Memorial Service

Tonight J-boy and I will attend the memorial service of our neighbor that passed away before the holidays.  We learned of the cancer diagnosis in October and he was gone in November.  It was sudden and shocking for all of us.

Probably like a lot of couples, Mrs N. was the one I spoke with more.  She called to make arrangements to have their mail/newspaper picked up when they traveled.   She was the one that was outdoors more, and we would exchange a friendly greeting on the way in or out of the house.  Mr. N was a likable fellow, but we just interacted more with her.

Mr. N. was overweight by a good bit.  He may have, in reality, been in the obese category, but I don't know for sure.  Over the summer, however, Mr. N. began a weight loss regimen that included walking every day.  The weight seemed to magically disappear off of him as it often does during the early stages of a diet, for men in particular.  I had already lost 70 pounds by this point, so he and I became kindred spirits of a sort.  On days when I felt like I really, really didn't want to exercise, I'd see Mr. N. trudging up or down the driveway and spur myself on to the elliptical.  Even though, he never said so, I feel certain he looked to me for inspiration at times as well.

What I didn't know for several months was that his doctor diagnosed him as pre-diabetic. He told him to get the weight under control or he'd be dead.  That was before cancer hit.  I never got to ask him how he felt after making the hard sacrifices to save his life only to learn of another threat to his life.  I wonder if he rued the wasted days of overweight/obesity, or wished he'd just eaten cake all summer.

The treatments Mr. N. was undergoing for cancer caused dramatic weight loss and the doctors were encouraging him to eat.  How ironic!  One day I asked Mrs. N. what they needed from us and she asked me to make the  most calorie dense dessert I could, knowing that I love to bake and would have just the right thing.  I did.  It was a brownie recipe, with 8 eggs and lots of butter.  I was happy to do it for him, but the whole time I was making them, my mind swirled.

What would I think if I was in this situation?  Would I lament the food I missed, or would I wished I'd started the weight loss plan earlier?  Sadly, I think I would have lamented missing the food.  Of course, at this time we had no idea that he would contract an infection and not be able to fight it.  I know for sure, if the end of my life was near, food would be far down my list of priorities.  I'd be too busy soaking up every once of time with my family.

It was a soul searching time, shining the light on a part of me that I'd rather deny existed.  I would choose food over health.  I shouldn't be surprised, I chose that over and over again to get to 254.4.  I'm hoping that knowing and acknowledging the issue is truly the first step in correcting the problem. 

And now I'd like to express my get well wishes to all my blog buddies.  It seems that just about everyone I've read in recent days and weeks has been sick.  Get well soon, my friends!!