And Now a Word from Our Sponsor

Well, not exactly!  Words from 65MD.

Let me preface by saying I had not shared my angst with him as I did on the blog recently.  He knows I have a blog but I doubt if he even remembers the name.  He's not in to blogs.  I'm not trying to keep my feelings from him.  He's no dummy.  He knows my struggles.  However, I had not shared the depth of my most recent feelings.

Last night as we were eating plan approved quiche and country biscuits,   (I promise to get to the reviews soon!) I told him I really appreciated him being such a good sport.  And shared with him some ideas I had for meals over the next few days.  I was asking for his input as to what he thought he'd like or what he'd like to try first.  I was not asking if we should continue on THM or how long we should give it to work.

He got a very serious look on his face and asked if I really wanted to know what he thought.  And of course, I did.  

First he asked how I saw this plan playing out long term.  Briefly, my response was this will be an ongoing thing.  We'll find the foods we like on this plan and center our eating around that.  He was OK with that but then asked what was my plan if this didn't work.

I was stunned by that question.  He's lost weight.  I'm still up 6 pounds from January 1.  I didn't think he was concerned about this not working.  I told him very honestly, that I did not know and that I had been struggling with that very concern.

His idea is to quit trying any sort of plan of any type.  Nothing.  No rules, just eat.  I don't blame him for that.  I've drug him through a lot of weight loss plans during the course of our marriage. However, that scares me to death.  Not following a plan is what got me here to begin with.  

His opinion is different.  He thinks I know intuitively what and how much to eat.  And when I put myself in a box by trying some new plan, I always push the edges.  I'm always trying to see just how much I can eat and still lose weight.  His observation is that my brain kicks in to survival mode as if a new eating plan equals starvation and instinct takes over.  Somehow I manage to sabotage myself without even realizing it.  He's probably right.  He is a smart man and he's lived with me a long time now.

We agreed to stay on THM, but to back off on the special foods.  We didn't give ourselves a time frame or set a goal for x number of pounds to come off.  We are both ready to just live and not have our lives revolve around food.  I can do that.  I can prepare meals that are either low carb or low fat without all the extra things like xanthan gum and the like.  We are not quitting THM, just all of the extra stuff.  (Anyone not doing the plan is probably confused right now, sorry!)  We are going back to real food, real meals and no drama.

I want to stress that this was a very loving, uplifting conversation.  There was no anger on his part, only pain for me and my struggles.  He actually said as he has many, many times before, that he likes my body just the way it is.

  

Still Trying

I'm just dropping in to stay that I'm still working the THM plan, and to be completely honest still a little fearful.  It is that "It's too good to be true" thing, kicking in.

I'm sticking with mostly S meals which are low carb and easier for me to incorporate in my life.  I throw in an E (low fat) day here and there to keep my body guessing.  So far, I'm keeping the day all S or all E until I get more comfortable with the plan.  If I want a snack, I make it and FP ( low carb & low fat) so as not to mess anything up.  So far, my favorite is something called a "Fat Stripping Frappa."  I'll share more when I do the review soon.

I have got to go back and read the whole book again maybe even two more times to get a fuller understanding of the whole thing.  I think that will give me more confidence.

Thanks for encouraging me after Monday's post. I still feel very fragile.  I think once I start seeing results and at least get below my first of the year weight, I'll feel better. Please keep a good thought for me.

Baring My Soul

I've been working all weekend on a Trim Healthy Mama recipe review with plans to publish it today but I'm just not feeling it.  Generally, I try to be an upbeat person.  I try to find the positive in whatever my situation, but today I'm going lay it all out there.  I'm not happy with myself and I'm not sure what to do about it.

I do not like my body shape.  I do not like the aches and pains.  I do not like that no matter what I seem to do to make things better it doesn't work.  I think more than anything I am scared out of my wits.  I do not want to continue feeling like a water buffalo.  And I have no freaking idea what to do about it.

THM seems like the answer.  It appeals to me on almost every level.  So much so that is seems too good to be true.  I have poured time and energy not to mention money in to this plan like none other.  I am scared to death that it isn't going to work.  Honestly, if this doesn't work, that is it for me.  I'll start a blog called Fat & Sassy or something like that.

I know that I've only been on this plan one week.  I know that it is complicated to implement properly.  I know that yo yo dieters like me often are slow to see loss because their bodies need to heal from the abuse but that doesn't matter.  I have GOT to see some results or I will go completely nuts.   I can't remember ever being this scared, particularly about a diet plan.

So much is riding on this emotionally for me that it is hard to articulate.  I do not like feeling this way. I have worked diligently all year to lose weight and all I have to show for it now is 6 more pounds.  This is crazy.  I could have gained 6 pounds eating cake and ice cream rather than green vegetables and grilled chicken.  I need help!

I have joined the facebook forum for THM and I've seen fabulous success stories.  After just a few months of working the plan, these women have had amazing transformations.  I've seen pleas for help from people that have given it their all and aren't seeing the results they want.  I don't want to be in that group.  I can't handle another diet failure.

Lessons from the Baby

We have a sweet 14 month old baby in the family.  I could spend a lot of time blogging about the baby and telling all the precious things about the baby but her parents are very Internet shy when it comes to their child.  They even shut down their facebook accounts because they didn't want any possibility of photos getting in to the wrong hands.  I have tried very hard to honor that since I am not the parent, but it is hard.  I know all of my readers would simply love to see pictures and hear stories even if the pictures and stories are not weight related.  Who doesn't love a baby, right?

Anyway, the baby came to visit for a couple of hours yesterday so the parents could enjoy a rare 70 degree day in February riding their motorcycle.  I was glad to rearrange my day to have all that sweetness in my house for a few hours.  The baby is a very good crawler and can take a few steps.  Most of the time, crawling is the preferred method of getting around.  It is much faster than walking right now.  I wish I could post a video of that little head down and the full steam ahead crawling manner.  It is like "Who has time to look where you're going?  I've got to get there!"

The baby is still happy to be carried too and that is what I like to do best - carry and snuggle that precious child.  They are little for such a short time.  So, yesterday, I spend a good bit of time carrying around 20-25 extra pounds, gladly.

Not long after I was alone again, I realized  that my right hip was really talking to me.  (It is the one that is malformed from birth and has arthritis.)  Most of the time, the pain is managed with mega doses of turmeric.  Yesterday, I had to hit the prescription stuff.  It took care of the pain and I am fine this morning.  I knew exactly what caused the pain yesterday - extra weight.  I know exactly what will alleviate pain in the future - less weight.

It was something I already knew.  But I needed to be reminded.  I am glad I was reminded in such a sweet way. 

THM Update:  I learned after my last post that I shouldn't do the plan as I described.    That plan is for stubborn weight.  I understood that part and felt like my weight was indeed stubborn!  But  cycling between the meal types as life or the body dictates should be followed for three months before doing what I described.  I found out on the second day, so no harm had been done.  I've been trying a lot of new recipes.  Soon, I'll do a post reviewing the ones I've tried.  So far. there has only been one that 65MD and I have both agreed to never, ever eat again - ever.

A Trifecta!

Well, this isn't exactly a trifecta, but there are three things I feel the need to mention today.

*Trim Healthy Mama

*Family Competition

*Knock in the Noggin

Yesterday was the first full day of 'all in' on THM.  I've read virtually through the whole book.  There is more to the book than food plans & recipes.  I have read through all that and was ready to move ahead.  65MD had been ready for a while so we forged ahead.  

I am doing the 14 day plan for plateau busting.  I'm hoping to get a few pounds off to stay motivated.  Of all of the weight reduction plans I have tried this one is by far the most lifestyle change one I've seen.  I mean that in the best possible way.  It feels like something I could do for the long term.  

The plan I am following now is "S" meals for 3 days, "FP" meals for 2 days and "E" meals for 2 days.  Then start back over.  When not on this cycle the plan is to move between these three meal types as your body and life dictate.  "S" meals are like Atkins only with healthy fat.  Your body uses the fat for energy and when it is gone starts to work on adipose tissue.  "FP" meals are low in both carbs and fat, requiring more adipose tissue for fuel.  (The name of the game!)  "E" meals are higher in healthy carbs and low fat like South Beach, giving the body some carbs for fuel before it panics and starts trying to save itself from starvation.  (I think this is what my body has been doing for a long time now.)

This 14 day cycle is only to be used when the natural cycles between the meals fail to yield any loss.  65MD is, in theory, cycling between the three meal types as his schedule allows.  He has a lot of lunch meetings at work and has little control over the menu at those times.  Plus, he just tweaks the plan as he sees fit.  He's not the rule follower I am.

He likes muffins for breakfast, so Sunday night I made the blueberry coconut ones at his request.  His plan was to eat two for breakfast each morning this week.  He ate them but wasn't wild about the texture so during the day yesterday, I made the cinnamon ones for him as a surprise.  He loves cinnamon.  They turned out so pretty.  They were very dark because of the flax meal.  They looked like chocolate and we were both eager to try them for breakfast this morning.  

He was sorely disappointed.  I was too, but more for him than the muffins.  He took one bite and could hardly get it down.  Again, it was a texture issue, but there was more than that.  I'm wondering if in my addled state I messed up the recipe.  I might try again in a week or two.

In addition to a mild concussion from the fall last week, I have multiple bruises and sore spots, along with some swelling.  My family gave me a pass on registering my weight this week.  It was way up, mostly from swelling but also from the girl scout cookies!  The cookies are gone and I'm all in now, so I'm hoping that most of the swelling will be gone by Sunday and I can report a more accurate weight.

Also, on the family competition front, my niece met the first goal she set for herself.  She's lost 15 pounds this year and I'm incredibly proud of her.

Back to the injuries, I saw my PCP yesterday.  He said that things like this just take time to heal.  It appears that no real, lasting damage was done.  I'm going back in two weeks for a follow up and we both expect I'll be feeling much better by then.

Trim Healthy Mama Overview

I'm still finding bumps, bruises and sore spots from the fall.  I am taking it easy, hoping not to overdo it and hurt myself further.  I remember when I was a kid and an announcement would be made in church about someone falling and the whole congregation would gasp and I would wonder what the big deal was.  I knew I fell multiple times per day and no one was announcing that in church much less gasping about it!!  My how, time changes a perspective!!!

The best thing about this whole episode has been that I've really studied the Trim Healthy Mama book. I've made meal plans and recipe lists.  I have an idea of how I want to approach varying the meals.  I don't think I would have take the time to be that detailed if it hadn't been forced upon me so to speak.

Timothy has been a follower and regular commenter on this blog since its early days.  He's been a wonderful support to me.  I am glad to consider him my friend even though we've never actually met.  He has asked a couple of times about the THM plan.  This is for him and anyone else wondering what the plan entails.  It is complex, but I'll try to hit the highlights.  (Staci or anyone else doing the plan feel free to clarify anything I omit or mess up.  Remember I have a brain concussion.  I plan on using that excuse for as long as possible!!!)

There are three meal type with THM:

S=Satisfying which is fat>carbs think Atkins

E=Energizing which is fat<carbs think South Beach

FP=Fuel Pull low in both fat & carbs think starvation (just kidding)

There are additional things like crossovers and S helpers, but those three meals are the foundation of the meal plans.  All foods are allowed across the various plans except for white potatoes and sugar.  When eating an S meal, the protein can be higher in fat and veggies can have butter or other healthy fat; carbs are kept to a minimum.  For E meals, the protein is lean, healthy carbs are included and fat is kept to a minimum.  FP meals are for breaking plateaus or are cleansing type meals, and are not to be used long term.

The book does a good job of explaining how our bodies need both fat and carbs to function properly but not at the same time.  It makes sense to me and seems to explain some of the issues I have personally had with weight loss.  Even without a brain concussion, I doubt I could explain the science so, I'll say get the book to learn more.  LOL!

The plan encourages cycling between the meal types to keep the body guessing.  Our bodies are amazingly adept at adapting.  I have definitely experienced that in my own weight loss struggles.  Something will work, and I'll lose like crazy, or at least consistently and suddenly it will stop, or worse bounce up for no apparent reason.

The meals can be all S for a day or two or three then all E for a time.  Or breakfast can be S, lunch can be E and supper can be S again. There must be 3 hours between types of meals so as to be sure the body is ready for 'fuel' again.  The key is not to stay with one type for too long to keep the body from adapting. 

The book has tons of recipes and is written in a very conversational style, even the recipes.  Some recipes are given a couple of different ways because an ingredient may be hard to find or on the expensive side.  They even share where some of the more obscure sounding food items can be found and the current price range.

All in all, I think this is the plan for me.  I'm expecting great things.  I really appreciate Staci for leading the way.  (I've already told her I'm going to copy some of her meals!)

Good Grief!

Yesterday, I was all jazzed to get with the program.  The shopping trip really amped up my excitement and I was ready to go.  Then I fell down - literally!  I'm in a good bit of pain right now, so I'll just hit the high points.

I fell getting out of the tub.  I think it is a funny story that maybe I'll share one day.  I whacked the back of my head on the edge of the tub.  I have a whiplash like injury to my neck making it difficult to raise my arms and a minor concussion, so I can't really be held responsible for what I type!!

Also, in doing the CT scan of my head they found a sinus infection.  I was totally asymptomatic at this point.  Now, I've got pain meds and antibiotics coursing through my system.  

I'm not letting that derail us, but I also know I won't be able to whip up some of those yummy treats or try any new recipe for a day or two at least.  65MD will cook whatever I tell him too, but I'm not going to ask for him to try the new stuff.  We'll do the best we can for the next two or three days.