Total Weight Loss

Friday, June 10, 2011

Disappointed, Discouraged and Depressed

I try very hard to keep an optimistic outlook on this weight loss journey. It seems to make everything a little easier when I'm cheerful about it. I'd had a very good week and was feeling quite good about myself and my progress until yesterday. For some reason, I decided to go back and read my blog entries from a year ago. I wanted to see my progress. I knew that I was so much closer to my goal yesterday than a year ago that I would really get a charge out of it and blast through to my goal in no time.

Imagine my surprise as I went back and read post after post that I could have written yesterday. Posts about being close to my goal and how I was making small changes. Posts about getting back to new low weight that seemed elusive, but I was going to do it. The difference in my weight is a measly 10 pounds!! That has hugely disappointing to me. I should have been more diligent. I kept reading searching for something to make me feel better. The more I read, the more discouraged I became. Why had I wasted all this time? What was wrong with me?

Truly trying to pull myself out of this nosedive, I began to tell myself that it was better than gaining 10 pounds during the year. It wasn't working. I could feel the depression seeping in around the edges and I had to get control and get it quick. Nothing sabotages my efforts more than depression. The feeling of worthlessness, does not induce the mindset needed to make good decisions about food and even worse exercise.

I quit reading my own blog and looked at others. Lyn over at Escape from Obesity had a stall that lasted years and she's still in there swinging. She's not alone. Several of the blogs I read have had slow, slow (and even yo yo) progress. The key, I think, is not quitting when it gets bad. It would have been so easy last night to give in to the desire to eat, but I didn't. I don't want to be here next year trying to squeeze of another regain.

In all honesty, I still didn't feel a lot better. I got disgusted looking at that fat face I've had on my profile. My plan was to change it when I got to my goal, but I decided I needed to get rid of it. The picture that is there now is of me last month on vacation. What I really wanted to do was a slide show of shots of me on the way down and update it from time to time. In my frustration, I could not get blogger to see flickr so I quit! Maybe when I'm in a better frame of mind I'll try again. For now, I'll concentrate on getting through today.


  1. hang in there darlin i know it's frustrating when it's not going on the schedule you want (i want it YESTERDAY, i have no patience) but you're doin great and you have made progress even if it's a measly 10 pounds. it's still a loss and not a gain plus i'm sure you're in better physical shape. just look at it as a chance to refocus/reenergize. i know you can do it! xoxoxoxoxoxo

  2. I'm so sorry you are feeling discouraged:( Hugs. Unfortunately I can empathize, as you might expect since I am such a classic yo-yo dieter. There were times when I considered where I had been a year ago and realized I weighed MORE! Other wise bloggers have told reminded me that the past is the past and we should only focus on the present, not even the future. So that is what I share with you today. You are a strong, amazing woman who can do this!

  3. Hey Lori, sorry you were discouraged. I'm assuming that the day has progressed and the feeling is gone (see, I'm an optimist). I appreciate the title of your blog. First, because of my background as a children's librarian, I hear the echo of Paddington Bear (from Deepest Darkest Peru). The second thing I like about your blog title is that you acknowledge that it's a journey that your on. From my seat in the peanut gallery, I'd say you ARE making progress on that journey. You're learning things and living and losing and progressing. Hang in there and enjoy the journey. (wish I had lost 10 pounds since a year ago)

  4. I had that same realization of how slow my progress was a couple of months ago.

    That led to me reorganizing my weight tally on my sidebar and dumping the ticker that listed my weight loss from my high of 252 to my present of 188.

    The original "whole journey" ticker made it look like I had come so far, except that last summer I weighed 175. :( Looking at my overall tally helped me to forget the gain I had over the winter. The gain that wiped out a year of effort.

    I replaced the original ticker with one that started on Jan of this year. But then I felt discouraged again because I saw NO progress. So now I have TWO tickers, one showing the whole WL journey and one for NOW, this year. :D

    Whatever it takes for me to keep an accurate perspective. sighhh. Funny how facing reality can be so tricky.

    I think the new photo is a great idea. :)


  5. You didnt lose those 80 pounds in one afternoon!!! You are time tested!! And doing amazing i must say!!! Some days are harder than others. Hang in there, it is a daily fight

  6. I'm a lurker...but that "fat" face in your profile pic?

    I think it's beautiful.