Thanksgiving Update

I hope everyone has had a great Thanksgiving season enjoying time with friends and family and staying healthy.  I feel good about my week so far.

On Wednesday I took the day off to cook.  I really enjoy cooking and have not really cooked in a long time.  Right now, to stay on track I keep my meals as simple and quick as possible so as to keep myself out of the kitchen.  So, on Wednesday I cooked as if I were cooking for an army and enjoyed every minute of it.

On Thursday, J-boy and I ate with my family.  There were only 8 of us this year, but no less food than in year's past when there were easily 3 times that many.  I got very small servings of the foods I really wanted, and didn't eat all of anything.  My two nephews that were there and never had a weight problem almost always leave some food on their plates, so I took my cues from them.  I also ate dessert.

Yesterday, Friday, I fasted.  I needed the mental cleansing of a fast.  Today I'm back on the protein drinks.

For my 50 day goals, I'm saying I met all of them.
1. Drink two protein drinks per day.  Although, I didn't do this yesterday, I'm still saying I met this challenge, since the challenge is focused on not overeating.
2.  Exercise at least 3 days per week.  On Wednesday, I even walked to the grocery store.  It was a good idea since the parking lot was horrible.  I thought it was a little more than 0.5 miles each way or a little over a mile round trip.  I was wrong it is 0.9 miles each way, so almost two miles round trip.
3.  Lose some amount of weight.  I'm still down a pound even after dessert on Thursday.
4.  Fill water bottles - check.  I am so glad I thought of that.  I've done it every off day from work, and I've drunk all of the water every day!!  Go me!!

I have the rest of today and tomorrow to enjoy and then it is back to reality on Monday.   I'm looking forward to having a good loss next week and finishing out the year strong.  J-boy and I have had the calendar out and marked out our parties.  So far, they aren't too stacked up and my using the party for a 'meal' strategy should work out fine, since right now we only have two parties and they are actual meals rather than party food.

In the Interest of Full Disclosure...

I ate three cookies last night. Why were cookies in my house? Because someone from work had a child selling cookie dough for a school fundraiser. (Refer to yesterday's sucker remark.) It was delivered on Monday of last week. I baked them after our group Monday night with the full intention of bringing them back to work for our potluck the next day. J-boy asked me not to. Since I already had my world famous (OK, very good) pecan pie, he asked if I would leave the cookies to have on hand at home. It didn't take much convincing and I left them at home.

I had also left them alone until last night. I put them back in the container in which the dough came. It is not see through, which is very helpful to me. It is almost an out of sight out of mind sort of thing. Last night as I was filling my water bottles for the next day, I noticed that the container wasn't completely closed. Rather than simply close the container, I opened it to see how many were left. Hardly any were gone, which sometimes perturbs me about J-boy. He specifically asked that the cookies be left and had hardly eaten any. I got one out and ate it, slowly as I continued to refill the bottles. Then I got another, and another.

I finally came to my senses and got out of the kitchen. They didn't call to me the rest of the night, nor did I berate myself, although I know I should have been stronger. I've learned that beating myself up after a minor slip like that is really counter productive. I recognize that I made a poor choice, and the thing to to now is get back in control and move forward. That is what I did.  BTW, I also gave him the candy last night.  We'll see how long that sits around his office!

I've also noticed a strong correlation between posting NSV's and a goof soon thereafter. Anyone else have that problem? Is it some sort of self sabotage, or am I just paranoid or something?  I'd like to list how much better I handled the whole thing, but I don't want to mess up again.  ;-)

Two Candybars in My Purse

On Thursday of last week, our receptionist here had some candy she was selling for her grandson. It was some sort of fund raiser for school/sports team/something like that.  I'm a real sucker for that because it was hard for me to sell stuff for school when I was a child. I was so shy and scared of people I would start crying when I tried to speak. So if a child, or their parent/grandparent has the courage to come ask me to buy I do. These were just a dollar, so I got two. BTW, they were a dollar when I was in school too, but I think they were a lot bigger!

Anyway, I dropped the candy in my purse. I emailed J-boy to tell him that I'd purchased them for him. One - because I had, and Two - I couldn't sneak and eat them if he knew.  Just now, had to dig something out of the bottom of my purse and found those two candy bars sitting there!! I'd totally forgotten about them, as apparently did J-boy.

I absolutely cannot imagine forgetting about two whole candy bars for three whole days! In times past those candy bars would have been calling to me. I would have convinced myself more than once that it would be OK to have a little nibble here & there before I'd even gotten home on Thursday, In fact, I probably would never have even told J-boy about them. I would have squirreled them away in my desk at work.

That is a victory for me for sure!!

Fifty Day Report #2

 I committed to three goals each week for the last fifty days of the year on November 12, and I added another one over the weekend.  I am proud to say that I met all three challenges for the week.
1.  Drink protein drinks two meals per day - check
2.  Exercise at least three days each week  - check
3.  Lose some amount of weight - check
4.  Fill water bottles on the weekend to ensure getting 64 oz in - check - The bottles were filled first thing this morning and I'm 3/4 of the way through them.  I'm glad I thought to do this.  It is good to keep track of this, even when it seems like a no brainer.

On November 12 I weighed 181.4.  This morning I weighed 177.4!!  That is a loss of 4 pounds in a week!!  Isn't it amazing what a little focus will do?

Liar!

The Little Voice is a liar and a very sore loser. Last night on the elliptical machine TLV and The Voice of Truth (TVoT) got into it again. TVoT is always going to be right because, well, she speaks the is the truth. TLV does not like that one bit. Once she realized that, she started in on the personal attacks. I've had a successful week, which I'll blog about tomorrow in my weekly status report and TVoT was pointing this out to TLV. So, TLV got nasty. She said things that were 'true' too, but not quite right. She said things like


"You know you won't lose this much weight every week."

"You can't keep this up forever. No one can be that good all of the time."

"You're trying to work on your perfectionism, right?"



TVoT can be pretty savvy and countered with things like:

"I know, but I'll be glad for whatever loss I get."

"I only plan to eat this way until the end of the year."

"I don't expect to be perfect, just the best I can be."



TLV just wants to eat, and eat a lot. She doesn't even really care any more what it is. She even brought to mind mini quiche last night. I don't even like mini-quiche. I don't know what she was thinking. I was in the bathtub relishing a long hot soak, when the idea of eating mini-quiche popped in my head, and a battle between TLV & TVoT ensued. Suddenly, I began to wonder about my own sanity. Honestly, I'm trying to relax in the bathtub when I am having an argument with myself about a food I DON'T LIKE!!  Even if I did, there was none around.

Luckily, my employer has a counseling branch. I grabbed one of them this morning during a break and asked if I needed to schedule any sessions because these little voices were taking over my brain. She was quite professional and did not laugh right in my face.  She assured me that I was perfectly normal. Whew...of course now I've got to learn how to shut TLV up. I don't think she's going to go quietly.

The Other Voice

I've been trying to cultivate and listen to The Other Voice, rather than The Little Voice. For the past two days I have done a full workout, even yesterday I squeezed it in when I had plenty of very good reasons not to. TOV told me that I would be glad if I did, so I did. Then I got on the elliptical warmed up and started going full out. I was wearing a lot of clothes to get a good sweat going because that motivates me somehow. Fairly soon in to the workout TLV mentioned that if I kept working out this hard I would have to continue at that level to get any results. TOV reminded me that this was about being healthy and strong; being able to work out at a higher level is a sign of progress. Then my legs started to burn. TLV told me to stop so it wouldn't hurt anymore. TOV told me to relish the burn as as sign of progress.


TLV "You might injure yourself and not be able to work out. Then what will you do?"

TOV "This is just the good burn that comes from using your muscles. You won't get hurt"

TLV "You're tired. You've done so much just since coming home from work. It is OK to cut this short."

TOV "You have plenty of time. But if you really want to stop wait until you get to the next level of calories burned."

By that time I was OK, and kept going. Then TLV started in with the list of all the things I had to do. TOV reminded me that they didn't all have to be done right then and to keep going until the commercials came on, as I was watching Seinfeld reruns. TOV can be a little sneaky because once the commercials came on, she suggested that I keep going until the commercials were over. Perhaps I should go as hard as I possible could during the commercials and then cool down once the show came back on. So, I did. During the commercials, she kept telling me how good I looked and how that pretty red Christmas dress in the closet was going to look so hot on me, and how I was going to get new shoes in just a few more pounds, and the next thing I knew, I'd done the full routine.

I'm a little sore in my midsection today from two days of exercise in a row, although I didn't do weights yesterday because even TOV agrees that a day should be skipped in between those for muscle repair. It is that good kind of sore.  The sore that is a reminder of the good choices being made.  I think I like TOV. She's not nearly as whiny as TLV. She's strong and does the hard stuff to get to the good stuff that she wants.

I'm thinking she needs a better name though...The Better Voice, The Right Voice, The Strong Voice, The Happy Voice, suggestions?  It just came to me - The Voice of Truth!

First Thanksgiving Meal of the Year

Yesterday was our annual Thanksgiving potluck meal at work. I am blessed to work in an environment where Christian values and principles are lived every day. Plus we have some fabulous cooks. Every time we have had an occasion to have a covered dish meal like this, the food has been plentiful and delicious, no exception.

I knew I had a challenge ahead and that I'd have to blog about it, so I fell back on my 'serving' plan that has worked so well in the past. I parked myself at the drink area and poured drinks for every one as they finished filling their plates. One person even commented on how I was missing out on the good food, and I explained that was by design. I was secretly hoping that some of my most tempting dishes would be gone, or look gross. Sometimes, after several people have gone through the line serving themselves, food gets dripped on to the table or in other dishes, and it losses appeal for me.

I wasn't quite so lucky on that account, there was still plenty of food and it still had appeal. I had already considered exactly what I liked the most and would be the most upset about not getting. In our office, through the years several people have their specialty dishes, so I knew ahead of time what some of the offerings would be. I went through the line and made my selections taking only the smallest servings. *WARNING* Those that get tempted by reading about food might want to skip down to where is says *SAFE*. I had ham, turkey, corn casserole, baked apples, hash brown casserole, strawberry salad (not the healthy one) and a roll (homemade by me). It was all delicious.

I was even more particular about my desserts. Anything that was not homemade was immediately eliminated. I also knew that I could make any of those remaining dishes for myself anytime, so even they lost some of their appeal. I finally settled on an apple strudel pie, over chocolate pie. That was a bit of a surprise even to me. I made a very good choice with that pie. It was fabulous. I even got the recipe.

*SAFE* After I had eaten my meal, I was very full and decided to save dessert for later, even though I already had it there with me. I could easily take it back to my desk for an afternoon snack. Sadly, I did not. As we sat there chatting and enjoying each others company and a break from the whirlwind, I nibbled on the pie. I would take a very small bite and savor it slowly all the while thinking that was the last bite. But the last bite came when there was none left. The lady sitting next to me, was doing the same thing. Finally, she breathed a heavy sigh and stuffed the last bite of her dessert in her mouth. She said she was stuffed but the pie was too good not to finish. (BTW, it was the one I made.) We had a conversation about why we had to do that. Why do we feel like we have to eat everything that is in front of us?
The lesson for me is tiny, tiny portions, and giving myself permission to get more if that doesn't suffice. Yesterday, I was never tempted to go back for more. That is another surprising development. In the past, hunger had very little to do with if I got more food. It was if it tasted good and I wanted that taste again. Now, that almost seems strange.

Later in the afternoon, after the sugar buzz wore off, the little voice (TLV) came back telling me to nibble. I would have had my pie if I hadn't been so weak earlier. I told TLV that and she got quiet for a while. Then J-boy emailed and asked if I would bring him some of the leftovers for supper. He knew I'd have my drink and he'd be on his own. I went in to do that, and found myself nibbling, but as soon as I became aware of it, I stopped. It scares me a little bit to think that I did that all the time a couple of years ago, but moreso that I still do it now. I'll have to be ever vigilant on that respect.

Last night I exercised like crazy, and I wound up not having my drink. Even that seemed like way too much to put in my overly sated belly. This morning, I've had my drink and feel fine. I'm back in the game and intend to stay there. I'll give a full update as to how I'm progressing on my 50 day goals at the end of the week and each week through the end of the year. I'm looking forward to giving good reports.

Just Add Water

I need to add drinking 64 oz of water, minimum, to my 50 day goals. During the week drinking water is just about as natural as breathing. I take water with me to work because the water at the office is not filtered and has an under taste to me. That makes it very easy for me to keep up with how much I've had each day, although it is a rare day that I don't drink all 64 oz while I'm at the office.

On the weekends, I'm a sipper. I carry a glass around with me as I go about my day, but I've not been careful to keep up with the amount of water I drink. Most of the time it isn't an issue. I go about my day sipping water and think nothing of it.

Saturday, however, I didn't get a full glass (12 oz) down. It wasn't an unusual day. I had my typical errands to run and really did not even register that my water intake was down. The harsh reality of not drinking came to me yesterday morning, when the scale was up a whooping 1.4 lbs!!

I was stunned to say the least and it took me a while of really concentrating on exactly what I'd eaten on Saturday before I realized that it had to be the water. Even though the little voice tortured me all day Saturday and yesterday, I stayed true to my plan. I began to question my sanity and wonder if I was eating in some sort of blacked out state, when I remembered emptying my water glass at the end of the day to put it in the dishwasher. After I had considered it some more, I don't ever remember refilling the glass during the day.  So, I'm fairly certain I only had a partial glass of water on Saturday.

Yesterday, I was more aware of my water intake, but still only got about half in and my weight stayed the same. I get too easily distracted. So beginning this weekend, I am going to fill my water bottles on Saturday & Sunday mornings just like I do Monday through Friday and commit to drinking it just like during the week.

I'm still on board with drinking the protein drinks, and blogging. I have yet to exercise this week, but it is just Monday, so I'll get it done. I'm drinking plenty of water now, and judging by the number of trips to the bathroom today, that 1.4 lbs will mostly be gone in the morning.

Fifty Day Report #1

I did fine yesterday and so far so good today.  I am having my second protein 'drink' right now because I am going to eat my evening meal tonight.  I put drink in quotes because I blended the powder with ice, and it is like chocolate sherbet.  YUM!  It is a gorgeous day here so an ice cream like treat is just the thing.


Why is it, however, that once I made the commitment yesterday to have two protein drinks per day, exercise 3 times per week, and report weekly, that the little bratty voice came to life?  I felt like I was rocking right along, although I was making no progress to speak of, my little voice said things to me about how I really should exercise, and the like.  Once I made the mental and written assent to recommit in this time of turmoil, the little voice started telling me that two protein drinks per day weren't nearly enough, that I'd probably starve before Thanksgiving and how in the world was I planning to exercise three whole days per week.  She brought to mind foods I hadn't thought of in weeks.  At the grocery store today she pointed out all the things that are only available this time of year, and maybe I should get them while I could.  She doesn't believe that I'll lose any weight before the end of the year anyway.  I triumphed over the little brat, and told her that I was reporting all of this on my blog.  She tried to talk me out of that, but once again I prevailed over her.  I will continue to until she goes away again.


Right after yesterday's post, I discovered that Mertle had tagged me in a little game.  I am supposed to answer 4 questions and tag 4 bloggers.  I felt so special to be asked, and it is only 4 questions, so I thought I could spare the time.

1.  What is your mantra/motivational words/favorite quote?

I don't really have one overarching quote or mantra.  Perhaps that is part of my problem.  One of my favorite movie quotes is from A League of Their Own, when Tom Hanks tells Gina Davis There's no crying in baseball!"  Seriously though, the thing that popped in my mind first was Philipians 4:13 - "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."

 

2.  What was your favorite book as a child?

I loved the Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle books.  It was a whole series about an eccentric lady that knew children far better than their parents. 

 

3.  What is your favorite recipe?  Cookbook?

I have a favorite recipe for different categories of food - mostly dessert.  I have a cookbook from the phone company that I turn to over & over because it has every kind of recipe anyone could ever want.  I have several recipes from my grandmother, which I treasure.  One is for the best dill pickles ever in the whole wide world!

 

4.  What do you want for Christmas?

I don't have a list of material things that I want.  Odd, I know.  I want to stop working, but I don't think Santa will bring that.  I know that I will get a treasure trove of fond memories of my family.  We spend the week between Christmas & the new year together, rotating from house to house while my out of town sister is here with her family.  We have a blast!

 

I am tagging Sharon, Georgia, Lisa and Eve.

Your questions are:

1.  How do you silence that bratty little voice?

2.  What is your favorite exercise/work out?

3.  What is your Thanksgiving indulgence, if any?

4.  What is your favorite holiday memory?

When Blogging Isn't a Priority

Lately, I've been caught up in a whirlwind at work. That is just after an unusually active social schedule with the start of the school year. Every time I think I see a little reprieve coming, something happens to change that. It is a safe assumption now that work will be busy until mid-January, and with another busy social schedule coming up with the holidays it is time to face the reality of my new normal.

 

I have got to come up with a plan that is reasonable during the chaos. Without a plan, I've done fairly well with my eating. In fact, that's been the easiest part. Since I'm drinking two meals, I only have to figure out what to eat for one.

 

The two things that have suffered the most are blogging and exercise. I'm just too tired mentally for blogging and physically for exercise. Of course, it doesn't take much for me to find a reason not to work out! :P And I think the lack of blogging has allowed the lack of exercise. If I don't acknowledge it via the blog, no one knows and lah-dee-dah, I just go on. That has got to stop.

 

I've struggled with goal setting all along, and with this added circumstance, I'm at even more of a disadvantage. So far, I've just not set any weight loss goals. For me that is just about tacit approval for gaining. Something must be done ASAP to get my focus back on the task at hand. Even though I don't think that I will have my life back from my job at December 31, it seems to be a logical place to put a marker for goals. There are 50 days left between now and the end of the year. During that time I pledge to:

• Stay on the protein drinks two meals per day 
• Exercise 3 days per week minimum 
• Blog each week giving a report on my goals that week
• Lose some amount of weight 

I recognize now, that I need the accountability of this blog. I was concerned for a while that I was using this blog as a substitute for real work towards my goals. I know now that was wrong. I need to give an accounting of my behavior even if no one ever reads or comments. This is for me and this is what I have to do for me. That is what we all have to learn.   I hope to have some friends join me along this journey, but even if I don't, I'm here for the duration.

Not Much to Report

I'm still working crazy hours and will continue to probably through mid January.  I'm working with my current reality to get in some workouts.  Most of the time, I'm so exhausted that I just 'phone it in' so to speak.  I'm disappointed with the heart rate/calorie counter.  I haven't really been able to make it function like I think it should.  This afternoon, I decided to really give it my all on the elliptical.  I was beginning to get in the groove, getting a little sweat going, when it started buzzing.  I couldn't figure out why.  My heart rate wasn't too high, at all.  I tried to stop it but it is hard to do something else while on the elliptical.  The rhythm gets messed up.  Finally, I got so frustrated that I took it off.  I'll still try to figure it out, but maybe not when I'm so tired mentally.


I've decided to do the protein drinks through the end of the year, mostly because it is easy.  I don't have the brain power right now to figure out carbs or calories.  It is a pretty flexible program in that I can choose the meal I want to eat.  I can go to parties during the holiday season and use that as my meal for the day.  I'd like to continue to lose a pound or two each week through the end of the year, and at the first of the year hit it hard again - with everyone else in the country!!


By mid-January things should ease up at work and I'll get back in to my five day a week workouts.  Until then, I'll do the best I can, even if it is just one round of step aerobics on the Wii fit.  That is better than nothing, right?


I'll keep in touch.

Still Here

I'm still here and still fighting. I haven't had much to say lately. Even I've been a little bored with the minutea of the whole thing - drink a protein drink, lose weight/drink a protein drink, gain weight/drink a protein drink, lose weight yet again. Get the picture?

I'm still not as focused as I was this summer, and that is part of the problem. Work has been absolutely nuts lately and it isn't going to get better any time soon. On the one hand that makes the eating part easier. I'm too tired to cheat. On the other hand, I have no time for work outs. I do the baby things like take the long way places, walk instead of call, etc. But that won't yield the results of a heart pounding, sweat pouring work out.

Here's how tired I am. The other night I was laying on the couch getting some well deserved, hard earned relaxation when thoughts of sugar plums danced in my head. Lately, I've been entertaining those thoughts rather than banishing them because I've learned that the thoughts are way better than reality. Sort of like how the food on the TV commercials never looks that good in real life. I can't even remember now, what it was that came to mind, but whatever it was, I had the ingredients in the kitchen. I could have actually prepared it, but then I realized nothing I could eat would be worth all the trouble of getting up to go get it, much less prepare it. I actually started laughing about that. I never, ever, ever thought I'd be too tired to eat. There may actually be something to this working like crazy!
 
Don't worry.  I'm not quitting, not by a long shot.