This morning the scales said 165.4!!! I've met the first goal I set for myself, and the first goal the doctor set for me. Long time readers might remember that on my first visit to the doctor after losing some weight he suggested a goal of 165 saying that he didn't get hung up on all that BMI stuff, or something similar. This feels good!
My next goal is 154.4, which is exactly 100 lbs lost! That is only 11 lbs. I can make that happen, no problem. One of the ways I intend to accomplish this is my strength training at least 3 but no more than 5 times per week. I'll continue with the hcg for the week. I'm strongly considering completing the full 6 week course of treatment. That is the recommended way. I've finished three so that is only three more. I'll decide week to week. If I'm continuing to lose weight I'll stay with this plan. Once it stalls or 6 weeks passes, whichever comes first, I'll switch to low carb again.
I've continued to contemplate the question as to who made me feel inferior as a child. The more I thought, the more I come back to the same answer - me. As much as I'd like to blame someone besides me, I can't. It may have been inadvertently fed by my parents, teachers or other adults in authority, but I think the seeds of perfectionism were born inside of me.
I remember lamenting to my lamenting to my mother once that I always came in second in school. Her response was something along the lines of how no one can win every time or something similar. I can remember deciding that I would just have to try harder next time, although I truly don't remember her saying that. I don't think she would have.
My parents helped us learn from disappointments, and mistakes. That reinforced that idea I had to work harder, longer, more efficiently, whatever.
Whatever happened, and however it happened, the question now is how to change. What do I need to do to simply do my best and be pleased with myself. Excellence is my goal, not perfection. I need to do the very best I can, and accept the outcome. I know that there are people out there that are smarter, prettier, thinner, etc. It isn't my job to be better than everyone, just the best that I can be.
This whole discourse probably seems silly to someone not struggling with this issue, but the whole paragraph above seems like a cop out to me. It seems like I'm giving myself permission to be a screw up. Plus there is a formatting issue I can't seem to resolve and I'm going to publish this anyway because I don't have to be perfect.
1 month ago