Total Weight Loss

Tuesday, January 31, 2012


I am lucky to work among encouragers.  The 1000 Mile Challenge started at work, so everyone in the office is aware of it, even if they are not participating.  Those of us that accepted the challenge each have our own methods for getting to the goal.  We keep each other motivated with charts and a friendly competition.

For instance, yesterday one woman realized she'd slipped back more than she thought so she ran two miles at lunch.  She lives very close to the office so she was able to go home, change in to running clothes, run two miles, refreshen a bit, and returned to work with some pink in her cheeks.  I was proud of her, and also a little envious that she could look so good after a two mile run!  We were all proud of her and told her so.

Our Executive Director, my boss, it about as excited as any non-participant.  He's constantly asking us how many miles we have.  He knows that I get a lot of steps in taking the long way around to where ever I'm going.  I can get 200 steps in just going to the ladies' room if I do a lap around the conference room.  He thinks it is great.  He have even come up with a couple of ways for me to get in extra steps.  He suggested more than once a lap around the parking lot.  I've agreed as soon as it is warm enough, which could be today.

Every day, I get comments from various co-workers congratulating me on sticking with the plan.  The conference room is being called "The Gym" by a few folks.  One woman even asked why I wasn't walking down her hall.  All in all it has been a very good experience.  I am extremely grateful for those people.  I know not everyone works in such an environment.  But there is one fly in the ointment.  There is one woman that is apparently irritated by this.

Initially, she made comments in jest, but they had a barb to them.  I'm sure we've all experience that. Knowing that the laughter is not genuine, but to cover up the ugly truth.  This woman has actually yelled at me as I've walked around the conference room. Although it is hurtful, I probably could brush it off as she is the only negative voice among the many, if I didn't consider her a friend. Nor is this the first time she's cast aspersions at my weight loss techniques.

If I were doing something harmful to lose weight, I realize it would take a true friend to stand up and point out the error of my ways.  Trying to walk 2.7 miles per day is not harmful.  I can only surmise as to what the problem is.  I think it is because 3 years ago, I was bigger than her and now I'm smaller.  She and I started plenty of diets/lifestyle changes/eating plans together in the time we've known each other.  I have finally found success.  I'm not quite to my goal, but I have managed to keep a large amount of weight off for a couple of years and I'm on my way to my goal weight.

I think that she's frustrated and angry about that.  I think she's ruing the lost opportunities.  I've tried to address it with her, but she denies it.  This whole thing really is very hurtful to me.  I felt as though we were genuine friends, but now I fear a fracture in the relationship.  I'm not sure if it can be repaired.

I have stopped talking about my struggles with her because I remember how it feels to not be the one losing weight.  I remember many times, hearing someone talking about needing to lose 10 or 20 pounds and think I'd love to have that problem.  I don't want to add to her frustrations, but I can't live my life walking on egg shells.  I know what I'm doing is the right thing.  I can only extend my hand in friendship and hope that she is able to come around.

Monday, January 30, 2012

Monday Mileage

I have 61 miles under my belt as of yesterday.  Currently, since it is cold and rainy so much of the time, I can't quite get to the goal of 2.7 miles per day.  My goal now is on Monday through Friday try to get more steps in than the previous day.  Today, I'll try to get in more steps than I did on Friday.  Tomorrow more than today, etc.  Saturdays are so unpredictable for me, that my goal now is to get in more steps this Saturday than last Saturday and the same goal for Sundays.

I think that is a reasonable and attainable goal for now.  Once the weather breaks in about a month to 6 weeks, I'll be able to log more miles outside and get to where I'd like to be with the mileage.  I'm feeling strong and not overburdened by my goals, so I think that is good.

Happy Monday!

Friday, January 27, 2012

I Wanted to EAT!

I've been on this journey for almost three years now.  I started with hcg and have followed their protocol of using the hcg for a time period and taking a break for a time period.  This is to keep the body from developing an 'immunity' to the hcg.  I've used the in between times to explore other eating plans, hoping to find the one that would serve me for the rest of my life.  One that I could follow to maintain my weight loss.  Each plan had varying degrees of success.  Mostly, I think, because I was doing for the short term.  Some just weren't right for me to be sure, but even the ones that worked weren't going to sustain me when I considered them temporary. 

I would count the days remaining.  I would try to guess how much weight I'd lose by that date.  I'd think about the food I was missing that could be added back in x number of days.  Somehow this mental track was always running in the back of my mind.  I knew to the ounce how much weight I'd lost and how much I had to go to get to my goal.  When I would change plans and what I'd eat differently.

Slowly, slowly during this time my mind has changed.  Slowly, slowly, I've come to the realization that this truly is a lifetime situation.  Not a 3 week or 6 week temporary plan, but an every single day for the rest of my life plan.  The difference this time has been startling.  I restarted the hcg on December 31, and have been 100% compliant with the plan every day.  I hesitate to use the word easy because it still isn't.  It was sort of like slipping on a glove.  It fit and felt comfortable.  I knew what to do and I did it. 

Now, I feel smaller and healthier, but I'd have to think to tell anyone the number of pounds I've lost.  I'm not counting the remaining days on hcg, although it is marked on the calendar.  I eat what I plan, when it is time and don't spend time obsessing about food.  I don't pine away for some missed food item, which is never as good as I thought it would be anyway.  I just do what I need to do with regard to eating.  It is a small blip on the radar now.  I think that is the way it should be. 

Even with the quiet confidence that has somehow grown inside without me noticing, yesterday!  I wasn't hungry.  My stomach wasn't growling.  It wasn't time.  I just wanted food.  It was like a monster awoke from somewhere deep inside and tried to take over.  I wanted food and a lot of it.  I didn't care what it was.  I wanted it.  This wasn't a craving or a fixation with a certain food item it was any food, just a whole lot of it.  I am happy to say I did not succumb.  I stuck to my plan and feel good about myself and my decisions, but this was a little unnerving.  I wanted to pile in a whole lot of something - anything!

The lesson for me, is not to get too comfortable.  Not to ever think I've beaten the monster that lives inside.  The monster that tries to derail my success.  There will be battles in the future even at my goal weight.  Some I win and some I won't, but each day I hope to grow stronger while the monster grows weaker.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Interesting Article

Since I have devoted so much of this blog to ranting about clothing sizes, I thought this article would be appropriate to include.

The article is a little long, so here's the best part.  IMO
The ASTM recommendations have evolved over time to accommodate a very real trend: vanity sizing. Women don’t want to know their real size, so manufacturers re-label bigger sizes with smaller numbers. In 1958, for example, a size 8 corresponded with a bust of 31 inches, a waist of 23.5 inches and a hip girth of 32.5 inches. In ASTM’s 2008 standards, a size 8 had increased by five to six inches in each of those three measurements, becoming the rough equivalent of a size 14 or 16 in 1958. We can see size inflation happening over shorter time spans as well; a size 2 in the 2011 ASTM standard falls between a 1995 standard size 4 and 6. (This may also explain why smaller sizes are constantly invented. The 1958 standard listed 8 as its smallest size. The 1995 ASTM standard listed a size 2. In 2011, ASTM lists a standard for size 00.)

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Go Me!

 I finally had a day when I not only reached my goal of 2.7 miles.  I exceeded it.  I got 2.86!  Yahoo!!!

Now, if work would just calm down, I'd be better.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Monday Mileage

I have logged 46.5 miles so far this year.  I've gained a reputation at work for taking the long way around wherever I have to go in the office.  I have also been making more trips between the dryer and the bedroom and such as that in order to get more steps in each day.

On Thursday, I noticed mid-afternoon that I had a high number of steps.  I knew if I pushed myself, I would get a record number of steps for the day and I did.  Then on Friday, I decided to beat that number of steps and I did!  On Saturday, I was unable to beat Friday's record.  I was OK with that.  I know that I spent my time wisely.  I did not laze around or anything like that.  I just had obligations that kept me from getting in quite so many steps.  That's life.  That happens.

I am getting the most steps in each day that the day allows.  I am challenging myself to get better, but I'm not all caught up in it.  I'm not judging my worth by my pedometer.  I may get to 1000 miles by December 31 and I may not.  I know that I'll be pleased with myself if I keep simply doing the very best I can.

Monday, January 16, 2012

Monday Mileage

I have logged 32.5 miles so far this year.  I am still looking for that kick in the pants to get me motivated and get the miles in.  So far, I've done a lot better in coming up with excuses as to why I'm not.  I really am hoping this is just the winter doldrums and once we have a few nice days, I'll be able to start catching up.

Saturday, January 14, 2012


Joy tagged me yesterday in a little game that is making its way through our cyber-circles.  This isn't the tag that we played as children where running is invovled.   This is more like what we called "Slam Books" in the 7th grade.  I must say I loved those things.

The rules to this game of tag are:
1. Post these rules. 
2. You must post 11 random things yourself. 
3. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post. 
4. Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer. 
5. Go to their blog and tell them that you've tagged them. 
6. No stuff in the tagging section about "you are tagged if you are reading this."

Rule 1, done.  Rule 2, 11 things:
  1.  I am almost always cold.  Right now I have on four undershirts, a sweater and a hoodie above the waist.  I'm still chilly.
  2. I get my hair highlighted every 5 weeks.
  3. I have gone to the same church since I was 9.
  4. My cell phone is a prepaid minutes plan.
  5. I run Linux on my computer at home.
  6. I got a heating pad and a heated throw for Christmas.  See Random item number 1.
  7. We have a dog that is almost 15 years old.  (His birthday is February 2.)
  8. I wear only one contact lens.
  9. I have only one pair of blue jeans, on purpose.
  10. I have only one pair of dress pants, on purpose.
  11. Summer is my favorite season.
Rule 3:
If money wasn't an option, what would you do for a living?  Own a bakery, if I actually had to work.  Otherwise, I'd be happily retired.
What is the one thing you are really afraid to to? Start my own business
What brings you the most joy?  My family
What exercise is your favorite?  This is a hard one.  I don't like to exercise - at least not yet.  I'll say aerobics, since I taught it in the 80's!
What is the one thing that pushed you to start your weight loss & fitness plans?  I wanted to skydive.
What keeps you motivated?  Sadly, seeing the scale go down.  I know I need to find another motivation, but that & smaller clothes seem to be the biggies.
Who inspires you? You!  All of my followers and the bloggers I follow.
Are you a hugger?  When was the last time you got hugged?  I'm not really a hugger, except when it comes to 65MD.  The last time was just a few minutes ago.  That will probably be true no matter what time this post is read.
What would your perfect day look like?  It would be on a beach on a bright sunny day.  I'd have no agenda and do what I felt like doing when I felt like doing it.
Are you going to reach your goals?  If so, what's your plan? Yes, I will reach my goals and probably very soon.  My plan is to do whatever works for as long as it works.  When that stops working, find something else that does work.

Rule 4:
  1. What is your fondest childhood memory?
  2. What is your favorite color?
  3. What is your favorite on plan meal?
  4. What is your favorite exercise?
  5. Which do you prefer summer or winter?
  6. What makes you laugh the most?
  7. What is your dream job?
  8. What did you eat for supper last night?
  9. Are you happy?  If not, what would it take to be happy?
  10. Are you allergic to anything?
  11. What is your biggest surprise about blogging?

Rule 5:


Unfortunately, I'm not able to complete Rule 5 because something (my computer?, blogspot?) has decided that I can't post comments.  I hope those I tagged see themselves here and follow through.  It's fun.


Wednesday, January 11, 2012

It Isn't Working!

I've been motivating myself for virtually my entire life by accepting nothing less that perfection.  For me achieving 100% really was just average.  I wanted to be just a little bit better 110% was much more what I expected of myself.  I am working very hard to shed that mindset.  Right now, I am struggling with that with regard to the whole walking thing.

Now that I've allowed myself to walk less than 2.7 miles.  I really don't care if I walk or not.  After all, I've got a whole year practically to walk 1000 miles.  So far, I have pushed myself and made myself walk.  But thoughts like:  "I'll get a lot of steps in at the beach in April.  I don't really need to push it now." creep in to my mind.  Last night's workout was mental torture.  The whole time I kept up this internal dialog about how long and hard I should go.

Here's the deal.  I had NO excuses last night.  I got home from work on time.  I had no commitments last night at all.  I had plenty of time.  I could have worked out for an hour.  I just didn't want to.  I got in about 45 minutes counting the Wii weigh in time.  But if I distilled it down to true hard work out time, more like 20 minutes.   

Some how the drive is gone.  I've swung to the 'nothing' end of the 'all or nothing' mindset.  Giving myself goals of a healthier body don't help.  It is too nebulous and far away.  Nor do new clothes or things like that.  My goodness, I have a wedding coming up in April.  That should be motivating enough but it isn't.  It is too far away I think. 

I need short term measurable goals, preferably ones with a small reward attached.  Like if I exercise 3 days per week I get x.  I don't know what x is though.  I need some ideas.  Got any?  What works for you?

Monday, January 9, 2012

Monday Mileage & Musing on Moderation

How's that for alliteration!!!

As of midnight last night I had 21.6 miles.  My pedometer resets at midnight, I didn't stay up trying to get in a few extra steps or anything like that.  I have 978.4 miles to go before December 31.

I am purposefully not mentioning if I am on target or not, although I do have a handy, dandy spreadsheet to tell me.  It is part of the moderation I am trying to develop.  Last week, as I was frantically trying to get in the requisite number of steps with just a few more for good measure, remeasuring my gait hoping it was just a little longer, and recalculating the number of steps each day, I had a bit of an "aha moment."  I was simply substituting the number on the pedometer with the number on the scale to measure my worth.  Neither one is an accurate measure. 

I almost quit at that point, not because I couldn't do it, but because I didn't want to perpetuate the perfectionism.  Quitting wasn't the answer and I knew that.  I also knew that I had to get a handle on this "all or nothing" attitude fast to make this challenge work for me.  I began to consider the reasons I took on this challenge in the first place.
1.  To get me moving, since exercise has been the most difficult thing to sustain
2.  To keep me at my goal weight when I get there, since I feel confident it will happen in 2012
3.  To feel strong and healthy no matter what my weight
4.  For bragging rights - I admit it!!

I realized that all of those things, except perhaps for #4, would still happen if I walked something less than 1000 miles.  In fact, I have exercised every day in 2012, so I was successful.  It was like a burden lifted off my shoulders.  This is not going to be an easily attainable goal, that is why it is called a 'challenge.' It is a test.  It is a trial and it isn't easy.  But I can give it every thing I have and do my very best.  That is what it is all about for me.  This is a huge change in mind set for me.

I also realized that if I walk 850, or any thing less than 1000 miles; I still accomplished something that a lot of people didn't this year.  I can still point to 2012 as the year I turned my fitness around no matter how many miles I walk, if I keep on doing it.  I'll have my bragging rights no matter how many miles I log because I didn't give up and I made a huge stride forward in changing my thinking.

Welcome to Tish who is joining us on this challenge!

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Saturday Scale Says

"Saturday Scale Says" is going away for a while.  From the very beginning of this journey, prior to this blog, I promised myself I'd not get hung up on the number on the scale.  I promised myself that I'd measure success in other ways.  I believe that I have achieved that to a point.  If not, I would have given up a long time ago. 

But not entirely, I still want to get to 145 on the scale and I want to get there as soon as possible.  I have moderated some, in that I don't give myself goals to lose so many pounds per week or anything like that.  I feel like I am still too focused on that number.

I keep charts and graphs of my weight, and I will continue to do so.  I think it is important to see trends and make adjustments.  Other people have other tools.  This is mine and that's OK.  I'm just going to put that in the background for a bit.  I'll post a monthly weight to keep myself accountable to the cyberworld, just like I do for my doctor.

Instead, I'll post my "Monday Mileage" blogs every Monday to keep everyone informed of my progress on that front.  I have a lot to say about that on Monday, so stay tuned!

Wednesday, January 4, 2012


In my last post I, in my usual analytical way, I noted how many steps I had to get each day in order to get to my 1000 mile goal.  I've built a spreadsheet to keep up with my steps and miles along with the year to date goal.  It is just how I am.

I've been a little concerned that I haven't quite made my goal any day.  I'm already chewing to the the small reserve I had at the beginning of the year.  Yesterday at work, I was lamenting this fact to the co-worker that started this whole thing.  She only had done about two miles.  I was stunned.

I have to have a little cushion for the days that I know will come.  The day that I'm sick or over-scheduled or something, sort of like a savings account.  I couldn't imagine her laid back attitude.

She was a little shocked by my OCD attitude.  She told me to calm down since it was only January 3.  She said I plenty of time to get the miles in.  She was sure that she'd make up a lot of time over the summer.

I'm trying to moderate some.  I've always been this way.  I've always saved, worked ahead, etc so as not to get in a bind.  I think it stems from the perfectionism with which I struggle. I Maybe I can use this mileage challenge to ease back on that.  I'll get as many miles in as I can and be happy with it.  I'll still go for 2.7 miles per day, but I'll try not to stress and manipulate on days that I don't.

We'll see.  This could be a double duty challenge.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

The Challenge

My out of town sister and her family are well on their way back home now.  Life is beginning to return to 'normal' now.  I have one more day off of work and then back to the whirlwind. 

I expect work to be nuts for about two weeks, to the whole month of January.  But I am determined to get back in to the routine of an afternoon session on the stair stepper.  I know that if I can get in the habit of the stair stepper in January when life is a little more hectic, I can keep it up in February when the winter doldrums hit.

I got 6.6 miles in during the phase in week.  I'm glad that we decided to start early and stack up some early miles because I had no idea how sedentary I'd become.  I was telling myself that I was better because I would make two trips to the car, dryer, etc to get in an extra step or two.  I routinely take the parking spot the longest distance from the door at work, to the point everyone calls that my spot.  While those things are good, they don't stack up to 2.7 miles per day.  They don't trim off this last 18, 25, 30 pounds to goal weight.

Another, more exciting reason I'm glad I started early is because my sisters decided to join me in the 1000 mile challenge.  They didn't start early so I said I'd spot them the same number of miles I racked up last week.  I'll do the same for anyone else that wants to start today.  Go ahead and mark 6.6 miles as done and walk/run/crawl the 993.4 remaining.  Keep up with the mileage the best way for you and post it every Monday.  We'll keep each other encouraged that way.

Here's to all of us making progress towards a healthier life in 2012!