My Heart Isn't in It

I'm trying but I'm really not making any progress. My heart just isn't it in.  I don't have that spark of determination.  I did not start back on the hcg because of my lack of desire.  I didn't want to waste it, my time or my energy.  If I tried and was unsuccessful, I'd probably just implode.

 

But this lethargy related to weight loss, has got to go.  I don't like it one bit.  I'm trying to fake it until I make it.  So far I much more faking it than making it.  I don't think I'm faking it very well either. 

 

 

I'm tired.  I know a large part of the exhaustion is the long recovery from e-coli.  I've heard that it will last at least a month.  I'm taking probiotics. I know that healthy eating will only help the process, but I just can't quite make it happen.  I am determined, however not to use the illness as a reason (excuse).  It will only become easier to rely on that way of thinking, if I do.

 

Don't misunderstand, I'm not pigging out on candy and ice cream.  I'm just not counting anything.  I'm not counting carbs, calories, portions or anything else.  As a result, I'm eating too much and not making the best choices.  Mentally, it would be easier to do the hcg because so many of the options are taken away.  Somehow, I just can't seem to work up the 'want to.' 

 

That's my problem.  I just don't want to bad enough right now.  I am fearful of regaining so that is keeping me somewhat under control and away from the candy.  That, and my body feels floppy.  Eventually, I'll reach a critical mass, and the importance of weight loss will out weigh the lethargy and apathy.  I'll be back and then - lookout, baby!!