Total Weight Loss

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

I Feel Awful

I feel rotten.  My body feels like one great big bruise, my stomach isn't right somehow.  I have this vague nausea that makes me wish I would just puke and get it over with.  But, I'm not sick.  I have no fever, no sore throat, nothing to make me think I need to see a doctor.  I think I'm suffering from a food hangover.  I just feel gross.
Sunday and Monday were indulgence days for me.  It takes 48 hours for the hcg to work in to your system so the food plan for those two days literally uses the word gorge.  As in the past, I went to the store to load up on treats.  This time I felt like I was more controlled in my purchases.  I was really taking some pride in the changes over the past year and was quite pleased with myself for the positive changes I'd made.  That is until I got to the ice cream...the grocery store had all of the personal sized ice cream in all brands & flavors on sale for $0.88!!!  I started sweeping that stuff in to my cart like there was a time limit on the sale.  As I was checking to make sure that I had at least one of every flavor, my hands were shaking!!!  It wasn't from the cold of the freezer section either. 
There were two food items I was particularly looking forward to.  One, of course, was ice cream and the other was a hamburger on the grill.  Both of those things were as good as I anticipated.  But, I should have stopped with one serving of ice cream.  I only ate one burger, but I made onion rings to go along with it.  And those two treats weren't the only ones I had.  I ate cheesecake, potato chips, cookies, fried chicken, biscuits, sausage & bacon too. 
I ate those things not so much because I wanted them, but because they were/are not allowed on my current eating plan and therefore 'bad' foods.  I somehow thought that if I did not eat them then, I would regret it later.  Now, I'm having regret of a different sort, not to mention the weight gain, but that isn't really part of the issue.
I've been looking for a way to incorporate indulgences in to my routine because I've known for some time that the cheat days just weren't working.  I'm beginning to formulate an idea.  I know that for now, I'm going to have to eat a very restricted diet.  That is the only thing that really works for me with regard to the weight loss.  I think the switching back & forth between the strict, strict dieting and the low carb is also the way to go - for now.  So that is what I'm going with.
I know this won't work forever because I can't live like this forever.  I can and plan to eat a more low carb diet going forward, but I have to rethink 'bad' foods and not forbid certain foods once I get to my goal.  I can't go back to the old way of eating because eventually, I'll gain everything back.  But, I've learned that for me, totally removing something and calling it 'bad' just makes me want it that much more.  So, while still vague and unformed, I'm thinking the long term plan is to allow everything, but not everything all the time. 
The main lifestyle/diet/eating plan would be low carb - the day in, day out, routine of eating.  On holidays, birthdays, special occasions, I'll allow myself the foods associated with that.  That way, there is no pressure to eat while it is 'legal' like I did this weekend.  I know it is a head game,but that is the battle field for me.  I actually kept on eating onion rings even though they were beginning to gross me out because I knew I wouldn't be able to eat them until my next cheat day. If everything is acceptable to eat, I think I can choose not to eat it more often than choosing to eat it.  I also think I'll stop at satiety rather than stuffing it in like there's no tomorrow, if I know I can eat it any time.  
I'm also going to try and remember just how bad I feel right now, and know that I have the power to change it.

No comments:

Post a Comment