New to Me Clothes

Excuse me while I take a little break from blogging about weight, weight loss, food plans & exercise, so that I can climb up on my soapbox and rant about women's clothes sizes...ahem...


Yesterday, as I mentioned I dropped off clothes at the consignment sale.  I was able to pre-shop and picked up a few things sized 12P.  I started with size 14, but they were too roomy, so I got a 12 and there was a blouse I liked with a 12P label so I grabbed that too.  It fit like it had been tailor made just for me.  I admit it made me feel good to be able to put on that top and have it fit so nicely.  It felt good to know that I can walk in to any department store now and shop with the 'normal' size clothes as opposed to the plus size. 

BUT, in my heart I knew that I was not/am not a size 12.  When I weighed 165+ on the way up, I wore a 14 on a good day.  The kind of day when there was no bloat, I had control top pantyhose on and the clothes had a generous cut.  ;-)  Most of my clothes were size 16.  I'm not really complaining, just stunned a little bit.  I'm sure manufacturers know the buying public much better than I, and this must be what the public wants.  OK.  I'll deal with that.  It seems a little deceptive, but we all know better, right?

Today, my mother brought me  a box of clothes a friend had given her and she could not use them.  I never know where a gem might be hiding so I took the clothes to try on.  The first garment I pulled out was a classic black blazer, size 16.  My first thought was that my poor mother had no idea that I was a size 12 now and that would swallow me whole.  I put it on anyway.  It fit, nicely even.  Hmmm...I didn't want that size 16 corrupting my little 12's, I put it in the pass pile.  Then I pulled out a pair of slacks, size 12.  That was more like it, but I couldn't get them over my hips.  What?!?!  How long had this lady had these clothes in her closet???  After that, I stopped looking at the sizes and developed a lot of respect for my mother being able to know what size my body is better than I do.

Several of the items were quite dated, and wouldn't work with my wardrobe, but some were fine and it was worth my time to get a few more pieces that will serve me on the way down.  The last thing I tried on had to have been in this woman's closet from 1970.  Even 65MD, who seems to like these fashion shows, started laughing when I pulled out this lovely dress.  It was from that new fangled double knit fabric.  The top was a red & white horizontal stripe and the skirt was navy blue.  It was a dress, made to look like a skirt & top.  It had a navy blue jacket with white piping around the collar and white buttons.  It was a nice patriotic ensemble.  I wouldn't wear it in 100 years unless I was attending some sort of 1970's retro party.

Then I noticed the size.  It was 14.  I put it on out of curiosity.  I managed to struggle in to it, but if I'd taken a deep breath, some of the seams would have ruptured, and there was no way it was going to zip.  There was at least a 3 inch gap at the waist.  65MD was about to pass out he was laughing so hard.  It was funny.  Too bad we didn't take pictures.  I was a little afraid to laugh because I didn't want to rip out any seams. 

I managed to get it off perhaps saving a shred of dignity.  Then I hit upon this idea for clothing manufacturers.  Please put the year the garment was made in addition to the size.  That way those of us that shop for vintage/classic garments, will have a better idea as to if it will fit.  If the label is a size 12 but the year is 1980, it is too little for me right now.  I could make a little spreadsheet to keep up with it.  I'd even publish for all of my blog friends.  It would save us all a lot of time in the dressing room and a lot more embarrassment.  So, manufacturers, is that possible?  It doesn't seem too hard to me.

We now resume our regularly scheduled weight loss blog...

Saturday Scale Says

This morning's reading was 169.6, more than I wanted, but I'm not upset.  I know my week wasn't the best with the illness hanging on.  I think I have finally turned the corner, or at least the B-12 and antibiotics have kicked in! 

I'm going to ease back in to the stair stepper, because that thing kicks my behind even when I'm healthy.  I'm thinking starting with 5 minutes slow & easy and adding 5 minutes each day until I'm up to at least 20 minutes.  Then I'll ratchet up the intensity.


There is no reason why the eating program can't get right back to where it needs to be right now.  And it will!  I've been to the grocery store and stocked up on fresh vegetables, fruit, protein and even some Ezekiel Bread.  It is supposed to be a good whole grain bread.  I got some cinnamon raisin to have for breakfast in the mornings.


I also dropped off a huge pile of clothes at consignment.  It was a good experience.  They took almost everything, and even increased the price on a few items.  I priced them to sell, because I don't want them back.  They thought I was leaving money on the table, so I happily went along with their suggestions.


Although, I'm not happy about the gain this week, especially because it was due  to this horrible flu-like bug going around, I have a peace about it somehow.  There was nothing I could have done to prevent getting sick.  It is just one of those rotten parts of life.  I did the best I could with the choices I made to eat, and I rested when the doctor told me to.  I am learning, however slowly, that  all of these little set backs are necessary parts of the journey.  I am not making an excuse for making poor choices, although that happens too. 

I'm talking about doing the best I can and accepting the outcome.  I have a real tendency to beat myself up over things that often I have no control.  I had a time line for the weight loss segment of my life.  I've extended it more times than I care to confess, and I'm still not at my goal weight.  Now, I'm beginning to wonder why.  What's the rush?  I don't have a wedding or other special event on the horizon.  Why not relax and enjoy this leg of the journey?  I know these last few pounds will be the slowest ones to peel away.  Why set unrealistic deadlines, and set myself up for failure and frustration?  I'll get there.  Thanks for joining me on the ride!

UNCLE!!

Just let me say something on this blog about my body and it does the opposite!  I mentioned that the nosebleeds had tapered of and they started right back.  It was as if I reminded my nose that it hadn't bled in almost a whole day.  Gross!!

I called the doctor's office this morning and have antibiotics on the way.  One way or another I'm getting over this and back on the weight loss train.  Yesterday I weighed 170.0, this morning 169.8.  My lowest weight since before this began was 167.  I'll get back there, but for now, I'm going to have to lay on the couch a while longer.

B-12

I just got a B-12 shot.  I hear they do great things for folks energy-wise.  I'll find out in about 24 hours.

The nosebleeds have tapered off significantly, so if I can just get my energy back, I should be fine.

Thanks for all the good wishes.

I'm Tired

I am beyond tired. I can't seem to shake this bug and then the nosebleeds started... I finally went to the doctor yesterday and he said I have a sinus infection; not a big surprise. After some discussion we decided that what I really need is rest. I have been going to bed early, like 8:30. I have been sleeping all night long. I'm dragging myself out of bed at 7:00. Yesterday I even took a nap when I got home from work. That is a lot of rest not counting all of the naps I took last week while I was not at work. He's giving me two days to get better. If not, I'm supposed to call for medication. I already told him that I don't want steroids if it can be avoided. He understands that, so that is part of the wait & see attitude.

Needless to say, exercise ain't happening! Not even the slow & easy pace, not even for 5 minutes. Eating is OK but not great. My biggest problem is sporadic eating. I'm not on a schedule and a long way from planning a week at a time like I often do. I've drunk juice which I haven't done in so long that it tasted way too sweet. I've had some homemade cough medicine that my family affectionately refers to as "the recipe." All of this inconsistency has wreaked havoc with my weight loss efforts. The only thing I have managed to do consistently is weigh each morning. I'm up & down a pound or more each day. Today is up - way up - 169.8! I'm not going back to the 170's. I'm not, not, NOT!! It took too long to get out of them.

Today, I am forcing the water. I'm hoping that will help flush out some of the bad stuff I've ingested the last couple of weeks. Maybe in a couple of days, I'll feel a little more like planning meals again, and then on to the stair stepper...one step at a time...

Saturday Scale Says

This morning the scales read 167.8.  UGH!!  I wasn't expecting huge numbers this week, so I'm not really upset, but I weighed 167.0 yesterday.  That is a bit more than the bounce I mentioned last week.  I really don't know what that is all about.  I am not aware of any different behaviors on Fridays as opposed to the rest of the week, unless it is eating less and exercising more in order to get a good number to report on Saturday AM.  But, it didn't happen this week.  I just did the slow easy 20 minutes on the stepper and typical meals. 

I'll have to be more observant this week, now that my brain isn't quite so addled.  I'm better but still not 100%, and I'm so, so tired.  Anyway...if I can't get it figured out, I'll just have to start reporting my weight on Fridays!!  ;-D

Victory Thursday!!

I worked a full day today and I am whipped!  Even though this week has been very unusual in that I spent most of it in a prone position either on the couch or in the bed, I still managed a couple of NSV's.

 

First, I added some of the too big skirts I'd been hanging on to for some unknown reason to the consignment sale.  I can't point to any emotional break through or 'aha moment'.  I had one of the skirts and was about to put it away when I realized that I was not going to wear that skirt anymore.  I put it in the consignment pile. Once I did that, it was like the dam burst and I started thinking of other clothes to consign.  Most are still in the closet or drawer but only because I've been too sick to mess with it much.  This weekend, I have great designs on another huge purge. 

 

I actually did 10 minutes on the stair stepper yesterday.  It was a slow easy pace and I didn't break a sweat, but I did it.  It was a mental thing; one of those mind games I often play.  The closest I had come to exercise since Saturday was walking from the bed to the couch.  Somehow, I needed *gasp* to exercise.  I needed to have that normalcy; the routine.  I still don't think I like exercise, but it has worked its way in to my reality and I missed it.  I'm feeling a little bit strange admitting that since I have made no bones about hating exercise all along.  But, when it wasn't an option, suddenly, I missed it.  Hmmm....perhaps I've had more emotional growth than I realized.  Tonight I did another 15 minutes, again very slow & easy.  Tomorrow I might push myself to 20 minutes and maybe even next week, I'll be back at full capacity...but don't ask me to like it!!!!

A Quick Update

 I managed to get out of bed and in to the office today.  I only made it about half the day before I had to throw in the towel and come home.  My goal for the evening is to do 10 minutes at a slow easy pace on the stair stepper this evening.  Since my biggest problem is in my respiratory system, I'll consider that a real accomplishment.  I haven't been on the thing since Friday.  If I make it 10 minutes tonight, I'll do 15 tomorrow and 20 on Friday.  Oh yeah, and spend the whole day at work too!  ;-D


I've got a couple of good NSV's to report tomorrow.

Still Sick

I've still got the crud.  There isn't too much to report, not much eating or moving unless going from the bed to the couch, or couch to the bed counts.  The good news is the scales are back down from that little blip Saturday AM.  I'm pushing the fluids and trying to get this stuff to move on out, nothing much to report.


Since it is Valentine's Day, I'll share my best memory of the day with you.  I was about 30 and was not in a relationship on Valentine's Day.  Truth be told, I didn't have very many relationships at all, but that's another story.  My sister took my two nephews about 5 and 3 at the time to some fine establishment like the nearby mini mart and bought a single rose and a single, small piece of heart shaped chocolate.  She gave the rose to the five year old to give me and the chocolate to the three year old.  Those sweet boys were standing on my porch when I got home from work and were thrilled to see me and give me my "bal-en-times" presents.  The three year old had held that piece of chocolate so tight in his little fist that most of it had melted in is palm.  It was precious though!  It still brings a smile to my face now.



I'll hold the image of those sweet faces in my head as I doze on the couch for a while now!

Saturday Scale Says

This morning the scale read 168, up .6 from yesterday.  My body is establishing a pattern of jumping up on Saturday mornings.  I thought maybe it was just keeping me humble knowing that I post my weight for the world to see each Saturday.  I'm beginning to wonder if I should cut back on that last chance workout (always looking for an excuse not to exercise!) and eat a little more.  Maybe I'm not giving my body enough to work with on Fridays.  It is something to ponder.


As promised here are a few of the stats since day 1, March 11, 2009:

• Start weight - 254.4, current weight 168, total loss 86.4
• Start bust - 50, current 40, loss 10 inches
• Start waist - 47, current 32, loss 15 inches (more than a foot!)
• Start hips - 53.5, current 43, loss 10.5

I also measured my arms & legs.  Overall I've lost 50.5 inches.  Go me!

The hard part begins now.  This is always a difficult transition for me.  I go from very strict parameters, which admittedly are driving me nuts, to a little more freedom.  It is somehow hard for me to allow more foods to be legitimate, and larger portions acceptable without making all food in all portions OK.  I know I have to stop vilifying certain foods, because by making them taboo, when I do eat them I feel like a failure.

This is something I'm going to have to explore more in depth later.  The flu/bronchitis/whatever has finally caught up to me.  I need to go hold the couch down for a little while.

Victory Thursday

My biggest victory for the week and for this journey, as been this blog. I got some insight into what was going on in my brain with the clothes. The support I feel is fabulous, and more importantly keeps me on track!

Another victory is that I feel thin. My legs feel positively skinny! I know that I have way to go to actually get to skinny town, but I'm happy for the feeling. It almost doesn't matter what the scale says when I feel so good about how I look. My weight is still well in to the world of the overweight with regard to my BMI. I know that and am not stopping or anything remotely like that. I'm just enjoying the feeling. I'm hoping the good vibes will carry me on down the scales to normal weight soon enough.

I still hate exercise, but I'm doing it. Perhaps my next challenge should be embracing the exercise rather than viewing it as a necessary evil like do now. But, I would recommend the stair stepper to anyone looking for a good piece of in home exercise equipment. I got mine at K-Mart for $29.99 in January at a half off sale. (Yes, I'm frugal to the core!) Even $60 isn't too much to spend however. It is small and easy to store under the bed or any other out of the way place. Unlike the elliptical which seemed like an dinosaur in the room it took up so much space. I keep mine parked in front of the TV. I don't have to move it because it isn't a high traffic area. I've had it for about a month now, and it still kicks my butt! Not really a victory, but maybe a good tidbit of information, and a bit of a payback for the support from yesterday.

Saturday, I'll post my weight and measurements. Tomorrow is my last day for the hcg program, so it is a good marker. I'm looking forward to seeing the figures, since I'm a geek that way! Come back and check it out.

Strange Stuff

I have had so much fun with clothes since I started being able to actually wear cute clothes again. I've released my inner fashonista and I'm loving it. As most of my readers know, I've been quite blessed to have virtually my whole wardrobe given to me by a woman a little ahead of me on my weight loss journey. Most of the remainder has been purchased at thrift stores and consignment. A very small percentage was actually purchased by me at a retail store, but even then I didn't pay full price.

I have been saving any 'found' money for a huge shopping spree when I get to my goal weight. I've also been consigning my clothes once they get too large for me to continue to wear and saving that money as well. It is time to do another closet purge for the spring consignment, in which I participate. I've been happily moving clothes to sell to a particular section of the closet so that I can just grab those quickly to tag & deliver. It has been fun.

Emphasis on 'has been', somehow I'm having a harder time moving clothes to the too large section. I'm a little puzzled by that. I have no emotional attachment to these clothes, like I would for a bridesmaid's dress perhaps. Obviously, they cost me little to nothing, so there is no financial attachment. In fact, there is financial gain in store for me once they get to the consignment store. That is usually a big plus for my frugal nature. Somehow, though, I'm wanting to hang on to these clothes.

In fact today, I'm wearing a skirt that is too big in the waist. It falls at least an inch below my waist, so that my slip shows at the top. I have my shirt untucked and a sweater over that so that no one knows. BTW, I have a camisole and undershirt tucked in the waist (it is freakishly cold here) and it is still too large. I know that this skirt needs to go in the consignment sale, but I don't want to put it there. Why? I don't know.

Anyone got any ideas? What sort of mental battle is this? I'm stumped. This is an issue that I never foresaw.

Nothing to Do with Weight Loss

MD65 and I were given a nice new TV for Christmas.  It is the type that is made to hang on the wall, but we don't have a good wall for that.  Now we're shopping for flat panel tv stands. For us it is a bold step in to the century!!

It Started with the Peanuts

I must confess that yesterday was not a good eating day for me.  For quite some time 65MD has wanted to roast peanuts like his mother used to when he was a boy.  I thought it was a fine idea, but just never had done it.  He found some raw peanuts and happily brought them home to roast.  They smelled wonderful and were super duper easy to do.


I thought they'd have to be brined for a few hours, but all he did was dump them on a cookie sheet and put them in a 350 degree oven for 20 minutes.  It really could not have been easier.


Right now peanuts are not on the eating plan for me.  But I succumbed to the delicious aroma and was not disappointed with the actual taste.  YUM!  I kept thinking that they were protein and all natural which is true.  They will make a fine snack on another eating plan, but not the one I'm on now. 

I grabbed two or three peanuts every time I walked through the kitchen yesterday.  Finally, I put them in a container where I couldn't see them and distractedly pick up a few.  That helped but then came the ham.


In an effort to eat better himself, 65MD asked if I would bake a ham for him to have sandwiches during the week.  It seemed like a better choice than that pressed pre-packaged stuff, so I agreed.


That smelled fabulous as well.  I started nibbling it as I was trying to cut it off the bone for him.  I'd had three or four nibbles when I got control of myself and asked him to finish the process.  He was fine with that especially since it was for him.


In the great scheme of things it really was not a bad divergence, but on hcg there is no room for error.  If a food isn't on the plan there is a very good reason.  So this morning I said hello to the 170's again, but believe me tomorrow I'll be out of them again.


Even though this was a bit of a set back, it wasn't a big one.  I didn't spend a lot of time beating myself up over it, nor did I think I'd take the rest of the day/weekend off and start fresh tomorrow/Monday as an excuse to binge.  I feel good about that.  I need to continue to develop those coping skills for when I get to my goal.  It won't be long now!!

Saturday Scale Says

This morning the scale read 169.4.  That is a loss of 1.6 for the week.  Next Saturday will be my last day for the hcg, so I'll post stats from the beginning both weight and measurements. I am so glad to see the 170's behind me; I'm focusing on the joy of being in the 160's!  That is still overweight for my height, but it is much more normal sounding.   I think people might not use my weight to describe me anymore.  It feels good.


I saw an acquaintance yesterday that I hadn't seen in about two years.  We decided it had to be a least two years because she'd had a baby who is now 17 months old since the last time we'd seen one another!!  Anyway, she asked about the weight loss and I was a little stunned to tell her that I'd lost 85 lbs.  I did the math a couple of times because I was certain it wasn't true!  I've been so focused on the last 15 lbs (what a tiny amount!!), that I'd forgotten just how far I'd come.


I'm in a good place mentally with the weight.  I intend to stay in that good mental place and watch these last few, measly pounds melt away.

Victory Thursday

I want to get back to focusing on the victories associated with weight loss rather than focusing on the number on the scale. It is no secret that I've struggled with that magic number, and although I thought I was setting a more realistic one this time, I'm still far too focused on it. So...even though the scales may not be reading what a like there have been some real positives this week.

The strangest, or most unexpected NSV was having to move the car seat forward a bit. MD65 (formerly J-boy, see below) and I each have the cars that we drive the most, but when we are together we most often use the car I drive. Although he's at least 8 inches taller than me, he doesn't mess with the seat settings unless we're on a very long trip. So when I got in the car yesterday and couldn't touch the pedals I was a little stunned. He hadn't been in that car since Sunday, and I'd driven Monday & Tuesday. Suddenly on Wednesday the pedals had moved a couple of inches. It took me a while to ferret this out, but I believe that my backside is not taking up as much room in the seat, and therefore not pushing me forward quite so much. When I sit back in the seat my feet are further away from the pedals now. Get it?

Then on the way home from work yesterday, it was raining very hard, and visibility was very low. I found myself sitting forward a good bit in the seat in order to see better. For some reason I looked down and saw my legs! There was no belly obstruction at all, just legs!! When I got home & out of the car, I kept looking down, as if this was some strange phenomenon that only took place in the car. I could see straight to the floor. I wondered if this is what women experience after having given birth. I was just so happy to see the floor.

The belly fat is definitely shrinking!!  It is possible that I'm actually building some muscle even.  Wouldn't that be great!?!?  It has been a good week, and I need to focus on that and not the number on the scale. Good things are happening.  :)

J-boy

No one could ask for a better husband than J-boy is to me. During the past two years, he has done absolutely everything he could possibly to do be supportive of me while I rode the weight loss roller coaster. I discussed the issue of dieting with him before I started anything. He was agreeable, but I don't think he fully understood what was in store. Truth be told, I probably didn't either.

He never complained about what I ate or didn't eat. He was fine making his own meals. I think he was even glad when I said no more eating out, at least for the time being. He has continually told me that he was happy with the way my body looked, even though I didn't believe him in the beginning. He has planted herbs, stevia and anything else I've asked for happily. He's even tasted a few of my concoctions as I try to tweak old favorite recipies.

He has, however, had one complaint. He does not like to be called J-boy on this blog.

Back in the 70's during the height of CB radios a dear uncle had the handle J-boy, since his name started with a J. My husband's name also starts with a J, and to protect his identity just a little bit, I decided to call him J-boy after my uncle. I thought it was a compliment.  I actually told him this and he chuckled. So, I thought it was fine with him.

All these months later I was talking to one of my nephews about a blog entry in which I mentioned J-boy while J-boy was present. He suddenly blurted out that he did not like being called that in my blog. I told him I wished he'd mentioned it earlier, and that I'd be glad to call him something else. He decided he wanted to be called 65 Mustang Driver because he drives a bright orange one. I said no because that was entirely too much to type and he'd soon be known as 65MD. He couldn't think of anything else, so from this point forward, my dear husband will now be called 65MD. It is the least I can do