Saturday Scale Says

I had another good week as far as the scales are concerned.  This morning they read 171.4.  Almost out of the 170's, this time to stay.  I've lost a total of 83 pounds and I'm a mere 26.4 away from my goal.




It is a gorgeous day out there.  I'm going to go enjoy it.

Life Lessons

There's not much to report on the weight loss front today. I went to the doctor this morning. He was pleased with my continued progress down the scales. He still wants to keep a close eye on my liver function. Blood was drawn today, and I have appointments to go back in 3 and 6 months for more blood draws. I really don't know what that is all about, but he does. He's the one that has been to medical school, so I'll let him worry about it!!

On a personal note, 65MD's sister and her husband live in the Tuscaloosa area. The building where she works took a hit in the storm yesterday, but she was home and unharmed. I have not heard about her work space today to know if she was able to go to work or not. A cousin was not so lucky. His house was totally demolished in the same storm. He had taken refuge in the bathroom as the most interior room in the house. He survived physically unharmed, but that was the only part of the house left. He literally lost everything.

All of the devastation around us, gives me flashbacks to the floods we had almost exactly a year ago. All of it gives me perspective. I need to be healthy and strong for sure, but I don't need to be worried about having the body of a model. I'll definitely keep chipping away at this last few pounds, but if it never comes off, there are more important things in life. I'll try to keep that lesson in mind as I go forward.

Small Changes

Yesterday I wrote a very articulate, eloquent blog entry regarding small changes and the big impact over time. I discussed how sometimes the changes were almost imperceptible until they seemed to suddenly appear. It was great, I say, great. Unfortunately, somehow early during the composition, I lost my internet connection, and I could not publish. Google didn't even save a draft at all. I tried to print it so that I could retype it later, and the best I could get was a screen shot. I know I'll never be able to recreate such eloquence, so I won't even try. I will share the example that triggered the discussion, however.

As I mentioned on Saturday, my family and several friends were coming over for Easter dinner after church on Sunday. My mother & sister were bringing dishes. My main responsibilities were salad, asparagus and dessert. The lettuce and asparagus were easy. All I had to do was walk out to the back yard and cut them. I bought some other salad veggies and made a few salad dressings (since I don't do that bottled stuff) and that was that.

For dessert, I decided to try something new. I scoured my cookbooks for something spring-like. I finally settled on two. One had fresh blueberries and the other oranges. I did not look for nutritional information of any sort. I just looked for something appealing. On Sunday, one of my guests pointed out that both offerings were fruit based. I agreed and said I really hadn't set out to intentionally make to fruit based desserts, it just happened. I got loads of compliments on both. Words like "light" and "not too heavy" and even "the best ever" were used to describe them. I must say I agree. :)

Don't misunderstand, they were not nutrition powerhouses. They were indulgences for sure. But they were a far cry from the dense, rich desserts to which I had gravitated in times past. While neither one had white flour, which again was not a conscious decision, they both had sugar. I could possibly tweak the recipes to include sweeteners that would be better choices than sugar, but I don't think I will. First because I think life should include an indulgence every now & then. And second, because of the small changes inside, I'm naturally making better choices. I think that is better than forcing the issue.

Fun Fact:  I've peed 4 times in 55 minutes.  There could be a nice loss on the scales in the morning!!

Saturday Scale Says

This morning I weighed 174.2.  That is down 3.6 for the week.  I'm pleased with that especially considering I wasn't really following a plan.  I hadn't been to the grocery store and was just doing the best I could with my eating for the week with what I had on hand.  Not too shabby!!


I went to the grocery store last night and loaded up on what I need to get back on the hcg.  I started this morning, so I'm expecting great things next week.  ;)


My total weight loss is 80.2 lbs and I'm a mere 29.2 away from my goal.  I'll get there when the time is right.  I feel it.


Now I must go.  I'm having the family and a few friends over for a meal tomorrow after church.  The count grows as we continue to invite folks!!  I've got a house to clean.  (BTW, the meal is based on what's ready to eat in my garden right now  - lettuce & asparagus.)

The Dolphin

Last week I had an absolutely glorious 'unplugged' week at the beach.  I loved every minute of it, but really skipped over blogging about the most glorious thing that happened because it wasn't food related.  After reading Sharon's blog today, I realized that maybe the most glorious thing could be related to this journey.  Hang in there as I share it...

After our travel and WiFi issues of Tuesday, I went to the beach alone Wednesday morning.  65MD was at his conference as it was about 8:30 am.  There was hardly anyone on the beach and I felt like a heroine in a romance novel, since they always have private beaches.  The sun was shining.  There was the gentle beach breeze.  The temperature was near perfect.  The water was a gorgeous shade of blue.  I stood looking out over the water thinking that life didn't get any better.  I was fully in the moment; fully thankful for my life that allowed me such joy.  I standing there thinking that life really didn't get any better, when I saw a dolphin jump in the water.  I felt like it was a gift to me for my gratitude.  The dolphin was swimming back the way from which I'd come so I raced the dolphin back up the beach.  I had no thought other than how much I was enjoying the moment.  It was no contest, the dolphin won by a huge margin.  I lost sight of it well before I got back to my starting point on the beach.  I didn't care.  I was happy.

Later in the day, I was shopping for a nephew's birthday gift and mentioned to the store clerks that I'd seen a dolphin.  The insisted that I hadn't or that I was not remembering exactly where I was on the beach because dolphins "never" come there.  I knew better.  I had seen it, and I knew exactly where I was on the beach.  There had once been a pier there, and the pilings were still there, so there was no mistaking it.  It further confirmed for me that I had been given a gift.

Since returning, I've told just about everyone that has asked about the trip, the dolphin story.  I've thought of it and smiled many times during the last few days.  What I hadn't done prior to reading Sharon's blog, was thought it had anything to do with my weight loss journey.  Perhaps it does.

Consider this. 

• Two years ago, it would never have crossed my mind, even on a deserted beach, to race a dolphin.  (I wouldn't have done it last week, if there had been people!)
• I probably wouldn't have walked nearly as far from my beach base and never even seen the dolphin.
• Food was the last thing on my mind.  I was not thinking about what I'd eaten for breakfast, what I might eat for lunch or anything else.  In year's past I spent an inordinate amount of time planning where we'd have our next meal.  I'd research menus, coupons, daily specials or anything else you can think of that might be a consideration about where to eat.  At that point in time, it was no where on my radar.
• My legs were shaky after the exertion, and I could feel it later in the day, but I relished the feeling.

The coolest part is, it happened so naturally that it never occurred to me how the changes in my body allowed this to happen.  The changes in my mind allowed this to happen too.  I was a happy person before, and I would have loved seeing a dolphin, but I think my mind would have been too preoccupied to be in the moment the way I was.  My ankles would have probably been hurting, since walking in sand caused that a lot more back then.  I probably would have eaten far more than a banana for breakfast and probably would have been wondering where we would be eating supper, and on and on.  My mind was free to live in that moment only and it was indeed glorious!

Whirlwind

I'm back in the whirlwind that is my life. I intend to blog a little more regularly as I did prior to the beach trip. It helps more than I ever thought when I started, but I don't have to tell any of you that. You already know or you wouldn't be here. When people ask about my success in weight loss now, I tell them blogging. I really think that has been the key to persevering for me. This exercise (pun intended) has kept me from giving up when the going got tough and kept me honest about my eating habits. More than that, it has opened my eyes to behaviors I had not noticed. It has been great to recognize those things and take steps to fix them. It isn't always pleasant, and it isn't always fun, but I feel as though I am a better person than I was two years ago. My attitude is so much more relaxed. I'm beginning to recognize what I can control and what I can't. I'm letting go of what I can't. The whirlwind isn't quite as gale force as it used to be, and I think that is why.

And...in the interest of the honesty I mentioned earlier...my weight yesterday was 177.8! Not a typo!!! That is a gain of 11 lbs in 9 days. I knew that I would post a gain, but I was absolutely shocked to see that. I was hoping to stay in the 160's but apparently, I was lucky to stay in the 170's! As I mentioned earlier, I feel certain most of this is water. Yesterday, I got right back with the program, eating and drinking just as I should. This morning, I had lost two pounds. Wouldn't it be great if I lost all 11 pounds in 9 days?! Just kidding, I know that it takes at least twice as long to lose as it does to gain even if it is mostly water.

How about this for a goal? I'll be back in new territory, meaning below 166.6, before I leave for my next trip. That is an easy goal.  It's good to be back.

I'm Back!

 We had several glorious days at the beach - once we got there.  Our flight was supposed to leave Nashville at 7:55 am and arrive in Panama City Beach at 9:10 am.  We were there; the plane wasn't!  We wound up flying from Nashville to Baltimore and then to Panama City Beach.  Our final destination was Destin which was about an hour from the airport.  Once we got there, we realized we could have driven from Nashville and arrived at the same time.


We stayed in a quaint little village area, in an upstairs unit.  It was so recently updated the scent of the new wood/carpet/etc was still there.  We loved it, except for the part about WiFi.  The booking agent said it was part of the fee, the on site people said it wasn't.  We finally got the booking agent to refund the cost of the daily WiFi rate.  It seemed fair.  Then the WiFi didn't work. 

It turned out great.  I totally disconnected and loved every minute of it.  I finished one novel, read another and started a third.  I walked and walked and walked, and loved it.  I thought, and prayed and planned.  It was fabulous.

This is the third year that 65MD and I have made this trip.  I had the realization that if we go again next year as we anticipate.  I'll not only be at my goal weight, I will have had surgery.  Destin, Florida will never be the same!!!

Our first year to make the trip, I had just finished the first three weeks of the first round of hcg.  I had lost weight beyond my greatest expectation and was totally freaked out that I might gain back an ounce.  Last year, I had to buy a new bathing suit.  I was much calmer about eating, but still very concerned.  This year, I went with the vague notion of eating low carb, but not allowing food choices to dictate the trip. 

I had my first trial with all of the travel issues.  We had planned to eat lunch in Destin.  Instead I was in an airplane being offered pretzels and crackers.  I ate them and decided not to beat myself up over it.  Life happens.  My job is not to control everything.  I can't.  I ate the crackers and the world didn't come to an end.  At dinner, as a perused the menu, my first choice was the catch of the day!  I don't remember that ever happening before, not even when it is battered and fried.  It was succulent.  It was served with steamed broccoli and a rice/veggie dish.  I ate it and was comfortably full, not stuffed.

I realized then that I had matured somehow in this whole process.  I didn't let a small bag of airplane shaped crackers dictate my mood and eating for the rest of the day.  I didn't even look to see how many carbs were in the bag.  I really wanted the fish.  I was happy to see the broccoli.  I liked the feeling of satiety as opposed to stuffed.

I know, however, that I gained weight while I was gone.  I feel it.  I feel flabby somehow.  The scales will tell the tale in the morning.  That's OK.  I feel confident that most of it is water retention.  I ate a lot more sodium than usual in the restaurant prepared meals.  We didn't eat out every meal, and I had fruit and nuts in the room for those occasions.  But that was still more carbs than my body usually gets.  With those two issues, I know my weight is up.  I also know it will go back down.  My clothes aren't too small or anything like that.  I just don't feel like I usually do.

I have four weeks until we have another little trip.  I have challenged myself to see just how much weight I can loose during that time.  Starting...NOW!

Saturday Scale Says

This morning the scales read 166.6!  Finally back in to new territory.  (My lowest weight before I got sick was 167.0)


Total weight lost:   87.8
Pounds to go:         21.6
Days to beach:       3


I had a hard week last week, but not nearly as bad a year's past.  Often in the afternoon, I'd begin to think about how tired I was an how I would just suggest we go out for a quick meal.  Almost immediately, I'd think that wasn't a good idea, and there were no real epic battles with regard to that.  I struggled the most with 'sneeching' the term Margene coined to describe on plan cheating.

But rather than beat myself up over it.  I recognize that I'm a long way from where I was three years ago, when I would have gone out for supper without a second thought.  I would have eaten a lot too.  I know I still have improvements to make, but that's OK.  That is all part of life.

I've made great strides in the precheating area as well.  I know I'm a long way from conquering that, but this morning when I saw a new low on the scales, I thought about how I'd really have to kick it up a notch for the next few days.  I don't want to rebound while I'm gone.  A thought like that would never have entered my mind years ago.  I would have decided to eat, drink and be merry until I got back from the beach.

Life is good.  The day is gorgeous.  I've got a good bit to do to get the house ready for a sitter.  For some reason I have to have the house clean enough to perform surgery on the bathroom floor before I go on a trip.  It is that much worse when we're having a sitter.  If there is some psychosis in that, I'll worry about it later.  For now, I'll enjoy a clean house!

Victory Thursday!!

I have a couple of almost PG-13 NSV for the week.  Intrigued???  I am a bath girl.  I love a nice hot soak more than just about anything to relax.  I have all sorts of oils, salts, and bubbles to enhance the experience.  I have been relishing bath time for sure this week.

 

So Tuesday night I got in the tub for a nice hot soak and I sat on something. I didn't remember seeing anything in the tub when I started the water, but there was definitely something under me. It was hard, and uncomfortable.  I raised myself up (which is another NSV) to brush the object out from under me, but there was nothing there.  I thought is must have floated away.  I sat back down but it was still there.  I raised up again and reached with the other hand, still nothing.  Hmmm.  I sat back down.  It was still there.  This pesky object must have adhered itself to me.  Maybe when I sat on it some sort of vacuum was created so this time I felt of my rump.  There it was, only it wasn't on the outside.  It was on the inside.  Apparently, I actually have a pelvis.  I had to wiggle around and get the remaining flesh (and there is still plenty!) situated into a comfortable position so that I could enjoy my soak to the fullest.

Today spring returned to my fair city.  I chose to wear a light airy skirt today sans hosiery.  It looked cute, but I had a surprising problem.  My skin on my thighs actually flapped so much when I walked it was audible!!  I really thought my only excess skin problem was my stomach.  Oh well!!!  I'll be shopping for some other foundation garments for the summer.

My last NSV for the week isn't nearly so titillating.  This week had been grueling to say the least.  I won't go in to details because only those that have endured a financial audit can understand.  And those folks need no details.  Our office is so small that I am the entire accounting department, so every thing I've done for an entire year has been inspected.  Most years, I'm in a dither about every last minute little detail.  Not this year.  This year, I was confident that I had done the best job I possibly could have.  I also understood that I was human and it was possible that an error not only had been made, but also discovered by the auditors.  And that was OK.  Everyone makes mistakes, even me.  I think that indicates my growth as a person beyond the perfectionistic person I was just two years ago when I started this journey.That is as good as the weight loss!!

Thanks to all of you for your prayers and good wishes during the week.  Another victory is that they are finished with the on site portion of the audit.  There are still a few loose ends to be tied up but they are minor and there won't be human beings in the office any more asking all sorts of questions!!  WOOT!

Term Needed

I've been working hard on the precheating and preeating issues I've discovered that I have. Thanks to Karen for introducing me to the term precheat and the great suggestion to chew gum while preparing meals!! I am a gum chewing girl for sure. There are no less than four flavors of gum in my purse right now. I often chew it at work to ward off those afternoon munchies. I hadn't considered chewing it while cooking. I love the idea and can easily implement it. That is why I love blogging. I get these wonderful suggestions. Thanks!!




I discovered another issue yesterday. Now I need a term for it. That way I can remind myself not to XYZ. This little issue has been ongoing for several weeks now, as even the casual reader might have noticed and that is 'on plan' cheating. That is when I eat something that technically fits within the parameters of my current eating plan, but it isn't really a good choice. Yesterday, it was dill pickles.



I love those things. I especially love the ones I make. I feel like they are healthier and lower in sodium. They are far from sodium free, but still they aren't the packing house things either. Cucumbers and vinegar are acceptable on my plan right now. There is still a limit as to the amount, but acceptable. Dill pickles are cucumbers, vinegar, dill & salt packed in water. All acceptable, but not a good idea.



I decided yesterday to have all of my vegetable servings in dill pickles - at one time.



I won't get in to the decision making process, but it happened. It seemed to take mere moments before my hands started swelling. By bedtime last night, I could barely make a fist. I knew before I stepped on the scales this morning that my weight would be up. I was right. I was up 1.6 lbs! Clearly, the gain was fluid. I've been chugging the water like crazy so far today and I've peed a river, so I think most of that will be gone in the morning. But clearly, I need to stop this behavior.



So any suggestions of what to call this virtuous cheating? I need a snappy word or two to use to remind myself not do to it. And...go!

Saturday Scale Says

I decided that Saturday would be a good day to post my weight because on Saturdays I generally have no obligations at certain times.  I thought I could easily post the stats each week with no problem.  That hasn't been the case this week.  It is late afternoon as I finally sit down to write.  Then I'll catch up on reading.

This morning the scales read 168.4.  That is just 1.4 lbs above my lowest weight in February before I got sick.  I'm almost plowing new ground.  I have just over a week before I hit the beach and that will all be new pounds gone.  Here are the stats:

Total pounds lost:   85

Pounds to goal:       23.4

Days to beach:        10

 

I've had a good week both emotionally & physically this week.  I've really enjoyed blogging this week too.  Unfortunately, I do not anticipate being able to blog quite so much next week.  It is our financial audit at work.  That will consume a lot of my time.  For those of you who pray, I could use some extra help next week.  I'm not sure how much time I'll get to write posts.  I'll do my best to at least read others.  Know that I am sticking to my plan and squeezing off those pounds!

 

I'll do my best to keep in touch.

 

Self Discovery or Victory Thursday II

I am learning a lot about myself along this road, some are pleasant and some not so much. I try to appreciate the lessons no matter how hard because they are making me a better person, not just a thinner person.

Several weeks ago I learned the term precheat. I knew I did it but I'd never labeled it. Once I did, however, it was much easier to identify and even stop. Note I did not say it was easy to stop, but easier to stop as in not quite as hard. So, now I know that giving something a name makes it more real and easier to recognize and halt.
I've come up with another name for a behavior that I've done for probably my entire adult life, and that is pre-eat. Pre-eating is what I call eating while I'm preparing my meal. This condition most manifests itself, when I've allowed myself to become too hungry before eating. I'm not talking about tasting items to be sure the seasoning is correct. I'm talking about eating practically an entire meal while cooking another one.

I know I did this years ago when I was preparing family meals. I'd even plan for it. I'd add a couple of extra rolls to the pan so I could eat those before the meal was served. Stuff like that.  There were times when I would sit down at the table to eat the meal and I was no longer hungry. Of course, I didn't let that stop me. No way! I'd worked hard on this meal and besides it tasted great. I am a good cook.

Now it isn't quite so bad, but it happens. I even pre-eat on plan!! Say for instance, I am meticulously weighing my chicken so as not to get too much and I'll pop a few almonds in my mouth. Dry roasted almonds with sea salt are a good healthy snack choice. They have protein and good fat. It is virtuous as snacks go,so no harm done. I don't think so! Not when it isn't counted.

I realized this early in the week this week. The evening meal is really the only time this happens, mostly because my other meals are heat & eat. Of course, at work there is nothing around to pop in my mouth. That helps. So, now when I start preparing my evening meal, I make sure there are no almonds (or any other virtuous) snack food anywhere in sight. When I feel like I need something because I am truly hungry, I remind myself that pre-eating is not a good thing and that my chicken will be done soon enough. I'm not going to pass out or anything!!  I'm also working to arrange my schedule so that I can have a late afternoon snack and not get quite so hungry. In my work environment, I can't always do that.

It is hard for me to face facts that indicate I am less than perfect. Somehow though, when the light bulb when off in my head about this one, I was relieved. It was as if a burden had just been lifted from my shoulders. I'm wondering if this condition was so deeply ingrained in my habits that I did it all of the time. Perhaps it accounts for some of those times when I was absolutely certain that I'd not gone over calorie/carb/whatever goals for the day but I had. I just didn't recognize it and didn't count the calories.

For me this is very different that breaking down and having those girl scout cookies that won't stop torturing me from the freezer. This is almost entirely on a subconscious level, almost like an involuntary reaction. Now I know. Now I can do something about it. I know it won't be easy, but it won't be as hard as it once was, and not nearly as frustrating! I am truly happy to have discovered this chink in my armour! I think even that says a lot about my growth.

Thanks for reading!