I keep a little notebook in the bathroom and record my weight in it every morning when I weigh. I use that data to build very elaborate spreadsheets with graphs to document my every movement on the scales. I love data, analysing, parsing, sifting, whatever. Yesterday, when I recorded my weight, it was at the end of the page. I had another gain, but it was smaller than the previous day, so I thought to myself then, that I could be symbolically turning the page in my weight loss journey as well.
I had committed to eat at least 1200 calories each day, following the sparkpeople plan, on Friday. My commitment was wavering with each gain registered, and I was really beginning to question just how long I was going to let this go on. Of course, I had to have a plan for this next stage if sparkpeople didn't work. I didn't have good answers to either concern. It was hard watching my weight creep up and seeing all my hard work, and struggle slip away. It was hard to eat and watch the calorie count go up and up believing that the only thing my weight would do/could do was go up too. I was seriously questioning my ability to maintain once I got to my goal, if I ever got to my goal. I had a dark weekend in that respect.
This morning, I approached the scale with as much trepidation as I did over a year ago. In between times, the scale and I had made friends. Now that friendship was being tested. I considered not weighing, but felt like that would only lead to denial and more weight gain. So, I stepped on the scale. This morning my weight was down 0.2 lbs. Not much, to be sure, but movement in the right direction finally. If I can pile on 0.2 and 0.2 day after day the weight will slip on down. That is what I want.
I still have 3.2 lbs to get down to my lowest weight in recent times. I understand that might take a couple of weeks. That's OK. I'm adjusting my expectations. I have 31.6 lbs left to go to get to my goal as of this morning. Over the weekend, as I was doing all of this contemplating with J-boy, he said he'd rather see me eat normally and take the rest of the year to get to my goal, than to try and speed through this with all of that frustration. I have had this dream of what life would be like at my goal weight, what I could do, eat, wear and put my life on hold. We agreed that I would act as if I was at my goal weight now with respect to those things and let my weight catch up with me.
I'm in a better place mentally, just because of the little loss this morning. I believe now, that I have turned the page physically & symbolically. Time will tell.
I just did the math, because that is how I am, and learned that if I lose 0.2 pounds each day between now and December 31, I will be at my goal. I can do that!
1 month ago