  I was already mentally processing the post about how hard I tried to like it and I was going to try something else again and much to my delight it was good.

It is better warm.  I got interrupted in the middle of my second slice and it wasn't quite as good cooled.

Another good thing is that I was satisfied after two slices.  The whole thing was maybe 10 inches in diameter.  I cut it in 6 slices.  I ate two and John even ate one.  I'd gotten some watermelon at the store when I got the cauliflower, so I wanted to have room for that.  My supper was 2 small slices of pizza and 4 large chunks of watermelon.  I felt so strong & healthy after eating that.

On another note, after much soul searching, I have ordered another round of hcg.  I really didn't want to.  I wanted to do this on my own.  Eventually, I'm going to have to.  I got a notice of a discount and took that as a sign that I should take advantage of the benefits it gives me.

That and the fact, that I can't squeeze of the 2 pounds I wanted to this week.  I'd forgotten about our spring pot luck at work. Although I made my choices very carefully, and got the car back on the road as soon as the meal was over, I still paid the price on the scales. I had a very good eating day today, so I'm expecting a downward tick in the morning.

I"m also reading The End of Overeating by David Kessler.  I'll post a review once I've finished it.

Thanks for reading!!