Total Weight Loss

Monday, May 9, 2011

Too Relaxed

My relaxed attitude towards eating on special occasions got just a little too relaxed yesterday. It started when a young cousin asked for me to taste a cookie she'd baked. She's a novice baker and was concerned, since the cookies didn't seem right to her. I had a bit of a panic feeling initially and wanted to decline since that wasn't on my diet. Almost as quickly I thought that a person with a normal relationship with food would have taken the cookie without a thought. I took one, had two bites and assured her that the cookie was quite good. To further emphasis how good the cookies were I gave the rest of it to 65MD to taste. Score one for me, I thought. "Normal" people do stuff like that all the time.

When it came time to eat, I centered my meal on the fresh veggies from my garden and used my homemade salad dressing. I had about a tablespoon of apricot salad and some fresh strawberries. One of my nephews commented on my minimalist (yes he used that very word) meal and I agreed that it was what I wanted. Another point for me.

The salad was great. The dressing was the best I'd ever made. I went back for seconds on salad!! I think that is a first, but this is about where things started falling apart. I got a little more apricot salad. I knew there was sugar in it and I was treading on dangerous territory, but I forged ahead. It was still a small amount, less than 1/4 cup.  No points there.

After the meal we sat around chatting and enjoying the pleasant day. In a while someone wanted cheesecake and I was asked to serve it despite the brace severely restricting movement on my right hand. Pencils and eating utensils are the two things that are still causing me the most trouble. I mangled out a glob of cheesecake for someone and then another, and another, and another until everyone was served. The problem was that since my dexterity was so limited the globs (nothing like slices at all) were falling all over the place. (We were all laughing and enjoying the spectacle.) I was popping the parts that fell off the plate in my mouth. I probably had a whole slice in little bites here & there.  Losing points!!

Throughout the afternoon, folks had sliced off little nibbles of cheesecake so that when I got ready to wrap up the left overs there was a good bit of crust still in the pan. I cleaned that up by eating it.  Negative points!

When I got home last night, I just wanted to EAT! What I really wanted was a big fat hamburger. I didn't have any ground beef. My second choice was a giant steak. There was no beef in my house. I briefly considered asking 65MD to take me out but knew that was a bad idea. I did not entertain the thought of going to the grocery store for beef. There is no telling what I would have bought in that frame of mind. Instead I nibbled looking for something to satisfy that craving. Luckily, I don't have too much junk in the house anymore. But even blueberries and almonds are not good choices in situations like that.

So, I registered another gain this morning. So far today, I've done great. I've realized that I've got to keep my head in the game. My 'normal' relationship with food is probably going to be different from the 'normal' I perceive in others. It is also still evolving. Both things are OK. I'm learning that all the experiences are vital steps on this journey. And if I learn from them will lead me to my goal.  I think I should get points for that.


  1. I'm trying to figure out normal too. I guess it is a process.

  2. yep a cookout was my undoing too, just a bun won't hurt. hmmmmmpffffft! 3 burgers, chips, a hot dog, chocolate chip cookies, blueberry pie..........into a total spiral for 4 days. UGH i feel ya darlin.we both gotta be more dilligent and assert that willpower i know we have! have a great HEALTHY week! xoxoxoxo

  3. Normal is a moving target it seems. perhaps not really something that can be defined absolutely. Hence I am a bigger fan of behaving with in a range. A gain, its in the books. Reflect, Retool and Re-engage yourself towards who you want to be.

  4. Yep. Me too on the normal bit. Sighhhhh. Even when I acknowledge that I am not normal with food, I stil, sohehow, think I can act like normal people.

    Working on it.


  5. Well, I wrote a nice long response and managed to delete it. Don't have time to try again. Point is, you are back on track now. Bet the scenario would've been different in the past. Put it behind you - move on!

    Thought about you yesterday when we drove through Nashville!

  6. I agree that "normal is a moving target" - and this post is great, just to remind us all that we're in this together. I rec'd a box of gluten-free chocolates for Mother's Day as well as a big (huge) chocolate bar...yum! And my mind has been saying "Well, THEY gave it to YOU...YOU should eat it!!" Like there's some sort of rush to get it all down!! Ugh. Soooo, in light of your "episode", I will put my "episodes" down and only eat the chocolate when I can share it with the whole family (doesn't last long when you share 5 ways!).
    KOKO, right? We're learning!
    (the hard way sometimes)

  7. Hey Lori - my special blog post is up (finally after it disappeared from Blogger & then re-appeared 3x!) - make sure you check it out - it mentions YOU!

  8. CONGRATS, Lori - you deserve it!
    I'm proud of you!

  9. Augh I've had days like that. I would do great all day and in the evening, I would blow it. So frustrating!!!

    Just like you, I just pick myself back up and do better the next day. No sense in beating ourselves up!

    Keep focused!