1. I am glad I kept such meticulous records. :-)
2. I weigh less now than I did this time last year and almost exactly the same as two years ago.
3. Every time I get under 200 lbs, I jump back up, sometimes as much as 5 pounds. I have crossed over several times before settling under 200 to stay.
I have gotten some comfort from that. I know this is nothing new. And I know that I have stayed within my calorie/carb range and that eventually the scales will show me the results of all my hard work.
BUT!!!! I am not made of steel!! My will power is weakening. I want to eat. I want to eat a lot. I want to eat anything sweet. I want to bake fresh bread and eat it warm with lots of butter and homemade jams. I want to eat without measuring, and counting anything. I want to eat warm chips and salsa until my lips burn from the heat.
I am wondering what is the use. I'm gaining while I am towing the line. I am towing the line so hard my hands have blisters. I am afraid to let go. I am afraid to give myself another indulgence because I may get lost in an oblivion of sugar and never come back. It is a good thing that I have not yet gotten those girl scout cookies.
I mentioned recently that I have a strong association with being snowed in and baking. Guess what? We are under a winter storm warning right now. We might get 3 inches of snow. I don't know what I am going to do!
Right now my only thought is to pull out my THM book and do some deep S meals and see if there is a sweet treat or two in there I can make. I've come too far. I've worked too hard. I can't let this end now.