I Succumbed

We all know not to go to the grocery store hungry.  Let me add another handy idea - don't go in the midst of a pity party either. I wound up buying some very high end Valentine's chocolates that were 75% off.  I've always been a sucker for the mark down.  Add to that chocolate candy that would have been out of my price range if it weren't on sale and the MOOD I was in yesterday and it came home with me.

I told myself I would put it away and save it for something special.  Chocolate freezes well.  I convinced myself that I would only eat one piece when I opened it.  I would share it with 65MD.  Whatever!  I knew I was lying to myself but that didn't stop me.

The box did make it to the refrigerator for a brief time.  And had I been in my right mind, I probably would have forgotten it.  (It was in the crisper drawer of the laundry room refrigerator where I would not have noticed it every time I opened the door.)  Of course, I was not in my right mind yesterday.  I could hear the candy whispering, calling my name, screaming for me.  So, I decided one piece would be OK.

The box was wrapped in lovely red paper and tied with a white bow.  It was hard to get into and I have plenty of chances to come to my senses but I didn't.  I took a piece and had a nibble.  I savored it slowly.  I took tiny nips from the center creamy part.  It was delectable.  This was not that mystery pink stuff in Russel Stover or Whitman's.  Nope.  This was some sort of light whipped, chocolate mousse.  Scrumptious.  Sigh.

I went back to work.  Only I could not concentrate.  I now knew just how good that candy was.  There was one that was white chocolate on the outside.  I needed to know what was inside.  So, I got it.  It was filled with some equally delectable center with hazelnuts.  Again, I savored it knowing that it was my last piece for the day.

I went back to work.  But then I thought of the dark chocolate one with what looked like salt on the top.  Maybe there was caramel in the middle.  I got it and I took the foil wrapped one too, so as to save myself another trip all the way to the kitchen again!  Besides that was the whole top layer gone.  It was a good stopping point.

The next time I went to the kitchen,  I brought the box with me.  I ate the rest - except for the coffee one.  I don't like coffee so it went straight in the trash.  Each time, I ate a piece, I did so slowly.  I enjoyed each bite.  This was not a binge where I piled it in without tasting it.  In all, I ate 9 pieces of candy during the course of the afternoon.

When the last piece was gone, I waited for the remorse.  I waited for the regret.  I waited for the headache, the stomach ache, the something.  It didn't come.  The only thing I felt was relief.  Finally, the relentless call for candy was gone; silenced.

I did experience some concern then.  I began to wonder if this is how an addict feels.  If this feeling is what causes so many relapses.  Had I been craving something healthy like broccoli or even blueberries like I did after surgery, I would have thought my body needed some nutrient in the food.  But as far as I know, there is nothing virtuous about a box of Valentine's candy.  Although, strictly speaking, I think it was the creamy chocolate I wanted.  I just wasn't getting it from those pitiful little chocolate covered peanuts I made the other day.

After the candy was gone.  I moved on with my day.  I didn't eat supper because I wasn't hungry.  (Imagine that!)  I also did not use my lapse as an excuse to eat everything else in the house.  It was weird.  I was strangely calm.  Church was cancelled because of the weather.  65MD and I watched TV and went to bed like a typical evening.

Of course, I paid the price on the scales this morning.  I was up another 1.4 lbs.  I did the math.  The whole box of candy, including the coffee piece I did not eat, had 1,080 calories.  (My typical calorie limit is 1000-1500.)  It was still no where near 4,900 which is the number of calories to get to 1.4 lbs.

I can't explain yesterday.  Maybe it was hormonal.  Maybe it was the weather.  Maybe it was a full moon.  Maybe it was all three.  Maybe it was none of the three.  I just don't know.  I'm not happy that I let myself freak out like that.  I am especially not happy that I have another 1.4 lbs to lose.  But, I'm still calm about it.

I'm back with the low carb plan (20-25 carbs per day) along with the calorie range I mentioned, mostly because I don't have a better idea right now.  I'm doing a lot of soul searching regarding where to go from here with my eating.  That is a post for another day.

Wednesday Weigh In

My weight is up 2 pounds from last Wednesday and 3.2 from ONEderland.   I am not happy about it.  I looked back through my weight for the last 5 years and learned a few things.

1.  I am glad I kept such meticulous records.  :-)

2.  I weigh less now than I did this time last year and almost exactly the same as two years ago.

3.  Every time I get under 200 lbs, I jump back up, sometimes as much as 5 pounds.  I have crossed over several times before settling under 200 to stay.

I have gotten some comfort from that.  I know this is nothing new.  And I know that I have stayed within my calorie/carb range and that eventually the scales will show me the results of all my hard work.

BUT!!!!  I am not made of steel!!  My will power is weakening.  I want to eat.  I want to eat a lot.  I want to eat anything sweet.  I want to bake fresh bread and eat it warm with lots of butter and homemade jams.  I want to eat without measuring, and counting anything.  I want to eat warm chips and salsa until my lips burn from the heat.

I am wondering what is the use.  I'm gaining while I am towing the line.  I am towing the line so hard my hands have blisters.  I am afraid to let go.  I am afraid to give myself another indulgence because I may get lost in an oblivion of sugar and never come back. It is a good thing that I have not yet gotten those girl scout cookies.

I mentioned recently that I have a strong association with being snowed in and baking.  Guess what?  We are under a winter storm warning right now.  We might get 3 inches of snow.  I don't know what I am going to do!

Right now my only thought is to pull out my THM book and do some deep S meals and see if there is a sweet treat or two in there I can make.  I've come too far.  I've worked too hard.  I can't let this end now.

Not Exactly M&M's!

I am guessing most of my readers thought I immediately went to the kitchen and whipped up a batch of chocolate covered peanuts after my last blog post.  I did not.  Somehow just knowing I could took away the urgency of it.  In fact, I had decided not to until 65MD mentioned wanting something sweet.  (What is it about our minds that makes us obsess about what we can't have until we get it?)

I melted a stick of butter.  I measured 1/4 cup of dark cocoa to add and when I noticed there wasn't much left in the container, I dumped it all in.  It was probably closer to 1/3 cup.  I sprinkled in stevia and tasted a few times.  I didn't want to over do the stevia and get a bitter taste.  Then I poured in about a cup of peanuts.  I dropped spoonfuls onto wax paper to cool and harden.  I made 20 and calculated the carbs to be 2 per "blob."

Of course 65MD said I ruined them with the stevia and suggested adding oats making them more like the no-bake chocolate cookies!  If I had done so, he would have eaten some and lost 10 pounds.  But, these were for me and meant to be as low carb as possible.  I ate a couple Friday night and a few more on Saturday and Sunday.  Go me, I have not eaten them all!

That's the good news.  The bad news is, I have popped back up over 200!  UGH!!  I've stayed within my calorie range and watched for salt, so I believe my body is just getting used to the new way of eating and the weight will come back off.  It is irritating, but I'm not frustrated yet. I know that I am transitioning and have been on plan.  And, if after I finish the 21 day low carb, I can always go back to the hcg.

ONEderland, Baby!!!

I have the best readers in the whole world!  First, Gwen pointed out that I'd had a heavy salt day and the gain was probably water.  I knew she was right the minute I read her comment.  It made a huge difference in my attitude the rest of the day.  

Then Jan, who I know in real life pointed out peanut M&M's have protein!!  I don't have any of those, but I do have peanuts, cocoa and stevia.  I think with that, and I little butter or coconut oil to bind it together I just might make it through this intense desire for CANDY, CANDY, CANDY!!!  

I was like a woman possessed last night.  It was a struggle to pull my mind away from something sweet and chocolatey.  First, I tried playing candy crush but I was on a board with chocolate spawners so that didn't work at all.  TV was out because of all of the food commercials.  Our DVD player decided to malfunction, so I was left with reading.  I have a good book but it is a little slow so my mind could wander.  Sigh.

Finally, I went to bed.  It was 10:00 so it wasn't like I went to bed at 8:30.  Anyway, I had a dream about Reese's miniatures!  There was some sort of contest to find the one in the blue wrapper and I had it.  I was going to win the prize.  I have no idea what the prize was and I don't remember ever collecting the prize in my dream.  Oh well.  

I woke up to the prize this morning.  I weigh 199.8.  It counts!  I was so shocked that I got off the scales and back on.  The second time I weighed, it was 199.6.  So, buoyed by that success, I weighed again.  This time 200.00.  I couldn't have that, so I weighed one last time.  It was 199.8 so I'm going with that.

Consequences

For some reason, I believe that when I have a planned indulgence like yesterday, it should be consequence free, especially when it comes to the scales.  Planning an indulgence is a whole different thing than getting upset and downing a whole pan of brownies.  Planning an indulgence is almost virtuous by comparison.  I know it makes no sense but my brain is currently wired that way.

I also, secretly hoped that my body needed a boost in calories to kick start weight loss again.  I have heard that our bodies think they are starving and start hoarding weight until we up the calories and then the pounds will start dropping off again.  I don't think I have actually experienced this, but there is a first time for everything.

With those two things in mind, in order not to freak out if I had a dramatic upswing this morning, I decided to list out what I'd eaten yesterday and approximate the calories.  Since I did not weigh or measure any think I ate, I tried to inflate calories to be sure I got them all.

I ate an omelet, with three eggs, sausage, ham and cheese.  I estimated that to be 540 calories.  That kept me so full that I didn't eat anything else until around 2:00 when I ate a few bites of the pork roast.  It was delicious.  I also ate pork roast for supper.  I had a normal sized serving then.  I estimated a double serving to account for the bites I had in the afternoon.  I added 420 calories for that.  After supper, I still really wanted some thing sweet. (In fact, I still do!  It is killing me!!!)  Instead, I ate a small handful of cashews.  I estimated that to be 160 calories.  

My total calories for the day were about 1120.  For 21 days, my calories should be between 1000 and 1500.  So, I accomplished that without even trying.

This morning,  my weight was up 0.4.  I was only mildly disappointed.  I recognize that as bad as I want it to be true, there are consequences.  Plus,  I still haven't gotten to the starvation mode thing.  I realize that is a good thing.

Today, I am fully with the 21 day plan.  I can to this.  It is a vital part of the success of the hcg.  Now, if I could just figure out a way that M&M's could be protein, I would be golden.

Wednesday Weigh-In, Winter Weather, and Whining

As of this morning, I have lost 53.4 lbs,  the same as last week.  That isn't the worst part.  On Monday I had lost 0.8 lbs for the week.  I weighed 200.2 lbs.  I was mentally writing my blog about reaching ONEderland, with all the glory surrounding that milestone.  Even though I weigh 201.0 right now.  It seems so much farther away.  

I know what happened; it was the transition off of hcg.  I always get a bounce up.  I don't like it. Knowing why helps, but only to a point.  I have had an epic mental battle the last few days.

Part is due to natural hunger returning as the hcg leaves my body and part, probably the larger part, is due to being snowed  iced in.  I must say at the outset, that I have enjoyed the snow days and the extra time with 65MD home has been wonderful.  (This is the first time his employer has closed for ice or snow.) However, something about being housebound makes me want to bake.

So far, I have refrained except for making a loaf of bread because 65MD ran out. (We didn't make a mad dash to the grocery store when we heard the forecast.)  I don't know why, I have this desire to make brownies, cookies or anything sweet when there is winter weather.  I don't remember my mother doing it.  Maybe she did. I got the idea somewhere! Oh and don't forget the hot chocolate.  65MD makes a mean cup of it.

I have been doing battle in my mind about having a planned indulgence. So far, my desire to get below 200 is winning out over something sweet.  That, and the fact, that I don't want to go through the struggle to get back in to ketosis.

Still, I am feeling deprived, frustrated and impatient with myself.  I can't keep those images of candy and cupcakes from dancing in my head, which is maddening!  So today, I have given myself a different kind of indulgence day.  I am allowing myself protein of any type, in any amount for the day.  I am not counting calories.  No carbs, only protein.  If I want it, and it is protein, I am eating it.

For breakfast, I had an omelet made with eggs from the backyard hens.  I have a pork roast in the slow cooker.  It is done and I can nibble on it all day as I please.  I have steak in the refrigerator that is ready to heat and eat if I get my fill of pork.  Honestly, as of this writing, I am still so full from the eggs, that those things don't sound so appealing!!!

Tomorrow, will be back with the program 100%.  It is low carb but there is a calorie limit too.  Hopefully a little on plan cheating.indulgence will help me feel better between the ears and I'll be ready to be fully on plan tomorrow.  And one day soon, I'll be announcing ONEderland.

State of My Body Report #2

I did this for the first time on January 5, with the idea that I would do it periodically to have an additional reminder of my progress.  Since I am switching to the 21 day transition plan soon, I decided today would be a good day to do an update.

Weight & Measures:  As of today I weigh 201.4 lbs.   For the three abdominal measures (waist, belly button & hip) I went from 42, 51 & 51 to 38, 43 and 49 1/2.  That is 4 inches gone from my waist, 8 gone from my belly button and 1 1/2 from my hips.  (Measures are as of Wednesday.)  I am thrilled that my belly is shrinking.  I'm a little surprised that my hips are still so large considering they are the target of my rehab & pre-op exercises.  

Clothes:  I tried on a couple of once too small things over the weekend last weekend.  One fit and one didn't.  I'll probably try on some other clothes this weekend. So far, my current clothes are a little looser but none are so big that they are ready to retire.

Appearance:  Much better.  I asked 65MD last night if he could tell that I'd lost weight and he readily said he could.  He went on to say that he'd really noticed on Sunday.  Funny thing, that was the day, I really thought someone would say something but no one did.  I didn't press him as to why he kept his mouth shut.  I just accepted that I looked smaller to him and moved on.

Health:  Getting better.  My right hip is almost healed.  I'd say I'm 98% there.  I notice at the end of the day if I've been very busy, it will bother me.  My left hip is the issue, but it is better too.  We are hoping now to make it to the fall if not the first of next year before getting it replaced.  The more weight I can get off and the stronger I get, the better.

Exercise:  I am still doing my rehab exercises each day and I have added the pre-op ones as well.  Truth be told, they are getting easier all the time.  I'm thinking of adding something like the Wii soon.  I'll need to ease in to whatever it is, and that seems the tamest.  I haven't given up on the belly dancing but that will have to wait a while longer.

Eating:  Yesterday after I recovered from the trauma of discovering back fat, I decided that maybe the uptick (which didn't go down this morning) was a sign that my body is ready to switch plans.  I got out the instructions for the 21 day transition to refresh my memory of the plan.  I was I good thing I did.  I had forgotten that certain carbs are allowed, only not with fat.  Any one familiar with Trim Healthy Mama knows that is the whole premise of their plan; don't combine fat and carbs.  So, in the THM vocabulary for 21 days, I'll be doing mostly 'Deep S' meals with a few 'E' meals thrown in.  I'll probably just segue right in to THM.  I reserve the right to go back to hcg if I'm not getting the results I need.

General:  I am sleeping much better.  I hardly ever have wakeful spells in the night.  I am actually back to my house cleaning schedule.  I have a chart that helps me keep on track and get the whole house clean by concentrating on one area at a time.  I started this week for the first time since surgery.  Who knew cleaning house could make me feel so good!

Overall, I am in a much better place physically, mentally and emotionally than I was last time I did this.

My Back?!?!

In spite having not cheated once, my weight was up 0.4 this morning.  It is super frustrating for me for a couple of reasons.  One, I know once I am off the hcg the weight loss will slow down.  So, I want to lose as much as possible before then.  And two, I am so close to ONEderland!  I really, really wanted to get below that before switching plans.  It could happen.  Finally, there is always a bounce up when I switch plans.  I think is must be water, but I'm not sure.  I don't want to cross over to 199 only to go back up to 201.  I know it is only two pounds but it seems like so much more when it is those two pounds!!

Then as I was getting dressed, I walked into the bathroom fully dressed below the waist and only wearing my bra above the waist.  As I put on my deodorant, facing the mirror, I thought that I really looked fine.  I could see more definition in my tummy, my waist was curving in like it should, and I could see a hint of collarbone.  All very good.  I wasn't going to sweat the small uptick, nor the potential of not getting below 200 lbs this week.  

I turned to exit the bathroom and put on my top.  That is when I saw it.  The back fat!  Oh MY!!  It was just hanging back there.  It was gross.  I don't look at my back often, so I had no idea.  Most of the time I am looking at my bum, while fully clothed obsessing about why it isn't improving with all of the exercise it is getting.  (My therapy is concentrated on my gluts & thighs.)  I can't remember the last time I looked at my back above the waist, and shirtless.

I've got a problem!  I am going to try and turn this in to motivation.  There is no way, I am putting a bathing suit on that!

Wednesday Weigh-In & Worries

Before I report my weight and discuss my concerns, I want to share that I read this week that Wednesday is the best day to weigh because that is the day of the week most people are lightest!  I picked it because I like alliteration and I didn't want Monday or Friday.  Monday because weekends are the hardest for me and I didn't want to have to report a rebound.  Not Friday because, I'd tend to indulge on the weekend thinking I had all week to undo any damage.  I love it when I am accidentally right about something!!!

As of today, I have lost 53.4 pounds.  I feel good.  My clothes are fitting better and a few are ready to retire.  I was concerned that when I measured my belly button circumference, that it would be up. I still was not convinced that I had actually lost 3 inches there last week.  Then with the pants fiasco, I was certain I'd messed up.  Whoopie for me!  I had not messed up.  I stayed the same in that area this week.  I am totally fine with that!

I will probably run out of the hcg by the end of the week.  I'll have to follow the hcg eating plan for two days after I stop the drops to give it time to get out of my system.  Those will be two hard days if my previous experience indicates the future.  It could be over the weekend too, so I am giving myself lots of encouraging messages about staying strong.

I'm also quite concerned about the transition to low carb.  I've been on the hcg for about 6 weeks now.  That is the maximum time to stay on the hormone before switching to low carb.  So, it would be time to transition even if I had more.  Still, I am concerned.  I am doing so well this time.  And again, my experience has been I get a bounce almost immediately after stopping the hcg.  No matter what, I'll do the 21 day low carb, but I am giving strong consideration to ordering more hcg.  

Nothing has worked as well for me.  The closest thing is Atkins style low carb, when I do less than 20 carbs per day. It seems silly to stop something that is working so well.  Even with 50+ pounds gone, I am still re-losing weight I had previously lost.  I don't want to have to lose the same pounds ONE MORE TIME!!

Since I am a rule follower and know that the 21 day low carb is there for a reason, I will do it.  I am still undecided about what to do next.  I've got about a month to decide.

Mental Battles

Folks, I had a hard weekend.  I was fighting those mental battles all weekend.  It was tough.  I wanted to eat and I wanted to eat a lot.  Hunger had nothing to do with the issue.  I just wanted to eat.  Oddly, the thing I wanted most was pork roast.  I wanted it cooked in the slow cooker and I wanted to sit down with a fork and just eat!

Of course, I didn't do that.  It takes too long to do that, and even if I'd started to cook one, I would have come to my senses before devouring it.  Still, even typing it, brings that image to mind and how much I would enjoy it.

This is the place in my journey where I start what I've termed "On Plan Cheating."  I'll eat way too many of the free foods or decide that I can eyeball the portions.  Maybe one more serving won't hurt.  Those things add up, stall weight loss, and fuel frustration.

So, in my determination not to eat half a pig at one sitting, I decided to try on some clothes that had been too snug.  I had two pairs of pants that the last time I put them on, they were too small, even though I could actually get them on.  Every bulge and bump showed, besides being uncomfortable.  And forget about sitting down.

I got one pair out and they slipped on just fine.  The matching top fit nicely too.  I was pleased.  I modeled for 65MD thinking with the better fitting clothes, he might mention that he could tell my weight was dropping.  He did not.

Still, buoyed by that success, I put on the other pair, which were the same size as the others.  I do not know how they were cut, but they looked absolutely horrible.  They were still too small in all of the wrong places.  They looked so bad, they were funny.  However, I did NOT show 65MD and I may never put them on again!  That image really didn't help things for me.  I tried to concentrate on the fact that I'd added a new outfit to my wardrobe.  It helped some.

On Sunday, my extended family came over for lunch.  I haven't seen some of them in a while, and I was guessing that I'd lost about 20 lbs since I'd seen a couple of them.  I was wearing my better fitting slacks and just knew someone would comment.  I can usually count on my mother to mention weight loss, to the point that I sometimes don't believe her.  No one said a thing.  Not even her.

I powered through.  It was the only choice I had.  Eating off plan while on hcg is guaranteed weight gain.  I couldn't have that.  I was rewarded with a nice loss this morning.  Just as I was beginning to feel like the battle was won.  I got a phone call.  The girl scout cookies I ordered are here.  Sigh!

(Don't worry, I won't eat them!)

More Scattered Thoughts

I have a lot of topics floating around in my head that I'd like to turn in to blog posts, but none seem to stretch out enough to be a full post.  Here are the ones that are on my mind today:

Brown Fat:  I've been reading a lot about it lately and how it is the good essential fat in our bodies.  We need to 'cultivate' it because it burns calories like muscles.  It grows when we are cold.  If that is true, I should be just about pure brown fat by now!!

The 1:1:1 Diet:  Not for me.  I checked the book out of the library.  The whole premise of the plan is to eat one fat, one carb and one protein at every meal.  All food is acceptable on this plan, just keep it balanced, as in 1 of each macronutrient and portion control.  I know myself well enough to know that I'd quickly lose control.  It might be a good maintenance plan for me though.

Trim Healthy Mama: This plan appeals to me the most, but I can't seem to get it in gear for some reason.  I'm not worried right now because I'm still on the hcg.  This is the plan I want to do when I run out of the hormones.  I have a lot of the unique ingredients, so it makes sense for me to do this, even if it is until I use those things like I'm doing with the hcg.  Somehow, I'm just blocked.  Maybe because I need to focus on my current plan.

My Current Plan:  To finish the hcg, which is at least another week, maybe closer to two.  Then move the the low carb transition plan for 21 days.  That is as close to zero carbs as possible, but still portion controlled on the protein.

Valentine's Day:  65MD was open to the idea of a couples massage, so that is a possibility.  We've talked several times about what we want to do, but have only come up with one definite agreement.  We don't have to do anything on Valentines' Day if we don't want to!  We have a travel account that we put money in instead of exchanging gifts on various gift giving occasions.  We have come up with a figure we'll deposit in to that.  That may be the end of it, and that is fine with us.

My Hip:  I am very pleased with the way my right hip feels most of the time.  I'm still not up to full speed all the time.  That will come.  The shot has kicked in for my left hip, so it is better for now.  I am still doing the pre-op exercises.  I'm sure that, along with the weight loss has helped both hips.

Sleep:  It is good! The medication is now at therapeutic levels.  I take one at bedtime and most nights sleep all night long.  Most nights, I don't even have to get up to go to the bathroom.  Hallelujah!

See?  A lot of various topics but not a lot of discussion on any.  That is just how my brain is these days.

Wednesday Weigh In

As of this morning, I have lost 50.4 lbs.  I have 39 pounds to get to the goal weight my doctor set for me.  I'm leaning more and more towards making that my ultimate goal weight.  I haven't fully decided.  I might try and maintain at that weight and see how I feel before fully deciding.

I have lost 13.5 inches from my bust, waist, & hips since the beginning of this journey nearly 5 years ago.  The most exciting part for me is a 3 inch loss around my belly button area since last week!  (I did not take that measurement 5 years ago, so it is not included in the 13.5 inch total.)  I measured 3 times because I was sure that I was doing something wrong, like twisting the tape or slipping up from my belly button.  After three tries, I decided I had actually lost 3 whole inches in my worst area!!!!!

My clothes are fitting better and some are even getting loose.  I think in a few more weeks, I'll have to sort through my clothes and donate the ones that are too big.  I am excited that I'll be able to shop in my own closet for smaller clothes.  In fact, I'll have a fairly complete wardrobe at my goal weight.  I might add a piece or two as a reward, but I'm glad to have plenty of clothes all the way down.

I've been shopping a bit for a new bathing suit.  65MD and I have a summer trip to the beach planned.  (It makes us feel good to have something like that to look forward to in the cold months!)  We realized at the end of last summer that my current suit was on the way out.  

I had bought it a few years ago as a transition suit.  I'd been losing well but was not quite to my goal weight and needed a new one.  It has served me well, but is showing age.  I'd like to be much closer to my goal weight before actually making a purchase.  I am trying to make this my grand prize for getting to or very close to my goal weight.

I've just been looking at pictures on the internet rather than actually trying suits on.  So far, nothing has really struck my fancy except some cool retro suits.  I'll have to find them IRL to see how they actually look on my body.  That could be a challenge.  That's OK.  I've got plenty of time.

Scattered Thoughts

It seems that I along with my blog friends are on an upswing mentally, which will help us with the downward progression of the scales.  It makes me smile when I read the determination in the thoughts.  We are all going to get to our goals one day.

I am trying to think of a way to celebrate Valentine's Day without food.  65MD and I have made it a bit of a tradition to go to one particular Italian restaurant for special treats.  We are both doing so well right now with our individual plans that we agreed that we could skip that.  However, I don't want to skip celebrating our relationship.  I'd really like to just stay home, but do something incredibly special for him.  Any ideas?  He took such good care of me while I was recovering from surgery, that he deserves to be celebrated.

Speaking of surgery, we decided to take a wait and see stance with my left hip for now.  The shot has given me some relief.  65MD doesn't think I am ready emotionally and the doctor doesn't think I'm ready physically.  So, it will probably be a few more months before we address the issue again.  That is, unless it starts hurting badly.

I took Staci's suggestion and read back through some of the posts I did when I was first home from the hospital.  I don't know how any one understood most of it!  There were typos and disjointed sentences.  It makes me appreciate all of my readers that much more.

Reading back through those posts did confirm that I have improved a lot.  It also confirmed that I need to get mentally and physically tough before going through that again.  I am working on both.  I dug out my pre-op manual and have been doing those exercises along with the post-op therapy.  Between those and weight loss, I'll be in much better shape this time, whenever that comes.