Victory Thursday

I have two victories to report this week. One, I'm a little more graceful and two I recognized a behavior to correct.

I'm a klutz. I was born that way. While I don't remember the incident, I remember my mother telling how she took me to the doctor when I was a child concerned that I had inner ear trouble because I fell down so much. I don't fall down nearly as much as an adult, but it happens. Most of the time, I bump in to things or am a bit unsteady on my feet. I could be in a large room devoid of all obstacles save one, and I would stumble on it. I would trip even though I would be concentrating on not tripping. Now, having lost weight, I'm not quite as clumsy. I know it is real. Partly because I don't think I realized quite how large I was and I didn't allow enough space and bumped in to things.

Another way I can tell is by my parking lot shoes. At work, I part at the farthermost parking space, to give myself a few more steps and leave the closer slots for clients. Until just recently, I had shoes that I wore specifically from my car to the building and back. (But it isn't that far!) They were affectionately deemed 'parking lot shoes' by my co-workers. I wear heels most of the time in the office (deemed stilettos by same co-workers) and I was nervous about walking that far in them. Now I wear the same shoes in both the office and the parking lot. I'm not afraid of falling unless there is ice.

I know I'll never be as lithe and agile as a ballerina. I've moved a long way from whatever I was before to where I am today.

I'm going to save my self-discovery victory for tomorrow. This seems long enough for today.

Enough Already!

So, I've had enough of this introspection.  It is time to move forward, and if it can be done with a little levity, all the better.  With that in mind, this is what happened at our house last night...

Yesterday 65MD decided to go to the thrift store for some pants. He felt like he needed a few pair of dress pants to supplement his summer wardrobe. He walked in to the store wearing a pair of slacks sized ##, so he went to that rack and selected a few pair to try. They were all too small. He went up a size and tried again, and again they were too small. He continued this practice until in great frustration he purchased a pair that was labeled to be a full 6 inches larger than the tag in the pants he was currently wearing. He was fit to be tied to say the least! All evening I heard about it. I am not without sympathy, but at the same time I found it funny...OK...hilarious. I calmed myself enough to explain that vanity sizing even happened with men's clothing. I even named a large retailer noted for such practices, and told him about my idea to have the year put in clothes along with the size. I reminded him of the size 14 dress. He was still convinced that the earth had shifted on its axis. 

Finally, I had him bring me both pairs of pants and a tape measure. I measured his waist . Then I took the 'new' pants to measure that waistband. I immediately recognized that they had been altered. At least two inches had been taken up in the waist. It made more sense and was in line with the measurement I had just taken. Then I looked at the 'old' pants. The tag in them was from the retailer that I had mentioned earlier. That made it all the funnier, and added to my credibility. I measured the waist band and it was off by about three inches. He grew a bit, the 'old' pants lied about being smaller and the tag for the 'new' ones had the original,non-altered size in them. We solved the mystery and were able to relax a bit after that.

It felt good to relax and enjoy life!  I'm still looking for mantras if anyone has one...

Self Talk

I am becoming more and more aware of the messages I give myself both positive and negative. A few days ago I mentioned that I was telling myself horrible things about myself that simply weren't true, but somehow I believed them. Since that time, I've been working to halt those negative messages. The next step is to change them into positive ones.

I'm able to do that a good bit, if they are coming out of the blue. If, however, have even a kernel of truth in them, I still have a tendency to believe them. No way, am I going turn them in to a positive.

For instance, just yesterday, I forgot something and beat myself up about it all evening. 65MD and I facilitate a grief support group at various times and locations. We just started one last week on Monday nights. Yesterday was to be session two. I came home from work all giddy about some new skirts my co-worker had given me and proceeded to have a mini fashion show. 65MD was appreciative but a little low key about the whole thing, and oddly hadn't changed out of his dress clothes. I didn't ask and proceeded to put on some sweats and go through the mail. He came in and asked where the handouts where for our group, when I realized my error. No harm AT ALL was done. I had plenty of time to change clothes and gather the handouts. (I knew right where they were.) We got there without rushing at all. BUT, I chastised myself for the rest of the evening about forgetting something so important, especially over something so trivial.

I know that if the situation had been reversed and 65MD had forgotten rather than me, I would have brushed it off without a second thought. I know that isn't like him, and that it happens to everyone from time to time. It is no big deal. So, why, when it happens to me, do I start telling myself what a screw up I am. That I am shallow and self centered because I let a couple of skirts distract me from people that were hurting. Get the picture? It ain't pretty.

I'm not a screw up. I am intelligent woman and I care about people in need, but there was no way I was telling myself that last night.

Then this morning, as I donned an adorable giraffe print skirt that is a fuchsia/purple and black, paired with lovely black sweater, I thought that this was a cute outfit. And...I was even cute. Immediately, I snatched that thought back as prideful and egotistical. Not to mention, untrue.

I had an epiphany then. I was taught from a very early age not to be boastful. That people didn't like self centered people and I should always put others before myself. No matter how nice I looked, how smart I was, or anything else, there was some one that looked nicer, and was smarter, etc. Now, I don't believe that there is anything wrong with those lessons, but perhaps I've taken them to an extreme. I'm holding myself back from the natural pride in a job well done because I don't want to be considered arrogant. I may even be subconsciously sabotaging myself, so that I don't lose friends along with the weight. The smaller my body the bigger my ego and who wants to be around that!?

My brain knows that my friends are my friends no matter my weight. My brain knows that I am a nice looking woman. (it took me a while to muster the courage to even type that!) My heart is fearful of becoming self righteous and arrogant. My heart is afraid that I'll trade a part of my integrity for a smaller body.

I have got to figure out the balance between the two. The balance between a healthy self respect and an irritating arrogance. This is part of the mental/emotional struggle that makes up as much, or more, of weight loss as what eating plan is used. This is going to require as much vigilance, maybe more. Those thoughts are insidious. They sneak in unnoticed sometimes. I'm going to have to come up with a mantra, that I can use to repeat to myself over & over before the thoughts arise. Any suggestions?

Sunday Scale Says...

I had every intention of resuming my "Saturday Scale Says" reports yesterday.  I think the accountability will help between now and the beach trip.  I didn't do it because I had such a big response to the excess skin entry.  I decided to leave it as the top post for a little while longer so that more folks got to see it first thing without scrolling down.  I know that not everyone is like me and has to read every word of every blog.  I'm calling it my transfer addiction and I'm going with it.  :-)


Funny thing though, is that I almost didn't publish that post.  I wrote it early in the week and held on to it.  I had debated all week about deleting or publishing.  Clearly, publishing won, and by the response I'm glad I did it.  The tipping point was my 'keeping it real' idea of this whole blog.  I try very hard to be a positive person.  I think it is paramount for mental health, just like exercise for physical health.  Even in the worst times, I try to find one positive and focus on that.  I think I've done that with this blog as well.


The problem arises when those difficult times are not mentioned.  It leaves the impression that everything is sunshine and roses, puppies and kittens.  That's just not so.  I also know that no one wants to read about all the minutiae of my life, not even me!  So, I try to pull out the parts that are of interest, humorous or most on my mind.  Often times, I'll read another blog and the entry will be something I've been pondering for a while, and it makes me feel so good that I'm not alone.  Apparently,  I struck that chord with the excess skin post.  I'm glad I could help, and pay back just a bit of what I've reaped.


And for the record, 
this morning's weight:  172.8
pounds lost forever:      81.6
pounds to goal:             27.8
days to beach:               16

Keep it real folks!!

Excess Skin

This is one of those things that hardly anyone ever mentions, but it is a reality for most of us I feel certain. That is excess skin. My problem is the 'apron' skin. I carried a lot of weight in my belly. Some in my back side, but mostly in my belly. I looked pregnant and was asked more than once about my delicate condition. Now that I'm nearing the 100 lbs gone mark, my belly has diminshed greatly. I now have a flap of skin that hangs down from my waist and folds over at the top of my legs. It is, in a word, gross. It is uncomfortable. I have taken to wearing control top undergarments to keep thing in place. It works well and I'll continue that practice until I get to my goal. Then I'm almost certain that I'll have surgery to fix that little problem. My body will literally bear the scars of obesity for the rest of my life. That's OK, if that keeps me from regaining.

I'm not upset about it. In fact, I look at it as sort of a badge of honor. I can look down and see how far I've come. So, why do I mention it? Because it is reality. Because people need to know that losing the excess pounds through diet and exercise is only part of the puzzle. Because reaching a certain number on the scale does not create a sudden utopia. When I wake up in the morning and I weigh 145 lbs, I'll still have to make up the bed when I get up. I'll still have to wipe crumbs from the counter. I'll still have to do laundry. I'm pretty sure that I'll still have morning breath.

Get the picture? Life will still be life. I don't mean to diminish the benefits of weight loss. They're great and I'm already reaping some of them. But, I think for too many, there is this idea that once the weight comes off life will be perfect. When it isn't we give up and regain. I personally, am trying to adjust my expectations. When I get to my goal weight, I'll celebrate for sure, but life will go on as usual. As much as I'd like to think that the whole world will stand up and applaud, I know it won't. I do know that my family & friends will and really that is enough. I'll get up, make the bed, and brush my teeth, but I might take the day off from wiping the counter tops and laundry!

Cuss for Asparagus

"I cuss, you cuss, we all cuss for asparagus!"  It is the punch line on an old Far Side comic strip featuring an asparagus truck much live the beloved ice cream trucks from my childhood.  I've had that little mantra stuck in my head the last few days because I have been eating some yummy asparagus.

Monday night and Tuesday night when I get ready to prepare my evening meal, I go out to my little garden and snip off a few asparagus spears.  There is nothing better than that really, really fresh asparagus with just a teensy amount of seasoning salt, and steamed until it is bright green.  Love it!  My plan is to continue the pattern again tonight.

Think of me and smile tonight, while I'm cussing for asparagus.  :-D

Better

I had a better day yesterday and so far today I've been good. I hesitate to say too much because, it seems that every time I blog about having it all together, something happens and I have to confess I don't.  ;-D

My motivation now is that I will be on the beach in less than three weeks. The thought of that doesn't strike fear in my heart quite like it did years ago. Partly because I'm older and I've developed an attitude that says "This is who I am, deal with it." The other part is, I know that I can actually do something to improve the way I look. I won't get to my goal in three weeks, but I can get way closer.

Three weeks feels like nothing. Three weeks is no big deal. I can go three weeks without sugar, easy. No white flour, no problem. I'm already beyond the half way point of today, so it is almost already 2 1/2 weeks. Maybe all I really needed was to approach this in smaller segments. I'll do three weeks and then three more, and three more, and three more until I get to my goal. What was it I said about mind games???

Anyway, three weeks from now, I'll be smaller than I am today. That's what matters.

Mind Games

I've said more than once and read more than once that so much of the weight loss battle is in the mind.  Mine has been in such turmoil lately, that I haven't done much any battling on the weight loss front.  I feel fat and gross.  I needed to feel better.  Reality doesn't factor in to the equation as much as feelings.

So, this morning as I was selecting what to wear to church, I opted for the largest dress I own, I think.  It is a simple sheath dress that my mother made for me probably 15 years ago.  She made me & my sisters matching Easter dresses that year just like she had when we were little girls.  It had gotten too small over the years, but I didn't part with it for sentimental reasons.  I wore it again proudly, on the way back down this time.  Once again, I held on to it, and probably always will because my mother made it and my sisters have (had?) one like it.  It hung on me.  It was just the feeling I needed.

I realized that I like the feeling of shrinking.  I've managed to keep a very nice wardrobe on the way down through consignment and gifts, so I haven't had that clothes handing off of me feeling in a long while.  It definitely gave me a boost.  I've got a ways to go to get back to the emotional place where I usually operate, but maybe this is enough to fake it until I make it.

If not, I'll check in with my doctor.  I have an appointment at the end of April to check on my weight anyway.  It is a new week and a new season of the year, maybe even a new page in my journey down the scales.

Hard Times

 The past couple of days have been very hard for me, emotionally.  I love this time of year and generally seeing all of the signs of spring and rebirth in nature really speaks to my heart.  I love the renewal and the sense of new beginnings.


But not the past few days.  Since about Wednesday I've been hanging on to my composure by a thread and a mighty weak one at that.  I am on the verge of tears all the time.  There is no good reason why.   I'm giving myself horrible messages about what a fraud and failure I am.  And not just in weight loss either, in just about every aspect of my life.


It is taking all of my emotional energy to keep from bursting in to tears or a rage, so forget about eating right and exercising.  I've got to get control over this situation fast!!  For today, I'm trying to recognize those mean and nasty things I'm telling myself, and stopping them.  I've tried turning them in to positives, but I'm not yet believing those statements yet.


Hormones?  Maybe.  I almost hope so.  At least that would give me a reason for such uncharacteristic behavior, particularly since I can't identify the trigger.  I'm hanging in there as best I can, and I'll hope for a better week next week.

Guest Blog & Keeping it Real

Today I was the guest blogger over on Ace Health.  Check it out.

I had another head scratching moment on the scales this morning.  I lost a pound.  What's the problem?  Here's the problem - what I ate yesterday:

• Sprouted grain English muffin with cream cheese & all fruit spread
• Banana
• Homemade (by me) peanut butter
• 5 tagalongs (girl scout cookies)
• Klondike bar
• Rib eye steak (I didn't eat all of it!!)
• 3 tagalongs
• Ice cream sandwich
• 64 oz water
• Diet black cherry cola

The unexplained & unexpected loss this morning has kept me right on track today, even though I'm home alone with no one to know how much I've eaten but the dog.

Of course now I'm in much more of a conundrum as to what do to.  I like the way I've been eating lately.  It seems much more 'normal' and sane.  If I can consistently slip down a pound or two a week, I'm perfectly happy with that.  I cannot/will not keep doing something that causes an 8 lb gain in a month.  I know for about a week to 10 days of that time I was sick and not exercising, although I stayed largely on track with the food.  I had a few things that I don't normally allow myself like orange juice.  It should not have caused that much of a gain though.  I've got a lot to consider.

Big Trouble

I've stopped yo-yoing! That is not good news. To me, yo-yoing means that the scales go up and down. This week they've done nothing but go up! I'm getting discouraged, 65MD left this morning, and the voices in my head are making friends. A storm is brewing because the discouragement is making me want to eat, no one is there to help, not even The Voice of Truth. The thoughts in my head go something like this:


The Little Voice (TLV): "Let's eat one of those Girl Scout Cookies every day until they're gone."
The Voice of Truth (TVoT): "That isn't a very good idea."
TLV: "Yes, that will take too long to eat them. Let's eat three per day until they're gone."
TVoT: "Ummm...I don't think that's right."

A little later:
TLV: "An Icee sure would taste good."
TVoT: "Yes, those are good, but they're better on a hot summer day, when they are icy cold."
TLV: "OK, we can save that for a summer treat. How about a cherry limeade?"
TVoT: "There aren't really any Sonics on the way home."

And then:
TLV: "Stop and get one of those old fashioned cake donuts on the way home."
TVoT: "We can't stop on the way home. We have to go straight home to let the dog out."
TLV: "A chocolate old fashioned cake donut would really be good."
TVoT: Beginning to crack  "Chocolate frosting, or chocolate cake?"
TLV: "How about one of each? Plus they have Icees there!"
TVoT: Finally regaining a little control "No! You have got to stop this, or I'm going to have to blog about it."
TLV: "Please don't! They'll hold you accountable and make me stop."
TVoT: "That's the whole point."

And around and around my head spins. I did get myself a big fat steak to eat for supper tonight. I'm hoping the indulgent feeling of eating it will help ease the desire to run off the rails completely. I'm also hoping that if it isn't, I'll at least be full enough to ward off the munchie monster!

It is obvious to me now, that the whole grain carb way of eating is absolutely not going to work for me. I've gained 8.4 pounds since my lowest weight before I got sick in February (about a month ago). Those are out of my diet as of right now. I have three weeks before I go to Destin for a week. I could squeeze in a quick round of hcg. It is a little close between rounds, but I'm getting desperate. I am not, no way, no how going to let this small set back put me in to a tailspin. I've worked too hard and too long to let the weight creep back up. I've just got to come up with a plan that works. And FAST!

True Confessions

My day got hijacked yesterday in the most pleasant way possible.  I had planned a day catching up on a lot of things that just didn't get done last weekend because of the all day meeting.  It started that way, but I wound up shoe shopping with a cousin.  We had a blast and I came home with four pairs of shoes.

I got home around 8:30 (before the time change) to find an exhausted 65MD in the recliner.  He'd spend most of the day prepping the soil for our summer garden and planting the cold weather stuff like lettuce and spinach.  BTW, we have four little asparagus spears peaking up through the ground now, too.

We decided to just go out and get something besides, he'd broken his shovel beyond repair and needed another one.  We went to a hamburger chain because he'd seen a commercial and couldn't get the desire for one out of his head.  I know that feeling all too well, so I agreed. 

I ordered a hamburger too.  There were all sorts of other options, salads, sandwiches, wraps, etc.  I got a burger.  That's what they do, so that's what they do best I rationalized.  I ate every bite of the hamburger and most of my fries.  They weren't quite as good when they weren't hot from the fryer.

Now, I don't think eating a burger & fries is a good weight loss practice, but it is something I think I'll do every now & then on maintenance.  So, I didn't spend any time beating myself up over the choice.  It happened and I didn't come home and look for other things to eat since I'd already blown it.  That was a big breakthrough for me. 

The issue at hand for me is portion control.  It takes monumental effort for me to leave any thing at all, even the smallest morsel on my plate.  It seems wasteful.  I recognize this and am trying to work on it, but like everything else in this journey - it is hard!

On Friday, at lunch, I realized I'd had enough of the leftover fajitas I'd made the night before.  (I was eating only the peppers & meat, no tortillas, almost like a salad.)  I realized that I was full, but there was still food left on my plate.  I picked out the meat and ate that, even though I was already full, and dumped the rest.  That was huge for me, even though I'd already eaten more than I should have.

Last night about halfway through the burger I realized I should stop, but I didn't.  The mental debate began:
The Voice of Truth (TVoT):  "Your body's had enough, time to stop."
The Little Voice (TLV):  "Oh, but this tastes, so good."
TVoT:  "This is too much.  Ask for a to go box."
TLV:  "Gross.  This won't reheat well."
TVoT:  "Then leave it."
TLV:  "There isn't that much left now.  I'll go ahead and finish it."

TLV won the battle last night, but the war isn't over. 

Today at lunch, I ordered a salad with no dressing.  I realized very early on, that I was not going to be able to finish it.  Luckily for me, my mother had ordered the same salad.  She wasn't going to be able to finish hers either, so we got a box and put both our leftovers in it.  I sent it home with her.  That wasn't wasteful at all!!  It doesn't have to be reheated, nor do I have to worry about it not tasting good later. 

Of course my weight shot up this morning.  It will take me all week to work back down.  That is why, this is a journey.  It isn't a quick dash, and it isn't a straight line.  All of the twists and turns along the way, I'm learning, are there for a reason.  I think they are lessons we must learn to keep the weight off forever.  While I'd like for this phase of my life to be over sooner rather than later, I don't ever want to to this again.  So if it takes a little longer to do it right.  That's OK.

Go Figure...

This morning my weight was down 1.2 lbs! I had to shake my head in disbelief, just like on Tuesday only this time it was a good kind of disbelief. The strangest part of it is that I eat virtually the same thing every day during the week, for ease of prep. I exercise 5 days a week too. (except for days when I forget!) Even there, while the routine is varied, there is only so many different things one can do on the Wii fit & stair stepper.

I'm happy about the loss. I'll take that anytime over a gain. What has me scratching my head is why. It is one of the mysteries of this journey. And one of the main reasons I'm glad for the blog community to help me through these weird times.

A Quick Update

Needless to say, I had a hard day yesterday.  Although I stayed on plan in a literal sense, I ate more protein than usual.  It had no carbs, so it was 'on plan' but it was my little rebellion.  I forgot to exercise, really, just forgot.  I woke up around 2:30 this morning with that realization.

Generally on the way home from work, I begin to plan my evening.  When I'll do A, B & C, etc. (cook & exercise are usually on the list) As I was driving home yesterday, I realized that I had no extra project.  The only things I really had to do was cook supper and exercise.  I thought that was nice, not having to figure out when to squeeze in 20 minutes on the stair stepper.  I smiled as I thought of the nice gift of time I would have.  I couldn't say now exactly how I filled up that time, but I did and the stair stepper was not involved!!!

Despite the two minor infractions, I lost 0.4 lbs this morning.  Go figure.  I'm thankful for it, and I'll try to stay on track today.
 

Help!

I weigh every day.  It is a decision I made for myself at the beginning of this journey and I believe the right decision for me.  When I see an unexplained/unexpected gain I know I need to address something rather than letting it go unnoticed and uncorrected for a week or more.  Generally, the small upticks don't bother me at all.  I can almost always figure out what happened and take steps to correct it right away.  That's what it is all about for me.  Today, however, I'm upset.  I need some encouragement.

Yesterday I gained 0.2 lbs.  It was one of those small upticks that didn't bother me at all.  I figured it was from my strange weekend.  I probably hadn't had enough water, and certainly did not move as much on Saturday as typical.  I knew I'd made the best choices I could and stuff happens.  I moved on.

My eating & exercise were textbook perfect yesterday.  I'm doing a low carb plan that allows whole grains.  I really felt good great about the choices I made as I went to bed last night.  I'd eaten exactly what I should during the day, and I'd felt satisfied all day.  I got in all my water without having to force it, and I didn't even want seconds at supper.  I often want seconds, but hardly ever allow it.  I thought I'd found the right plan for me and I'd race right on down the scales.

Not only was my eating great, I was back on the stair stepper working hard to be more intense.  I did a full 20 minutes, not full on all the time, but a definite improvement from the last couple of weeks while I was sick.

I had great expectations this morning as I approached the scales.  Imagine my surprise when they were up 0.6.  That is a 0.8, nearly a full pound gained in two days!!  I don't know why.  I think that has me more upset than the gain.  I don't know what to do to fix the problem.

All the food I ate yesterday was prepared by me, so I know there wasn't something sneaky in there that wasn't counted.  And, since I often eat the same breakfast & lunch during the week because it is easier for me, I'm worried that I'll gain again in the morning.  I can't do that.  I've worked too hard and too long to see it slip away.  It would be one thing if I'd eaten those girl scout cookies, I'm thinking about now.  It is a good thing I'm at work and they're at home.  I'd make sure I knew why I'd gained in the morning!! 

Seriously, although I'm thinking about the cookies, I don't think I'd eat them.  I know better, but what I don't know is how to fix this.  Any ideas???  

Size 10 Jeans.

Sunday afternoon, 65MD wanted to go to the dollar store for seed for the garden. I gladly tagged along because they have blue jeans for $12 and my only pair is too large. They are size 16 and I've already taken in the waist 3 or 4 inches. I decided to buy a size 12 based on my experience at the consignment store recently.

As 65MD decided exactly which seeds he wanted, I grabbed a pair of blue jeans, size 10. They were in the spot where the 12's should have been, but the price label threw me off since it said $12. I noticed quickly that I'd gotten a size smaller than I wanted, and went back through the jeans to find a size 12. There were none. I knew the 14's would be too big and the 10's too small. My decision was to buy the 10's, knowing that it would be a few weeks before I could wear them or the 14's knowing that I wouldn't be able to wear them for very long. I opted for too small.

I got home and tried on the pants. They actually fit nicely through the legs, but when I got to the combat zone - the inner tube I carry that starts at the top of my legs and ends at my waist - there was no way they were going to fit. If I had been in college, I might have tried laying on the bed and zipping them. Honestly, though, I don't think that would have done the trick anyway.

I'm losing weight at a nice pace of 2 or 3 lbs per week right now. It won't be long before I'll slip right in to them. They are now my 'motivation' garment.   I'll try them on periodically to measure my progress.

No PreCheating

I'm getting back into my normal routine after the all day planning meeting with the board yesterday.  As I blogged about last week, I was concerned about the food offerings and the few choices that would be available.  I had a notion of what was to be served and come up with a bit of a game plan. 

So...Friday night as I was contemplating the next day I began an epic battle in my mind.  The Little Voice was there taunting me and The Voice of Truth was battling back.  The thoughts went something like this:

TLV:  "You might as well eat tonight since you have no choices tomorrow."
TVoT:  "What has that got to do with it?  If anything, you should cut back tonight to make up for potential issues tomorrow."

TLV:  "If they have cookies tomorrow you can eat a peanut butter one because they have protein."
TVoT:  "Are you nuts?  They also have white flour & sugar."
TLV:  "So does the bread on those sandwiches that they're serving for lunch"
TVoT:  "I'm not planning to eat the bread if I can help it."

TLV: "Remember those Girl Scout Cookies in the freezer?  Eat them now.  You have a good excuse."
TVoT:  "How about taking those cookies to the function?"
TLV:  "Now you're the crazy one.  No one is eating those cookies besides me!!!  Besides there isn't enough to go around."
TVoT:  "OK, OK, calm down."


Even though, I did not take the cookies to the function, I did take fruit.  In fact, I wondered why I hadn't thought of that before.  We car pooled to the site which was about an hour from the office.  As we were getting in the van, I felt it necessary to explain my extra bag, so I said I'd brought some grapes & oranges to share.  One of the other women had made muffins to share and several had brought their own snacks.  So, I didn't feel at all concerned about walking in with my bag.

For breakfast there was an assortment of carbs like muffins & donuts.  I'd eaten my Ezekiel bread toast, so I was fine skipping the whole buffet, since I'm not a coffee drinker, I really had no reason to be over there.

For lunch they'd ordered sub sandwiches and four salads just in case anyone wanted one of those instead!  I was so happy to see that ice burg lettuce.  The salad amounted to a fairly large amount of ice burg lettuce, maybe two spinach leaves, and some deli ham & turkey.  I think it was supposed to be a chef salad.  There were no tomatoes which made me happy and I skipped the salad dressing because I'm really not a fan.  As I was walking back to the table to eat, I could feel a little smile on my face as I realized I was glad that I had not pre-cheated.


There was also bottled water in abundance, so I chugged plenty of that.  (I also positioned myself in the room where I could slip out to the restroom!) 


When I got home after nearly a 12 hour day, I was tired and 65MD offered to just go out, so as to make it easy on myself.  I thought that was not really the easy way out and there was an abundance of good food, easily prepared right in my kitchen.  I chose to do that.  Overall it was a good eating day.  I went to bed, happy with my choices for the day.  It was a good feeling.


BTW, I shared the grapes & oranges, and everyone was glad I brought them.  In fact, I didn't bring any home.  I like it when that happens too.

Victory Thursday

I have several NSV's to share today. The first of which is that I actually remembered to do this!! Last week, I was so out of it, that I totally forgot. I'm feeling much more like my old self today. That is great news in any arena, not just weight loss. I still have two more days on the antibiotics, then I think I'll be home free.

Also as a result of feeling better, I've done 20 minutes on the stair stepper the past two days. I'm still not at full capacity there, but I have a plan. I'll do 20 minutes the best I can for the rest of the week. Next week, I'll start pushing the intensity. Once I feel like I have maxed out there, I'll add another 5 minutes. I'll keep going until I get a full 30 minutes in. I don't want to make my life revolve around my work outs, and I think 30 minutes of full on, sweat pouring exercise will get the job done. If not, I'll re-evaluate. Oh, and I'll do the free weights/strength training too. Got to keep working on these bat wings!

I've noticed in the past few days that my skirts have gotten longer. They seem like they are fitting well in the waist, so my assumption is that my 'assumption' is getting smaller! (get it? ;-D) My tummy is definitely shrinking. It has been a real hold out too! That is so exciting for me.

Another clothing item that has suddenly gotten too large is my shoes. I've heard of this phenomenon but not experienced it for myself until late last week. I have worn a 6 1/2 since high school. I never had babies, so I didn't experience the foot growth so many women do during pregnancy. Oddly, my foot didn't grow with my weight, that is unless shoe manufacturer's are pulling a ruse on us too! Sadly, two of my 'go to' pairs of classic pumps I wear to work several times a week are getting to floppy. Not so sadly, I'll have to go shoe shopping soon! I have a very favorite shoe store, that I have been wanting to visit. I was saving for a reward at 165 lbs. I'm close enough now, I just might get there before I get to go shopping.

On another note entirely...I'll be out of pocket this weekend. I have to attend a board retreat for my employer. I'm not looking forward to it on a lot of levels, but such is life. I won't be posting my weight this weekend. That's OK, but Saturday also happens to be the one year anniversary of this blog. I still feel like such a newbie when it comes to this. I've made no secret of the fact that I credit this blog and much more so the support of my readers for the success I've had during the last 12 months. Thank you, I appreciate it!  Here's to another great year together.

Marvelous March

AHHHH....March...isn't it wonderful, marvelous, magnificent, and fabulous! It isn't that I love March so much, but I hate February. I grow so weary of the grey dreary days that seem to just drag by. I know that there will be more of those days in March, but they seem much more transient. Spring is on the horizon. The little spring flowers are peeping up through the ground and there will be blossoms soon. Sometimes I think I might have a mild case of SAD. I just want to stay indoors and be alone. Hibernation seems like a very good idea to me.

But now the sun is shining. It is still a little cooler than I like, but 65MD says I'd be cold anywhere that wasn't the equator. Sunshine is refreshing to me, and re energizes me to move forward with my weight loss goals. I'm so close, so very close. There is no reason why I can't reach my goal. I will. I'm trying hard not to put a deadline on it as much as I want to. So, for the month of March my goal is to lose as much weight as possible. I'll find out on April 1 what that figure is.

As I consider what the month holds for me with relation to eating, I have two challenges. The first one is Saturday. It will be an all day board retreat with the management team and the board of directors of my employer. What could be more boring!?! It will be at a retreat center about an hour from where I live. That means, I'll have to be ready to leave my house on a Saturday morning at the time I normally get up during the week. That doesn't make me happy. Breakfast, lunch & snacks are provided. As I understand it now, I have no choice. It will just be there. Breakfast, I expect to be bagels, muffins and other assorted carbs. So, I'll get a piece of fruit to eat in the car or something along those lines. Lunch will likely be sandwiches, chips, etc. I can skip the chips no problem. I don't want to call too much attention to myself by doing too many odd things, but I can probably take the meat off my sandwich if the bread is just that carby white stuff. For snacks, I'm hoping for some fruit, but I expect cookies. I'll just have to skip them. There should be plenty of bottled water though, so I can tank up on that.

The second challenge of the month, isn't quite as big and certainly much more under my control. 65MD will be out of town, without me, for about three days in the middle of the month. Even though the man has never, ever, ever, not even once said anything to me about my weight or my food choices, I am a closet eater. When I am alone, I want to pile in the food while no one is around to know just how much I eat. I will have three days alone and believe me, I could do some damage in three days!! My plan now, is to have the house empty of anything that is not healthy and nourishing. I'm not very likely to go to the store just to get some treat. I am considering, however, allowing myself one indulgence while he's gone so that I don't feel deprived and binge later. It would be something technically on plan, but not the best choice, like a rib eye steak. They don't have any carbs!! I haven't fully decided if I'll do that or not. I still have a couple of weeks to make up my mind.

Other than those two minor obstacles, I plan to eat low carb plan for the month and use the stair stepper and Wii for workouts. I'm still working up to full capacity with the stair stepper, but I'll get there by the end of the month.  I need to do the very best I can for March because in April we have the financial audit at work and then I'll be out of town recovering at the beach. I need to look hot in my bikini!

Here's to a Marvelous, Magnificent March!!