This morning the scale read 176.8. Not good, not good at all. That is up 1.6 from last week, and 4.6 from the weight I decided would be a goal for this long stretch of challenges. I've got to do better this coming week.
For the week ahead, the challenges are not until the weekend. I have a high school reunion next weekend, and 65MD's birthday is Labor Day. I want more than anything to really hit it hard and be focused between now and then. I have 7 days in which to do that. But, I feel myself slipping.
My mental energy is waning. Thoughts about the futility of even trying are creeping in. This is the weight where I spent most of my early 30's. This is the battleground on which I fought and lost all those years. I've got to keep my head in this because if I can keep my thoughts right, everything else will follow. It is getting harder.
I feel like I'm hanging on by a thin, thin thread. Even though I feel like I'm gripping that thread with both hands, and doing whatever I can to hang in there I fear something will come along and snap the thread. I am so afraid of what will happen if that thread breaks. I have the mental image of a balloon full of air that has been let go and shoots all over the room as the air rushes out. Only in this image, it is my weight shooting up uncontrollably. I don't like this feeling. I don't like the lack of control that is seeping in around the edges of my thoughts.
I'm holding on as best I can, but I'll need all the help I can get. Thanks in advance for sustaining me through this.
What to say
5 days ago