Feelings

Feelings, perceptions, ideas and the like can seem real.  They cause us to behave and think in certain ways based on those beliefs, even if those thoughts are untrue.  Lately, I've been feeling fat.  I've been feeling gross and just blah. 

Here I am back in the 170's once again, and I'm just weary of it.  I think that maybe I have some sort of subconscious reality that I'll never get out of the 170's to stay much less the 140's because this is where I spent most of my 30's.

But even though I feel gross and fat.  I am not gross and fat.  We moved a mirror to a different place in the bedroom yesterday, so I'm not used to it yet.  This morning, after carefully donning stretchy, forgiving clothes to cover my perceived fatness, I caught a glimpse of myself in that mirror.  I was shocked to see that the person looking back was not at all fat, in fact, she was quite trim and looked nice.  I walked to the mirror and looked more closely to make sure that was me!!!

That experience got me to thinking about how many times I operated under false pretenses because of my own misconceptions.  At the beginning of the summer last year I was in the mid 180's weight-wise.  I felt great.  I felt slim and pretty.  I was happy to pose for the camera on vacation.  I did look nice, and relatively speaking was far thinner than I had been.  I want to get back to her.  I'm 10 pounds lighter now than I was then, but I'm searching in my closet for the fat camouflaging clothes.  I want to hide away and not let anyone see my disgusting body.

Part of the reason, I'm sure, is that I was all the way down to 163 at the end of June.  I seemed to be on the right track.  I got derailed over the 4th of July.  Here's the worst part, I don't know why!  I didn't go to a party and indulge.  I spent the month of July trying to get back under control and then the season of challenges hit.  I have got to break out of this mindset and break out soon.

I think tomorrow I will fast.  There is something about not eating, and drinking a lot of water that is cleansing to me.  I have five days ahead with no challenges.  I can make those good days.  I only have to live one day at a time, so I'll not worry about the weekend until it gets here.  I'll have a plan for it then.  I'll be in a better place mentally, I'm sure.

Saturday Scale Says

This morning the scale read 176.8.  Not good, not good at all.  That is up 1.6 from last week, and 4.6 from the weight I decided would be a goal for this long stretch of challenges.  I've got to do better this coming week.

For the week ahead, the challenges are not until the weekend.  I have a high school reunion next weekend, and 65MD's birthday is Labor Day.  I want more than anything to really hit it hard and be focused between now and then.  I have 7 days in which to do that.  But, I feel myself slipping.

My mental energy is waning.  Thoughts about the futility of even trying are creeping in.  This is the weight where I spent most of my early 30's.  This is the battleground on which I fought and lost all those years.  I've got to keep my head in this because if I can keep my thoughts right, everything else will follow.  It is getting harder.

I feel like I'm hanging on by a thin, thin thread.  Even though I feel like I'm gripping that thread with both hands, and doing whatever I can to hang in there I fear something will come along and snap the thread.  I am so afraid of what will happen if that thread breaks.  I have the mental image of a balloon full of air that has been let  go and shoots all over the room as the air rushes out.  Only in this image, it is my weight shooting up uncontrollably.  I don't like this feeling.  I don't like the lack of control that is seeping in around the edges of my thoughts.

I'm holding on as best I can, but I'll need all the help I can get.  Thanks in advance for sustaining me through this.

Birthday Eating

Since yesterday was my birthday, my coworkers generously offered to take me to lunch. I tried to dissuade them but it didn't work. So, I asked to go to a particular place because they serve a salad I like. But, when we got in the car to go, a new place was suggested. It was a totally new restaurant and I was up for an adventure so I agreed. I got a grilled ham & cheese sandwich on sourdough bread with a side salad. I thought, cheese & ham=protein=good (except for the processed meat part!) Sourdough bread is a better choice from the glycemic index perspective. Of course all the *good* was cancelled out by the fact that the whole sandwich was grilled. I don't want to know how many fat grams were in that! The salad was nice and light, with just a hint of balsamic vinaigrette. I left the meal feeling satisfied but not stuffed. Really, had my eating day ended with something light, it would have been just fine.

Instead, I went out for BBQ with 65MD. There is one thing this chick can eat at just about any time and that is meat. Give me a hunk of meat that has been smoked and get out of my way. I told 65MD on the way there, that I really didn't want anything except the BBQ. I didn't want fries, baked beans, corn, mac & cheese, or anything else. So, we agreed to split one of the double entrees. There was easily enough food for four or five people rather than two. I ate all the meat I wanted and a few fries while they were hot. (I've discovered that I only really like fries when they are very hot and fresh.) He ate all he wanted and we packed two to go boxes full! Again, when I walked away, I was full but not stuffed and a long way from uncomfortable.  Of course, I registered a gain this morning but that was to be expected. I'm right back with the program today. No guilt, no postcheating binge, just back in the saddle.

Several times over the past few weeks, while I've had this challenging time, I've placated myself by thinking that my choices and behaviors were better than years ago. That's true. I've made tremendous progress one small step at a time. That is great. That is wonderful. That is fabulous. That is NOT the end. That is NOT the goal. Being better than I was years ago, isn't a feat anymore. I need to be better than I was last year, or better yet last month, or even last week. That is my challenge to myself now. I need to be better. I know measuring progress from last month or week, is going to be in very small increments. It is also a subjective call. It isn't easily measured and compared like my waist. Improvement can be made, however.

Today is a new year, so to speak, for me, so it is a great day to start fresh and make a commitment to be better, just a little bit better, every day. I can do it, and I know my readers will support me and hold me accountable. Here we go!

Today is My Birthday

Today is my birthday.  My co-workers are taking me to lunch.  I get to pick the place so I can get a nice salad.  65MD and I are going for BBQ tonight since I didn't get it last week.  LOL! 

We have birthday cake once a month at work, so I've already had that.  65MD and I are having a cake jointly this year and I'll make it closer to his birthday than mine.

I've decided to celebrate and enjoy my special day without guilt.  I'll make the best choices I can, and not worry about it.

Water

The prevailing wisdom for ages regarding the proper amount of water to drink has been 8 eight ounce glasses each day. I remember trying to do that years ago and working hard to get all that water down. I would give myself little incentives to get the water down, like allowing myself a Diet Coke if I met the goal. Over time, however, drinking 64 ounces of water became a non issue. I sipped water all day, and easily got in the required minimum. I even got thirsty for water if I didn't get enough. Water became the easy part of my healthy eating regime.

Not too long ago, I heard the idea to drink half your body weight in ounces of water. That seemed too hard. At 180 that would be 90 ounces of water. I resisted for a while, but then realized that I could work up to it. As my weight came down, the amount of water would come down to, thus meeting myself in the middle. I got down to 163, and easily chugged 82 ounces of water.

Of course, my weight has gone back up requiring more water to reach the goal, but that is not a problem now. (At least the water isn't, gaining the weight is!) Most recently, I've been drinking 100 ounces of water each day with no problem. Of course, summertime in the south helps! Something cold and wet is almost always welcome. ;-)

Yesterday, I drank 100 ounces of water by mid afternoon. I decided a Diet Coke would be good so I drank one adding another 12 ounces. Once that was gone, I still wanted something to drink and found myself near a Sonic at happy hour. I got a 44 ounce diet cherry limeade. I drank that before I left the office. Once I got home, I made myself another diet cherry limeade. I made enough to fill up my empty Sonic cup. I drank almost all of that, I think about 30 more ounces. Then I began to add up all of the ounces of fluid I'd had yesterday and realized I drank more than my weight yesterday!! If I did the math correctly, I drank 186 ounces of something yesterday.

I'm glad for that little happy because I've been having a hard time lately. I'm doing great most days, but I have so many interruptions that having any real weight loss is not happening. I'll lose a pound or two and gain it all back with one meal and the end is not in sight. Within the next three weeks, I have two birthdays, an anniversary, a holiday, a day long seminar with lunch provided, and a four day trip. Once we're back from the trip, I'll have about two weeks to recover before another trip and birthday back to back combination.

I still haven't gotten down to what I weighed before my sister's visit. That compounds my frustration because that weight was up from my lowest this summer. I've got to stop thinking about it in those terms. I've got to stop looking back and look forward. I can get there. It is going to (already has) take longer than I want, but I will get there. No one else has given me a deadline, why should I? I'll do this one day at a time, one meal at a time. I can do this. I can do this.

Just Sayin'

Yesterday, I took some clothes to my favorite consignment store and was able to pre-shop.  I got some very nice pieces to add to my wardrobe, which is great.  Some of these clothes I expect I'll still be wearing at my goal weight. 

The reason I mention this however, is that I bought clothes in sizes ranging from 10 to 16!  Since I have made it a bit of a theme of this blog to rant and rave about women's clothes sizes, I couldn't pass this up! 

Honesty

Yesterday when I blogged about knowing the menu for dinner and not wanting chocolate cake, it was true.  For 10+ years this dinner has been BBQ with white beans and slaw.  Last night I was shocked to see Italian food.  We were served lasagna, pasta with primevera sauce and chicken, salad bread and tiramisu. 

That really threw me for a loop.  My plans were to load up on the pork and have a few white beans, lots of protein with some carbs and fiber thrown in.  It seemed like a good plan.  I'm not a fan of Italian food, mostly because it is so tomato based.  Pasta, I can generally take or leave.


I immediately went in to my default defense mode and started serving.  65MD gently pulled me away from that activity.  So, I had to eat.  I took some of the chicken off of the top of the pasta.  It wasn't breaded and tasted smoky.  It was pretty good actually.  I piled on the salad which was good too and drizzled just a little Parmesan dressing on it.


I thought I had pulled it off, when the hostess came and asked if I would slice the cake I'd brought.  I agreed, but it was a huge mistake.  I was in the midst of all those desserts talking to the people that had prepared them and they all looked great.  That and the fact that the one Italian dish I love is tiramisu.  I had a small piece of that, and that was all it took to break the dam.  I had homemade chocolate ice cream.  Both were two things that I would not just whip up for myself.  Then someone asked if I'd split a piece of chocolate cake and I did.  I think I ate more dessert than food.


It just seems like any time I mention in this blog that something is not an issue for me, what ever it is rises up and slaps me in the face.  I need to remain diligent at all times.  Once I let down my guard, I still have that 'all or nothing' thinking that leads to just a little bit of this and a little bit of that.


This morning the scales read 175.2, so I still have about 3 pounds to get back to what I weighed before my sister's visit.  We still haven't quite decided what to do about birthdays/anniversary.  I'm trying to get away from celebrating with food.  One of us will think of something, I'm sure.

Plugging Away

I'm chugging right along again, and doing fairly well for the most part. Drinking water is easy for me now. I get thirsty if I don't get enough. Most days I swill 100 ounces or more. Getting back with the eating plan was easier than it has been in times past. I still think about M&M's but it isn't an obsession like sometimes those images can be. I am not exercising.

I could come up with lots of very good reasons for that, like the extra busy-ness of getting back to work after being off and the back to school activities for 65MD. But I know better. Those are excuses not reasons. The closest I've gotten to exercise is doing the body test on the Wii Fit. I'm only doing that to keep the thing from fussing at me for skipping a day. I know it will catch up to me soon if I don't get back with it. I even feel floppy and loose, if that makes any sense. I'll get back with it, eventually!

Tonight we have one more back to school function for 65MD. I think this is the last one. It is a sit down meal. I have the menu so I made adjustments today to accommodate the extra calories and carbs tonight. The meal is provided and the faculty bring dessert. I made a chocolate cake at 65MD's request. I'm sure it is a good cake, but I'm not all wound up about getting a slice. I don't know what else will be there for dessert, so I can't say for sure that I will skip it, but that is my leaning at this time. If I don't go over to that table, I should be fine. If I do decide to indulge, I'll have a small amount and savor it. I'll pay the price on the scales and move on.

My next challenge is my birthday next week. I've already told 65MD that we can combine our birthdays and anniversary this year and only eat out once at a high end place. He has not yet agreed to that plan because he thinks I'll wind up feeling deprived and overindulge later. He knows me better than I know myself sometimes, so the jury is still out as to what we'll do.

One thing that has come from this 'season of challenge' is I am a lot calmer about it than I was this time last year. Last year, I was freaking out that I would miss an exercise session or eat something wrong and cause a major downward spiral. I'm not saying I'm beyond that happening now, I'm still diligent. I'm just not militant. If I gain some weight back, it is a frustration, but not the end of the world. I'd like to be at my goal weight and I'd like to be there sooner rather than later, but I'd like to get there with my sanity.

I think I can get to my goal by the end of the year. If so, fabulous. If not, maybe I'll get there by the end of February. Who knows? Does it really matter? I think not. What matters is getting there and staying there. I will.

The Party's Over

Early this morning, my number one nephew left for Harvard.  Last I heard from him, he was in Boston.  A few hours later, I took my sister and her three children to the airport for their trip home.  I just got a text saying that they arrived safely.  Sometime today my number two nephew will be headed to a new town a couple of hours from here to pursue employment opportunities there. 

It is a strange feeling to have my family so far flung for the moment.  I'm a little sad, but mostly I'm proud.  I'm proud of my nephews for following their dreams and their success.  They've worked hard and earned it.  Even though we'll be apart, I know that I'll still be in touch.  When they lived in town, we communicated more via phone, text and email than we did in person.  We'll still do that.


My next eating challenge is tonight.  It is a university wide faculty reception at a posh country club south of town.  It is being called a 'stand up dinner' which means small things to pick up and eat.  I'll eat what is appealing.  If this proves to be like year's past, it wont be too hard.  There is generally been a good variety of fruit and veggies.  I'll stick with that as much as possible. 

Tomorrow, it will be back to work and more of my routine.  Friday, we have dinner for the College of Business faculty.  It is the same menu every year, so I know how to plan for that as well.  Even with these two challenges, I expect most of the gain from the week, will fall right back off and I'll have good news on Saturday's post.

The Trap

I'm still having a great time with the family.  We've had a lot of fun with the kickball (Thanks Timothy!) even though we really never played an actual game other than the two on two attempt I mentioned earlier.


Several of us would go outside with the kickball and do something though.  We'd start with kicking practice.  Each person got give kicks.  We rotated kicker, roller and fielders each time.  Chasing down a wayward kickball is good exercise for sure!  Eventually, it would evolve in to something else maybe including the Frisbee or something else at hand to add to the fun.


Yesterday, after a long day of playing in and out of the house, my 13 year old nephew and I were outside playing another game with the kickball.  It was similar to pitch & catch, only we were kicking and catching.  I was beginning to get tired.  He kicked the ball to me and I stopped it with my foot rather than reaching for it with my hands, and kicking it back.  Bending was more than I wanted to do.  ;-P About the time I began to mentally scold myself being lazy, my nephew exclaimed with some degree of admiration in his voice "Nice trap!"  I had no idea what he meant.  In fact, I wasn't quite sure I'd heard him correctly.  I asked what he said and he explained that I had executed an impressive soccer move.  Go figure.


Once again the girl that quit PE in the 5th grade prevails!!

Not So Good

Wednesday, Thursday and today, I woke up with great determination to do well.  I had the desire to make the best decisions possible about what to eat and drink.  As I mentioned before, I took my food with me and even organized some outdoor activities to burn a few calories.


Thursday morning and this morning I was rewarded with small gains each morning.  I wasn't happy, but tried to shrug it off.  If grit and determination showed up on the scales I'd be anorexic.  Honestly, I had the best of intentions both days.  Until today, the M&M's had been my worst 'offense' eating-wise.


Then today happened.  Too much to get into in such a short space.   Briefly, my family lost a friend from childhood to complications of diabetes.  She'd had it and and battled it since childhood.  It made me want to hold on to my dear family so much more, but my two older nephews are 'leaving the nest' so to speak.  I am so incredibly proud of them and their achievements.  I would never ever dream of holding them back, but it saddens me to know they won't be right across town anymore.


I've known for some time that I am an emotional eater.  So, that coupled with the frustrations of gains (less than a pound in two days), put me over the edge.  I grazed all day.  Sausage balls, pretzels, mixed nuts, and M&M's were in my hands all morning.  I finally got control of myself and took one of my nephews out for a bit.  It calmed me and we had a pleasant outing.  I managed the rest of the day to eat well.  I know that I'll have a real whopping gain in the morning.  What else should I expect.  I did the crime, now I do the time.


Tomorrow is another day...

So Far...

I have a couple of hours while my sister, niece & nephews visit with their in-laws/other grandparents.


We've had a blast.  The weather has moderated some and we played two on two kickball yesterday.  We threw the Frisbee and played "Monkey in the Middle" with bean bags.  We also got sweaty.  Fun, fun, fun!


My eating was OK.  I took my water and lunch to my mother's yesterday.  She was a little chagrined.  But only because she said she would have prepared whatever I wanted. (She'll never stop being a mom!)  I also loaded up on fruit.  My niece loves it too, so I got enough for both of us to share for several days.


All of that was great, and a far cry from past behaviors, but I still have a way to go.  Absent minded eating is still no good, even if it is grapes rather than potato chips.  And, I ate peanut M&M's, justifying it because they had protein.  How lame is that?  I'm not sure how many I ate, because they were in a dish.  I got three or four at a time, three or four times.  I doubt I ate as many as would have been in a single serve bag.


Today, however, I've renewed my resolve and so far haven't had any M&M's.  I also reversed my meals and ate a large protein serving for breakfast, and will have my sugar free, blue berry muffins for supper.  (I used the recipe on the back of the Splenda box.  They are great.)  That has helped stem the cravings.  I'll probably do the same thing tomorrow, if it continues to work.


I'll keep in touch, and hopefully will have an even better report next time I check in.

Let the Party Begin!

When I leave work today, I'll be out of my day to day routine until Wednesday, August 17. Until then, I'm going to have fun with my family. We have shopping trips and pedicures planned in addition to lots and lots of fun.




I have my meals prepped for the rest of the week. I have time carved out to prep my food over the weekend for the next week. The weather is predicted to moderate so we can do some fun stuff outside. I must just see if my sisters want to play kickball in the street like we did when we were kids. We could play the sisters vs the nephews & niece.



What I won't be doing is blogging. As I can, I'll check in on everyone to keep up with what everyone else is doing, but I doubt I'll take the time to blog. I'll be back in a little more than a week. C YA!

The College Story

As I mentioned yesterday, I believed that I was a poor athlete as a child. It was more than that really. At some point, I really thought I couldn't do much right at all physically. I was indeed, clumsy as a child, but I played kickball in the street with my sisters and neighborhood children. I have no memory of feeling like I was any worse (or any better) than any of the other children. We taunted each other saying things like "easy out" when someone was about to kick. I don't remember believing that. Some how the trash talk was just part of the game.

I'm not sure when the transition happened, but by 5th grade I believed that I was no good at any physical activity. I made that reality in the 7th grade. Gym was torture. The teacher/coach always seemed to send me the message at the beginning of the term that he/she could whip me in to shape and how good the physical activity would be for me. I remember being mortified. By the end of the semester we were both frazzled and relieved that the whole thing was over.

I was thrilled when I learned that I only had to get two PE credits in high school. That meant after 10th grade the torture would be over. In college, I took archery (which I loved) and badminton (which I got pretty good at). Neither activity, however was a team sport. If I lost, I lost. Oh well. I was not letting my teammates down if I blew a shot. Part of my 'success' was that the pressure was off. The other part, was, I wasn't really bad after all.

Also, during my college years, there was a group of us from church that did a lot of stuff together. Sometimes that involved things athletic. I still very much shied away from those things. Anytime, someone was getting a group to play basketball or soccer or something like that, I'd gladly go and spectate. I'd cheer equally for both teams. I didn't want to pass up an opportunity to be with my friends. But since I still wanted to be friends after the game, I opted not to play.

Finally, one day one of the guys asked why I never played. I confessed that I was no good. He said, somewhat in jest, that I was no worse than any of the other girls. He was slamming all the girls, but it was a bit of an aha moment for me. I began actually watching how well everyone played, and guess what? No one, male or female, scored all the time. Everyone messed up! The difference is, no one let that reinforce the idea that they were inept in any way. They shook it off and tried again. GASP!

Buoyed by those two experiences, I started taking an aerobics class. I did great. It was just counting & moving much like being a flag girl in the band, like I was in high school. The instructor was great. She loved what she was doing and any time any one needed guidance, she was great. She helped with adjusting form without making anyone feel like they were inept in anyway.

She was so good that when I was away at school, she sent me tapes & instructions so that I could do the routines on my own. I even got a little group of girls together in the dorm and led them. When I told her about that, she helped me become a certified instructor. I led groups for several years after graduation. Yes, the same child that quit PE in the fifth grade, was a leader in an aerobics class.

I don't do that anymore. Even though I feel more confident in my physical abilities, I'm not the first one to sign up for a team sport. I'll play with my family and friends for fun and that is what matters most anyway.

PE

In the fifth and sixth grades, Physical Education was still largely recess.  We went out on the playground for 30 minutes each day before lunch.  We were directed by a 'coach' but we were not actually taught skills or given a grade.


I put the word 'coach' in quotation marks because the man that led us, was not a coach.  He was a body builder and much more concerned about how he looked than what happened with the 10 and 11 year old children under his care for 30 minutes each day.  

He was a cruel man in a lot of ways.  Looking back with adult eyes, I still have trouble understanding his behavior.  There are two incidents that happened early in my fifth grade year that still sting when I think of them.


The first is that he called me fat in front of my classmates, and they all laughed.  As I have mentioned earlier, my features are soft.  I've always had a very round face and full cheeks.  I also entered puberty earlier than the other girls so at 10 years old, I had the beginnings of some curves and wore a bra.  I was not fat!  I was just not as angular as those other little girls who were still far from puberty.


In a second incident, he laughed at me when I fell while running on the blacktop.  There was some gravel there, and I was running with the ball, and lost my balance.  Having heard the story of my mother taking me to the doctor as a small child because I fell down so much, the laugh served as further confirmation of my inability to do anything athletic.


In my 10 year old brain, I decided the best course of action was to stop going to PE.  I went in to the cafeteria and sat quietly waiting for my class mates to catch up to me.  No one noticed, or if they did, the didn't mind.  No one ever said anything to me.  I was well behaved, so there was probably no reason to.  I never mentioned it to my parents. It never occured to me to do so.  I dealt with the problem and that was that.


From time to time the incidents would come to mind.  I'd wonder why I never told my parents.  I recognize that missing two years of physical skills really put me behind in the 7th grade when I had to go to gym.  That was probably the foundation of the idea I had until college that I was physically inept.  (I'll save the college story for another time.)


Just last week, this 'coach' came to mind again, and I decided I was going to blog about him.  Initially, I was going to name his name because I didn't care to protect him.  Then I decided it would be more fun to call him "Coach Fail" because that was an apt description.  As I comtemplated the post, I cried.  The memories of his face as he laughed were quite hurtful.  I decided that I needed to work through the emotion of it a little more and really work on forgiving him before I wrote a post.  I laid on the bed and said over and over that I was releasing the anger and bitterness.  Although, I didn't think about those incidents all the time, there was a lot of anger and bitterness buried inside of me towards him.


Towards the end of the week, I began to think that I was over it and I would write a post.  Then I decided, what was the point, I'd worked through it and there was no reason to share my vehemence with the world.  Today I changed my mind.  Today I saw his obit.  He'd actually died some time ago and out of state.  Today's obit was to announce a memorial service.  Apparently, he died a slow and painful death.  I am sorry.  No matter what my personal issues were, I did not wish that on him.


I think that I should take a message from seeing that obit today.  I really do need to bury that piece of my history.  It is dead.  It can harm me no more.  It is over and I can move forward now.  I am emotionally lighter even if I'm not yet physically lighter.

Saturday Scale Says

This morning the scale read 172.2, which is down a tiny bit from last week's weight of 172.4.  I am meeting my goal of staying the same during this season of challenges.  I must admit, however, that I weighed 171.6 yesterday morning.  It is still frustrating to have my body overreact so violently to something as virtuous as pineapple.


At the adoption ceremony yesterday, I positioned myself as the cake server.  It worked wonderfully.  I happily cut the cake and had none for myself.  I really didn't want any.  It was that *nasty* grocery store bakery stuff that is in no way worth the cost.  BUT, someone had brought some pineapple chunks.  As is typical, put most on a serving plate and the remainder was left in the kitchen to replenish as it was eaten.  There was a good bit leftover, and as we were cleaning up, I had a few chunks. 


I don't like it, but that is my reality now.  As healthy as fruit is, I must limit myself.  That is just the way it is. 


On Tuesday, my sister arrives with her children and the party begins.  As I've said plenty of times before my family is totally supportive and won't try to entice me to eat anything I shouldn't.  My problem is what I'm dubbing the 'weekend syndrome.'  For some reason, I stall out on the weekends.  I'm afraid, being out of my routine for a whole week, will have the same effect on my weight loss.

So, I've decided to keep my meals as much as possible at the same time every day.  I'm going to prepare my meals tomorrow afternoon just like I do on any other Sunday.  Perhaps that will make it easier during the week to stay on an eating schedule more like a typical week.  I'll find soon enough if it is a good idea.

BTW, we've had some rain and the water here is much better.

Me

Remember the red dress I blogged about a couple of weeks ago?  Several of you asked for pictures, and I've just now gotten 65MD to take a few shots.

The Road Ahead

I'm in that time of the year, when the best I can do is hang on for the ride. I've done a lot of contemplation regarding my situation and have decided that if, on October 10, my weight is no higher than it is now, I will be successful. I don't expect not to gain any in between times, but if I can yo-yo my way through this I'll be satisfied. I've just about gotten back to my Saturday morning weight after my double whammy weekend!

I don't think any one's weight stays the same all of the time. I think even naturally thin people overeat from time to time. They just naturally adjust their intake going forward to shed the excess. I think it is unrealistic no matter what one's weight to expect to weigh exactly the same every single day. Our bodies (especially women's) hold & shed fluid for all sorts of reasons. The trick, it seems, is to find what the range is and stay in it. But, I'm not there yet. I'll get there, and in the meantime, I've got to have a plan.

My next challenge is an adoption ceremony at work on Friday. These are sweet occasions that none of us want to miss. There will be cake, punch and various finger foods. I have already volunteered to serve. This technique has served me so well in the past, I'm not really worried about eating anything at all.

My sister will be coming to town on Tuesday of next week to stay until the next Tuesday. I live for these times. I love it when she and her family are in town. My other sister and I take time off from work and just do what comes to mind all week. My niece and I started getting pedicures a couple of years ago, so that is on our must do list. We all just take a step back from the hustle and bustle of life and just enjoy each other. It is great!!!

With regard to food & eating, I'll probably do my own thing at meal time. That will be fine. There will be snacks and tempting treats around, but I'm just going to have to forgo those. I don't feel strong enough to allow myself only one. My issue here is that, since I often stall out on the weekends with weight loss, I fear the same thing this week. I haven't put my finger on what happens on the weekends to create this phenomenon. It happens. This will be an 8 day weekend for me. I'm hoping that, at worst, my weight stays flat.

Of course as soon as they leave the faculty feeding frenzy begins with 65MD's school...then my birthday...then his birthday...then our anniversary...then a trip...then...then...then...