Going, Going, Gone

65MD and I have been out of town.  We have a few more trips planned in the next couple of months so don't be alarmed by extended lapses in blogging.  I won't be gone long.

On this break, I took a good deal of time to contemplate not just my eating but also this blog.  I gave serious consideration to stopping.  Sometimes, I feel like when I've blogged, that is my weight loss effort for the day.  I know it is a twisted way of thinking.  But rather than run away from it and perhaps find another distraction, I decided to work through it.  For now, I'm here, just not as regularly as before.

With regard to my current eating plan, I'm doing what I am calling Trim Healthy Mama lite.  It is either low carb (S) or low fat (E) most of the time.  I can do that.  I can switch back & forth between fuel types as the book calls fats & carbs without having to follow strict guidelines.  I have learned that my inner 3 year old rebels against any sort of restriction.

The minute something becomes off limits (like bananas for THM), that is all I want.  So, I've told myself I can have a banana every now & then.  So far, I haven't eaten one.  Weird, I know.  Even though, I am technically allowing myself anything I want to eat, I'm not eating it.  I am eating much healthier and not obsessing over food every waking minute.

I'm also free wheeling when I eat.  THM advocates eating every 3 hours and sometimes I'm not ready to eat again that soon.  I'm not fasting or doing anything extreme.  I'm just trying to learn my body's natural cues for hunger.

So, I hope soon to come back with great news about how this is finally the answer for me and I am free from the burden of food/food plans/exercise charts/scales etc.  I will be glad to see all of those things going, going, gone for good!  

Trim Healthy Mama Review #2

65MD and I got right back on plan full force yesterday with a full day of S meals.  He had mentioned that he was wanting burgers and fries Sunday night so I asked if he was willing to THM the meal by making Basic Sandwich Buns, and Zucchini Fries.  He was.  Yesterday was a wonderful spring like day in our part of the world, so we decided to grill the burgers.

The Buns

We used our typical condiments (all THM approved) on our burgers.  The buns were OK, but we agreed in the future we'd rather have our burgers and trimmings bunless.  The buns didn't add anything so special that we felt like we had to have them again.  We'll eat what I made, but I probably won't be making them again.

The 'fries' were a bust.  Again, we ate them.  They weren't so horrible that we couldn't eat them, but they weren't all that either.  We think we might try a batter for them next time that would be more like onion ring coating using almond flour.

I used my Pampered Chef crinkle cutter to add to the illusion!

Frying in coconut oil

The finished product.  It looks better than it tasted.

My dinner plate.  It was plenty.  

This morning I decided to finally give Muffin in a Mug a try.  (I didn't take a picture.  I've got to get in the habit of that.) I hadn't tried it before because I'm not too wild about the texture of microwaved foods and I'd much prefer to bake a pan of muffins for breakfast for a few days.  It was with some trepidation I tried this.  I wasn't too wild about the batter I licked from the fork. I was surprised how much it rose in the microwave and actually fell out of the mug as indicated.

The recipe also said that butter or Greek yogurt could be put on the warm muffin.  I slathered on the butter because I still was not expecting much.  Much to my surprise it was quite good.  It was like eating a piece of cake.  It would have been a little dry for my taste without the butter, but this one is a keeper for me.  65MD was already at work and didn't get to taste this one.

He's been a very good sport.  I told him he was free to pull the plug any time this got overwhelming for him.  He said that he was enjoying the adventure of it now but he might change his mind.  I think once we find a few recipes we enjoy and see some weight come off, we'll both be totally on board.

On Going Dark

I didn't meant to just disappear like that but sometimes life just happens.  On Sunday night, 65MD and I thought we would be attending two funerals on Monday.  The weather intervened and both funerals were postponed.  One on Tuesday and the other on Wednesday.  After scrambling over the weekend to make arrangement to attend both services on Monday, we scrambled again to rearrange things to attend  on Tuesday and Wednesday. We had hardly gotten home on Wednesday when we learned of another death.  This one a dear aunt of 65MD who lived in another state. Once again we scrambled to rearrange things to be out of town over the weekend. It made for a hard week.  Although, I must admit I have a wonderful support system.  Friends and family were happy to accommodate and re-accommodate!  

We arrived home only to learn that two more precious friends are in their last days of their battles with cancer.  We could well be attending two more funerals this week.  That is on top of a work schedule which is ramping up because of a court date on the horizon.  I believe that once the court appearance has taken place things will smooth out and fall into a pattern. I had intended last week to blog about it and ask for prayers for the judge as well as the client.  Obviously that never happened.  The court date has not been set so it isn't to late to spare me a prayer.

With all of the upheaval, and more specifically the last minute trip, I had to just hang on and do the best I could with my eating.  I had no time to prepare any thing to take along.   Restaurant eating was easy - salads, no dressing or bread and some grilled chicken.  It was all the food friends brought to the house and funeral home that was the problem.  No one brought salad.   I tried to stick with the non fried meats.  I felt hungry almost all weekend because there was very little I could eat.  Even with my diligence, I gained back everything I'd struggled so hard to lose.

I am back full force on THM today and hope to lose the regain very quickly.  I have been planning all along to give monthly reports on pounds and inches lost.  I will on March 31, but I'm not expecting much.  This restarting is wearing thin, even if it wasn't a fall of the wagon due to craving type cheating.  It still messed me up!  Of course the alternative is just growing fatter and that isn't an option.  So, restart, I do.

Trim Healthy Mama Review #1

I've been on the plan fully since Monday, February 17.  65MD and I dabbled with a few recipes the week for a week before plunging in fully. The book is crammed with recipes and there is a facebook page with lots more recipes and support.  I've tried several recipes.  I went nuts initially  threw myself in and tried a lot of recipes right away.
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One I have loved and actually prayed a prayer of thankfulness while I ate it and one 65MD is banning me from ever making again.  (OK, maybe that is an overstatement but he really didn't like it, and I wasn't too wild about it either.)  Since there are so many, I won't elaborate much or I'd never finish this post.

Our first attempt at a THM recipe was the pancakes (E).  I was dubious to say the least, but they turned out great.  Buoyed by that success we agreed the next attempt would be  blueberry coconut muffins.  65MD likes to have muffins for breakfast.  We thought this would be a heat & eat/grab & go sort of meal for him.  We liked them, but weren't too wild about them.

One of 65MD's favorite flavors is cinnamon, so we tried the cinnamon muffins.  They looked yummy and the book said that they never last at their house.  They'd made similar comments about the blueberry coconut ones too.  65MD really really tried to like this but couldn't swallow the first bite.  We were both very disappointed.

After trying two recipes and getting less than stellar results like the pancakes despite of what Pearl & Serene had to say, I tried the cheeseburger pie.  The books said something like "all men everywhere like this" maybe that isn't an exact quote but close enough.  My trust was wearing thin, so I was happy when we both enjoyed it and agreed it could be added to the regular menu rotation.

I continued to try new things at most meals, and our/my favorites are:

*skinny chocolate

*ice cream

*twice baked fotatoes -65MD liked this more than I did.  I served it to my family Sunday and they ate all of it!

*frappa- heavenly with fat free whipped cream on it

*chicken crust pizza-65MD is a huge pizza fan.  He liked this.  We've done the cauliflower crust before and I think I like it better.  The chicken (leftover yogurt chicken) didn't hold together well even though I added an egg and some cheese.
*quiche
*country biscuits-we are split on this one.  I like them with a little strawberry all fruit & whipped cream for breakfast.  They are nothing like good southern biscuits which is 65MD's issue.
*quesadillas - made from leftover balsamic chicken
*secret agent brownie cake-I won't make this often but it will certainly make it when I'm having a sweet craving I frosted it with raspberry cream cheese frosting.  Next time I might try the chocolate recipe
*chocolate pudding - great with fat free whipped cream on it.

We/I are sort of so-so on:
*cookie bowl oatmeal - a little bitter, I might try it again with less stevia
*yogurt swirl - I'm not used to the strong sour flavor of Greek yogurt.  I could get there though
*yogurt chicken - blah, it was bland.  The yogurt didn't adhere to the chicken very well and it was sort of a mess
*balsamic chicken - I think this would have been better if it had marinated for a while rather than just being cooked in it.

So far we've liked more than what we haven't and those we haven't might be tweaked a bit for our tastes and still be on plan.  But, I've decided for my sanity and my budget to limit the new recipes to one per week.  I felt like I was spending way too much time in the kitchen.  More specifically, I felt like I was spending half the day cleaning my vita-mix!

My biggest issue with all of the recipes is finding them.  They've given them cute descriptive names like:  "Tummy Tucking Ice Cream" and "Fat Stripping Frappa" which is quite clever.  The problem is, they are listed in the index by those crazy names.  I'd much prefer to look up "Chicken" in the index and then see a list of the various chicken dishes with the descriptive names.  I now keep a note pad with me and write down page numbers as I come to them to save me that frustration.

I titled this review #1, since I'll have more recipes to review along with my thoughts on the plan once I am more in to it.  I don't know how often I'll do them nor how many there will be.  Thanks for joining me on my latest adventure.

And Now a Word from Our Sponsor

Well, not exactly!  Words from 65MD.

Let me preface by saying I had not shared my angst with him as I did on the blog recently.  He knows I have a blog but I doubt if he even remembers the name.  He's not in to blogs.  I'm not trying to keep my feelings from him.  He's no dummy.  He knows my struggles.  However, I had not shared the depth of my most recent feelings.

Last night as we were eating plan approved quiche and country biscuits,   (I promise to get to the reviews soon!) I told him I really appreciated him being such a good sport.  And shared with him some ideas I had for meals over the next few days.  I was asking for his input as to what he thought he'd like or what he'd like to try first.  I was not asking if we should continue on THM or how long we should give it to work.

He got a very serious look on his face and asked if I really wanted to know what he thought.  And of course, I did.  

First he asked how I saw this plan playing out long term.  Briefly, my response was this will be an ongoing thing.  We'll find the foods we like on this plan and center our eating around that.  He was OK with that but then asked what was my plan if this didn't work.

I was stunned by that question.  He's lost weight.  I'm still up 6 pounds from January 1.  I didn't think he was concerned about this not working.  I told him very honestly, that I did not know and that I had been struggling with that very concern.

His idea is to quit trying any sort of plan of any type.  Nothing.  No rules, just eat.  I don't blame him for that.  I've drug him through a lot of weight loss plans during the course of our marriage. However, that scares me to death.  Not following a plan is what got me here to begin with.  

His opinion is different.  He thinks I know intuitively what and how much to eat.  And when I put myself in a box by trying some new plan, I always push the edges.  I'm always trying to see just how much I can eat and still lose weight.  His observation is that my brain kicks in to survival mode as if a new eating plan equals starvation and instinct takes over.  Somehow I manage to sabotage myself without even realizing it.  He's probably right.  He is a smart man and he's lived with me a long time now.

We agreed to stay on THM, but to back off on the special foods.  We didn't give ourselves a time frame or set a goal for x number of pounds to come off.  We are both ready to just live and not have our lives revolve around food.  I can do that.  I can prepare meals that are either low carb or low fat without all the extra things like xanthan gum and the like.  We are not quitting THM, just all of the extra stuff.  (Anyone not doing the plan is probably confused right now, sorry!)  We are going back to real food, real meals and no drama.

I want to stress that this was a very loving, uplifting conversation.  There was no anger on his part, only pain for me and my struggles.  He actually said as he has many, many times before, that he likes my body just the way it is.

  

Still Trying

I'm just dropping in to stay that I'm still working the THM plan, and to be completely honest still a little fearful.  It is that "It's too good to be true" thing, kicking in.

I'm sticking with mostly S meals which are low carb and easier for me to incorporate in my life.  I throw in an E (low fat) day here and there to keep my body guessing.  So far, I'm keeping the day all S or all E until I get more comfortable with the plan.  If I want a snack, I make it and FP ( low carb & low fat) so as not to mess anything up.  So far, my favorite is something called a "Fat Stripping Frappa."  I'll share more when I do the review soon.

I have got to go back and read the whole book again maybe even two more times to get a fuller understanding of the whole thing.  I think that will give me more confidence.

Thanks for encouraging me after Monday's post. I still feel very fragile.  I think once I start seeing results and at least get below my first of the year weight, I'll feel better. Please keep a good thought for me.

Baring My Soul

I've been working all weekend on a Trim Healthy Mama recipe review with plans to publish it today but I'm just not feeling it.  Generally, I try to be an upbeat person.  I try to find the positive in whatever my situation, but today I'm going lay it all out there.  I'm not happy with myself and I'm not sure what to do about it.

I do not like my body shape.  I do not like the aches and pains.  I do not like that no matter what I seem to do to make things better it doesn't work.  I think more than anything I am scared out of my wits.  I do not want to continue feeling like a water buffalo.  And I have no freaking idea what to do about it.

THM seems like the answer.  It appeals to me on almost every level.  So much so that is seems too good to be true.  I have poured time and energy not to mention money in to this plan like none other.  I am scared to death that it isn't going to work.  Honestly, if this doesn't work, that is it for me.  I'll start a blog called Fat & Sassy or something like that.

I know that I've only been on this plan one week.  I know that it is complicated to implement properly.  I know that yo yo dieters like me often are slow to see loss because their bodies need to heal from the abuse but that doesn't matter.  I have GOT to see some results or I will go completely nuts.   I can't remember ever being this scared, particularly about a diet plan.

So much is riding on this emotionally for me that it is hard to articulate.  I do not like feeling this way. I have worked diligently all year to lose weight and all I have to show for it now is 6 more pounds.  This is crazy.  I could have gained 6 pounds eating cake and ice cream rather than green vegetables and grilled chicken.  I need help!

I have joined the facebook forum for THM and I've seen fabulous success stories.  After just a few months of working the plan, these women have had amazing transformations.  I've seen pleas for help from people that have given it their all and aren't seeing the results they want.  I don't want to be in that group.  I can't handle another diet failure.