This morning the scale read 176.8. Not good, not good at all. That is up 1.6 from last week, and 4.6 from the weight I decided would be a goal for this long stretch of challenges. I've got to do better this coming week.
For the week ahead, the challenges are not until the weekend. I have a high school reunion next weekend, and 65MD's birthday is Labor Day. I want more than anything to really hit it hard and be focused between now and then. I have 7 days in which to do that. But, I feel myself slipping.
My mental energy is waning. Thoughts about the futility of even trying are creeping in. This is the weight where I spent most of my early 30's. This is the battleground on which I fought and lost all those years. I've got to keep my head in this because if I can keep my thoughts right, everything else will follow. It is getting harder.
I feel like I'm hanging on by a thin, thin thread. Even though I feel like I'm gripping that thread with both hands, and doing whatever I can to hang in there I fear something will come along and snap the thread. I am so afraid of what will happen if that thread breaks. I have the mental image of a balloon full of air that has been let go and shoots all over the room as the air rushes out. Only in this image, it is my weight shooting up uncontrollably. I don't like this feeling. I don't like the lack of control that is seeping in around the edges of my thoughts.
I'm holding on as best I can, but I'll need all the help I can get. Thanks in advance for sustaining me through this.
Lessons Learned
4 years ago
Okay... my last post concluded with the idea that a comment can make a huge difference. So... here I am to tell you that you CAN do this. You know you can. You know you want to. Think about how you feel now and how you used to feel. Think about all the reasons you want to finish this. Remember what works for you and ask what you can do to get back to those things. Now is a tough time with all that is going on. Maybe you should focus on just hanging on, trying to maintain, until you get through. Then rededicate. YOU CAN!!!!
ReplyDeleteWish I could think of something new and helpful, but for the life of me, all I can think of is don't give up. Please, don't give up. And I assure you I'm supporting you with the only encouragement that really works and that is prayer. All my blog friends are prayed for daily, but I'll pray specifically for a renewed mind for you from the inside out. Right now, you are swimming in a uphill river with a raging current, so try to make good decisions and tread water until these birthdays, anniversaries and parties get behind you. Beg 65MD for help and make sure he knows how much you are struggling right now. I'm here and I care.
ReplyDeletei wish i could wave a magic wand and make it easy, but we all know it's difficult. but here's something you should know. you are an amazing powerful intelligent woman and you WILL do this. forget that thread grab those bootstraps and PULL! it's worth the effort, YOU are worth the effort! you knwo exactly what to do, and lets be honest (i'm guilty too) it gets tiresome/boring to stay on plan even though we know it's good for us so we use stuff (birthdays, cookouts ect) as an excuse to "cheat" i know i personally used grief at the passing of a friend to undo all the hard work i'd done at weight watchers. i went on a 10 day spiral and have just managed to get myself back under control. i'm NOT scolding i'm empathising cause we've all been there. just stick to your guns as best you can this week..... i suggest drinking lots of water before the reunion/birthday and having a small meal. plus i understand how hard it is to motivate when you're blah but exercise will make you feel better and more in control. if you need to vent/scream/cry/cuss whatever, i have big ears and broad shoulders! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
ReplyDeleteWhen I get to where you are, I really work on my attitude. Check out my last few posts, it's what I've been talking about for a while. Plus I set new very short terms goals. Seems once I take my eyes off of what I don't have and on what I do have, things really begin to work.
ReplyDeleteScale is saying the same...but my Hubby says he's seeing a big difference in me. He even called me skinny yesterday. How fun is that?
You can do it my friend, don't lose your edge, get your sass back and make this happen!!
Keep focused!
You can do this! Try to focus on just one day at a time, challenge yourself to eat right and workout for just that one day. Then do the same thing the next day. Or challenge yourself for the entire week, and promise yourself you can relax a little after that. For me, at least, it is much easier to stay focused when I know it is for a limited time.
ReplyDelete