Today I Weigh

189.0. 

I knew yesterday's weight was not real, but I didn't think I'd rebound all the way to the previous day's weight.  That's life.  I'll move on from here.

I've been doing a lot of consideration regarding my eating plan.  I've heard a lot about a recent study claiming that low fat is not the way to go since it slows the metabolism.  Low carb, along the lines of Dr. Atkins revs the metabolism and has a lot of benefits, with a few negatives.  This study concludes a low glycemic diet is the best.  I'm thinking of doing my own low carb thing, more towards Dr. Atkins but without processed meat.  I think the fruit as much as I enjoy it, is my nemesis now.  If the study is right and I can jazz my metabolism up by eating meat, I'm all for it.

All is Well

65MD and I are back home.  He is indeed sleeping it off now.  He's so funny.  Any type of medication has a much much stronger impact on him than others.  He can hardly stand, much less walk and insists he is fine.  He'll wake up in a few hours and be his normal level of funny.

Anyway, everything is totally fine.  Thanks for your concern and prayers.  As soon as he wakes up we'll have a nice, rare afternoon to ourselves.  I'm sure we'll enjoy the record heat wave in our part of the world.

BTW, the heat wave may be my fault.  I might have prayed to hard for warmth this winter!!!

Today I Weigh

187.2!!

There's nothing like not eating to kick start weight loss - LOL.  I know as soon as I eat something, the scales will move back to a more accurate figure.

The 'fast' will continue until about midday today.  I expect the procedure will be over and we will be home by midday.  I also expect 65MD to spend a few hours sleeping it off before he feels like eating.  I've made it this far, I can make it a few more hours.

I'll update as I can.
 

Today I Weigh

189.0!!

I totally forgot to write down my food yesterday.  Late in the afternoon, it hit me that I hadn't.  It wasn't because I didn't want to, I just plain forgot.  Today I am not eating, so I'll try again tomorrow.  Today 65MD is fasting because he is undergoing a minor medical procedure tomorrow.  He's a little distressed about not eating today.  To help him along, I promised to do it with him.  He'll be fine, I'm sure with both the procedure and the lack of food for about 36 hours!

I may not post tomorrow since we'll be up and out early.  I'm not sure how long we will be nor what the afternoon will hold.  I'll be back, so don't worry.

Today I Weigh

I decided to post my weight as often as possible to keep myself accountable.  Some days I might just put down a number.  Today it is 189.4.  I lost 0.4 lbs yesterday, I think from releasing that burden I'd been carrying.

Another thing I'll do is simply write down everything I eat.  I'm not counting calories, carbs, fat or anything else.  This will just be a list of what I eat.  My mother does this and says it works for her because she doesn't want to see the 'bad' stuff in writing.  It is worth a try.  It can't hurt.  I don't know if I'll publish that nor not.  Mostly because I don't think I'll have the time.  I'll see as time progresses.

Thanks for joining me and supporting me on this journey.  Here's hoping to newfound success for me and continued success for my friends.

Monday Mileage a Day Late

I managed to update my ticker yesterday but never got around to actually posting an entry.  I have 466 miles so far this year.  As the half way point of the year approaches I'm almost halfway to my goal.  If I don't get 1000 miles in during 2012, I'll get awful darn close.  I feel good about that.

Speaking of tickers, some of my more observant readers may have noticed that my weight loss ticker has not been updated in quite some time.  That is because I'm living in a little place called 'Denial' and it is time to come clean.  I haven't updated the ticker since April because all I've done since then is gain weight.  I kept thinking that if I didn't say anything, I'd lose the weight and update the ticker.  I alluded to the fact that my weight has gone up a few times, but mostly I've just said nothing.  The only person being hurt by this is me.

I'm the one with few clothes that fit anymore.  I'm the one trying to camouflage the gain IRL by wearing girdles.  I know that I'm not trying to keep floppy skin in place as was once the reason for wearing one.  I'm trying to smash my belly down so I can zip the blasted skirt.  I'm the one uncomfortable all day long with red marks on my skin at the end of the day.

Perhaps this denial is all part of the perfectionistic thinking that I'm fighting.  I just didn't care to admit defeat.  That is the most frustrating part of all of this.  The weight gain hasn't been from pigging out on cake and ice cream.  I feel like I'm still battling daily.  I can't seem to find the right plan.  Sparkpeople just did not work because tracking drove me nuts.  I make so many meals from scratch rather than from the prepared items listed, I never felt like I was getting an accurate picture anyway.  I've considered weight watchers but I fear I'd have the same problem.  Even though I am an accountant, and track money all day long, I hate tracking food!

It seems like it should be easy in the summer time to eat well.  All of the fresh produce all over the place just ready for the taking.  Our little back yard garden is doing well in spite of the heat and lack of rain.  I have an uncle that sends me nice vegetables from his much larger garden.  I eat fresh vegetables everyday.  I eat fruit too, although the fruit is from the store.  I feel like my current way of eating is sort of a South Beach style, mostly protein, and vegetables with a little fruit.  Some how, some way, I'm eating too much overall or too much of the wrong thing. I feel defeated.  I feel like I've failed.

I know that hcg works and I'm working myself up mentally to go back on it.  My biggest issue with that, is it is so restrictive and not sustainable.  It is not meant to be a lifetime plan.  No one is meant to take hcg for more than 6 weeks at a time.  I can go back on it for a couple of 3 week stints and get back down close to my goal weight, but then what?  What should my eating be like at my goal weight?  Then there is the 17 Day Diet.  Now that I can make my own yogurt, I could give that another whirl.

There are plenty of plans out there from which to choose.  I feel badly for 65MD.  He's been so supportive during these last three years with whatever pan I'm on.  I hate to put him through another one.  He's happy with me no matter what my size and just wants me to be happy with my size. 

I'm so frustrated and angry with myself right now, that I know I'm not thinking clearly. It may be that none of this makes any sense.  If so, I'm sorry, but I had to get this out.  I've got to get back in to the weight loss groove and out of denial.  So here goes.  I have gained 23 pounds since my sister's wedding on April 6.  That was my low weight for the year.  I am once again obese.

Even though I'm not sure what plan I'll follow, I will commit now to posting my weight and updating my ticker at least weekly, if not more often.  I'd say daily but with the transition ahead during the next three weeks, I'm not sure if I'll be able to make that goal.  (That old perfectionism keeps me from committing to something I know I can't do!)

Monday Mileage

I only got 58,448 steps last week.  I'm bummed that I didn't get to my goal, but not upset (I hope that makes sense!)  I know I did the best I could this week.  I had issues with weather, work and hip pain.  What I did not do was debate about if I wanted to walk or not.  There were no internal battles about should I or shouldn't I.  I'm glad I'm in that place mentally.  It is a place I never really thought I'd be.  I'm not sure how long it will last because feelings like this can be so fickle.  For the year I have 447 miles.  It is certainly reasonable to believe I'll reach my ultimate goal of 1000 miles this year.  That is what matters most.

Just a quick update about my life now.  It is taking two people to replace me at work.  One started today and the other will start July 2.  My last day of employment is June 29, but I've agreed to come back on an hourly basis in July to ensure a smooth transition.  As we all know, showing someone how to do something takes a lot longer that just doing it.  I expect some long days the next three or four weeks.  I'll continue to plug away at the steps, but I'm not sure how much I'll be able to blog.  I'll check in with those I follow but we all know it takes a lot more time to write a post than read one.  I'm still here, just in the background for a while.

I fully expect that by early August, I'll be back to my blogging ways and I think I have a good plan in place as to how to structure my days as a self employed, working from home individual.  YAHOO!!!

Monday Mileage

As of this morning, I have 428 miles.  My goal is to walk 60,000 steps per week.  That will keep me on target to get in 1000 miles this year.  I managed to meet that goal this week.  I count my weeks as Monday through Sunday for several reasons.  One reason is that somehow, I manage to get in the most steps early in the week.  On weekends, despite the feeling that I'm up and walking around more than during the week, I just don't get in the steps.  In trying to work with my natural rhythms I decided to start counting steps on Monday.  That way I don't feel like I'm already trying to catch up first thing on Monday.  Instead on Sundays, I think that I only have to get a few steps to meet my goal.  It is a good feeling.

Yesterday for instance, I only needed just under 4000 steps to get in 60,000 for the week.  No problem.  That is, no problem until the day actually happened!  Without going in to a bunch of boring detail, I found myself in situations where I sat more than moved.  I was fine in those situations.  They were just unexpected.  So at about 8:30 last night I noticed that I needed about 250 steps to reach my goal for the week. 

Since I was so close, I could not let a measly 250 steps come between me and my goal.  I had changed purses over the weekend and had three pens that I needed to put away.  Pens migrate to my purse and periodically, I have to take them back home to the kitchen.  The pens were in the bedroom and they needed to go to the kitchen, so I took them one at a time!!  65MD knew what I was doing and laughed along with me as I made multiple trips to the kitchen with the pens. I'm laughing at myself still as I type this. 

But I not only did I get to my goal for the week, I exceeded it and had fun doing it.  I'm looking forward to meeting my goal again this week.

A Conversation with a Stranger

A couple of weeks ago my coworkers and I walked to a nearby restaurant for lunch.  It was one of those glorious days when the weather was absolutely perfect.  This little place had four outside tables and we wanted one.  When we got there, I sat at the table and sent my coworkers in to get my food along with theirs.  We could not risk losing an outdoor table on such a day.

As I sat waiting for my lunch, another group of women arrived on foot.  They did the same thing.  One waited at the table next to me while the others went inside.  This woman struck up a conversation with me.

In the south this is not an unusual happening.  People that have never seen each other ever begin to chat while waiting in line or various situations of a similar nature.  Generally, these conversations are about the weather, how long the wait is, what we're in line for, and any other benign topic.  I was not surprised then when she initiated the conversation.

I was surprised by her topic of choice - health.  Perhaps she and her companions had seen us walking as we were not too far ahead of them and she surmised from that I was into wellness.  Maybe it was just what she and her friends were discussing as they walked.  Who knows.

The woman shared that she had recently read that for optimal health individuals should follow the 8-8-8 plan.

• Drink 8 glasses of water per day
• Get 8 hours of sleep per night
• Walk 8 miles per week

What a revelation!  I'm healthy!  I got three out of three on that particular plan.  That evening I excitedly shared with 65MD that I had arrived. I was healthy by this measure, and I was sticking to it.

He realized that he had two of the three.  The 8 miles per week, was his area for improvement.  He felt that it would be an easy fix as well.  It is great walking weather and our neighborhood is walkable enough.  It isn't ideal, but certainly doable.  He decided at that time he was going to join the ranks of the healthy.  It took until this week for him to fully implement his plan.  Getting started in summer school created some obstacles initially, but he was committed.  He walked when he could, but not consistently.  Now that the semester is slipping into a routine he's walked over a mile ever day since Sunday. 

As of today, he's walked 7.7 miles.  He'll just have to do a short distance tomorrow to reach his goal!  I'm happy for him.  I'm glad he found that spark to improve his health.  I'm also glad for a walking buddy.  He keeps me encouraged to walk with him in the evenings.  This is a good thing for both of us.  All because of a 'chance' conversation with a stranger.  Little did she know.

Monday Mileage

I have 408 miles as of last night.  It wasn't as good a walking week as I've had in the past.  I'm not happy about it, but I understand that I can't have life the way I want it all of the time.

Since giving my resignation at work, I've been swamped.  All of those things I thought I'd get to eventually are now a priority.  I've been chained to my desk a little more than I'd like.  That won't last forever.  Soon, I'll be free to walk any time of the day I desire.

The other issue I had this week was the weather.  It really did not cooperate.  We had several major thunderstorms.  This isn't the kind of rain where rain-gear can be worn.  Oh no.  These are thunder and lightening storms.

I worked late tonight and will again tomorrow, most likely.  My plan is to keep putting one foot in front of the other, literally!  I'll do the best I can until July 1.  Then, I'm expecting great things of myself.

Lost Cookies

A couple of weeks ago I bought some 'healthy' cookies at the grocery store.  I put healthy in quotes because even though they have more fiber and fruit than other cookies, I really don't believe that they are healthy.  I better option that regular cookies, yes, but healthy I don't think so.

I got them because sometimes I just gotta have a cookie.  They were also on sale and I had  a coupon.  When I got home with the cookies I had a hard time deciding where to put them.  I rarely buy cookies so we don't have a place in our kitchen for cookies.  I bake more often than buy cookies, but those are mostly for a reason.  Those are usually wrapped to take someplace or arranged on a nice plate.

I didn't want to leave the cookies out or in any place I might routinely see them.  I know myself well enough to know that if I saw the cookies I would eat them.  These were to be emergency cookies.  I found a place, put them away and promptly forgot about them.  Really.

Yesterday, I started jonesin' for a cookie.  Initially, I did not remember the hidden cookies and began looking for a distraction.  That worked for a bit, but I really, really wanted a cookie. So I began to look for a substitute.  Watermelon took the edge off initially but sometime later.  I.wanted.a.cookie! 

I remembered then the hidden healthy cookies.  The problem was I could not remember the hiding place.  I looked and looked and looked for those cookies.  They were not to be found.  Once I knew there were cookies in the house, I had to have one.  Several times during the course of the day, I looked for the cookies but to no avail. 

Finally, I asked 65MD if he'd seen the cookies. He had not.  I described the package and he said he'd be on the lookout for them, but he did not look for the cookies.  Apparently, he did not understand my great need for a cookie!!!

I kept going about my day and had the thought of the lost cookies rolling around in the back of my head.  I was hoping for a sudden realization of their whereabouts.  Thankfully, I remained in control of myself enough that I didn't pile in a bunch of other useless garbage to satisfy my craving.  I knew that only a cookie would do.

At supper time last night, I still had not found the cookies.  65MD and I decided to have a clean out the refrigerator supper.  It is where we eat leftovers from days before.  We get out all of the little containers of this & that, fill our plates, heat & eat.  As a part of that process, I opened the crisper drawer to see if anything was languishing in there.  Low & behold, behind the pineapple, were the COOKIES!!!!!

Immediately, I remembered putting them there, knowing they would be out of sight.  But not thinking about my feeble mind!  I had a nice dinner of a leftover chicken breast on a bed of salad greens from our garden.  Then I had two apple & oat cookies.  I put them back in the crisper drawer.  The only problem now is I know they are there!  Being forgetful can only help so much.

I Quit!

I didn't quit trying to lose weight.   Don't worry.  I've been faithfully entering my intake and exercise on sparkpeople.  I remembered right away why I stopped using it before.  It is quite cumbersome and I don't think I always accurately record my food.  I have trouble finding the homemade concoctions I often eat.  But that is OK for now.  I quit gaining weight.  In fact, the scales have eased down a bit.  I'm not quite back down to my pre-cruise weight and I'm too embarrassed to publish it just yet.  It will have to remain a mystery for now.

The other thing I quit this week was my job.  I submitted my notice yesterday.  My employment contract requires 30 day notice, so at the end of June I will no longer be employed by the non profit agency where I've worked for 7 years.  There were a lot of reasons that I won't go into now.  They don't really matter to this blog.  Just know it was a good decision.  I am going to be self employed and work from home.

The main reason I even mention it, is that I'm a little concerned about the lack of structure as related to weight loss.  I noticed some time ago that sometimes my weight loss stalled out on the weekends.  Now, I'm a little fearful that everyday will seem like a Saturday and I'll derail myself.

To combat that, I've drafted a job description for myself with certain daily goals.  I've also created a schedule that includes specific times to walk.  I believe that professionally this is the right move for me.  I need to ensure that it is the right move physically as well.  I'm trying to go in with my eyes wide open, anticipate and address any potential pitfalls.  I know that I have several readers that are work from home types.  I'd appreciate any and all advice.  I am determined to make this work.