I think I've mentioned my sister that lives here locally several times in this blog. We have a little more interaction since she is closer. I have another sister that lives out of town. I have the two best sisters ever. No exaggeration. My parents did a good job with all three of us. :D My other sister has a real heart for children. All she's ever wanted is to be a Mommy. She has a masters level education and taught elementary school until she became a mom. She has a 13 year old son, a nearly 10 year old daughter (her birthday is June 8), and a 2 year old son. All three came to her and her husband through adoption. They also foster children as well. She is indeed a very special person. The baby has extreme special needs due to the fact that his birth mother did meth while he was in utero. He is the most precious child ever. He came to them as a temporary foster placement, and they adopted him. So...why am I blogging about my sister...
After I got home from work yesterday I decided to 'get the news' as I say, and check out Facebook. One of the first status updates I saw was from my 13 year old nephew saying his mom's car was wrapped around a tree. I thought might be some teenage melodrama, but kept reading. He mentioned hearing the screams, and being in the trauma unit. I read no further and called my brother in law. There was no overstatement at all with my nephew's comments. My sister's car had been hit by an out of control school bus and pushed in to a tree as she was waiting in the car pool lane to pick him up. (It was on the news in her area.) She and my special needs nephew were taken by ambulance from the scene. My evening was filled with phone calls and text messages alerting the family and getting updates. My sister and her baby son are home now and will be there for a few days recovering. She has a soft tissue injury to her neck and collar bone from the seat belt, but that is what saved her life. My baby nephew is seemingly unharmed. He's non verbal, so it is hard to know for sure.
(My local sister still has a tree on her house. That's another story I won't get in to now.)
As a result, I've not been in the blog-world much. Rest assured that I'm still doing the low carb plan and have actually exercised every day. I confess that yesterday was only for five minutes, but it counts!!!
I'm glad I only have two sisters. I can't handle any more drama. I'm looking forward to getting my boring life back, and only having work about which to complain!!!
While I was out of town Joy gave me this award. I've been remiss in acknowledging it, but I am now. That's what matters, right?
I am supposed to tell seven things about myself and give the award to 15 friends. Here goes:
1. I am the middle child of three sisters.
2. My mother still lives in the same house that my parents bought when my older sister was a baby.
3. I have four nephews and one niece.
4. A Mama Bear and a Baby Bear crossed the road right in front of 65MD and me when we were in the mountains last week.
5. My oldest nephew will leave for Harvard Divinity School in the fall. (I helped him write his entrance essay, I'm sure that was the tipping point for his acceptance!!!)
6. My family does not call me Lori. (It could be one of 4 other names, but not Lori. Sending Christmas cards can get quite confusing!)
7. 65MD is 8 years older than me. I was 36 when I got married. He was 44.
I'm still here and working my program. I knew that it would take a few days to get my feet back under me at work, and it might take a while to get back to regular blogging like I like to do. What I didn't anticipate was a tree falling on my sister's house in the wee hours of the morning yesterday during a rough storm that blew through. Physically, she's fine and the damage to the house can be repaired, but my heart breaks for her. She's had more than her fair share of trouble the past few years, starting with her husband dying after a horrible battle with cancer. She's managing surprisingly well, but she needs all the prayer and support she can get. There isn't much more I can do for her now. The wait for the insurance adjuster and contractors now begins. While we've experienced nothing like Alabama and Missouri, we've had a lot of storms and a lot of damage. Insurance adjusters and contractors are in short supply. We'll be fine. My family is great to pull together and support one another and for that I am eternally grateful.
But...back to the reason for this blog...I'm doing the low carb thing and shedding the vacation gain. I've recommitted myself to the stair stepper and Wii fit. I have a two day streak going on with them. 65MD is cutting back on portions and exercising as well. It is so much better when he's working a plan too. He's always been totally supportive, but somehow knowing he's trying to shed a few pounds, even with a different plan, makes me feel like we're a team. I've got to do my part to support the team. I will and he will too. I'm sure we'll get great results.
We had a great time seeing parts of our country relatively close to home. Once I get the pictures downloaded I'll share any that are interesting. Today, I want to share a little about my eating during this little jaunt: The Best, The Best I Could Do, and OOPSIE!
The Best: One day we found ourselves on the road at lunchtime and hungry. Departing from our general idea to scope out new places to eat, we stopped at a fast food place. 65MD got a burger & fries combo meal and I ordered a salad. All that practicing in my head saying "I'll have a salad with grilled chicken, please" really paid off!! I said it without even thinking. And, I never really considered a burger & fries. I confess that momentarily, I was worried that I'd made the wrong decision because sometimes fast food salads are brown and old because they hardly get ordered. I think they're just on the menu so the management can point out they have those offerings, but anyway...Almost as soon as I had the thought the young lady getting our order together mentioned that she'd just made salads just that morning and she thought this one was particularly good. She was right. It was a good salad and I did not drown it in dressing either. I left feeling satisfied and good about my choice. I might have even been smiling.
The Best I Could Do: We stayed in a chain hotel that advertised free hot breakfast. I was dubious from the beginning and told 65MD so. I told him I'd pack my own breakfast because stale donuts and tang aren't a good breakfast even when there are no concerns about weight and nutrition. But 65MD had stayed in this chain before in another state. He assured me there would be plenty of good options for me. In his experience, he actually went in to a restaurant and ordered from a menu. I made up my mind to order an omelet for breakfast without toast or potatoes. That would fit in fine with low carb and still feel special and vacation like. Unfortunately, 65MD's previous experience was not duplicated. Fortunately, my fears were not validated either. We were offered:
scrambled eggs - probably powdered eggs and I wasn't sure just how much protein was still there so I skipped them
sausage - which I initially passed but came back to
donuts, white bread for toast & biscuits which, of course, I skipped
waffles - the do it yourself type
assorted hot teas & coffee
The first day I ate 4 pieces of sausage. They were small. They were also greasy and made me quite sick. The second day, I ate a waffle. It was clearly not low carb, but I felt like the best I could do in that situation. We stayed in different places after that and had better options, but I still never got an omelet.
OOPSIE!!: We have learned through the years that there are some fabulous state parks in the southeast. There are wonderful walking trails and all sorts of interesting things to see and learn. Often they have the best food too. Our experience has been that we got a lot of good food for a very reasonable price. When the welcome center recommended one nearby and gave us a 10% off coupon we were only too happy to go. It was a buffet and did not disappoint. There was a great, and I do mean great, salad bar. There was a hot bar with three kinds of meat and more vegetables than I can recall. It was all quite tasty. If I'd stuck with the salad bar & protein choices, I still would have had too much food, but I did not. I cannot recall all of the dessert options. Often I can dismiss the cake options by telling myself that I can make a better one any time, but this time those cakes looked great. There were pies, cheesecake & ice cream and I wanted some of all of it. I was full. I knew I'd had enough, but it was "free" since it was included in the price of the buffet. Not only did I get several small samplings of the various offerings, I went back for seconds on dessert!!! I paid dearly the rest of the night for it, and my stomach is still a little sore. The only bright spot is, that I really did have small pieces, just a few bites of each at most. In times past, I'd have just gotten a whole slice of the ones I wanted. And, a couple weren't as good as I hoped so I only ate one bite. I'm holding on to that as a sign of growth.
I was glad to call a fast today. I'm drinking half my body weight in water today to try and literally flush this garbage out of my system. (I'm almost there!) I'm back on the low carb bandwagon. I have my lunches ready for the week ahead, and I'm actually looking forward to eating right again!
65MD and I are back from a lovely journey through southeast TN and North Georgia. I made some good decisions eating-wise and some poor decisions eating-wise. We have a refreshing and relaxing time, which is what really matters.
65MD mentioned several times during the course of the trip that is was time for him to get with it with regard to eating and exercise. He hasn't quite decided his plan of attack, but we're in this together. Right now we're planning a fast for tomorrow while we decide. I'll blog about it once I know.
I missed everyone. I tried to catch up on everyone's posts. I hope I didn't miss anything!
I promised myself I would not let this blog become a complaint journal about my new living situation, but I just had to share what happened this afternoon. It is the epitome of my life right now.
65MD and I went to the store to get some healthy snacks for our trip, and some easy heat & eat items for Son to prepare for himself while we are away. When we went by the soft drinks, I suddenly decided to get some Cherry Coke Zero to take. It would be my little indulgence to keep me from indulging in even worse choices. As a general rule I avoid colas of all type, I don't want the sugar in the real ones and I don't want the artificial sweeteners in the diet ones. That, and I think carbonation makes me retain water.
Anyway, I got a 12 pack. I asked MD65 if I should get more than one and he said that we had plenty. I suspected that was right because just a few weeks ago I bought ten 12 packs. The store I frequent had a buy two get three free special on Pepsi products. I'm a Coke girl, so I knew they would not be tempting me. I got an assortment of various types including Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi.
So...we'd been home from the store for a while when S came in and wanted a Cherry Coke Zero. His dad told him those were for our trip and to get one of the other types. There are eight 12 packs in there including the diet cherry. But, he wanted the Coke. Somehow he has this innate ability to hone in on the one thing in the house that he can't have and then get all upset and say how mistreated he is because I buy all this stuff he can't have.
I bought ten 12 packs of Pepsi alone! 65MD was with me when the Coke purchase was made. (Technically, he bought them because he scanned the card.) He had the conversation with his dad, when he was told to get a different drink. But - this is all my fault! I don't know how, but it is. I am a horrible, awful, no good person. Just ask him.
Today the scale read 168.0. It isn't quite what I wanted before another trip. I wanted to get to a new low. Before Destin my weight was 166.6, so I wasn't too far off the mark. We'll leave Monday morning, so I could still trim a little off that figure.
I switched to low carb today since that is so much easier when traveling. I can get a salad with grilled chicken just about anywhere. My plan now is to do low carb for three weeks, and then switch back to the hcg. I'll decide for sure in three weeks. If I'm doing well on low carb, I'll stick with it a while longer.
For the record - I have lost a total of 86.4 lbs, and have 23 measly pounds to go to get to my goal.
I may not blog again before leaving. We'll have our laptop so I can keep up with everyone, but I doubt I'll take the time to post. Don't worry if I'm absent for the week though. That just means I'm having fun. :)
My new blog friend Dawn gave me an award today. It is for being Honest and Real. Click over there for her explanation. I am supposed to pass it along to another blogger that is Honest and Real with their struggles in their blog.
This is a tough one because I feel like all of the blogs I read are honest and real and my friends. (I hope that doesn't seem weird, I mean it in the best possible way!)
Generally, I blog about whatever is foremost on my mind. I don't do a lot of editing as in rewrites. I spellcheck and even proof read (I promise!) even though my blog entries have tons of spelling errors and wrong words. Sometimes I'll ponder a thought for a day or two before sitting down at the keyboard. That is the extent of my preparation. It is interesting to me to go back and skim through the blog entries and recall what prompted that thought, which has been another unexpected bonus.
My point is, blogging has been more like diary entries, rather than term papers in the level of writing, editing and rewriting is concerned. I tried to deviate from that last week. I've felt compelled for some time to tell the story of how I became fat. The only problem is, I didn't know. I had a feeling it was a self fulfilling prophecy of sorts. I thought I was fat, even though I wasn't and I made it come true. I didn't have any childhood trauma causing me to turn to food for comfort or anything like that, even though I recognized some time ago that I am an emotional eater.
Since I didn't know for sure, I started an entry that started with the day I was born weighing only 2 lbs, so as to demonstrate that I wasn't always fat. I mentioned childhood memories of being made to feel fat by my peers and even a few adults. I went back to edit and decided it was a huge bore and deleted the whole thing. If I couldn't stand to read it, how could I expect anyone else to!!
The second version started at adulthood because that is when the real weight battles began. I enumerated the ups and downs of my weight and the programs I did. It got deleted too, another major yawn-fest.
It was during the third version that I had an epiphany, thus sparing my readers the post, as I think they were getting worse with each successive rewrite! I realized that the times in my life when I had major weight gains were times of transition. The real biggie was when I got married and within a few months 65MD's children moved in with us. At that time, it as the biggest transition of my life. I married a little later in life, and had lived alone since college. In less than a year, there were three other people living in the same house as me. It was tough.
It also helped me to understand why I totally freaked out when his son moved back. (BTW, it hasn't been quite as hard as I thought it would be.) I am now armed with the knowledge that transitions are hard for me. I need to develop some coping skills for those times when transitions come.
Has anyone else experienced this? If so, I'd love some insight on how you handled things!
When I wrote the blog entry yesterday, it was in the interest of being honest. I don't know exactly what I was expecting from my readers. I knew better than to think I'd get any fingers wagged in my face, so to speak, telling me that I knew better. I've largely stopping doing that to myself even. (I like to think of it as a sign of maturity rather than giving my self permission to screw up.) I have several readers that comment regularly and I knew they might very well offer words of encouragement. They did.
But what I got even moreso, was comments identifying with me. I got plenty of "I hear ya, girl!" type feedback. That gave me comfort. It confirmed for me that I'm not alone on this journey. More importantly it gave me the impetus to move ahead.
Once again, I've got a week of travel (read eating out every meal) ahead. Instead of thinking, I'll slough it off and hit it hard when I get back; I'm trying to hit it as hard as I can between now & Monday. Since I know I'll have a bounce up when I get back, I want to minimize it. Quite frankly, I'm tired of losing this 5 or 6 lbs over and over again.
Here's my plan: hcg until we leave, three weeks low carb (including the week I'm gone), three weeks hcg, three weeks low carb until I get to goal. Easy!! Right now, I don't have any obstacles until late June, when there will be another family birthday. That's too far away to worry about besides the fact that my family it totally supportive, just like my blog community.
My relaxed attitude towards eating on special occasions got just a little too relaxed yesterday. It started when a young cousin asked for me to taste a cookie she'd baked. She's a novice baker and was concerned, since the cookies didn't seem right to her. I had a bit of a panic feeling initially and wanted to decline since that wasn't on my diet. Almost as quickly I thought that a person with a normal relationship with food would have taken the cookie without a thought. I took one, had two bites and assured her that the cookie was quite good. To further emphasis how good the cookies were I gave the rest of it to 65MD to taste. Score one for me, I thought. "Normal" people do stuff like that all the time.
When it came time to eat, I centered my meal on the fresh veggies from my garden and used my homemade salad dressing. I had about a tablespoon of apricot salad and some fresh strawberries. One of my nephews commented on my minimalist (yes he used that very word) meal and I agreed that it was what I wanted. Another point for me.
The salad was great. The dressing was the best I'd ever made. I went back for seconds on salad!! I think that is a first, but this is about where things started falling apart. I got a little more apricot salad. I knew there was sugar in it and I was treading on dangerous territory, but I forged ahead. It was still a small amount, less than 1/4 cup. No points there.
After the meal we sat around chatting and enjoying the pleasant day. In a while someone wanted cheesecake and I was asked to serve it despite the brace severely restricting movement on my right hand. Pencils and eating utensils are the two things that are still causing me the most trouble. I mangled out a glob of cheesecake for someone and then another, and another, and another until everyone was served. The problem was that since my dexterity was so limited the globs (nothing like slices at all) were falling all over the place. (We were all laughing and enjoying the spectacle.) I was popping the parts that fell off the plate in my mouth. I probably had a whole slice in little bites here & there. Losing points!!
Throughout the afternoon, folks had sliced off little nibbles of cheesecake so that when I got ready to wrap up the left overs there was a good bit of crust still in the pan. I cleaned that up by eating it. Negative points!
When I got home last night, I just wanted to EAT! What I really wanted was a big fat hamburger. I didn't have any ground beef. My second choice was a giant steak. There was no beef in my house. I briefly considered asking 65MD to take me out but knew that was a bad idea. I did not entertain the thought of going to the grocery store for beef. There is no telling what I would have bought in that frame of mind. Instead I nibbled looking for something to satisfy that craving. Luckily, I don't have too much junk in the house anymore. But even blueberries and almonds are not good choices in situations like that.
So, I registered another gain this morning. So far today, I've done great. I've realized that I've got to keep my head in the game. My 'normal' relationship with food is probably going to be different from the 'normal' I perceive in others. It is also still evolving. Both things are OK. I'm learning that all the experiences are vital steps on this journey. And if I learn from them will lead me to my goal. I think I should get points for that.
This morning the scales read 169.6. It was up 1.2 lbs from yesterday so last night cost me at least 1.2 lbs. It was a mediocre meal* at best. While I'm irritated that I've got to yet again lose those 1.2 lbs, it is different somehow. I feel almost like I got ripped off from a purchase or something like that. Since the meal wasn't the best, and I really didn't have a choice other than how much, I wanted to eat when I got home. My thoughts were something along the lines of "You're going to gain, so why not get something good." I knew, however, that would only create a larger gain and I'd be doubly frustrated. It also helped that it was late and I just went to bed. This morning I have been right back on plan and really haven't been too tempted to cheat.
*The mediocre meal - those readers triggered by the mention of food should skip this part. We were served a small salad, a small piece of steak, half a chicken breast, green beans, half baked potato and bread. Dessert was either a brownie or creme brulee. The salad was nice and probably the high point of the meal. It was quite small though, maybe a cup. The steak was probably about 3 ounces, and hardly seasoned. We never could figure out the chicken. It had something inside of it that we thought might be supposed to make it cordon bleu, but there was such a small amount we couldn't tell. The green beans were canned and the baked potato seemed like something reheated from the frozen food section of the grocery store! I ate the steak, a few bites of chicken (it was really dry too), almost all of the green beans, and enough of the potato to be polite.
Then came dessert. I was served a brownie and 65MD was served creme brulee. We agreed to share. The brownie was so hard I could hardly get my fork in it and the creme brulee was cold & watery. I had two bites of each and let 65MD have the rest. For the record the couple next to us did the same thing. She's a tiny, little lady that loves dessert. She often eats hers and her husbands. She had only a bite or two and pushed both dishes towards her husband. I was a little relieved that the dessert was as bad as the meal because I wasn't tempted to over indulge there.
The food discussion is over and it is safe to start reading again!!
It seems clear to me that something has changed inside. In year's past, I would've eaten the entire meal even if it was bad. I probably had at least half of both desserts and probably snacked when I got home to make up for the bad food!!! I know I have a long way to go to have a normal relationship with food, but I see the progress! Hooray!
To all of my readers that are mothers - HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY tomorrow!!
We have Mother's Day, my mother's birthday and one nephew's birthday in 9 days. We love to celebrate and we've combined the three events in to one big celebration. Food is a large part of our celebrations. There is nothing worse in a southern hostess' life than running out of food for her guests so there is enough food for at least twice as many guests as anticipated. No worries there. We love leftovers too. It is great to have something to nibble on during the next few days to remind us of happy times.
I made a bit of a deviation from this pattern on Easter with a somewhat lighter fare and everyone was delighted. So, as my local sister and I planned Sunday's party, she said she wanted to keep the menu light like I did. She asked for garden fresh lettuce and asparagus with homemade dressings like before. I was so pleased that she made those suggestions.
I know better than to think that I've completely changed my family. It is probably more that this sister changed me, either way I'm glad. I'm glad that my family is in this together. Once very early in this journey my mother told me that "just a little wouldn't hurt." When I told her it would she agreed that I was right and she never said that again. I have a good family for which I am extremely grateful!!!
There will still be challenges on Sunday since she wants me to make the orange cheesecake again. I will but I don't think I'll eat any this time. Been there done that.
I've just learned that creme brulee is on the menu for tonight. YIKES!! There's the challenge!
I hope I'm not counting my chickens before they hatch with this one because often when I blog about having something under control stuff happens to make me aware that I don't. I'll forge ahead and see...
On Friday evening I have to attend an awards banquet with 65MD. It is one of those end of the academic year fancy-shmancy things, where everyone has to dress up and chit chat with people they hardly know and act like it is fun. While I can't really say I'm looking forward to it; I certainly don't have the fear of it I once did, at least with regard to the food.
When I first started this journey, any sort of deviation where I had no control of the food would send me in to a tailspin. I feared the least little slip up in eating would cause me to gain every ounce of weight back immediately. I would get 65MD to get the menu and figure out how to make it work in whatever plan I happened to be doing at the time. Sometimes I would precheat. Sometimes I would post cheat. Sometimes I'd do both. Sometimes I'd just refuse to go.
This time it is different. This time my attitude is almost one of indifference. I'll go, eat what I want and hopefully wake up Saturday morning and slip right back in to the routine. We'll know for sure on Saturday morning. I can say right now, that there has been no precheating.
What could this be? Personal growth? A normal relationship with food? Possibly, quite possibly! Time will tell.
The scales were up a bit this morning. It is a bit of a head-scratcher, since I don't know why. This isn't supposed to happen with hcg. I'm fairly certain that I have not done any emotional eating. Right now, I'm coping with me less than ideal living situation by reading rather than eating. Today, I'll be extra diligent and make sure I get my water in. I've decided to try to drink half my body weight in ounces every day. It should get easier every day as my weight goes down! ;-D
When I started this blog, I promised myself I would be honest. I decided to put the good, the bad and the ugly out there for the world to see. I was going to shed light on the struggles of this journey that often get swept under the rug. I felt like it would be a service to all of those coming behind not to have unrealistic expectations about the weight loss journey. Because often it is those unrealistic expectations that lead to failure.
But the reality for me is that I struggle every time I decide that I need to blog about the bad and ugly part. Part of the reason is that there are actual real live people reading this blog. I don't know if I really believed that would happen or not. I like having readers and I love reading other blogs. I have come to rely on the community I have found in blog land. I don't want my readers to get sick of my whining, complaining and moaning and stop reading. It is a silly notion, but it exisits.
It is silly because I have never, ever had the idea that I would stop reading someone's blog because they were real with their life. It gets back to that old struggle of holding myself to a higher standard. Everyone else can have problems. I am as understanding and supportive as I can be of their issues, but somehow I have to be a little bit better. It irritates me to know that I behave in such a manner, but I do and I'm working to change that.
It is silly because every time I have put myself out there. I have not been rejected by any means. I've been surrounded by so much support that it sometimes brings a tear to my eye. Yesterday was no exception.
Today, I want to say thank you!! Thank you for accepting me just the way I am. Thank you for looking past the arrogance and perfectionism to the honest, struggling person inside desparately trying to improve. Thank you for being honest with me in return. The wall that I built around myself, trying to protect myself from rejection by being perfect, is crumbling. While that is a fabulous and wonderful thing, it is also frightening and I'll need continued support to make it. I will, with your help. Thank you!
I've had a couple of bumps along the road lately. I'm doing my best to stay strong. I want to share what is going on right now.
First, 65MD's 21 year old son has moved back in with us while he finishes school. The time span will be measured in years not months. There are a lot of issues surrounding this that I'll refrain from enumerating. It is not a good situation and I am a stress eater. Get the picture? I've stayed on plan so far with not even any on plan cheating. This is going to be hard folks and I've got to come up with some coping skills before I do fall off the wagon. This is going to be hard on a lot of levels. I am going to need a lot of support. I don't plan to make this blog about household issues. If it gets bad, I'll start another blog called "The Wicked Stepmother" or something like that to vent my spleen.
Second, I've ruptured the tissue between my forefinger and my middle finger on my right hand. I am right handed. The rupture was likely caused from overuse (10-key, keyboard, etc.) because there was no trauma. So, I don't have a humorous story of how I hurt myself. The cure is to wear a brace that severely limits the mobility of those two fingers in addition to my ring finger. I mentioned that I'm right handed, right!?! I'll have to wear the brace for a month. I'll go back for a check then and I am already certain that I will be healed and be able to remove the brace. Because I am right handed. All that to say, typing and therefore blogging is much more difficult. Once again, I'm determined not to let this get me down. After all, I'm not the one that will suffer. It is the poor souls trying to read decipher my blog entries that will have the most trouble.
The impact all of this has had on my weight loss so far is minimal. Yesterday my weight stayed the same and today I only lost 0.4. Since I'm on the hcg, that shouldn't be happening. I'm expecting to have a big loss soon that will catch me up or at least resume the normal weight loss pattern. We'll see soon enough.
I've been reading Sandy's blog The Amazing Adventures of Fitness Friday Girl for ages. And I love it! She as an amazing way with words. Often I read something and chuckle. More often I read something and wish I'd said that on my blog.
For the month of May she's starting a series to get us all bathing suit ready by June 1. She's rallied some fellow bloggers to do their own series for the month in their areas of interest.
I know most of us are pressed for time and think reading another blog is just something for which there is no more time. This one is worth it. Check it out.
While I'm at it, my Christian readers will appreciate her other blog - God Speaks Today.