Disappointed, Discouraged and Depressed

I try very hard to keep an optimistic outlook on this weight loss journey. It seems to make everything a little easier when I'm cheerful about it. I'd had a very good week and was feeling quite good about myself and my progress until yesterday. For some reason, I decided to go back and read my blog entries from a year ago. I wanted to see my progress. I knew that I was so much closer to my goal yesterday than a year ago that I would really get a charge out of it and blast through to my goal in no time.


Imagine my surprise as I went back and read post after post that I could have written yesterday. Posts about being close to my goal and how I was making small changes. Posts about getting back to new low weight that seemed elusive, but I was going to do it. The difference in my weight is a measly 10 pounds!! That has hugely disappointing to me. I should have been more diligent. I kept reading searching for something to make me feel better. The more I read, the more discouraged I became. Why had I wasted all this time? What was wrong with me?

Truly trying to pull myself out of this nosedive, I began to tell myself that it was better than gaining 10 pounds during the year. It wasn't working. I could feel the depression seeping in around the edges and I had to get control and get it quick. Nothing sabotages my efforts more than depression. The feeling of worthlessness, does not induce the mindset needed to make good decisions about food and even worse exercise.

I quit reading my own blog and looked at others. Lyn over at Escape from Obesity had a stall that lasted years and she's still in there swinging. She's not alone. Several of the blogs I read have had slow, slow (and even yo yo) progress. The key, I think, is not quitting when it gets bad. It would have been so easy last night to give in to the desire to eat, but I didn't. I don't want to be here next year trying to squeeze of another regain.

In all honesty, I still didn't feel a lot better. I got disgusted looking at that fat face I've had on my profile. My plan was to change it when I got to my goal, but I decided I needed to get rid of it. The picture that is there now is of me last month on vacation. What I really wanted to do was a slide show of shots of me on the way down and update it from time to time. In my frustration, I could not get blogger to see flickr so I quit! Maybe when I'm in a better frame of mind I'll try again. For now, I'll concentrate on getting through today.