Yet Another Absence

I thought I would spend some time in blog world while we were away, but obviously I did not.  When we got to our room we realized that the WiFi was only in the lobby and only on their equipment.  That may have been as secure as possible, but it didn't seem so to me so I opted out.

As a result, I am behind on my reading, and I am quite rested.  I slept until I woke up and then went down for a nice high protein breakfast.  There was an exercise room and so I did a nice slow 20 minutes on the recumbent bike a few times.  Once I had to walk on the treadmill because the bike was busy.  I spent a lot of time laying by the pool and a little time in the pool.  I took naps and generally did what ever seemed like a good idea at the time.  It was just the trip I needed.

One thing I really thought would happen however did not.  I thought that being away from schedules, appointments, 'to do' lists, and the like would give me a real opportunity to focus on my life style and I'd come back with a plan, eager to carry it out.  I did have one very strong desire to change one aspect of my life but that is not at all related to food and exercise  so I won't delve in to it.

Instead, I came back lax and unfocused as to what I want to do with my eating choices.  I know what to do, and what foods to choose to be healthy and strong.  Some how I don't believe that equals weight loss, not for me.  I think I need stricter parameters rather than "whole foods" or "low carb" or whatever label I give it.  I know myself well enough to know that I'll push the limits.  Soon enough, I'll be eating too much of the 'good' stuff whatever that is and my weight loss will stall out.

I have the option of hcg although I'm getting a 'been there, done that' sort of vibe.  There are 6 weeks between now and Thanksgiving.  I could be almost to my goal if I did that.  It is tempting, but I fear that won't work either because of the vibes.  I've been cycling through that for a couple of years now.  My body just maybe has done all it can do with the hcg.  Of course, I won't know until I try.

I don't want to waste any more time, but I feel so lost.  I told myself at the beginning of this whole thing that I was not going to get tied up in the numbers, particularly the one on the scale.  I promised myself that I would not consider myself a failure if I didn't reach that magic number.  So, even though I am still overweight and at the high end of overweight at that, I am reminding myself how far I've come.  I'm telling myself that I am successful even if I don't lose another ounce. 

I'm beginning to believe it, but honestly I don't want to stay at this weight.  I want to move down the scales, but I know that I have got to have my head in the game.  Once I get my mental focus back the rest is easy.  The hardest part for me is getting my mind in focus.  If I don't do that, nothing will work.