Perspective

Perspective is a funny thing.  I think we all get ideas in our heads that may or may not be accurate but that doesn't matter.  It is our reality.  It happened to me yesterday.

After I published by blog, I got very down on myself.  I kept thinking about how I was blowing nearly three years of hard work with poor choices lately.  Then I got down on myself for taking nearly two years to lose 30 lbs.  It was a downward spiral.  One thought led to another and by the time I started to prepare my evening meal, I was really in a state of despair.

I pulled out the food I planned to eat but began to think that it really didn't matter if I ate that or not.  I would blow it sooner or later anyway.  Somehow, I had the idea that I'd had a reckless eating day already, so I might as well just cap the day off with a treat.   I decided to tally what I'd eaten during the day.  It wasn't to see if I could fit in a treat calorie or carbwise.  It was to confirm that it just didn't matter.

Funny thing happened though...I discovered that I had a spot on day with my eating.  I'd had exactly what I needed to have for the 17DD!  I was stunned.  I had built up this whole false reality and was ready to turn that lie in to the truth.  I was shocked, relieved and a little concerned.  Shocked that I'd believed something so completely that was absolutely not true.  Relieved that I wasn't the horrible person I'd decided that I was.  And finally, a little concerned as to the number of times I'd fallen for the lie! 

Of course, I went ahead with the meal I'd planned and was pleased with myself.  Then I got encouraging comments from Sharon and Karen.  These two ladies are a couple of my longest term blog buddies.  I appreciate and respect them very much. This morning, I feel so much better about myself.  That's why I love blogging.