True Confessions

My day got hijacked yesterday in the most pleasant way possible.  I had planned a day catching up on a lot of things that just didn't get done last weekend because of the all day meeting.  It started that way, but I wound up shoe shopping with a cousin.  We had a blast and I came home with four pairs of shoes.

I got home around 8:30 (before the time change) to find an exhausted 65MD in the recliner.  He'd spend most of the day prepping the soil for our summer garden and planting the cold weather stuff like lettuce and spinach.  BTW, we have four little asparagus spears peaking up through the ground now, too.

We decided to just go out and get something besides, he'd broken his shovel beyond repair and needed another one.  We went to a hamburger chain because he'd seen a commercial and couldn't get the desire for one out of his head.  I know that feeling all too well, so I agreed. 

I ordered a hamburger too.  There were all sorts of other options, salads, sandwiches, wraps, etc.  I got a burger.  That's what they do, so that's what they do best I rationalized.  I ate every bite of the hamburger and most of my fries.  They weren't quite as good when they weren't hot from the fryer.

Now, I don't think eating a burger & fries is a good weight loss practice, but it is something I think I'll do every now & then on maintenance.  So, I didn't spend any time beating myself up over the choice.  It happened and I didn't come home and look for other things to eat since I'd already blown it.  That was a big breakthrough for me. 

The issue at hand for me is portion control.  It takes monumental effort for me to leave any thing at all, even the smallest morsel on my plate.  It seems wasteful.  I recognize this and am trying to work on it, but like everything else in this journey - it is hard!

On Friday, at lunch, I realized I'd had enough of the leftover fajitas I'd made the night before.  (I was eating only the peppers & meat, no tortillas, almost like a salad.)  I realized that I was full, but there was still food left on my plate.  I picked out the meat and ate that, even though I was already full, and dumped the rest.  That was huge for me, even though I'd already eaten more than I should have.

Last night about halfway through the burger I realized I should stop, but I didn't.  The mental debate began:
The Voice of Truth (TVoT):  "Your body's had enough, time to stop."
The Little Voice (TLV):  "Oh, but this tastes, so good."
TVoT:  "This is too much.  Ask for a to go box."
TLV:  "Gross.  This won't reheat well."
TVoT:  "Then leave it."
TLV:  "There isn't that much left now.  I'll go ahead and finish it."

TLV won the battle last night, but the war isn't over. 

Today at lunch, I ordered a salad with no dressing.  I realized very early on, that I was not going to be able to finish it.  Luckily for me, my mother had ordered the same salad.  She wasn't going to be able to finish hers either, so we got a box and put both our leftovers in it.  I sent it home with her.  That wasn't wasteful at all!!  It doesn't have to be reheated, nor do I have to worry about it not tasting good later. 

Of course my weight shot up this morning.  It will take me all week to work back down.  That is why, this is a journey.  It isn't a quick dash, and it isn't a straight line.  All of the twists and turns along the way, I'm learning, are there for a reason.  I think they are lessons we must learn to keep the weight off forever.  While I'd like for this phase of my life to be over sooner rather than later, I don't ever want to to this again.  So if it takes a little longer to do it right.  That's OK.